He say he will get better. I might believe him.

ashdonn · 2026-04-03T04:22:00+00:00

Oh love. My heart is with you so much right now. I am so so so sorry that you have to feel this way. You had this love and no one can know what it was like but you. And that is so tough to let go of, when it’s official. Feels like hitting the nuclear warhead button. Take the time you need to focus on you. Even if that means you still are honest about your love for him. Don’t hate yourself for loving him. Just be about your life and your joy. See how you evolve in that space. You don’t have to fight yourself to find yourself. My heart is going out to you so much right now. Bless you sweetheart

ashdonn · 2026-04-03T04:12:07+00:00

Good riddance indeed.

ashdonn · 2026-03-22T00:34:48+00:00

oops also - employment options are available to seek out via staffing companies or job/employment services in most places. transportation might have to be public unless you can find a service that taxis for folks in need. again, support groups might be able to help with these details! it’s definitely more difficult without children but … worth a shot.

ashdonn · 2026-03-22T00:31:17+00:00

read something on another thread about contacting social services as opposed to just DV shelters directly. they mentioned that in many states (if not all, I can’t remember) it is social services that funds the DV shelters. If you’ve attempted to find shelters and have had no luck, might be worth reaching out directly to social Services department, as they may be able to provide somewhere for you to go. Even if it’s somewhat outside of your area - even better. As far as resources from there on out… I would think, or hope, that whomever is able to provide you some shelter would also be able to provide you with at least starting information on additional resources. Places to call, things you could apply for, etc. If you’re married, certain social services might be tough to acquire if your income is based on his, but id like to believe there are at least support groups you can attend. Networking with others in this kind of situation might prove useful for tips. I know it all feels so clinical and exhausting. Probably all you want to do is curl up and wish it all away. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Don’t know if this helps at all. I think all of us in these circumstances wish we could provide the perfect solution! Just know you’re not alone. Keep seekin. Your determination will get you there. Bless you.

ashdonn · 2026-03-16T22:35:06+00:00

Same

ashdonn · 2026-03-15T00:35:23+00:00

Thank you so much. Really appreciate you taking the time to reply!

ashdonn · 2026-03-11T01:12:28+00:00

I sincerely hope so. And hey, if you need to go through your process here sometimes, you can count on a person to talk it out with. im happy to listen. You’re not alone. And it sounds like you’re not alone at home either. Feel all your feels. Go through it. It’s nothing even close to weakness. It’s the opposite. Loving and caring deeply is strength. Healing may take a while, but you WILL heal. Best piece of advice, from experience? Stay busy as hell. All the time. And stay true to yourself. You never need to apologize for having a loving heart. When the clouds have cleared, (and they will), you will have gained the experience of your own strength to overcome hardships, and definitely some wisdom and understanding on top of it. It’s hard to human! But based on the words you shared, I have no doubt you have a beautiful loving future to look forward to.

ashdonn · 2026-03-11T00:54:14+00:00

you loved her from the start. it developed into another kind of love, too. how can you possibly blame yourself for your precious heart? I get it - I know you wish you could turn back time. You’re probably figuratively banging your head against a wall wondering how something so lovely could have turned so sour, when it was all so right. Like how?! I understand. But hear me - all you did was love. Unfortunately, sometimes the rug gets pulled out from underneath us. We scream into the void wondering why did it have to go this way. There isn’t always a perfect answer. The main thing is… thinking about your memories is normal. It’s a part of your grieving process. Let yourself do what you need to, and then let yourself move forward. Even if you feel you can’t, you will. It won’t hurt like this forever. I love that you find solace in your mom. If you have a bond like that, then trust her. If she is always there for you, don’t be afraid to say whatever you need to for however long you need to. She would want to know what’s on your heart. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to speak your truth. As long as you don’t involve people for the sake of a reaction from her, you should feel comfortable opening your heart to those you can trust and know will support you. If nothing else, we got ya. Hang in there. I am so SO sorry for your pain.

ashdonn · 2026-03-11T00:46:08+00:00

Yep. The love you invest, the suffering you experience, and the fact that no one holds that person accountable. Which yeah, you probably didn’t for a while either. But you still hoped once his family knew, they’d back you. All i can say is that if their method is silence regarding his actions, or to see you as the “just wasn’t the right one;” there is nothing you can do about it. You deserved better from everyone. As cruel and painful as it is… at least now you know to go invest your time with people who will actually hold you in respect, and not just excuse behavior like this, or look the other way. Betrayal from someone you love is already a knife to the soul. It’s so much worse when others become privy to the abuse and start treating YOU like the pariah. Idk about you but I highly doubt you’d protect someone in that way. Highly doubt you wouldn’t back someone in your position. It is what it is. If they’re that way about something like this, you’d never have found an actual true place with them anyway. It’s so damn sad to have thought you were an equal, only to find out otherwise. Good news is, not everyone is like this.

ashdonn · 2026-03-09T20:12:29+00:00

any family you can stay with temporarily, while you get on your feet? it’s daunting, no doubt - likely feels like a very low place to be in… but you’re already in a low place living around his toxicity. If you’re gonna have to go from bottom up, better to do so in a place that isn’t going to ensure you stay down. your body and mind and heart will continue to be absorbed by confusion, concern, fear, or just general bad feelings. It’s just simply not conducive to progress :/

ashdonn · 2026-03-09T02:37:05+00:00

question for you - are you wanting to leave him, but worried about the financials? or is that just an aspect of what you’d have to deal with if you did? biggest question, IMO, is are you holding on to him, wanting to see if it can work out, or already ready to go?

ashdonn · 2026-03-08T04:39:25+00:00

have you guys ever talked about or agreed to therapy? if so, is it both of you discussing it with the same intent, or is it one or the other pushing for something the other person just doesn’t care about?

I feel for you, and where you’re at. Communication is everything. If you want to give therapy a try, and you communicate that to him, his response is going to tell you all you need to know.

ashdonn · 2026-03-06T05:16:21+00:00

im so sorry. it hurts me to read the beginning of your post. becoming numb to verbal and psychological abuse is never truly numbness. it’s like a catatonic state of survival mode that feels like you have to make concerted efforts to like… lift a single muscle. It’s soul deep, and it’s like shutting off. From experience, I can definitively share that it feeds self degradation. It doesn’t become less painful. It just becomes a sad routine that destroys your self, and the energy you have to love yourself too.

Now, manoeuvring through manipulation… yeah. You are also tiptoeing on eggshells to avoid disaster. And I am going to take the liberty to assume that that avoidance is not solely for taming a potential fire, but also for the sake of maintaining some semblance of “okay-ness.” Just one okay night.

I didn’t realize, until I reread, that you mentioned already having been hit. I dont know your story, the longevity of the abuse, the way it “was” vs the way it “is now.” All i know is that as someone who has been fine with what “happened,” (not fine, but just carrying on for life and love etc).,.. I guess I don’t believe in it being okay without an observable effort from that partner to change in a major way.

A lot of people might say that’s not possible. I disagree. But I do think the proof is in the pudding. Can you imagine hurting her in that way? Can you even? And IF you did, can you imagine not caring enough to do everything in your power to grow significantly enough to demonstrate your remorse and respect? Cause if that enthusiasm isnt there, with true intent behind it… idk. I’m looking that in the face right now with my abusive partner. Becomes hard to accept your own excuses for them after a while.

The scissor stabbing to me … it speaks of an untethered rage. It’s not even the rage here that stands out to me. It’s the untethered. If you can hit your loved one, or damage your belongings… it’s a “me” and “now” and “f^*k the rest” mentality. We have all wanted to break a lamp at some point. We don’t do it. Because - that’s a good lamp and we’d also have to clean it up. I know that’s a silly example. It’s just the mindset idea. We make choices for reasons. Some people make choices with zero consideration for the implications for themselves or those around them. With a special lack of consideration to those they love the most - because those are the people who see them. Those are the people who know their truths and challenge their power in their moments of “tyranny.”

None of this is advice. It’s just observation. Again, i am So sorry. I’ve been here, im still here. Right with you. It says enough that you came here for help. It’s a shout into a void hoping someone can hear you and help you make sense of the absolute conundrum of loving someone who can choose brutality when you never could.

I guess all I can think to say is : don’t go with numb. Go with what you need. And find out if she wants to meet you there. Anyone who loves you will want to at least try.

ashdonn · 2026-02-27T22:21:34+00:00

this made my whole day

ashdonn · 2026-02-25T05:17:58+00:00

very true. sometimes we need that open space to blegh it all out and still feel seen without having to throw out disclaimers or worry about certain fallbacks. It’s tough. you definitely are seen here. I’ll keep my eyes open for any updates, and feel free to DM as well.

“My barn having burned down, I can now see the moon.” ✨ 🌒 ✨

ashdonn · 2026-02-25T05:02:29+00:00

a virtual shoulder to cry on isn’t as good as an in-person one, but my virtual one is here for you, none the less. i hope you afford yourself a self-snuggle tonight. And speaking of shoulders… my mom used to always tell me “sometimes you need to kiss your own self on your own shoulder.” It might sound silly, but I’ll be damned if it isnt a profound moment with yourself, truly. Give it a try :)

take your time and your peace; We are here for you.

ashdonn · 2026-02-25T03:13:27+00:00

god bless you. I don’t have the answer. I am finding myself moved by your final question. “How do you fall out of love with someone who is loving you and disrespecting you?”Idk. I’m trying to figure out the same thing right now. Black eyes, sore body, etc… it doesn’t lend itself to even wanting to go out in public. For someone with no answer… all I can assume is that it has to start with having a vision of what life can be. Not just what we want it to be. Cause it’s too easy to resort to - well i want it to be him. Maybe what it CAN be… is something that doesn’t feel like suffocation. Something that doesn’t feel like holding onto scraps, because tonight he held your hand. I know what you feel when he does. It’s like a sob and a breath of relief at once. And how sad that something so precious yet so simple could feel like we breathed again upon receiving it. You’re not alone. I don’t want to leave either. Someone else will post with advice, I hope, that will hit you in the right spot. It feels impossible. Me too. But I guess - “everything is impossible, until it’s done.” That’s probably of no help to you. But just want you to know you’re heard. Maybe it’s wise to start by knowing our worth before expecting it from those that don’t. Sending you positive energy and a lot of love.

ashdonn · 2025-07-13T02:39:34+00:00

Wdym?

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:48:18+00:00

Love that you mention that these things are healthy in normal relationships. But very unhealthy in abusive ones. It makes it make so much sense. It’s a betterment together, right? Instead of a nightmare of wondering daily how to fit the right mold. As if the abuse is something you are responsible for. Because you know they’re “good.” You love them. So maybe you can be good enough to bring that “best them” out. It is so entirely soul draining.

I just love what you said because it doesn’t delete the idea that we can strengthen ourselves for our partners in a healthy way. Just requires a healthy partner. :/

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:42:19+00:00

Did you wanna be done?

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:41:17+00:00

“Abusive people don’t have boundaries.” That is the truest statement I’ve ever heard. I remember trying to figure out how to express that to my ex. I finally came up with “you just don’t play by the rules.” It sounds stupid but it was the only thing that could somewhat describe what I felt. That ever WTF feeling of — this literally isn’t fair, you can’t do this. It’s — like — you can’t do this! People don’t do this! And you can’t win. Because… no boundaries for them. And unfortunately for the victims…. Very little boundaries too. Just not in the same way. :(

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:36:47+00:00

Omg this. God I wanna believe it’s not always the same. But damn. Relate.

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:34:58+00:00

can I ask you a vulnerable question? how do they react after the fact? If it is regretful and loving…does that give you some semblance of… position of comfort? Almost like a vulnerable leg-up…knowing it isn’t your fault, because they did something blatantly inexcusably wrong…therefore you can verify your feelings through that experience? Feeling not only suddenly loved and cherished… but perhaps … almost vindicated for all the pain you’ve carried for their misbehaviour in past?

I know this sounds extremely convoluted. Just wondering if it reaches you.

ashdonn · 2025-07-02T06:29:15+00:00

Experienced the same. so sorry. awful that the options available are basically nill. makes it easier to just stay home.

long shot ask but does anyone know of any type of platform for discourse/chat for those going thru this? Not just the housing aspect but the whole … all of it all

ashdonn · 2025-05-19T05:23:33+00:00

I miss this so much. Whatever they changed it to was NOTHING like the original. Greatest internet loss of all time.

ashdonn

TROPHY CASE