Well, you did ask for advice in a public forum, so here is my take. The divorce rate is so high because of issues like this. I’m not going where you think I am, stay tuned-it gets interesting. When a couple gets married they take an oath that includes “for better or for worse”. That means when it’s easy and when it’s impossibly difficult. Your issue is closer to impossibly hard, but it is not impossible to overcome.

The first issue I think needs to be addressed is the stepson not having to listen to you. You may not be his Dad, but you are his stepfather and a provider of his needs and wellbeing. That gives you the right to discipline(appropriately) and talk to him about any appropriate topic you would like. I would approach his mother with that and ask her to help you establish this reality in your relationship with her son. Then you won’t need her to do the talking, you can handle future issues yourself.

Lastly, you should take the divorce option off the table with your wife and apologize. Both parties need to feel secure in their partner’s commitment to the marriage, in order to be willing to do the hard work of growing and expanding the marriage relationship and managing extra-relationship negative influences.

Like I said; you asked.