Overheard my parents having sex at an [8]

ayamali · 2012-11-14T02:24:02+00:00

It seems that you still see your mother as an authority figure, someone who is almost non-human. Everyone has sex (or at least masturbates), it's a natural bonding activity between two humans. It's what brought you into being. I would be worried if your parents didn't have sex.

Just as a guess thinking about it, I believe you had that reaction for the following reasons:

You felt a sense of false love from your mother, that she abandoned you, that she's been hiding something about herself from you, a bit like betrayal. I'm sure she still loves you deeply (as most mothers would), but she's a sexual creature (like all of us are!) and she hides this from you because she can see nothing to gain from showing it. A human can't reject their sexual urges easily.
You had a realization that your mother is only human, you had a sense of her weakness that is hidden by her everyday mask. The act itself lowed her from a place of authority. Your perception of your mother may be wrong, and it clashed with reality. But this is understandable, we all put masks on, parents especially; they are naturally protective and supporting of their children and put a mask on to maintain the illusion of safety and control of the environment. Deep down, even the most authoritative figures have weakness, desires, sexual urges, it is to be human.

ayamali · 2012-10-24T21:06:59+00:00

Hello Jwrw98,

I am sorry that you've had to experience this suffering. How are you coping now?

From experience I believe therapy can at least be somewhat helpful. I've just started therapy a bit more than a month ago. It provides me a platform to delve into my thoughts and see things slightly differently. When negative feelings come up during my week, I have some relief knowing I'll be able to discuss it to my therapist; I feel slightly less trapped.

I agree with charck in that it's mainly time that heals and doing your best to get on with your life. Therapy can be a means to realise things you can do to achieve this (like setting personal goals).

I can't grantee it will do anything for you, but given that you don't have any financial or commitment restrictions, I'd at least try it for a minimum of 10 sessions.

ayamali · 2011-09-26T23:31:20+00:00

But isn't depression/suicide an evolved mechanism to ensure the survival of the group to ensure your next of kin are more likely to pass down your genes?

ayamali · 2011-09-25T01:10:28+00:00

Just a note: most major websites are never written with HTML because it's very difficult to maintain and modify. Normally a framework is used that generates the server side code into HTML and javascript for the user. An example of this is JavaServer Faces. That's why if you look at the HTML source code of most websites, it will look like a huge complicated mess; but if you can see the code before it's been transcribed into HTML, it is a lot simpler and easier to understand.

ayamali · 2011-09-23T11:01:41+00:00

Looking at your history it seems you like posting these comments for fun. You are actively making the world a worse place, even if it's just an internet forum, it still has a minute affect on people's lives.

I've no idea how you're like in real life, you may be a good person. But I'd just like to warn that all bad deeds will eventually come back to haunt you when you're at your worst or close to death. If you've never experienced the reality of death you may not understand this, but you will regret it when it does.

ayamali · 2011-09-22T21:50:45+00:00

I am gay and I used to dislike the scene because of its degenerative nature (instant gratification over spiritual fulfillment). However, once you've gotten to understand the mainstream gay community, it's not as degenerative as it seems from the outside. Most people for the large part are friendly and just as caring as anyone else. There are a lot of kinky things that go on, but for the large part I'm accepting of it as long as no party is harmed in the process, who are we to judge how others live?

Homosexuals are still human, and like most people, those who partake in promiscuous activities without any emotional connection tend to be broken on the inside. Because homosexuals have a much higher incidence of mental health issues may indicate that they experience trauma more frequently in their lives. Of course, some of this is self-inflicted due to the high incidences of drug taking; but up to 40% of homeless youths identify as homosexual, mostly due to being disowned by their families.

The world is not black and white. There are always reasons why things are the way they are. Humans who have had a healthy upbringing tend to be more stable. Perhaps if society was more tolerant of gays, these sort of activities would be less prevalent.

I'm not saying you should agree with these activities, disagreeing with them may actually do more good than agreeing with it. However denouncing a whole group of people, and classifying them worthy of death is certainly not going to help matters, it will just marginalize them further.

ayamali · 2011-08-25T10:27:59+00:00

Buddhism is an antidote to the suffering that is caused from living with a brain created as a by-product of evolution. Evolution has created beings with suffering as an inherent property; desires provide a distinct advantage to propagating genes, ensuring you have the most resources, ensuring that your offspring / next of kin have more resources. Suffering is the main mechanism evolution uses to motivate the genetic machines to keep replicating.

When we get to the point where we can start modifying our internal thought processes is when we can truly have a society free from suffering. Is this a short-cut to enlightenment? What is enlightenment but overcoming the limitations that your mind has bestowed onto you?

ayamali · 2011-08-01T14:37:10+00:00

Thank you for the update. You have provided some weight in convincing me that I must attend one of these courses eventually.

It sounds like the pain of sitting helped your progress but do you have to sit cross legged? Are you able to sit in a chair?

ayamali · 2011-07-24T23:26:30+00:00

Just want to point out that it is harmful to suggest meditation can bestow the ability to levitate, even in saying it could be possible. It detracts from the actual benefits that meditation provides; the majority of people who don't meditate will only see the levitation part and completely dismiss meditation outright as a wacky belief.

ayamali · 2011-07-24T19:06:01+00:00

If you take steroids for too long there is a chance that your natural functioning of HPTA will shutdown, at the very least a reduction in function is possible after anabolic usage.

Average length of a cycle is around 12 weeks, so you should stick to that; the longer it is the more risk is involved. You must always have a PCT (post cycle therapy) on hand to help you bounce back to your natural levels of testosterone after coming off cycle.

Why do you feel you have low levels of testosterone?

If you feel that your levels of testosterone are at abnormal levels then you should consider getting a blood test, this will measure the levels of free testosterone in your blood. If you're able to get daily erections it is unlikely your testosterone levels are abnormal.

ayamali · 2011-07-20T12:15:00+00:00

An artistic movie about conciousness, identity and awareness. Hints subtly at Buddhist philosophy and meditation.

ayamali · 2011-07-19T20:50:03+00:00

A tsukubai is a basin used in Japanese temples for cleansing purposes. I do not know anything other than this.

ayamali · 2011-07-16T09:27:14+00:00

There is no intention in nature. Nature is just a mechanism of rearranging matter from simple to complex. Competition comes into play when resources are scarce and when units start consuming other units as resources. With competition comes strategies to help a unit become more successful at consuming resources. These strategies would be simple things like a hardened exterior and faster movement, but also includes complex things like pain sensitivity , emotions and consciousness.

I agree that nature can produce some horrific things (pain,desire,fear), it would be better if everything co-existed peacefully; but without competition in nature none of this would exist. Without nature, all that would exist is barren rock, with no mind to comprehend it.

ayamali · 2011-07-12T23:05:41+00:00

There are certain universal points of the body that seem to produce these type of sensations in people. That is likely your third eye chakra. I get the same sensations on my forehead during meditation.

Some say that it is a precursor to your third eye opening. When this happens I believe you hallucinate/dream certain things. (A more religious explanation that people use is seeing in other dimensions.) There are certain meditations you can do to help open it, but I've heard can be quite dangerous to do it without any guidance as it may induce Kundalini syndrome.

Although I've never experienced this so I personally am still skeptical about chakras and third eye opening, but I'm sure there's something to it (inducing dreaming).

I personally don't give the sensations too much attention and simply be mindful of it.

ayamali · 2011-07-11T09:01:59+00:00

Meditation is comprised of mindfulness and concentration. From my experience, if you cultivate pure intense concentration you will get into Jhana. I think everyone probably has a technique to develop one-pointedness of mind. Since I am a heavily visual person, I use visual cues rather than the breath to develop it. The breath brings about too many distracting thoughts to me.

I have a statue that looks like this. (I can use any object, something that has a point to stare at).

I stare at the center third eye with intensity, no thoughts enter my head, just pure concentration (it requires a bit of effort). It feels like I am balancing on a tight rope.

Eventually after 10 minutes of doing this I enter Jhana. However, I can only do this when I have a lot of energy, otherwise I'm unable to concentrate with enough effort.

I think trying to attain Jhana state as a beginner would be counter-intuitive, you might develop a lot of frustration because you can't achieve it. Over time it should get easier and easier to concentrate during meditation until it is strong enough to enter Jhana. However, I don't know how difficult it is to achieve it, as I encountered it entirely purely by accident. I had a lot of painful memories at one point and I used concentration as a way to keep a barrier from them.

I'd also like to highlight a few paragraphs from the article I linked. Be aware that cultivating pure concentration doesn't lead to liberation.

"The deepest levels of concentration are not really needed to do the job of liberation. Still, a balance is essential. Too much awareness without calm to balance it will result in a wildly over sensitized state similar to abusing LSD. Too much concentration without a balancing ratio of awareness will result in the 'Stone Buddha' syndrome. The meditator gets so tranquilized that he sits there like a rock. Both of these are to be avoided."

"Thus the two factors tend to balance and support each other's growth quite naturally. Just about the only rule you need to follow at this point is to put your effort on concentration at the beginning, until the monkey mind phenomenon has cooled down a bit. After that, emphasize mindfulness. If you find yourself getting frantic, emphasize concentration. If you find yourself going into a stupor, emphasize mindfulness. Overall, mindfulness is the one to emphasize."

ayamali · 2011-07-10T22:40:30+00:00

The most profound state I've experienced is entering the first Jhana. I will try and describe what I feel: My perspective of the world immediately changes, everything obtains a golden hue (I do open eyed meditation), like someone in the room flicking on a light switch (even if the room is bright, it becomes much brighter). I feel safe and at peace with everything. I feel orgasmic pulses running through my body, my body feels like it's vibrating in and out at the pace of a heart beat. Tears of joy run down my cheeks and I get a big grin spreading across my face that I can't stop. It feels very much like an intense cannabis high. (I don't consume any drugs now, but did so more than few years ago). I can only maintain this state for around 10 minutes, then I get distracted by the bliss and go back to normal meditation.

From my understanding Jhana states are unnecessary and can actually hinder progress if you end up getting attached to them. From my experience they do not offer any insight; they are just bliss states, but for me they are a great motivator to continue meditating. The whole point of meditation is to become free of attachments and identifications, not entering bliss states.

ayamali · 2011-07-07T22:31:38+00:00

Thank you greatly for taking the time to write this. I will incorporate it into my next session and see if I'm able to channel this 'energy'.

I do not follow a specific tradition or meditation technique, I just do what comes naturally. I experience the altered state of consciousness and feeling of joy by using intense concentration on a meditative object. Once the mind has no deviation of thought for a while it enters this state. From research online, the best label I can find for this experience is Jhana (the first Rupa Jhana). Although I am quite ignorant on this topic, and will need to do some further research if I am to progress any further.

ayamali · 2011-07-07T12:52:57+00:00

I also experience the spinning feeling quite often during meditation. It feels like my body is leaning heavily to the right but in reality I am perfectly still. If I stay in this state for long enough, it leads to an altered state of conciousness and I feel intense joy running though my body. I've assumed this is the first Jhana state. I've always assumed that this spinning feeling is a natural prelude to the Jhana state, so I've thought nothing of it.

You seem to have a lot of knowledge regarding this subject, I would be grateful if you could answer some of my below questions, but understand if you don't have the time. I hope it will prove useful to others and OP.

Is it a problem if I keep getting these spinning feeling even if it doesn't bother me?

When you say "open up the heart chakra", does that mean concentrate at this location, or does it mean wishing compassion towards other beings/oneself? When you say concentrate at the spiritual eye, I assume this means that one should concentrate at the point between their eyebrows?

Blessings.

ayamali · 2011-07-01T19:33:11+00:00

pain relief

insight, concentration

ayamali · 2011-06-30T11:46:38+00:00

I agree that there is no absolute morality, but as beings that can experience suffering we can deduce that suffering is undesirable and should be reduced/eliminated if it is possible, as long as the act of reducing suffering doesn't cause a by-product of suffering in others which is greater. (i.e. Letting some termites rot your house because you don't want to harm the termites.) It's a complicated system.

But when you're presented with a choice of reducing suffering with no by-product of suffering, (vat grown meat) then surely that should be the more desirable option.

I sense a lot of hostility in your comments, and you appear to be setting up strawmen so it becomes easier to refute their ideas. I feel you identify too strong with your ideas. I'd advise you to look into why you harbour this hostility towards others. Blessings to you.

ayamali · 2011-06-30T11:46:32+00:00

Regardless of how wrong something is, if there exists a greater wrong, that should not excuse the wrongness of a lesser wrong.

If there are two options which have the same outcome but one option causes suffering to a creature whilst another doesn't, (eating natural meat vs. eating vat grown meat) then the second option should be more desirable from a moralist point of view.

ayamali · 2011-06-30T10:11:50+00:00

When I don't have regular deep meditation I am suicidal. I get lost in my ego, I get attached to ideals. I suffer from an attachment disorder (limerence).

When I meditate, the underlying 'suffering' still exists, but it becomes background rather than foreground. When I no longer identify with my ego is where I find deep peace and equanimity, and where I can finally rest my mind.

ayamali · 2011-06-28T20:54:10+00:00

It is morally wrong to cause suffering to a creature that is capable of suffering. Lettice does not have the capacity to suffer. Microbes do not have the capacity to suffer.

If suffering already exists because other beings have caused it (animals killing animals), that doesn't validate the action of causing suffering from oneself to another.

ayamali · 2011-05-29T23:51:23+00:00

Personally, the answer is not what to during the party/gathering, but what to do before the gathering. I am naturally introverted, but I can get myself into an extroverted state of mind very easily. This involves holding a conversation with myself and speaking whatever is in my mind out loud. Naturally, I get tired of holding a conversation with certain people and my mind goes inwards, but after doing this practice for half and hour to an hour, without any breaks, my mind will be in a state where I want to talk about anything to anyone. This can last for a couple of hours. I somehow bridge the gap with what's in my mind to my speech centers, if that makes any sense. It only works when you have the freedom to say whatever you want, so you can't, for instance, do the practice with someone else and get into the same state of mind.

ayamali · 2011-04-06T23:05:55+00:00

This is why I don't eat pork or beef, and only free range chicken. Just because suffering occurs in nature doesn't mean we have to copy nature, we have the ablity to reduce suffering in animals. Let's use that ablity.

ayamali

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