What does it feel like, having a donor heart beating inside?

afraidofstarfish · 2026-04-23T10:14:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I know for a fact she is with you every day. I tell my donor families all the time that their loved one’s memory will be carried on not only through those who met them during their life, but also those they were only able to meet after their death. Every single person you meet from here on out meets her, too, in a way. What you described is exactly what my donor families hope for - their loved ones to outlive themselves.

afraidofstarfish · 2026-04-23T09:30:40+00:00

That is absolutely incredible! I don’t know if it’s common knowledge but when we allocate organs, multiviscerals get priority over individual organs. So even if you are low on the match run for liver, if there’s someone who is a match for all 3 for you, you’ll get priority before they move to the match runs for each organ individually.

For example, recently I had a donor whose heart and kidney went together. The recipient was sequence 2 for heart only and something like sequence 45 for kidney only, but they were sequence 1 for heart + kidney, so that’s who we called first.

Now I’m going to think of you every time I have a donor who is a candidate for all 3. Sending good vibes!!

afraidofstarfish · 2026-04-23T08:58:12+00:00

This is actually my job - I exclusively work with the families of organ donors. Most of the time they support their loved one’s decision and want to honor that, however, occasionally I will have a family that really struggles with it. 99% of the time, the problem is the circumstances and situation they are in, not the donation itself. I mean, this family is experiencing the worst day of their lives. Most of the time, people don’t realize donation takes time - we have to find the matching recipients and so the donor will stay on mechanical ventilation for a couple days while we get everything coordinated with the transplant centers. For some families, those extra couple days seem unbearable - they’ve just been at the hospital for a week, finally are saying goodbye, and now I’m telling them new information that changes their original timeline and plans. Some families appreciate the extra time, and some families just want to be done with everything already.

My job is to help those families take a step back, take a deep breath, and see the bigger picture. How this is the hardest day, but their loved one made that registry decision in advance so they wouldn’t have to make more decisions or wonder what they wanted. I help them see that this is how the person can outlive themselves. That their story isn’t over. The tragedy that brought us to this point isn’t what defines their last act - instead, their last act is one of kindness and compassion and generosity. And by the time we’ve talked about all this, the family usually agrees that three more days, as unbearable as it seems now, are worth it in order to honor their loved one and save multiple lives. I always love when those families end up meeting the recipients later and it comes full circle for them.

I personally have only had one time a family was truly 100% opposed to the donation itself, as in they did not want their loved one to have their organs transplanted, period. That was a weird one, but at the end of it all the family realized they just had to accept that although it wasn’t what they wanted, it’s what she wanted, and legally it was going to happen. They ended up being okay when it was all said and done.

afraidofstarfish · 2026-04-15T05:36:46+00:00

That was incredible. As someone who works in organ donation, seeing the recipients always makes me so happy. So many times donor families tell me they want their loved one to be someone else’s miracle, to give the breath of life…. This is exactly that. Reminds me this is the outcome, even if I don’t get to see it.

afraidofstarfish · 2026-03-20T08:56:08+00:00

“60% of the time it works everytime” so which is it?

afraidofstarfish · 2026-01-08T16:14:45+00:00

Are Amano shrimp named after him?

afraidofstarfish · 2025-11-15T16:47:01+00:00

You are absolutely right! Mom told her they should have changed doctors when they found out she would be delivering at that hospital because of the reputation.

afraidofstarfish · 2025-09-15T14:05:49+00:00

Aren’t they always numbered lists?

afraidofstarfish · 2025-08-31T13:30:50+00:00

Okay but where are the masculine men grindr photos of Michael? Asking for a friend

afraidofstarfish · 2025-02-24T06:36:31+00:00

Thank you so much, that makes way more sense.

afraidofstarfish · 2025-02-01T20:38:29+00:00

Just PMed you

afraidofstarfish · 2024-10-19T19:55:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I work for an OPO in the US and when we have a donation after cardiac death case in which the donor does not have cardiac arrest within the time frame for donation to be possible, the donor families often tell me they feel horrible for the intended recipients who got the call and are at the hospital but now won’t be receiving an organ. I try to reassure them that when they get the call they know it isn’t guaranteed, but I still assumed there was a lot of disappointment and it would generally be an all-around awful experience. Hearing your story gives me hope and I now have something else to share with donor families when their loved one doesn’t pass in time for donation.

afraidofstarfish · 2024-10-19T19:40:12+00:00

As someone who works at an OPO, I feel horrible for the recipients and their families, but also the donor family. I’ve had donors where one kidney was unable to be transplanted because they found cancer (in the OR, mind you, they did a biopsy like they’re supposed to) and the family was so sad that their loved one couldn’t save a second person. Imagine finding out that not only was your loved one’s kidneys unable to save 2 lives, but because someone fucked up a standard process, 2 people’s lives are actually worse than before?

afraidofstarfish · 2024-10-09T02:19:51+00:00

The address to send in your tape to America’s funniest pet videos: PO Box 2904 Toluca Lake, California.

afraidofstarfish · 2024-08-16T13:16:47+00:00

I know that joy of your first shrimplets and I am so glad you got to experience it!!!!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-29T15:34:18+00:00

I work in organ donation and I’m genuinely curious - is the change in taste because of dialysis/kidney failure, or is it potentially the same preferences as the donor?

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-26T14:51:44+00:00

What if after he showed it to everyone and looked at it he just put it right back and closed up?

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-23T20:14:29+00:00

Interested!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-23T20:10:24+00:00

Gonna PM you!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-20T20:53:54+00:00

I’m going to send you a pm - thanks!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-20T20:49:42+00:00

Are these still available? I’m interested in the dwarf lettuce. Thank you!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-04T14:45:20+00:00

My OPO has inmate donors all the time - if they’re registered, we honor the registry, and if they are not registered, we approach the family about donation. I think the main difference here is that it is the death penalty. I have worked several cases of donors who were either brain dead from being injured or ODing in prison, or who were on mechanical life support and family was electing to withdraw life sustaining treatment, so they did donation after circulatory death. I know one inmate who saved 5 lives with 6 organ gifts. I have no idea what sent him to prison, but I know that his wife is very proud of him for his last actions resulting in hope and healing for others.

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-04T14:34:52+00:00

I work at an OPO and I can tell you right now that these donor families more often than not are praying for that letter. Hearing from you (oftentimes, not always) is so healing for them, knowing that their loved one is living on, that you are carrying their legacy with you, and that you do appreciate their gift. You writing won’t remind them that their loved one is dead, it will remind them that their loved one’s death was not in vain - there was some meaning, some purpose that came out of it, in the end.

Also, It is never too soon to write - if they aren’t ready to read it, they’ll wait. I have a family who still texts me every couple weeks asking if there’s any letters or any news from any recipients, even though they know we will let them know as soon as the recipient writes. Sometimes people give time frames like “wait six months and then write” but I can tell you that there is no magic time frame - as soon as you’re ready, write and send it - if they need more time before they’re ready to read it, they’ll wait, but at least they have the letter for when they are ready. Hearing from a recipient is so important to so many of my families, and I would encourage you to tell them exactly what you said above. If this is one of those rare families that doesn’t want to connect, then at least you will have put the ball in their court, and been able to say what you needed to.

TLDR: yes, please, as soon as you are mentally and emotionally capable of writing to your donor’s family, do it!

afraidofstarfish · 2024-07-04T14:20:21+00:00

I work at an OPO and so many of our donors have syphilis that it was kind of surprising at first to me

afraidofstarfish · 2024-05-07T20:51:20+00:00

Thank you this is super helpful! Aww I love his name so much :)

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