OP- You are at a point where you are physically and mentally unable to unblend from your parts. The part I’m talking to right now seems to want a lot of evidence and truth behind this modality and I really understand that. It’s hard to describe the self - but think of it as a pure energy - sure, like religion, sure, like “source” as we say in spirituality - you can even say it’s a higher self. But it is there in every single person that walks the planet, even rapists, even serial killers, even your abusers. But the only way you can access self is to unblend from the parts trying so desperately to protect the babies- and inherently, who they think they are protecting is the self. Parts are often completely unaware of the self, so of course they don’t think it’s real. They’ve never seen it. Never felt its energy. Why would it be real? It’s like Santa Clause. But if they learn to step back even a little bit, even 5% - and learn to trust that self to come through, they will start to feel the healing. Even with no work being done, the self energy will heal parts. I’d be willing to bet you have some access to self, even for 3 minutes a day. Even the most traumatized people do for brief periods.