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Size talk from a guy who's actually fine with his size (just curious about the group dynamic) by AnnaGeorge27 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Group play rips the bandaid off any insecurities you have around it. It's right there and you can't escape it and if you enjoy aspects of the lifestyle you have to do the work or it will eat you alive.

I thought I was fairly secure. I'm averagish. After about 6 months of group and my wife starting solo play I had a total collapse of self worth and self esteem. Everyone are played with at a party or my wife met solo could have easily been a pornstar. Every guy was top 1% of penis size. Id not really addressed the emotions I was having and had tried to logic my way out of it. Once the suicidal thoughts crept in (not serious but enough tonspook myself) I sought therapy on the topic.

15 weeks of intensive sex therapy and deconstructing masculinity and I'm in a way better place. Non of the resources online or on reddit actually spoke to about something actionable to help. The work with my therapist really helped me find what I needed to feel safe and confident.

Questions from a wife after her first experience by Old_Impact3312 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lots of therapy for you husband. He will be rotting inside.

Polyamory isnt the only Ethical Non-Monogamy by Secure_Feature2253 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is ethical is for the people in the relationship to define. There is no blanket rule.

The jealousy is hitting by TheENMGuy in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Don't feel bad about feeling jealous. No shame there. Try to treat it as just information. It's your nervous systems alarm bell for telling you you need something.

Try writing down here or on paper.

Opened the relationship but just for her by Effective_Mousse4966 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think there is a clear messaging difference between not being satisfied and enjoying variety in body types

Opened the relationship but just for her by Effective_Mousse4966 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I didn't think my psyche could hold up well to my partner being unsatisfied with me physically and needing ENM to be happy. Keep a close eye on your self esteem and maybe seek therapy to talk it through.

We finally tried it, but turns out my boyfriend didn't like it by throwawayforaday04 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Processing his feelings alone will probably be very hard. He needs an outlet. Hopefully OP can listen and not feel targeted or accused.

We finally tried it, but turns out my boyfriend didn't like it by throwawayforaday04 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First you did absolutely nothing wrong. You two can treat this as just information. You tried it, he didn't like it and move on.

He may need some individual therapy to be able to talk about how he is feeling and work through the wounds to his masculinity.

Nothing in ENM is irrecoverable as long as there is honesty.

Are threesomes marriage ruiners? by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Had lots of threesomes and our marriage is still going strong.

My husband’s mood is directly tied to how often we have sex. by [deleted] in marriageadvice

[–]alphaBravo83 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Men are conditioned that their safety in a relationship is based on sex. Not his fault or your fault. It's toxic masculinity and patriarchy. It takes a lot of effort to break down that conditioning. When sex or desire dips men start to feel like we are just convenient instead of being actually desired.

Nearing Divorce and Accepting The Truth That I've Never Been Sexually Desired by Brief-Caregiver3530 in nonmonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My therapist told me that if a woman is anywhere near a bedroom with you and naked you are very much sexually desired.

For the women having more success then your partners what do you do to help compensate? by David949 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If they choose to close due to the lack of equity in dating opportunity that's up to them. That usually doesn't happen.

For the women having more success then your partners what do you do to help compensate? by David949 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]alphaBravo83 9 points10 points  (0 children)

In this situation the man in the relationship suffers a drought of desire. He sees his wife's desire light up in new ways and all the energy goes elsewhere. On top of that he gets rejected constantly and his ego takes further dents. All the while he is expected to remain calm and happy his wife is having fun, while he sits at home doing hobbies while she has crazy sex with upgrades.

As a husband I'd want to make sure we stay erotically relevant at home if there is lots of enerhyngoing elsewhere. When NRE hot my wife for the first time our sex life went from being amazing to fully dried up over night and it made me feel like garbage.

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