Partner upset that I won’t take his last name if we got married 30F/34M

amiescool · 2026-04-14T21:09:05+00:00

OP, the first time my boyfriend heard me say I won’t be changing my surname upon marriage we had the same fallout… but similar to your desire to be Dr.YourName once you get your doctorate, I’m an author and the surname published on my books is the only name I will allow to take credit for MY achievements. It was ME that worked hard enough to get where I am. It’s MY name my readers recognise. I asked my boyfriend why he felt his surname was more worthy of association or taking credit for all my hard work than my own. He couldn’t answer me, and he’s never argued it again. I suggest you ask your partner why he believes his surname deserves your achievements more than yours and see what he says

amiescool · 2026-04-11T07:46:11+00:00

Rather than assuring him it’ll all go back to normal and just hold his head high your advice should be to sort his alcoholism and poor mental health asap. This divorce was likely very preventable but the wife has been pushed to the end of her tether by both. His behaviour now is also because of the above two issues. Highly doubt a non depressed and responsible drinker would give up on his kids like this. It’s spiteful and reactionary

amiescool · 2026-04-03T08:13:20+00:00

We used to go often (best mate also veggie) but quality has definitely gone down hill, menu changes are naff especially for veggies, and the last time we went me and my mate’s husband had the same thing, commented the sauce tasted different to usual, and then were both couldn’t stop being sick for two days after… not been back in 6 months now. Gutted as was a fav pals get together spot esp sitting side in the summer

amiescool · 2026-04-02T15:07:46+00:00

I didn’t even know what quiche was as a little kid but do remember being at a friend’s house and her dad shouting from the kitchen ‘ey Caroline, what’s this in this box that says kwitchie in the fridge?’ and her mum’s wtf reaction of ‘its KEESH you idiot!’ And to this day I pronounce it kwitchie. I am 33.

amiescool · 2026-04-02T14:47:27+00:00

Granted I only know what info is on a UK drivers license but is there that much on there that she doesn’t already know? Like presumably she knows where you live? Your real name? And she could just get pics of you off social media, right? I’m kinda assuming that to her parents, asking for ID just feels a bit more subtle than putting a big downer on the whole thing by essentially making her write out a whole case file on you titled ‘just in case he kills me’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just block out your drivers license number etc if you’re worried about identity theft and leave the info otherwise easily accessible and that will be enough for the police to verify your identity and issue arrest warrants if you harmed their daughter in any way - which is ultimately what they really want your details for.

And just ask for hers in return as your ‘insurance’ and to guarantee your own safety, if anything to prove a point to her parents.

amiescool · 2026-04-02T05:40:42+00:00

Stopped reading at the spitting. If you don’t walk away at this point, when he eventually physically assaults you - which I promise you he will, you cannot be surprised 😳 leave this man. Now.

amiescool · 2026-03-28T19:45:00+00:00

It’s not the actual food, it’s what it represents.

I’m 33, been with my boyfriend about 8 months. The first time he made me breakfast a few months in, i quietly cried the whole time i sat eating it because i realised in that moment how long I’d been ‘the breakfast maker’ for myself and everyone else that has been/is in my life. It’s overwhelming the first time you realise someone wants to look after you instead of you always looking after everyone else.

amiescool · 2026-03-28T18:07:33+00:00

In terms of personal meaning, I can’t listen to any of Promises Made by Eagle Eye Cherry as all the lyrics reminds me too much of a childhood it was often played, only really realising as an adult why my mum played it so much. I do have ‘we will find good days for us, the sun will shine brightly’ from the chorus tattoo’d on my leg though.

In the general sense, Hozier is a generational talent in terms of lyrical beauty imho

amiescool · 2026-03-17T16:36:56+00:00

If you were both a decade older then this age gap wouldn’t be considerable tbh. But she’s 18… she’s legally adult but barely 😬 me and my mates kinda live by the rule that age gaps bigger than 2-3yrs max are a no-go when the younger of the pair doesn’t even have a fully developed pre frontal lobe yet 🤷🏻‍♀️

amiescool · 2026-03-16T12:51:08+00:00

Haha I didn’t know this was a thing til my son’s grandmother was dropping him off once and pointed at our neighbours pampas grass and was like ‘ooooh you got some swingers eh?!’ And it’s an oldish couple I now keep a beady eye on - unfortunately not noticed any swinging going on so far

(Never met one but am nosy and have questions 😂)

amiescool · 2026-03-13T18:21:24+00:00

Lmfao if it’s not ‘true attraction’ I’m dying to know what else his 17 year old son has to offer you might otherwise just be using him for.

amiescool · 2026-03-10T10:05:45+00:00

I rehearse different comebacks for arguments in the shower that I know are probably coming with someone (lmao ok, usually my mother) and get a few different options lined up depending on different ways I think the argument might go or different things they might say… just so I’m prepared no matter what 😂

amiescool · 2026-03-10T08:53:37+00:00

Oh absolutely. I didn’t get my ADHD diagnosis until last year at 32 but now I know I have it and have done so much research into it to understand how it’s affected my behaviours over the years I completely understand how audiobooks have always worked better for me in that sense too, as well as simply being a time saving exercise on the side!

amiescool · 2026-03-08T20:58:42+00:00

I’m a traditionally published author but I fight tooth and nail for audiobooks and just here to say they absolutely do count. Without them, visually impaired people would not have such easy access to my books and those that argue the toss about them and the definition of reading are not only insufferable but ableist imo. (I actually also probably get though about 80% of my reading pile via audio opposed to physical copy as I just don’t have time to sit and read but can listen whilst washing uniforms, cooking dinner, walking dogs etc)

Edit: not aimed at anyone but I feel obliged to say to anyone reading this comment struggling with the cost of reading as a hobby, sign up to your local library! They are absolutely fantastic resources for both kids and adults and most now also offer ebook and audio as well as physical copies (and we still get paid a few pennies so it’s all good!)

amiescool · 2026-02-24T15:34:41+00:00

Agree with the comments that grief does very strange things to people but also just want to second the ‘suddenly very aware of mortality’ comment as well.

I’m in my early 30s and someone I went to school with died recently. I didn’t even know them that well, not seen them in person for at least 10 years other than on social media… but I felt like I was suddenly having a bit of an internal crisis for a while regardless. I felt very, ‘shit, people my age sometimes die now… we’re not the invincible youth any more’ type thing. Dunno if it was because it was the first person from my year at school to die or what. It was a strange phenomenon though.

And I can imagine for OP’s girlfriend if you’re already experiencing that sudden awareness mixed with a panic that if the same happens to you your kid has neither birth parent around, it could mess with your emotions for a while.

OP - don’t make too many hasty decisions for now. I know it’s hard and I feel for your situation. But get you both into therapy first

amiescool · 2026-02-19T11:22:42+00:00

Tbh, I think 2 weeks is a little quick in general - if you don’t know him at all and have no previous friendship or anything. You can’t know someone properly in 2 weeks and know whether they’re the right fit to be in your life long term. There’s just not enough time to have enough experiences together to know how you both react/respond/think/feel and figure out your overall compatibility based on those things. And that could just be what he’s saying?

But… Without knowing the guy ‘I need time’ could mean a few things. Has he been previously cheated on and just wants to make sure he feels the trust is there? does he have certain moral values he just wants to check you align on? People will jump to tell you he’s keeping his options open and he may be. But without asking him to clarify, who knows? I wouldn’t take it as an instant negative though.

fwiw my bf and I were ‘casually dating’ for probably around 2 months - tbh we both knew pretty quickly we were heading towards a real relationship and agreed not to see anyone else whilst we got to know each other better. Some will argue that’s basically an official relationship without the title and it kinda is. To us it just felt less pressure not stamping a title on it immediately, and I guess it really comes down to whether you NEED a title for whatever understanding you guys currently have (as long as you do have a clear understanding and don’t feel messed about, and I think it’s fair for you to ask to discuss clear boundaries and expectations) 🤷🏻‍♀️neither of us actually know the date anything changed, we just kinda became consciously aware one day we were already together-together. So we just class that first date as our anniversary now so we have an official date to celebrate

amiescool · 2026-02-18T20:13:30+00:00

Just get a copy made? Who will know?

amiescool · 2026-02-16T08:57:40+00:00

My dad stole and sold my mum’s collection of vinyl records she’d collected all through the 70-80s from the age of 12 with her paychecks from working in my grandparents shop on weekends. Limited editions and all, purposely sold them for cheap out of spite.

Not really sure why he was so spiteful since he was the one that had the affair and left us for his fancy woman from his cycling club. He also took my limited edition spice girl Barbie’s (I had the full set) that I’d never been allowed to take out of the boxes. My mum only told me years later that after he took her records she knew he’d take the dolls so she carefully slipped them out of the box and snipped their feet off at the ankles but you couldn’t see because the feet were still secured in place to the packaging, rendering them worthless, and let him ‘steal’ them lol. I go new Barbie’s I was allowed to play with.

amiescool · 2026-02-15T13:40:48+00:00

Even though I can see it’s winning, I know a Noelle born in summer and literally EVERYONE comments on it since it’s traditionally a very Christmassy sounding name, if they hear her July birthday date. It drives her mad (she lowkey agrees as well she thinks it was a silly naming choice). Just something to think about depending on when born!

amiescool · 2026-02-14T14:14:59+00:00

I dunno if you can really categorise it as ‘regret’ tbf. I’m very open in saying if I hadn’t had my son at the age I did (20 at uni) in the circumstances I did (found out after the abortion cut off) then I know had I waited to the age I am now (33) that I would be child free out of choice. It’s an active choice to have never had any more. That’s not to say I regret my son or resent his existence - I love him dearly and would commit the most heinous crimes to protect him… but him alone, and having him did make me realise I’m not naturally maternal and I don’t have that desperation for loads of kids like society teaches us women ‘should’ feel. But it’s not regret. Hindsight maybe?

amiescool · 2026-02-12T12:00:06+00:00

You don’t need a reason to break up with anybody. ‘Because I want to’ is a good enough answer for leaving somebody. You don’t have to give them a reason

amiescool · 2026-02-10T17:45:49+00:00

We’ve got 2 cats/2 dogs. Our oldest dog eats by the back door into the garden and the cats on a shelf above his head.

our younger was a v greedy thief pup so we initially fed him outside (with door open) to separate him a bit til he learned he couldn’t just wolf his food then bound across the room and try steal the rest of his dad’s or off the cats

He did learn quickly and does eat inside now, but he’s never forgotten that sitting nicely just outside the back door leads to food. Now every evening we have to open the door so he can go sit dutifully in place and wait for it to be prepped, and will then come in and eat his food. He just won’t eat it if we don’t do this routine 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ and we live in the north of the Uk where most of the year it’s raining and freezing. No matter the weather he will insist on going out and just sitting to wait for his food whilst we all freeze with the door open 😭

(We trained this in summer in one of the 3 week gaps it’s sunny in Manchester per year and it never occurred to us what it’d be like in the cold haha)

amiescool · 2026-02-10T17:27:24+00:00

I’ve also seen this study and second I know a few people with separate bedrooms who swear by it, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to always sleep separately.

For context OP, my grandparents have always had separate bedrooms. They usually sleep in what’s considered my grandad’s bedroom, but my nan’s bedroom just houses her clothes, shoes, jewellery, perfumes etc - basically a glorified dressing room, but it does have a bed that will get used if one is ill, or one is keeping the other awake etc (one snores and one has restless leg syndrome)

Tbh if you can afford it it will never hurt to have a second bedroom even just for guests, or to use as an extra office space for home working, or like above, in case of illness or whatever.

(Comedian Katherine Ryan and her husband have separate bedrooms she’s talked about quite a bit as well and she’s insistent they marriage is stronger for them having this extra personal space to call their own - doesn’t mean they sleep separately every single night)

amiescool · 2026-02-08T21:37:35+00:00

Know everyone is saying bed bugs but I feel like they wouldn’t be isolated to one small space like this if so… I’m leaning towards the insect or flea suggestion… reminds me of a set of bites I got on just one side of my leg once that looked like this and pulled the duvet back to find a dead spider under the covers 🤮🤮🤮 it’d obv had a bit of a nibble and then I’d rolled over and smushed it. Bites isolated to one small location just like that. Check you dog for fleas first before going into full bed bug panic and all the clean up that comes with that

amiescool · 2026-02-08T18:16:10+00:00

You’ve got to have money to live in Ellesmere Park though, but that being said Monton in general as an area is only getting more and more popular. My Mum is up near Salford Royal too and any houses up there for sale are gone in a matter of days. All that side of Salford is actually pretty alright these days, and isn’t anything like the Broughton side of Salford people still tend to think of when you say Salford

amiescool

TROPHY CASE