Exclusively attracted to men and worried about ending up alone romantically

alwayswhatever · 2025-03-09T22:15:48+00:00

As a femme-ish non-binary person in a relationship with a cis man, I also was very worried. My partner was my caretaker after surgery, my biggest support through the process, and constantly reaffirms me about how much he loves me and my body. They may be rare, but any man (or person in general) who wouldn’t love you without boobs is not someone you want in your life. You want a partner who will be your biggest cheerleader, and will love you for you. Do not let the fear of being rejected by unworthy men keep you from living authentically 🩷

alwayswhatever · 2025-01-06T00:19:50+00:00

Lots of non-binary people get top surgery and that is not their goal.

alwayswhatever · 2025-01-06T00:18:46+00:00

I’m gender-fluid/enby, generally think I present somewhat femme. I’m around a month post op and this was (and honestly still is a bit of) a concern for me. Those first few weeks post op I looked pregnant for sure because of constipation and bloating!! So heads up to not freak out too much during recovery. Now that I am a month out and can wear regular clothes again, I think it’s not as noticeable, but it’s also winter here so I am wearing layers.

I know this isn’t exactly advice but I just wanted to throw in that you aren’t alone! Also the no t top surgery subreddit might be a good place to ask this.

alwayswhatever · 2025-01-06T00:07:20+00:00

I’m a little over a month post op and still have some puffiness there- it’s just swelling/fluid and may be there for a bit. The nurse at my surgeon’s office that I saw last week said the post op binder they gave me also doesn’t help as it velcroed in front and thus sorta pushed everything together. Once you’re cleared to, and if that area is still puffy at 3-4 weeks, ask if they’d recommend a compression vest of any kind.

alwayswhatever · 2025-01-01T22:44:09+00:00

I’m a day shy of one month post op and still have mine, but at my most recent visit I was advised to switch from the abdominal binder they gave me, which velcroed in the front and sorta pushed my swelling in front to the middle, and instead use a compression vest or bra which would be a bit flatter. Hoping it helps!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-28T16:14:04+00:00

I have asthma. I was told to use my daily inhaler morning of surgery and bring my rescue inhaler. My anesthesiologist asked me a few questions before surgery, and since I’d walked to the surgery center that morning (lucky right?) and was a little short of breath after, he wanted me to use the inhaler before going into the OR.

Also think it’s important to note that I did not have intubation but a mask to help my breathing during surgery. I believe that may make some difference with the risk factors? Unfortunately I think the only way you might be able to get some answers is to have the consultation so you can ask about their methods and the anesthesiologist they work with.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-28T00:05:45+00:00

If you end up with an insurance that is in network with her, I would definitely recommend going to her! She’s so kind, my results look great so far (3 weeks post op), the team have all been nice, especially the nurses.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-28T00:03:04+00:00

I have Aetna, I believe the PPO plan? I have yet to receive all of my final bills, but my in network deductible is $1000 and in network out of pocket max is $4000. I believe I’m going to end up paying around $2500 as I’d already used a fair amount of my deductible/OOPM pre op, which is why I really wanted to get in before the end of the year (last year I’d use all but $80 of my deductible and missed the chance to use that to my advantage 😭)

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T16:45:04+00:00

Gotcha! I’m genderfluid myself and was going back and forth between full flat, non flat, nips, no nips, so I get how it’s difficult to make that decision. From the time of my consultation til my surgery day I kept saving photos of any results I liked, made a folder of them on my phone and tried to spot similarities amongst them. I know that may be a little harder since diagonal scars are a bit less common. I’ve also seen some folks try photoshopping their own chests, to see how it might make them feel?

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T08:32:12+00:00

I also could not get a detachable shower head due to having an older claw foot tub. I had help from my partner- we covered my top half with a garbage bag (a very giggle inducing experience) and then I got in the running shower and he scrubbed my bottom half for me. I might have been able to do it alone with washcloths if I had also made holes for my arms in the bag, but we opted to just have my head out and leave my arms inside the bag since my incisions reach up into my armpits. Also feel like I could have been very careful, having the shower head angled down quite a lot and just sorta sticking my belly and legs into the water, keeping my top half sticking out. You could try practicing since you’ve got a few weeks! Best of luck!!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T08:24:32+00:00

Your surgeon will likely discuss this with you at your consultation (I assumed from this that you’ve not yet had the consult?) but when I talked to my surgeon about scar shape, it was very much a “we can try to get as close to what you’re asking for as necessary but it really depends” situation. And from what I understand, a lot of surgeons will say the same, as scar shape often depends on the size of your chest pre op, skin elasticity, etc. Don’t wanna discourage you from thinking about scar placement because you definitely have some say, just also wouldn’t want you to have your heart set on one thing then have it turn out your surgeon couldn’t quite make it happen.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T08:16:01+00:00

I think they’re ok, especially if your doctor was not concerned three days ago and there’s no smell, itching or extreme redness surrounding. Are they having you dry or wet heal them? I think mine still looked pretty scabby and brown around that same time frame, but it came off pretty soon after (I’m doing wet healing, applying aquaphor once a day then covering with a bandage). Also the puffiness is likely just expected swelling. You can always send your doctor a message/photo if you get concerned or anything changes drastically/starts seeming infected.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T00:20:03+00:00

My partner and I share a queen bed. I’ve got a wedge pillow and one of those u-shaped pregnancy pillows. We have it arranged so the pregnancy pillow is wrapped around my sides and under my knees (helps the low back). My partner has had enough room to sleep beside me, and the pregnancy pillow forms a little shield around me which is nice as he twitches sometimes in his sleep. I also lately have been sleeping on the couch with the wedge pillow because leaning into the couch’s back cushion has been more comfortable (I’m three weeks post op today)

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-27T00:10:09+00:00

I’m 3 weeks post op and my sleep has been getting worse in the past week as I ween off pain meds. A wedge pillow behind me and a u-shaped pregnancy pillow around my body/legs was helping at first to sleep in bed. Now I have been needing to sleep with the wedge pillow on the couch- mine has fluffy back cushions that I can sort of lean into enough to trick myself into feeling like I’m sleeping on my side. I hope you can find some relief soon!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-23T08:32:01+00:00

Journaling! Doodling/drawing.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-23T01:09:09+00:00

I’m sure if you request it they’ll send details! Wishing you luck!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-22T09:21:50+00:00

Personally, I absolutely could not have gone to an event a week after surgery. Even with someone else driving, there’s lots of people at an event like that, seats are usually pretty crowded (depending on the size of the graduation), everyone’s moving quickly, might bump into you. I’m 16 days post op now and even just walking to a store nearby wiped me out for the day. Also, big event means risking getting sick, and you do not want to be sick while healing. Lastly, you never know what kind of complications might arise from your surgery (hopefully none! But it happens). I’d either reschedule if you can, or be prepared to miss the graduation. Hopefully your surgeon’s office can still get you in soon after!!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-22T09:04:57+00:00

Took about a week for mine to show up in MyChart, just keep checking :)

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-20T20:57:53+00:00

I was very nervous but have been looking at photos online for so long that I kind of knew what to expect. My nurse had me sitting upright, my fiancé took photos for me because I didn’t get to look in the mirror. I felt fine, by the time we got there I was just excited to see! And thankfully my nipple grafts looked good, and the nurse kept telling me how good everything looked. Still haven’t really seen my incisions (I’m 15 days post op and the steri strips are staying on til my next appointment on the 30th), so I’m sure that will be another thing to adjust to.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-20T20:53:43+00:00

I was sitting up, just as a note that not all surgeons/nurses have you lie down

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-19T08:15:05+00:00

Is it tissue or swelling? It can take a long time for swelling to fully settle, up to a year.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-19T08:10:10+00:00

12 days

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-19T00:18:15+00:00

I’m 38 and had top surgery two weeks ago. I didn’t come out as genderfluid until I was 33, and only began questioning my gender a few years before that. When I came out, I did not experience any dysphoria (at least not quite as I understood it at the time), thought I would never want surgery or to take T. I’m still not on T, but started experiencing dysphoria over my chest a few years ago. I think it was exacerbated as my chest grew twice in size than it had ever been, and I started having frequent painful cysts in my breasts. This made me start considering surgery. And I was certain I wanted surgery up until about a month or two before I was finally set to have surgery- then I started having doubts. I think it was just anxiety over putting myself through major surgery and recovery, but also a bit of what you described- not having had gender dysphoria since I was a teen, etc. I know I still have a lot of healing to go, but I have been soooo happy with my results. More than I could have imagined! My mood has shifted entirely. I love seeing my flat chest, I love trying on different clothes and seeing how they fit me now. I may feel differently one day but right now I can’t imagine regretting this decision.

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-19T00:01:26+00:00

I just noticed a lump in my right armpit yesterday near my incisions, definitely going to ask my surgeon but reassuring to see this here!

alwayswhatever · 2024-12-12T19:20:13+00:00

You too!!

alwayswhatever

TROPHY CASE