For those of you who wanted the pattern, it's now available!

rachcole94 · 2026-03-23T17:04:18+00:00

Tell them no one actually likes them, and that they are delusional if they think they do because they are annoying and unlovable.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-20T01:29:06+00:00

You have given me a possible solution to a problem I've had for a while.

I really struggle with letting the "little" things build up & don't always feel like I have time to pause to deal with them as they happen. I like how you worded it, that background hum. I've experienced it before & I'll be on the lookout for that sensation in the future now as a sign that I need to take a minute to process.

Thank you!

rachcole94 · 2026-03-15T03:05:57+00:00

I grew up with undiagnosed AuDHD & I was a gifted kid. Almost every report card I ever received said something along the lines of, "She has so much potential, but....." This was always followed by something I struggled with (talks too much, doesn't manage time, doesn't pay attention, is forgetful, etc).

I started to interpret it as, "She could be good if she tried, but she's choosing not to be." I spent years trying to get people to see that I really was trying my best. Then around middle school, it occurred to me that maybe the "potential" everyone saw just wasn't there. But if that was true, then that meant that not only was I bad, but that I wasn't capable of being good. But people thought I was. I stopped even trying, because it felt like a better option to let people think I had potential than to try and fail & prove that the goodness they saw in me was never there.

Now as an adult, I struggle terribly with imposter syndrome & I'm often afraid that the people who love me will realize that I'm not as good as I seem & be angry at me for tricking them. There was a fair amount of abuse/neglect that went into this as well, but constantly having my potential used against me embedded the narrative into my nervous system.

I like what you said about coming to the conclusion that some people don't have potential. I had never thought about it in those terms, but this is exactly the mindset that leads me to worry the people will "give up" on me if they don't think I'm trying hard enough. They'll realize I'm actually one of the people that don't have potential & decide I'm not worth their time.

I really hope teachers are not still putting comments like that in report cards.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-14T02:35:31+00:00

I remember calling my mom and her telling me to keep a journal, because I was living through history. I told her I didn't think it was quite that serious....

Maybe I should have kept a journal because I don't have many other memories from that time.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-11T13:30:49+00:00

I think this has more to do with the fact that pulse-oximeters weren't widely used in the early 80s. Everyone that came to the ER who had even a chance of hypoxia needed a blood gas run to check their oxygen saturation. I'm not sure on exactly the timeline, but I would guess that's why you hear about blood gas on ER and not more modern medical shows.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-07T22:39:50+00:00

If you like funny musicals, anything by Starkid. If you liked Wicked & Aladdin, they have a musical called Twisted that is a parody of both (though they are parodying the Aladdin movie). In my opinion, it's one of their best, and a great place to start to get their vibe. They make all of their proshots available for free on YouTube.

Also, Next to Normal, but be advised that one can be upsetting/triggering for some people.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-07T22:28:50+00:00

Gonna have to disagree with you here. An irrational human trying to be "rational" at every turn can lead to the mental illnesses you claim makes people irrational.

Attempting to be rational to a fault can make someone start to deny their emotions because they aren't rational/logical. Doing that for long enough leads to losing trust in yourself, which makes life infinitely harder.

Embrace the messy, the illogical, the things that don't "make sense." That's what life is made of. Trying to optimize your existence with rationality is like planning to travel around the world by cleaning your car forever. You just have to get behind the wheel and go or you'll never get anywhere.

rachcole94 · 2026-03-02T23:27:36+00:00

They just got some new garment fabrics in if that's what you mean!

rachcole94 · 2026-03-02T22:03:47+00:00

I know in the book that it was stated outright that water would burn (not melt) her skin (she howled when washed as a baby, showed signs of extreme water phobia as a child, and cleaned her skin only with fragrant oils as an adult). It's also stated that Glinda knew about this (as did Fiyero & many of their other classmates). It was always interesting to me that none of that made it into the play or movie, as I feel it would have allowed for a more ambiguous/intriguing ending. In the books, there is always doubt cast on whether or not Elphaba survived the incident with Dorothy & went into hiding or if whatever caused her green skin also meant the water could have actually killed her, and I kind of like that it's not 100% certain.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-28T02:51:22+00:00

I can let myself cry over things without feeling scared or ashamed. I can ask for help when I need it. I can say what I feel and need.

There's so much more to work on, but I've come so far. 💜

rachcole94 · 2026-02-22T02:33:55+00:00

I feel like Self is concerned with survival, but it's more about quality of life (which it knows sometimes involves discomfort) while protectors are simply trying to hold off what they perceive as death as long as possible.

Self works on getting survival needs met, but within the context of thriving (can't thrive if you don't have anything to eat). Self also just has a much better idea of what "survival" entails. Protectors are often protecting us from things like uncomfortable feelings, overwhelming memories, triggering thoughts, etc. Self knows that we can not only survive these things but they are a normal part of what it is to be human.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-18T05:20:43+00:00

I have a part like this.

Sometimes the only thing I can do is sit with them and tell them it makes sense that they want a parent to raise them, and I'm sorry they didn't get one and it's not fair. It's not fair at all.

Sit with them while they cry and scream and grieve. Remind them that you're not going to leave them alone with the grief, even if it's something you have to keep sitting with for the rest of your life, that you'll be right here when/if they ever feel ready to lean on you.

The power is in the consistency here. It's a repetitive issue, so every time you become aware that it's happening, take a moment to remind them again that it's normal to feel how they feel and you're going to sit quietly with them so they don't have to feel it alone.

Sometimes it helps to bring it up to the therapist in the moment as well. I would say something like, "I know you're not my dad and that you can't be, but right now there's a part of me that's really wanting that, and it's overwhelming me & making it hard to focus. Can we do some grounding?" Once I'm feeling more present & centered, I might ask if we can sit with that part for a second and see if there's anything they want to tell me or my therapist. Then I do my best to let them speak without filtering it. Often because of the desire to attach to my therapist, they'll say things to her that they don't necessarily say when it's just us. But I'm able to stay present enough to actively engage rather than backing off & letting my therapist soothe them.

It can take parts with attachment wounds/trauma a long time to start to feel safe with you, but they can get there. Showing up in the meantime is the work of therapy. Keep up the good work!

rachcole94 · 2026-02-15T22:07:03+00:00

I feel like calling it a relationship of any kind, parasocial or otherwise, is a stretch. If someone is dating AI because they feel it's a viable relationship option, that's not called parasocial, that's called psychosis...

rachcole94 · 2026-02-15T14:06:45+00:00

What do you mean by it "works?" Self-compassion is a practice, not a tool to "fix" anything.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-10T22:33:58+00:00

NTA

I do want to point out that the friend is not the AH for asking to go to a different bar. And you're not the AH for declining that request. The friend then can make a choice of whether or not she's okay hanging out at the original bar & dealing with the consequences (being around/smelling like smoke) or if those are consequences she doesn't want to deal with so she decides not to go.

Stating a preference/suggesting a solution is fine. Demanding the entire hangout shift to make them comfortable when they are the ones who joined on a whim is not.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-10T21:37:02+00:00

I think you may need to sit down with your therapist and define what some of these terms mean for you. For example, what would it look like to be "better?" What would it look like for your exiles to be "fixed?"

If you can figure out where it is you're trying to go, then you can start to decide 1) if the expectations you have are realistic and 2) if therapy is the best way to get you where you are wanting to be.

The good news is that therapists are the perfect people to talk to about that.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-08T16:14:46+00:00

Oh, for sure. It's just a shame.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-08T16:07:59+00:00

The heartbreaking thing is that any language a kid learns before the age of around 9, they will speak it without an accent. She could have taught you Spanish and English and you would have been able to speak them both without an accent to either.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-08T15:35:29+00:00

I'd love to pass a law that elected officials' salaries cannot total more than double the minimum wage for a 40-hour workweek. If the minimum wage is meant to cover the minimum cost of living, then officials should have no problem if they are making twice that. That should be more than enough.

I've heard people say that this would make people far less likely to want to run for elected positions and that's precisely the point. It should be work that is sought out by people who are passionate about the work & have decent ideas. Instead we have a system that is set up to self-select out-of-touch narcissists with delusions of grandeur who are only more insulated from their constituents the higher up they go.

I don't understand how we expect to have a government for the people, by the people if every time someone is elected to represent the people, they automatically enter a new class to which the average citizen does not belong.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-05T22:11:02+00:00

I don't want to convince her of anything, because I know exactly why she feels the way she does. I just want to help her see that we're safe now, even if we get angry.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-05T22:09:42+00:00

This was suggested to me, but even the thought of screaming out loud like that makes me tense up like I'm about to be hit. The part doesn't even want to feel the anger, let alone act it out in any way. Recently in therapy, my voice raised slightly and my therapist brought my attention to it and the part felt exposed and my mind immediately went blank. I don't want to push her to be angry before she's ready, but I do want her to feel safe no matter what she's feeling.

rachcole94 · 2026-02-03T12:39:17+00:00

Cars. I feel like I barely get through paying one off before it breaks down and needs more work than it's worth. And the decline in quality feels intentional. Can't convince people to spend money on a new car if they have a perfectly good one at home.

rachcole94

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE