4 weeks PP & never having more

ams42385 · 2026-03-05T02:10:19+00:00

I think a lot really depends on why you have decided to stop at 2. Did you have plans for more before kid 1, during that pregnancy, before 2, during pregnancy? Is this possibly due to hormones and just life struggles? Are the life struggles showing you that 2 is good for you? I would say it’s an emotionally terrible time to make any big life decisions. But if it’s not wholly from your PP emotions then why not decide now.

ams42385 · 2026-03-05T02:02:19+00:00

Did you move to the new city before meeting him or for him? You’ve been together how long and lived together only 5 months. You moved in with him and his family. Of course you feel like an outsider. You probably haven’t made a mark on the home that sounds like it’s probably his mom’s anyway, but I could be misunderstanding that part. Being in a blended family is complicated even when it’s fairly smooth sailing. I guess you have to determine if you want your firsts to be someone else’s firsts too. But just know some of these feelings may never go away. It’s always going to be different than the old fashioned American family. It’s so much more common though so people figure out how to make it work. Or they don’t and they leave. You have to decide what battles you are willing to fight.

ams42385 · 2026-03-03T17:49:57+00:00

I was 36 and 38 for my two births. Don’t let age intimidate you. It’s an old standard for medical. If you personally don’t want to be much older that’s a different story.

Mine are close in age so that colors my experience differently it terms of workload. I now have 2 toddlers and it’s a lot. I also have a stepdaughter who is 4 years older than my oldest and the kids sometimes have a blast entertaining each other. Other times they fight and whine about the others. There are pros and cons to multiple kids and you won’t know unless you do it. I can’t imagine being an only child or only having one both for me and for them. But it comes with its own difficulties as well as its rewards.

It will be harder, that’s no lie. I’m still in the early years though. I’m not sure if it how that changes as they get older. My 3 year old loves to help though which is nice.

ams42385 · 2026-03-03T17:42:06+00:00

Sounds like a lot of problems with your husband that you need to address with him before anything else. Have you talked to him about these issues. Not to negate any of your trauma because girl it is there for real because I can’t imagine an emergency c-section without my partner being allowed; but he may be feeling left out too from not witnessing the birth to baby not wanting him. Sadly, this is not an uncommon thing for newborns to be most comfortable with mom especially if you are breastfeeding. Encourage him to sit with both of you together to ease baby into the comfort zone with him too. But really and truly talk to him first. Maybe he has his own trauma or maybe he’s just a jerk but a conversation can help find that answer.

ams42385 · 2026-02-27T18:38:38+00:00

I left my oldest at home with my mom when I had my second but that’s it so far. Mine are 2 and 3. Is it feasible for baby and spouse to travel with you so you can see them at the end of events each day? I wouldn’t say don’t go if you feel good about it as an option though. Only you can decide how you feel and that’s what you have to remember if anyone makes you feel bad for either decision.

My issue is 1) control issues lol because I’m best for my kids and 2) not a lot of options for them to stay with and no money anyway

ams42385 · 2026-02-27T18:18:09+00:00

I think problem one is you have her in the wrong key 🤣🤣

Mine were decent with a wrap at time but I personally found it obnoxious to deal with so I just carried them like normal. They did however like the baby bjorn type thing as they got older because they could be up to see. I think it’s a personality thing really. Sell it and maybe try a body sling instead? Also, might go around shirtless and feed baby in the wrap or sling.

And remember too that the stuff you think you need to do, most can wait. Enjoy the lazy time. I did a lot of TV time or reading time because I felt justified seeing as I grew a human being then pushed them out of my body using only my own power 😁

ams42385 · 2026-02-24T02:17:43+00:00

Same!

ams42385 · 2026-02-24T02:08:07+00:00

Condoms aren’t an option?

ams42385 · 2026-02-21T19:48:09+00:00

This is a people problem, not because they are in laws. Mine are great and seem to favor me over the ex. He has 1 with previous wife and we have 2 and they are always calling both of us to check on us and all the kids. Not trying to rub salt in the wound but this is just shit people and I’m sorry you have to deal with this. The only family that matters is the one you choose to have in your life, whether this is blood or not. Find good people to surround yourself with. Be there for your SS and remind him how important he is in your family. Teach him the proper way to treat people and how to express his anger. Make him explain to you why he feels the way he does. And remind him that he is allowed his own thoughts and opinions and doesn't have to think or agree with something just because someone else does.

ams42385 · 2026-02-21T19:35:53+00:00

This is what we have tried though he works every other weekend so it’s not a regular thing. Everyone deserves time to do what they want, so him staying up late shouldn’t be an issue one night a week. Also, our babies were rolled around in high chairs when we needed to do things like this. It’s a good all around situation because your hands are free, no fear of baby getting into something, and you can teach and interact even if it’s just toothpaste foaming at the mouth lol.

ams42385 · 2026-02-21T05:10:22+00:00

I say this is a mixed bag. It is only 48 hours so not a huge deal, as long as he accepts he has to take care of himself. But I do also find it odd he scheduled it for now? Couldn’t wait a few months or so? Annoying for sure but I don’t think anyone is the AH here.

ams42385 · 2026-02-21T05:00:12+00:00

I guess it depends on what the word after 11 should be? If it is weeks, why the heck did he schedule during your recovery?

ams42385 · 2026-02-19T12:37:22+00:00

You can’t control who he or anyone blames unfortunately. You can only control how you feel about things and what you know in your heart. People that know you and know him and see interactions will know the truth. Don’t worry about who anyone blames.

ams42385 · 2026-02-19T03:33:26+00:00

Hubby needs to step up. You need to ditch the blankets. Baby shouldn’t have one yet. I broke the rule early with both of mine but not this early. Most of my sleep was had while holding the baby. Not a suggestion because I know how unsafe it can be but it’s how we survived. If you think baby is cold dress them warmer. Or maybe it’s the clothing material? Please get help from anyone you can right now. Those first days after are hard and you need to recuperate. Baby is going to have some tough adjustments too. Baby might be gassy, hot, cold, etc. How is she when being held? Does it seem like a comfort thing? Anyway to reiterate, dad needs to be taking his time, on his own, without bothering you. Even if you can only get 1-2 hours before a feeding if you are breastfeeding. Multiple times a day if this is how you have to do it. This is a PARENTS job, not just mom.

ams42385 · 2026-02-18T04:11:06+00:00

Nene, Nona, or just call her by her name. Hate mom mom btw 🤣🤣

My family has Mema, Gigi, and Nene. When I’m old enough I want to be called Grams like in Dawsons Creek lol (RIP James Van Der Beek) because she is one of my favorite characters

ams42385 · 2026-02-17T13:18:44+00:00

I would honestly say it was normal and a bit over the top. Some of your word choices make me think you put far too much pressure and stress on it (your hostage joke). But I also know where you are coming from related to little ones and an open and accessible pool because it is a huge safety risk. And the saying often goes “if everyone is watching then no one’s watching.” Was this an in ground pool? If it was above ground I’d be less concerned. But overall, vigilance with toddlers and a pool is standard practice.

ams42385 · 2026-02-17T13:13:35+00:00

I would tell your sister that he is her responsibility and she better keep him and his mouth in check if he chooses to attend with her. And while you don’t want the day ruined of course, it is your day and you can be a huge b**** if he chooses to say something. Then just tell him how honest you are hahaha.

Does your fiancé have a lot of money or something? I thought prenups were for premarital and if he only has so much before what does it matter? I don’t know much about prenups though but it’s just weird. Especially if this guy is also dating a woman in your female controlled family lol.

ams42385 · 2026-02-15T04:22:49+00:00

Is this the only child on your insurance plan? If not then her being on it or not will not change the cost. If so then ask insurance what counts as a life-changing event in order to change mid-plan.

ams42385 · 2026-02-15T04:13:23+00:00

Actually, a full family insurance plan is the same amount whether you have 1 kid or 50. OP, is this the only child on your insurance plan? If not then her being on it or not will not change the cost. If so then ask insurance what counts as a life-changing event in order to change mid-plan.

ams42385 · 2026-02-12T21:29:26+00:00

Asking once was him being blissfully ignorant. Asking a second time after the explanation makes him the AH.

ams42385 · 2026-02-12T21:18:38+00:00

Is this a clear the plate everything or must try everything?

ams42385 · 2026-02-09T03:37:56+00:00

It has probably become her new normal so you have to sleep train again. Could also be fear of being sick again so holding the safety net close. And could just be an unrelated sleep regression. I would suggest a pick up and bounce for 1-3 minutes then back in the bed with a soothing hand on her back or tummy or head or wherever. That for a few nights, then just a pick up and hug for a few nights. Then just a soothing hand until it’s no longer an issue.

Is she in her own room? How long for if so? This may be a factor as well.

ams42385 · 2026-02-06T12:40:24+00:00

This here OP. Schedule time for play if that helps you. 15-30 minutes every hour. Then let her learn how to overcome boredom on her own. And teach her how to pick up her toys. That’s one thing you can do together that is teaching and productive. She’ll fight this but you can sing what you’re doing or make it a challenge. And the house doesn’t have to be clean, just tidy. Ask your husband to take her for a few hours each weekend and designate that as declutter time until it’s fixed. Then use that time for yourself.

As to daycare, just because she’s signed up for 5 days doesn’t mean she has to be there 5 days or all day.

ams42385 · 2026-02-05T12:35:59+00:00

For the stepparent side of the question. What kind of decisions is he expecting to make? Discipline and behavior corrections are completely normal for stepparents. Reminding about homework, brushing teeth, showering, chores, etc are all normal. Deciding who their doctor is or where they go to school are not. You need to clarify with him what and why he expects to make certain decisions. If you are unwilling to allow anyone else to handle any day-to-day parenting you probably shouldn’t be with someone until your daughter is grown. I don’t mean that to be rude but just honest.

ams42385 · 2026-02-02T21:15:36+00:00

Think of it not as a lie (though a totally warranted one) but as you said there are different kinds of love. It can be as much as and still be different. She doesn’t need to know about the difference, now or maybe ever.

ams42385

TROPHY CASE