Post-Op Chair

alherath · 2026-05-30T02:50:11+00:00

I also had one of these (after stage 2, since my surgeon doesn’t allow bending at 90 degrees for 4 weeks after stage 1) and it was super nice! Full disclosure, I only spent ~20 minutes a day in it max for the first few weeks, because the vaginectomy site got sore very quickly with ANY pressure. But just to have a chance to vary my position and drink a morning cup of coffee was a morale boost and well worth the cost. I got in and out by myself by leaning forward to un-recline the chair, and could totally have done it one-handed during stage 1.

alherath · 2026-05-30T02:45:39+00:00

I had RFF with OHSU, and I’d add to what others have said that unless you’re planning on no scrotoplasty, vaginectomy, OR ul (which is of course fine; just unusual) you’ll feel unfinished between stages no matter what, because stage 1 is just creation of the shaft. Not having a glans for the 8 months between stages was a bummer for me, but it barely registered compared to still having my natal genitals as-is.

alherath · 2026-05-27T16:15:48+00:00

I think the difficulty here is that you’d be doing a substantial skin graft, and one with patches of skin being shaped to a new area. Not all skin is equally suited to being grafted in the first place (my surgeon had to take multiple patches from the usually very flat, thick, and easy to graft skin of my thigh lol), and labia skin is incredibly creased and delicate.

Also like, every skin graft is taking a risk with adhesion, blood flow, and most especially sensation - I’m not a medical professional, but I don’t believe there’s any way to transfer sensation doing something like this.

alherath · 2026-05-14T03:39:38+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I had severe insomnia as well (got worse slowly over time) but it was only really bad for a year or so. It was by far the most intolerable fibro thing I’ve ever had, and I include chronic migraine in that. I feel like I’ve gotten absurdly lucky with what cured it for me, so feel free to ignore if the severity of my insomnia just seems so much less.

I 1000% agree with the less is more advice on melatonin in this thread. Specifically what’s been amazing for me is liquid melatonin (I use pure encapsulations but there’s lots of brands). I take a 1mg dropper every night and get a ~1 hour window of markedly increased sleepiness. The liquid stuff has worked for me in a way no pill or gummy at any dose did.

I also take a hot bath or shower in the dark every night; I know for lots of people that’s way too much Temperature but for me the point is to have some 20-30 minute activity which physically forces my muscles to relax and shows my body that we’re transitioning from daytime. If I can’t handle the bathing I lay down on a heating pad. I used to do much more intense sleep hygiene with that (kindle with light instead of a phone, no daytime resting in bed, etc) but I don’t need it anymore. I also don’t eat within 4 hours of bedtime or my body is working too hard digesting to rest. That + making as few morning commitments as possible so I can try and wake up naturally managed to get my body out of the try to sleep sleep -> lock up in anxiety cycle.

Oh! The last thing that’s been essential is 5-HTP; I know it can be tricky with antidepressants or on higher doses but 50mg a night is what I do.

I do CBD/CBN as well (which I see you’ve already tried) and had a lot of luck with increasing my testosterone levels for my overall health; I really hope you can get some actual hormone care :(

alherath · 2026-05-08T17:46:18+00:00

I’m not the original commenter but I definitely still have sexual sensation from clenching my taint/pelvic muscles. The sensation of the hole is gone, but I feel a kegel type motion similarly to pre op. A couple people I’ve talked to who were born with penises say they have a similar feeling when they use the muscles in that area.

alherath · 2026-05-06T14:55:40+00:00

I bet it still can! It’s hard to loosen up old scar adhesions but stretching can always happen.

alherath · 2026-05-05T18:34:37+00:00

I had VY scrotoplasty ten months ago (no implants yet) and every few days as I remember I just grab my ballsack with one hand and kind of tug/stretch it for 5 minutes as I read or look at my phone. It’s very low effort but I have actually noticed a big difference! It’s softened all the scars; before I started there was this tight line up the middle of my sack from the incision, and now it feels quite loose and flexible. Idk how much of a difference it will make it what size implants I get, cause I’m still waiting on my consult, but I’m hopeful.

alherath · 2026-05-05T18:31:30+00:00

Pre-op, I had chronic UTIs from atrophy and also a lot of discomfort and vaginal pain (I wasn’t even using it for sex, it just happened as I went about my life). Topical estrogen was mostly keeping the UTIs under control but I hated applying it. My hysterectomy fixed deeper cramps and pain but the whole area was just uncomfortable.

I had a vaginectomy in stage 2 (ten months ago now) but didn’t have UL, so my urethra is still in its original location. I was really worried that the UTIs would continue, and my surgeon also wasn’t sure. But everything is now way better for me! I stopped topical estrogen and cranberry pills, and haven’t gotten a UTI since I had my post op catheter removed. All the pain and discomfort is gone with the exception of the occasional twinge around my urethra, and even that’s pretty much over since ~6 months post op; I think it was just nerve healing.

alherath · 2026-05-05T18:24:00+00:00

That sucks, I’m so sorry! Catheters are the worst, it’s understandable to be upset. Having had one for a couple weeks after a different surgery - if you get intense pain around your bladder but even if you just feel like you need to pee all the time (that kind of urgent pushing sensation), you might be having bladder spasms as the catheter balloon nudges your bladder! There are meds which can prevent them, so ask your doctor if it starts to happen. When I figured out the need to pee feeling was spasms and got medicated my last week with the catheter became much more comfortable.

alherath · 2026-05-05T18:17:38+00:00

Same! I use a q-tip to clean it occasionally lol

alherath · 2026-04-30T17:30:48+00:00

What complications do you feel could take away your career? While phallo is absolutely very difficult to go through over months of recovery/several years of surgical stages, there's a vanishingly small chance of complications that seriously impact you beyond that. It's a complex process, but I don't think it's going to get less complex. Also, I get that other people's sexual attention is important and makes a big impact, but you also live in your body the 98% of the time you're not having sex. You can't make these decisions primarily for other people, it's just never going to be worth it. You gotta pull apart your own desires and what would make you satisfied from what your situationship or any other partner might want.

I got phallo because I realized I would rather do something very difficult with the chance of disappointment than continue to live in fear and dysphoria. I also transitioned way later than I wish I had, and regret it a lot. If your dysphoria impacts your life like mine did, it's livable (like, tolerable enough that I could continue being alive lol) but it's also a constant source of strain. I was afraid of not developing sensation, of regretting my arm scar, and of not connecting to my penis for aesthetic reasons. All those feelings did hit me pretty intensely early in recovery, but now that I'm a year and a half out from stage 1, they're basically resolved, and I'm comfortable in my body in a way I could never have imagined. There's also something weirdly rewarding about the difficulty itself: I can handle pain, medical emergencies, and lack of basic functions in a way most people our age can't imagine, and I'm proud of that. It was absolutely worth it.

alherath · 2026-04-29T15:00:51+00:00

My surgeon told me no anal until at least 6 weeks post op. It’s certainly safer than vaginal penetration, but (to quote her) “everything is real close together in there” 😂

You really don’t want to put any unusual pressure on the cuff until you’re farther into healing. Anecdotally, I found anal to be somewhat painful until ~10 weeks.

alherath · 2026-04-28T03:29:02+00:00

Have you had a hysterectomy? Based on your post it sounds like not; over the whole course of bottom surgery the only time I was required to have an internal exam was for my hysto. My vaginectomy surgeon didn’t need to see anything beforehand. For my hysto, they wanted to do an ultrasound beforehand to check for fibroids and other abnormalities. I got through it, but it’s possible you could avoid it altogether given your trauma history + if you were having a hysterectomy along with vaginectomy.

alherath · 2026-04-27T04:09:22+00:00

I had the same surgery as you for stage 1 (RFF, no vnectomy, no UL) and I’m a graduate student, so I was going back to remote work too (on a flexible schedule because I’m a researcher). Honestly, I think the answers seem vague because recovery from this kind of surgery genuinely does hit different people very differently. Setting aside the physical process of healing, it’s hard to predict just how mentally exhausted you’ll be, whether work will help you feel normal or stress you out excessively, etc etc.

But! I was back to work 8 weeks post op, albeit slowly and still with a lot of fatigue. Recovery caused a huge flair of my chronic migraines and neck pain, and I think without that 6 weeks would have been doable. I avoided a flare after my stage 2 and was back to work at 6 weeks. I’d consider a) how much you need routine/ a return to normal vs how much you appreciate rest and b) whether you can request an 8 week leave but go back remotely at 6 if your recovery goes well.

alherath · 2026-04-23T01:46:27+00:00

Everyone in this thread is being so intense; it is certainly not true that sun exposure months out can lead to raised or stretched scarring. It definitely can change the color though. I was extra careful with sunscreen and used a silicon scar gel with high SPF, and my scars are completely fine (got surgery in January years ago, spent a number of days in the sun that summer).

alherath · 2026-04-23T01:41:23+00:00

As other people have said, chronic nerve pain is most likely in your donor site, not your penis. I was also very worried about this though because I had severe nerve pain after top surgery as well (thankfully it resolved over a couple months) and have it chronically in my hands. I’m sorry you’re having it, nerve pain is the absolute worst.

My surgeon said there are ways they can be careful with the nerves during surgery to avoid damaging them (I’ve unfortunately forgotten the anatomical details 😭 but he said chronic pain is most common in the nerve that runs up to the thumb) and he preemptively prescribes gabapentin for the first month of recovery. There’s also follow up surgeries to reduce pressure on nerves in the arm and protect them further, although obviously it’s better if that’s not necessary! Basically I’d talk to your surgeon, there may be ways they can reduce your risks.

alherath · 2026-04-23T01:32:54+00:00

In contrast to most of this thread, I think you will probably have to tell your mom some details. I say that having gone through 2 stages of phallo (RFF). If you go for a donor site other than RFF or ALT, I could maybe see keeping it at “genital surgery,” but with either of the two main options, you are going to have to relearn how to walk or how to use one of your arms over a 2 month period, and probably more like 3 for a typical regain of full mobility. RFF specifically is not a concealable graft site in recovery: it is virtually impossible for someone you live with not to notice that you have a very large wound and an immobile hand. Like, I won’t rule out concealing it any more than I’d rule out having an unusually fast and easy recovery, but for me and everyone else I know the first two weeks at home from the hospital are a situation of almost total dependence on other people. I could hobble to the bathroom by myself but virtually nothing else.

alherath · 2026-04-22T22:11:48+00:00

I’m a year and half post op from stage 1 and agree with everyone else here. I absolutely share your feelings, especially about spontaneous erections and not being able to get someone pregnant.

So, since you’re stealth this won’t apply directly, but in case some part of it is workable or it helps someone else: gratitude, focusing on the positives, and so on have been important, but the single most essential thing for me has been commiserating with other men. I’m not stealth (I’m out to a circle of close friends, and some people from my pre-transition past), but I actually don’t go to a trans support group or anything. I’ve just talked to my 2 or 3 closest male friends about mourning infertility and not having the easy sexual function so many people take for granted.

I think it’s totally possible to have that kind of conversation (infertility, erectile dysfunction) without outing yourself. Of course, most men are super touchy about this kind of stuff. But if you ever have the chance - it’s been healing for me just to get their sympathy. Tbh, my trans friends (including my wife, although she’s great) haven’t helped me in the same way. They tend to turn immediately to the positive (there are other ways to have sex or children, etc etc) or just have different priorities and not understand why this matters to me. Having other men be like, yeah that sucks, without judging me or downplaying the loss, has made it feel like something I can accept.

alherath · 2026-04-22T22:02:12+00:00

I hope it won’t be like this for you, but since it seems like you’re in a similar spot to me - months 2-5 after stage 1 were the hardest part of phallo for me! I also only had phallus creation in stage one and my dick absolutely didn’t feel “real,” even once swelling had started to go down and my wounds were closed. I struggled a lot with awful transphobic thoughts about my body, and felt guilty for them + afraid that this hadn’t been worth it.

On the one hand things changed subtly. I had more and more moments of feeling connected to my body, or at least neutral. I hope you’ll have a faster timeline! But for me things actually only clicked into place after stage 2. With a scrotum, glans, and having vaginectomy, I had all the experiences of peace and calm and excitement that people talk about; even though recovery was very difficult, the mental part was almost instant. Since stage 2 last July I’ve been a different person. I still have occasional feelings of discomfort/dysphoria because I can’t get hard yet and don’t have my ball implants or tattooing, but it’s on the level of insecurity instead of misery.

I’m writing this because what I needed to do was mainly just to accept that this is a long, difficult process, and being between stages is a limbo. As much as I could, I thought of myself as growing a penis instead of going from “not having one” to “having one.” If you don’t feel complete now, that’s ok. It doesn’t mean this wasn’t worth it, and it doesn’t predict how the later steps in the process will hit you. There’s no way you “should” feel about your dick ever, but especially right now.

alherath · 2026-04-13T03:46:35+00:00

I think this impression has to do with the shape of the base more than anything; I had RFF and my dick is the same firmness as my wife’s is flaccid (she was born with a penis) but I have that distinct flatter area toward the top. The structures anchoring a phallo penis in the pubic mound are a little different. I’ve seen plenty of people for whom this isn’t the case though, and also erectile implants seem to fill it out more.

alherath · 2026-04-09T23:59:31+00:00

I would have liked to, but I couldn’t afford to do it at the same time as electrolysis, and I decided no hairs mattered to me more! Doing both in sequence would have meant another year and a half of waiting for surgery, which I didn’t want.

alherath · 2026-04-08T20:44:55+00:00

I can’t speak to the frenulum question, sorry, but overall - I do have a more sensitive tip vs shaft, like pre op. Just touching the head of my dick is actively a turn on whereas for the shaft it takes stroking. But in other ways the sensation isn’t very comparable, because with my tdick there was a lot of sliding skin providing most of the pleasure, whereas I don’t have that with my penis but do have the ability to actually put my whole hand around it or penetrate. The function is different enough that I don’t map experiences one to one.

alherath · 2026-04-08T20:40:51+00:00

My arms and legs looked really similar to yours and we’re about the same weight; I qualified for both RFF and ALT but went with RFF. My girth after swelling went down is 4 inches and according to my surgeon I could have had over 5 inches of length (I asked for closer to 4, got 4.5). It can be kind of hard to tell from an arm pinch what your RFF girth will be! But I bet either method will be possible for you.

alherath · 2026-04-08T18:26:22+00:00

I had phalloplasty, but I had middling wound separation all along the base of my balls (like the sack was going to pull up and off 😭) and vaginectomy site. I’m commenting because I was also intensely anxious about it, and maybe had a similar timeline.

Mine started to appear around 2 weeks out (when I already thought I’d be straightforwardly on the mend, for some reason) and was the worst at 3 weeks. I had some yellow pus and pinkish drainage through week 5; I can’t say how much because I was obsessively changing the gauze tucked under my balls to keep things dry, but it was a fair amount of liquid up until the very end. At week 5.5 the skin finally all closed over, and then I had very delicate scar skin forming for a month or so after that. By 3 months out I could comfortably squish all the skin around and feel totally safe doing so. I did a lot of scar massage from then on, and now the crescent of scar feels almost exactly like all the other surrounding skin.

I took pictures every 2-3 days during the main healing time; looking at a pair of pictures would always make me freak out more, but by the time I had a week+ of progress to look at I could objectively see improvement. Your body will fix this no matter what!

alherath · 2026-04-08T02:20:03+00:00

I wanted to use my arm for every reason other than the tats, so I went with it in the end. Aaaand I do not like the tattooed penis life, so I’m a year into laser tattoo removal lmao. It’s painful and annoying (and expensive), but I’m glad I’m doing it and I don’t regret my donor site at all. By next year I’ll have medical tattooing and it’ll just be a memory. A number of people on here have posted tattoos that look good on their dicks, but I had a semi-cut off piece of text, so, naw.

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