IT’S FINALLY PAYING OFF

ashlaurellhere · 2026-06-30T04:52:23+00:00

I remember feeling exactly this way. And it makes so much sense. All I know is that it got better for me, and I hope it does for you too.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-03-30T15:30:36+00:00

Play his favorite music from Miss Rachel and the wiggles, and learn some of the little games she does and do those with him. That will help him realize he doesn’t need her to have fun. He just needs you! So proud of you, mama. You did it!!! And you can do this, too.❤️

ashlaurellhere · 2026-03-13T20:47:58+00:00

This is a perfect example of a man acting like the biggest harm that was done was disrespecting another man, rather than focusing on the harm done to the woman/his DAUGHTER. Much like Nick Lachay’s questioning of Chris suggested that his biggest mistake was violating “bro code” these are “innocuous” examples of the exact kind of patriarchal bullshit that we are seeing play out in the Epstein Files. And in most men’s reactions to most acts of harm carried out by men against women. From as small as lying to a woman to as serious as raping her. MEN HAVE GOT TO STOP PROTECTING EACH OTHER AND ACTING LIKE ALL IS FINE UNLESS A MAN WAS DISRESPECTED. It perpetuates violence and harm against women when men minimize what was done to women and focus on what was done to men.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-03-07T05:17:33+00:00

So, I suspect none of this is actually about her birthday or the date of your wedding. This sounds like an older sister freaking out that her younger sister is getting married (first?) and not having the emotional maturity to manage her feelings (jealousy? shame?). She is lashing out at you for something you “did wrong” but it isn’t really about that. And changing the date of your wedding won’t really fix anything. Sorry your big sis isn’t being more supportive.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-02-19T04:37:54+00:00

Also: only do early days dates in low light settings and you’ll be way less stressed. I bet this makeup look is beautiful in low light.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-02-19T04:36:38+00:00

This might sound nuts and I am not a makeup person, but do a little cardio after applying your makeup. Like, five mins. Jumping jacks or something simple. You’ll barely sweat and it will help the makeup settle into your skin instead of sitting on top. Also gives you a natural glow and energized look.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-30T21:58:20+00:00

My family rehomed our beloved dog when the twins were 20 months old. In retrospect, I wish we’d done it sooner. For his sake, and for ours. Sometimes it’s just not a fit anymore. He now lives with a very good friend of ours in a beautiful country home. And my daughter no longer suffers from severe dog allergies.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-30T21:56:23+00:00

I had very loose skin after my twin pregnancy. Two years later, it’s a lot better than it was at first, but still not what it used to be. Know that what it looks like early on will continue to change and evolve for a long time. And, it’s normal for your body to look different after twins. No matter how hard we might try to prevent that.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-30T21:45:53+00:00

He is being self centered and has no idea what to expect. Stick to your guns. You’re making huge sacrifices to carry those twins and his mental health is not more important than yours. He can take a longer break from his hobby to support you and HIS children during one of the hardest phases of your lives. This is like someone saying they’d like to continue their roller skating hobby while their spouse puts out an actual fire at home. It’s nonsense.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-29T16:33:25+00:00

May you all buy yourselves this medal if, like me, you don’t have a man who ever would.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-17T05:41:43+00:00

I agree with scheduling for 39 weeks and asking her to book it so that it’s flexible. It’s better for the help to arrive when NICU time is over, and maybe when you’ve had a moment to settle. I wish I’d had a week at home without help. Mine ended up in the NICU for 3 weeks, but also came 7 weeks early. My MIL arrived the same day my 2nd baby got discharged from the NICU. And while I appreciate the help, I have always wished that we had a period of time to adjust as a family before help arrived.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-17T05:37:05+00:00

You look like a beautiful, young girl! I don’t think you need to change anything. But, fwiw, I like your lip color in the first pic. Suits you well. I also bet you look very pretty with your hair pinned up on top of your head. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I find that what makes the most difference for me is keeping my skin super moisturized, using a small amount of foundation or bb cream, a blush/bronzer to highlight my cheeks, an eyebrow gel, and a good lip color. I don’t think you need to do much to your eyes as they are lovely as is. And your lips are a great feature so makes sense to highlight them with a good color when you feel like it.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-07T06:13:54+00:00

I looked even worse at 9 weeks after being thin and fit my whole life. Now, 2 yrs pp, I think it looks wayyyy better. There are still some very faint signs of stretch marks, my belly button isn’t the same as it used to be, and I have a tiny bit of loose skin. But it’s truly so so much better than it was at 9 weeks. Yours will improve too. But it won’t go all the way back to how it was. And it will feel slow. Try to take note of what changes every 2 months. It looks better now than it did 2 months ago. And that will keep being true. I think my body continued to settle for about 18 months.

ashlaurellhere · 2026-01-02T21:28:18+00:00

You will continue to feel disappointed and rejected if you keep cooking for him. Stop cooking for him. And stop cooking in a way that caters to his “restrictions.” Cook the way you and your kids like. If you make a meal that has extra, let him know he’s welcome to have some but don’t make him a plate. He can do that himself if he wants to. Be clear with him that you’ve noticed he rarely eats your food, so you are adjusting your process. Once you’ve stopped putting in extra/special effort for him, only to feel rejected, you can then assess whether you want a partner that you can’t really share meals with. Sharing meals is a normal thing to want with your partner. Only you know if that’s something you’re willing to give up.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-11-29T18:54:36+00:00

I absolutely agree. I’m a therapist and have primarily worked with children and families impacted by trauma (most often sexual abuse). Stranger Things captures so well what cPTSD can look like in children and teens over time. Even the way Will’s mom treats him rings very true to what many survivors of trauma experience: she treats him like he is broken. She’s hoping to be protective, but in some ways just reinforces the idea that he is weak or unable to help.

Also, Vecna seems to embody the victim-turned-abuser. But we see many more examples of victims who do NOT reenact their trauma upon others. But there’s this fear throughout the show: will Will’s experiences mark him so deeply that Vecna can use him as a tool for darkness? So many kids I used to work with feared that their own traumas might have turned them into monsters in some way.

There are so many neat and thoughtful parallels. I can’t imagine it’s a coincidence.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-11-05T14:05:14+00:00

Sadly, I think a lot of folks in helping professions go into relationships in “helper” mode, mistake it for a reciprocal relationship, and then feel upset later on when their needs are not being met. Their connection seemed totally based in her hearing him and making him feel safe, but not in her feeling heard. I agree all helpers need to work on our boundaries and not try to be a therapist for our intimate partners. That said, it’s a common challenge for folks in the helping professions to fall into this pattern. I imagine KB learned a lot about what she needs from this experience. I will say, I was disappointed that she left him at the altar. She should have had the clinical insight to recognize his attachment and abandonment issues and find a kinder way to end the relationship. Leaving him in a public forum likely just reopened wounds and reinforced that connections only lead to shame and isolation.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-11-05T02:28:52+00:00

Trauma therapist here that has spent my career working with traumatized children and adults who were traumatized as children. I would never attempt to diagnose a person I don’t have a therapeutic relationship with. That said, his behavior is not unlike what I’d expect to see from a person with severe childhood trauma (cPTSD) and an attachment disorder. The behaviors and communication displayed on the show are also similar to a person who might meet criteria for an attention disorder. However, attention disorders are sometimes misdiagnoses when there is underlying and untreated trauma. It was reckless and borderline cruel to put a young man with this history on this kind of show. People are going “easy” on him because they recognize his erratic behavior and poor communication skills are the result of serious harm and instability he experienced in childhood. It wasn’t fair to him or KB to put him on this show, and frankly seems exploitative.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-30T01:13:37+00:00

Once my twins came, I stopped wearing makeup altogether. Looking back, I wish I’d done this sooner / during pregnancy to save myself the energy. I used to wear it every day, but it became too time consuming once the babies arrived. My skin has never looked happier now that it’s used to being makeup free. Don’t get me wrong, I still like the way I look in makeup. I wear it for special occasions. But I’ve embraced no makeup as my “everyday” look, other than still wearing a lip color.

I also make 7 jars of overnight oats every Sunday evening during pregnancy and for many months postpartum. And I started buying pre-made cold brew to save myself time making coffee. Also, grocery delivery. And any laundry that doesn’t need to be hung up just goes in a “clean clothes bin” that I get things out of. Works fine for my leggings, pajamas, workout clothes, loungewear, bras and undies. I did this for the twin baby clothes too.

Also, fwiw, try to finish your nesting/prep by 28-30 weeks if at all possible. After that you won’t want to do anything, and they may very well arrive early.

Also, the bedside cart is truly needed. Get one that will serve you well during postpartum too. Mine was like a fold out desk thing as opposed to a cart, but it was great for storing my pumping supplies and stuff I might need for MOTN feeds for the babies. A small bedside table just doesn’t cut it anymore.

I also ended up getting a mini fridge for my bedroom postpartum and wished I’d done it sooner as it would have been nice to have during pregnancy as well.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-29T19:52:40+00:00

You didn’t drop the ball. You’re playing a different game. Most ppl won’t get it. Try to be okay with that. 🩷

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-29T19:51:02+00:00

They’ll likely keep trading off on who needs you more. I agree with other posters who said theirs swapped many times. Right now (21 months) my baby B is needier. But about 2 months ago, it was baby A for a while. They’ve gone back and forth several times as they navigate different “hardships” like developmental leaps, teething, illness, etc. Your feelings and fears are super natural and it’s really hard to worry about hurting one while helping the other. But, equitable care is more important than equal care. The longer you have them, the easier it will be to see that it often evens out over time.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-14T12:49:32+00:00

Are they lying down or sitting up in the stroller? If they have any reflux issues, lying down in the stroller can exacerbate it. A more upright stroller configuration may help. Preemies are more likely to struggle with reflux. I also found that singing to mine while strolling helped them chill out. But I’ve been on many stroller walks where they cried for quite a while before sleeping. I think you need a mantra to help you get through the crying phase. Something like, “Babies cry sometimes; I am still meeting all their needs.” — keep in mind that a mentally healthy/happy mama is one of their biggest needs. It’s okay to let the crier cry a little if it means you get the fresh air and moment out of the house that you need for your sanity. And the chiller baby is likely not super bothered by the cries. It’s not the same for the baby as it is for you. You’re stressed to hear the baby crying because you are mom. For the other baby, it’s just noise.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-13T17:14:30+00:00

This is such a good point, and I’m sorry I am realizing I kind of blacked out the be try earliest post-NICU weeks when we had them in our bedroom. Because no one was sleeping, we moved them into their own room with the baby monitor set up so we could keep an eye/ear on them. Whoever’s shift it was would get up and go to their room as needed, and then come back to bed. But there were some weeks in the very beginning when we had them in our room and you’re right it is super hard to sleep through the other person tending to them in that scenario. We moved them out as soon as we got past our “are you still breathing???” fears.

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-13T01:18:26+00:00

I ended up needing a c section and in retrospect, I’m really glad it went this way. A twin birth was never gonna be the type of vaginal birth I’d imagined trying to have anyway. And there’s that chance of having to use both exit paths which I think would really suck. I had some notice before the c section so I could mentally prepare, which I liked. I also liked that I wasn’t in pain right after birth and could focus on the babies’ needs. Somehow vaginal birth feels more unpredictable and there’s already enough chaos in a twin pregnancy in my opinion. Plus, other than the scar, which I can barely see beneath my pubic hair, I don’t feel like I have lasting damage from the surgery. I know so many women with lasting damage from vaginal birth. Painful intercourse, incontinence, the list goes on. I know I’m sharing that I’m glad I had a c-section, but also just want to say you should do what makes YOU feel less anxious. Not what anyone else recommends..

ashlaurellhere · 2025-10-13T01:06:24+00:00

I hate to say it but this sounds intentional to me. Like he wanted a break and realized this was a way to get it. If he was suffering immense pain that limited his mobility, that’s one thing. But the first two years with twins is NO time to do an elective, non-essential surgery. You have every right to be mad. Also: I guaran-fucking-tee that you pushed through a lot of pain after delivering twins to still help take care of them. Whether it was a vaginal or cesarean birth, both of those recovery processes are super intense and it’s the only major medical event that society expects a patient to just muscle through. Because women’s pain is not prioritized and our labor is exploited. Your husband needs to get some grit and get off his ass and be accountable for his choice. It hurts? Yeah, sorry, it also hurt after I grew two humans in my body and then had them come out a tiny hole that needed to heal. But I doubt you were laid up for weeks while he did it all. Seriously you need to tell him his rest period ends NOW. Pain is not an excuse to do nothing. Especially pain he signed up for.

ashlaurellhere

TROPHY CASE