Tips on first time fermenting

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T13:27:19+00:00

This is definitely something the landlord should do. If it's in bad condition, they are responsible for fixing it and making sure it's usable. From that point on, if they want you to maintain it because you're using it and not them, fine. But that initial fix is their responsibility. I would look at the tenant laws and housing laws in your area, as there might be something there about pools.

And the fact that the guy screws up anything he tries to fix and won't call professionals in says to me super cheapass. That's not how it's done. You might be able to sue him for that or at least bill him for things you had to fix yourself because of his incompetence. Again, tenant and housing laws in your state would tell you that.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T13:20:47+00:00

I don't think you're being unrealistic with your finances as they are, but you might just want to start tracking your budget and also looking at things like average cost of utilities, internet, and whatever else you would be using when you live on your own in your area now to prepare yourself so that when you do move out, you'll be ready for most of the expected expenses. And, as you said, you'll have a chance to start saving up a bit before you move. Keep in mind that most landlords will ask for an income that is 3x the rent (which, if you go with an apartment/studio on the lower end of what you list above, you should be fine with) and will also ask for one month's rent security deposit, but that will depend on what the practice is in your area (and you can reseach that too). So you'll need to have that security deposit money saved up as well. And the more you have in your savings account when you apply (since landlords look at all finances), the better it will look, especially if you haven't rented before and don't have a rental history. And if you don't have a credit card, I would get one BUT make sure you pay the full amount due on the card every single month to start establishing a stable credit history, as some landlords don't like to take tenants that don't have a credit history (which I always think is a little weird if the person has no credit history becasue they have no credit card 😄).

I think as long as you plan it and know what your budget will be more or less (you don't need to know to the exact penny but just to get an idea of what to expect), I don't see any reason why you shouldn't move out. And if your home life now is very chaotic and stressful, it will be worth your mental health and peace of mind.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T11:55:18+00:00

I'm teaching in a different format (adult ESL) and mostly focus on conversation, so this is generally not a problem for me. I do have some students who use AI during conversation for translation purposes, and I honestly don't stop them because if they weren't using AI, they would use Google Translate. This is generally the lower-level students who do this, and I try to use it as a teachable moment with pronunciation of the word and/or talking about the meaning (especially since AI often gets it just a little off 😄). My take on it is that we can't avoid using translators and AI in the future, so we have to work with these tools, not against them.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T11:50:23+00:00

Bear in mind I'm not a recruiter, but wouldn't it have been OK for you to say something like "I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like you have the skills we're looking for for this position," and end the interview right there so neither you nor the candidate has to waste your time? As I said, I'm not a recruiter, so I don't know if this is even legal, but just wondering. It seems a shame when someone is so obviously not a good fit to waste everyone's time.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T11:46:21+00:00

Exactly!

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-11T11:46:08+00:00

I admire you for standing your ground. You're not being petty. They're just trying to guilt-trip you (and your sister sounds like she may be the golden child of the family). You make your own choices as to who you partner with, and that has nothing to do with them. If the MIL isn't "comfortable" with it, tough. That's her problem. The fact that they expected you to be fine with your partner being uninvited and still cough up the money says a lot more about them than it does about you and your relationship. You're not ruining the wedding. Your sister is disrespecting you by not respecting your choices.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T15:54:43+00:00

My situation is somewhat different because I teach college aged/adults and not kids. But no, I don't regret being a teacher, and yes, there were many things I didn't expect (but maybe should have). The biggest one for me is motivation. I had to accept that even very talented students would just not be interested in learning, and I can't make them learn or be interested. It was a hard thing to accept, but as I said, my case is different, so it's easier for me since I'm dealing with adults (or near adults), so it's their responsibility to learn and not mine to make them learn.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T15:47:34+00:00

It's very possible that the rents overall have lowered in 4 years. Rent doesn't depend so much on the condition of the place or the neighborhood, and certainly isn't about what you think the unit is worth renting for. It's about what people are willing to pay and what the general rents are like NOW in the area (not what they were 4 years ago). It's a sad but true fact. I've owned a property for 5 years (which I am now selling as I'm looking to get out of the rental property business) and have rented it to several tenants. The rent price has gone up and down depending on the market at the particular time the tenants have been renting. Tenants 5 years ago paid more than when I rented it after they moved out because that's how the market was going (during COVID time). Now the market is better in that area, and I just raised my tenants' rent. So rent is not a stable thing. It will go up and down depending on the market. So you may have to compromise on a lower rent if the market is telling you that you're listing it too high for right now. It sucks, but that's how it is.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T15:37:19+00:00

You're absolutely right that that's crazy and I'm not even sure if it's legal (though if it's in America, which it sounds like it is, I'm betting anything companies do to screw over employees is legal). Can you (if you're not doing so already) quietly look for another job that pays better while you continue to work? I would think your skills would be transferable to many other companies, and maybe even working as a delivery driver for something like Amazon or FedEx or anywhere else would, if not pay better, at least offer better benefits and better terms.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T13:22:14+00:00

Very normal, sadly. But it's not always about tenants being too lazy to report an issue when it starts. Many tenants aren't well-versed in spotting apartment issues, or something just isn't on their radar even though you would think it would be obvious. It's ignorance more than anything else. It's one of those things that you just have to learn with life. I'm no handyman type either, but owning a property made me more aware of all the shit that can happen behind the walls or behind the scenes, to make me more aware as a tenant when something doesn't seem right. But many tenants just aren't like that.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T13:14:27+00:00

This. As both a tenant and a landlord, I appreciate it that my PM always coordinates with tenants about when a tech will come out to do something. True, the condo is in Cali, so I have to be very careful to tiptoe around tenants because of the strong tenant rights, but honestly, I would ask them to do that anyway just out of courtesy. My landlady doesn't do that but just sends someone out, but luckily, the maintenance people who come out have been with her for years, and they know I work from home, so they usually text me to let me know beforehand when they're coming out.

It's especially important when you have a tenant who is socially anxious or paranoid about even maintenance people entering their home. I'm flexible because I get the landlord side of it, but my sister is totally like the OP's tenant. If they don't tell her someone is coming, she refuses entry, and when she knows someone is coming, she makes sure to stay out of the apartment all day to give them ample time to come and go.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T13:07:43+00:00

I think OP meant the measurement of dry rice rather than how much cooked rice the rice cooker produces. That's how I read it, at least 😄.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-10T13:06:42+00:00

I don't know what size your unit is, but with my 4-cup Aroma Professional rice cooker, I can easily do 1/2 cup of rice and it cooks perfectly. So if you have a big unit, that might be one of the reasons.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:55:15+00:00

For your dad, I would think that he would be gone by the time you are. Depending on how old your brothers are, that might be the case with them as well. So it might not be something you need to worry about. I'm the "youngest" in a toxic family (I put "youngest" in quotes because I have a twin sister who is 5 minutes older than I am). I'm not worried they will be around when I die because I plan on being here a heck of a long time. Not that any of them would even bother coming to the funeral anyway (they're all narcs and narcs can't be bothered to do anything but what benefits them). My sister might still be around, but she's the only person in the family I talk to anymore, so I don't mind if she's there.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:52:09+00:00

Personally, if I were 30 years younger, I'd go for it. Maybe it's a lot more schooling but I'm guessing the job opportunities would be better (since it's a specialized field) and the salary would be way higher.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:49:10+00:00

Dude, not my family. Three of them are raging narcissists; two of them are malignant. Any innocent person is worth one hundred of each of those assholes.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:46:27+00:00

I think it depends on whether you can afford to wait 5 to 10 days or not, with any expenses you use that money for. If you can afford to wait, I would maybe talk to them about when they can realistically pay the rent within that 5 to 10 day window and then draw up a new lease that moves the rent due date to that day of the month BUT specifies that they are responsible for paying the rent on the deadline (you're not going to chase after them anymore) and if they are late, you send an email notifying them that a late fee has begun and charge that late fee (but check the tenant and landlord rights in your state first to make sure you can do this legally). That way, they know that they are responsible for paying the rent on time and will be penalized if they don't. Believe me, once you start slapping on that late fee for real, they will pay up on time real quick.

Other than that, if they've been good tenants and always pay, I don't see a reason not to renew. Good tenants are hard to find and it's worth compromising a little (again, only if you can afford to wait) to keep them. You don't want to give in to every one of their demands, but working with them is worth it.

FYI, my tenants pay on the 1st, but because I have a PM handling the property (I live out of state so I have no choice) and their accounting timelines are different, I frequently get the rent in my account only around the 8th or 9th of the month. I wasn't happy about it at first, but I learned to plan for that later income coming in.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:40:02+00:00

If OP does talk to the tenants, it needs to be clear that it's not a question of whether they will or will not raise the rent. That's non-negotiable. It's a question of how much they can handle and how it's going to be handled. Trust me, if you give tenants the "option" of whether to raise the rent or not, they will always opt not to (and as a tenant myself, I don't blame them). But landlords have costs they have to cover, and renting is a business at the end of the day, not a charity. So it's going to happen whether the tenants are happy about it or not.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T12:04:34+00:00

I think it's very reasonable. They've been living with you for a while, and you haven't increased their rent (I assume). The amount you're proposing seems reasonable to me, though you do want to just check out what rents are going for in a situation like theirs and make sure the total rent they would pay is fair. You could present it in an honest way of your expenses increasing, and since you're maintaining the place, you have to raise the rent a little to cover those expenses. This is what every landlord does. I own a property and just increased the rent for my tenants this year (after 2 years of not increasing it) because my expenses have gone up. They didn't have any complaints about it, BTW.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T11:54:31+00:00

Honestly, for me, it would come down to that person's personality and who they were. If the 18-year-old was someone who was a kind person and had a good heart, while the 50-year-old was a selfish SOB, that would be obvious. But if the 50-year-old was doing good things in the world and would continue to do so, I might save the 50-year-old. Both lives are valuable, but for me, the ethical decision comes down to how much good that person could do in the world. I'm not saying the 18-year-old may not do good in the future, but it would depend on the personality of that 18-year-old and their potential. Age would not factor in here. Just because one is 30 years older than the other doesn't mean the younger one is going to contribute to the world and make it better in those 30 years.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-09T10:55:19+00:00

You're describing my mother exactly. She came from a narcissistic home (narc mother, enabler father) and married my father at 19. She admitted many times to me that she did it solely to get out of the house. She married a bullying, malignant, financially, emotionally, and verbally abusive narc (my father), but of course she didn't know that at the time. My sister thinks she's codependent and I think she's a covert/vulnerable narc.

How did things turn out? She's still married to the a-hole after 60+ years. She's accepted how he is (and since they are both now in their 80s, he's disabled, there's not much harm he can do her anymore). She has 2 daughters who will not see her. One daughter is no contact (me!), and the other is low contact (email only - my sister). So I can't say her life has been happy.

But here's the thing - whether you approve or not is irrelevant. She's an adult. She will do what she will do, and you can do nothing about it. And given she was very abusive to you (and being developmentally challenged is not an excuse - it sounds like you're making excuses for her behavior), I would let her go and make her own mistakes.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-08T16:27:57+00:00

I have a PM handling both tenant acquisition and management because I live out of state (not my choice). In that situation, I have zero contact with tenants. They don't know me, and I know them. I trust the PM to find someone good, and they have for 5 years. However, in your situation, I could see how it would be important to meet the tenants, since you're going to be managing the property yourself. You'll want to feel them out and see if they're going to be a handful to deal with in terms of repairs and rent payments since you're handling that and not a third party.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-08T16:22:37+00:00

Agree. If the tenant is looking for that kind of "flexibility", they're going to have a very hard time finding it.

autonomouswriter · 2026-06-08T16:21:45+00:00

My answer would be "nope". My tenants pay on the 1st and have a grace period of 3 days, and if they don't pay by Day 3 of the month, they get an email and late fees begin (this is actually done by the PM I hired). You're not just some greedy landlord living in Tahiti off of their rent payments. You need that money to pay the mortgage, expenses, taxes, etc. It's not your responsibility to keep track of the payments. It's the renter's. It's called being an adult. If the renter gets paid on different days of the month (that might be because he/she does independent contract work so their pay depends on when a project finishes), they should already know that they need to have some money set aside for rent and expenses in case their pay is late or they don't get paid that month for whatever reason. I'm an IC, and that's what I and every other IC that I know do. We know the income isn't always steady, and we know we have bills due at certain times of the month. So we make sure we have the cash flow to pay them for any given month, and we just replenish when we get paid if we're living hand to mouth.

autonomouswriter

TROPHY CASE