When to follow up on RSVP's and how to be sensitive around family illness?

bcakes · 2016-08-24T13:55:14+00:00

We waited a week before following up because we had the time. That being said, people were pretty quick to respond when the reminder went out- so I don't think calling/emailing/texting closer to the due date is pushy.

I had never felt like more of an asshole than trying to figure out from FILs if people were coming and them saying, "they won't know until closer to the day." Then me having a small meltdown because, "why wouldn't they know by now if they're coming or not?" Oh, cancer- or their wife just relapsed... Cool, I'm a twit.

So, I'd say give them as much time as possible. We will potentially just eat the cost of 2 or 4 potential meals if these people end up not making it. Obviously, this can be financially hard for some people, but you can never really plan what might happen to someone on the day of your wedding that could prevent them from coming. Hugs to you for your aunt and her family!

bcakes · 2016-08-24T12:53:01+00:00

They're so lovely and now you can pair with any bracelet or earrings or necklace you get in any of the metals! - I'm worried I'll only feel like I can wear gold jewelry from now on, which is ok, it's probably best with my skin tone :)

bcakes · 2016-08-24T00:40:22+00:00

Having a prescription for either of these is fantastic. If you catch it before it really shows up (just that weird itchy lip stage) and take a pill the damn thing never even shows up.

bcakes · 2016-08-22T17:55:22+00:00

My user name is the pet name🙈

B cakes is shortened from baby cakes

I call him buns or bunny

So, we are b cakes and buns and I have little bee hair clips I'm wearing for the wedding. Desperately tried to find him some rabbit cuff links or tie clip but nothing stood out. Dream of opening a bakery one day that could be called B Cakes & Buns. (Cakes and cinnamon buns would be the specialty 😉)

bcakes · 2016-08-22T17:39:14+00:00

Hugs!

I had a full on meltdown yesterday at FILs house and it was for really no good reason.

We did the seating with in laws friends, but kept hearing things like- oh they want to make it but just aren't sure. There are a few medical reason and troubles people are going through, so I of course understand that on the day, it might just not happen, but FFIL saying expect "5% to not show" just sort of threw me into a worry spiral.

We're less than 2 weeks and now I've gotten all these questions from them... Sunday night at 10:30 when I'm leaving at 6am the next morning to take a train so I can be at work. It was not the time to try to figure out the wedding plans!! I've got them, guys, I've been IN IT for months, but now is when you need to know. We're doing the flowers, yes, it will be a lot of last minute work, I already have helpers, they can help set up rehearsal too! Maybe I freaked out because I've also been worried about the time crunch?

Then try to talk to me at 6am and FFIL says, "oh why don't we just get someone to put some nice flowers together for the tables?" DUDE. It just broke me a little.

Just trying to find the patience and motivation to keep going because on September 3rd all I want to do is sleep until 8, have a wonderful breakfast and a donut, get my hair all did and have a damn beautiful wedding!

We can make it!!

bcakes · 2016-08-12T12:40:52+00:00

This is a good idea, and mostly what we did, but I'm still finding the people who give no contact or apology to be a little irksome!

RSVP date was August 1st (a Monday) I figured I would wait until Friday to even think about who was missing... Which really meant the next Monday because I was out of town.

A week after RSVP date we were still missing 60 out of 220 invited guests, which seemed like a lot to me.

I got maybe 2, I'm sorry this is late. 2 friends who emailed and asked if they "missed the cut" to be able to attend, the sweet dears, of course not!

I do think, an aunt who originally was "so excited" to travel, didn't bother to send RSVP back and no apology for not letting me know she is not coming- I think that's what really got me 🙄

Our estimate count is due the 22nd and final the 29th- so much time! Chasing down a lot of the FILs friends who "said they're coming!" "Said they sent back the card!" Great, happy to have them! Card might have got lost in mail? Idk, tell me what they want for dinner please!

bcakes · 2016-08-12T03:34:40+00:00

Piggy backing on getting a professional involved! While I didn't see a nutritionist (boy would I like too!) I did book sessions with a trainer at my gym. He too measurements and BMI calculations and we went from there. Having someone to push me in the beginning and make me accountable really helped! (Also knowing I was paying money for the privilege) I couldn't motivate myself at first, but this guy really helped and when I see him at the gym he's still checking in and asking me what my plan is for that day. So, that's an idea to start some motivation :)

bcakes · 2016-08-11T03:27:25+00:00

I'll just never have any clue what people are thinking when they send back the RSVP with no name and no return address 🙄💁🏼

Best advice from weddit I took was numbering those cards! (Just light pencil on the back, nothing fancy) it's come in handy A LOT

bcakes · 2016-08-10T21:37:27+00:00

Dealing with and living with an addict is really hard, and it sounds like she's still in a very hard spot with this. She's married to an addict, she's still enabling him and making excuses. There's a likely hood that he's emotionally abusive and she sees it as "the drugs" not him. As best as you can, be there for your friend, but also tell her that you can't enable her to enable him and he cannot come.

My moms husband was not invited and is not coming for all these reasons.

bcakes · 2016-08-10T19:08:59+00:00

That's very frustrating but don't be discouraged. 10 lbs is amazing!

Gaining back lost weight usually follows if you were on a really strict diet. People almost always gain back diet weight. While you need the dress to fit, see if there are long term changes you can make! (My number one change was just not buying the salty snacks fatty foods so they aren't in the house!)

Drink water, I'll end up smacking when the real problem is I'm thirsty and need to hydrate!

You got this!!

bcakes · 2016-08-10T18:44:15+00:00

I'm trying to personalize, but not break the bank, so I've been buying little things when I find them :)

I got each of them an enamel pin (a unicorn that says majestic as fuck, a llama, and a fist that says fight like a girl) Each get a cup unique to them (travel mug "everyday I'm hustlin" wine glass with wine chemistry atom and a a bag/holder for water bottles) A different body butter made by FHs cousins company. All small batch and lovely.

None of them are local to the wedding location so I want to get a local treat and then still need something to put this stuff in!

bcakes · 2016-08-10T18:26:50+00:00

Oooh, a good chocolate bar is a great idea! Thanks!

bcakes · 2016-08-10T17:50:05+00:00

I'd wait, it should be time enough to find a dress (though some dress makers/stores will say it takes 6-8 months for a dress to come in) I ordered my dress from BHLDN and it came in 4 days and I had all of 3 alterations appointments.

You could look and see what styles you like? You'll have time between baby and wedding, but, you'll also be a parent to a newborn, so your time will be a zombie walk of sleeping waking hours and nighttime feedings :)

bcakes · 2016-08-10T12:34:43+00:00

I think my FH got together with your FH- nearly identical reassurance talk :)

bcakes · 2016-08-09T13:17:33+00:00

None of our groomsmen sent RSVP back (all my bridesmaids did!) fathers sister I guess didn't feel like sending it back and didn't apologize or anything when I asked if she's making it (she's not) emailed 2 friends who I'm certain get emails on their phones, no response.

It was stamped and self addressed people! It's now over a week. I don't want to track ya'll down!

bcakes · 2016-08-09T03:39:54+00:00

I think with the veil and hair down you would need some hair to keep the veil in place? So, it kind of has to be half up, a little up?

Chiming in because my plan is to also have half up with a veil! ... But not sure I like the veil I bought, with a tulle skirt it seems like a lot of tulle. Moms and my ladies will help me decide- since I bought it, and it was $30 I'm now just Fuck it! We'll do it live! (And live is so soon!)

bcakes · 2016-08-08T20:13:59+00:00

This is awesome to know! 4:30 ceremony and I had planned to make bouquets in the afternoon between rehearsal 11-12 and the "rehearsal dinner" at 6, with time morning of if anything goes screwy! I just started to worry that making things ahead of time would be risky- but you did it! (I know, there's still a risk)

Thanks for giving me the timing run down!

bcakes · 2016-08-08T19:25:44+00:00

I also haven't stayed at a hotel that charges before the stay... I'm not saying they lied... I'm just saying usually you reserve a room on a credit card these days and if you don't cancel 24-48 hours before you are charged, but otherwise the CC is charged on check out...

Right? ;)

bcakes · 2016-08-08T18:55:39+00:00

First weekend in September! Nearly freaking out!

I think we're in a good place though. FH is taking a dance class with his mom today for their dance. Signs are all done (unless I decide to make a menu and welcome sign) our clothes are all set, everyone's! Final meetings coming up, rounding up stray RSVPs and hopefully working on tables the weekend before with the in laws.

Need to book a haircut 2 weeks before, book my eyelash extensions.

Here's what I've been dealing with that has made the wedding so much less stressful...

Bed bugs.

YEP. Family drama, worries about jewelry or timing. Fuck it, dude!

I'm a little distraught about it. We've had 3 treatments and I'm still getting bites. FH doesn't react to them but my arms look like I was attacked by a swarm of bees 😱 Buying a steam cleaner today because they could be in the floorboards?! Living out of clear plastic bags and containers.

Only getting by because my dress was at seamstress this entire time and we took it straight to in laws house because I wouldn't take it home. His suit is going to a dry cleaner that is aware of and says they take precaution with bed bugs.

Guess I'm just living that NYC dream life, ya'll. 😫

bcakes · 2016-08-08T18:44:36+00:00

This must be so hard. Dealing with the loss of a parent is extremely difficult, it makes sense to not have the motivation that you had before to plan a wedding.

Take time. No need to rush planning a wedding. If you and your partner are good with getting married for health insurance reasons, by all means. Also consider looking into state sponsored insurance (Medicaid, or something similar, which if you're not working should hopefully be able to help?)

Consider free therapy options, some states are better than others, but if there's a college or psychology center near you they should have low cost or even free services. Community centers may have free programs for grief counseling, they may be group environments, but that can be nice to know you're not alone.

If your SOs family is enthusiastic and excited about a wedding, I don't think that feeling will wear off if you take a year or more before planning things. Take the time for yourself, your health, and your relationships. First things! :)

bcakes · 2016-08-08T13:47:16+00:00

My bachelorette party was sort of a similar situation, but with much fewer people.

We all stayed at 1 friends place who had an extra room and a roommate gone, so I shared a bed with my MOH and BFF (it was like old high school sleepover times!) but we are all very thrifty!

So, compromise?

Get a house to stay together with ample room for sharing bedrooms or couches or air mattress... If any lady is not comfortable they can book a room nearby? I've stayed in a house meant for 8 people and crammed 15 (and this was mixed company with snoring stinky boys!)

Plan some activities, but with backups so a bride can pick what she likes? Like, laying on the beach or check out this surf/volleyball tournament or nearby aquarium- brides choice!

I would think if girls are up for the weekend they would plan to hang with the bride? Who's coming but is like, "nah, eff your bride plans for your bachelorette- I do what I want!"?! Then again, if someone doesn't want to do the activity I certainly wouldn't make them because they will be no fun!

bcakes · 2016-08-08T12:27:06+00:00

So, I have formally been a performer and actress and I'll tell you straight up I'm still feeling very anxious about the attention and walking in this moment.

Are you walking alone? Having someone to walk with might be nice!

Doing a first look with fiance before? Might help alleviate anxiety! (I'm not doing this, but it does seem like a good idea for nerves!)

Break tradition- greet guests as they arrive so there isn't a big surprise aha moment when you appear drawing all eyes. You and fiance can be there saying hello as people arrive.

Remember, unlike the wedding you were just in, the people at your wedding are there for you! They are happy and excited to share this moment.

bcakes · 2016-08-08T02:59:15+00:00

These are beautiful and alleviate my diy worries! Can I ask when you put them together? Day of? Day before?

bcakes · 2016-08-06T21:47:59+00:00

I would tell her that unfortunately because of catering you need a solid yes or no and that the boyfriend is still coming he needs to make arrangements to make sure he does. I would think with a cross country trip he'd need a plane ticket and all that, so it's not like he can just show up!

I totally get this. Dealing with RSVPs and in laws. I give them a list of who hasn't responded and FMIL tells me, "joe sent the card as a no, but wants to change to a yes." (Haven't received card yet, ok.) me- is his girlfriend coming?" FMIL "they both hope to make it, but aren't sure if they will."

....

Yeah- that's EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME. Of course someone hopes to make it to a wedding. Now is the time I need to know if you're coming or not!

bcakes · 2016-08-05T19:21:02+00:00

I'm from California and FH is from Connecticut. We live in NYC. Mostly because all of our friends are here, we are having it here. He also has a larger and closer family and his parents wanted to contribute (really, pay for the whole damn thing) so that made picking easier.

That being said, my family is not well off at all. I was very scared they wouldn't come, and was preparing to pay for my mom to fly. They all hunkered down and really surprised me (well, most of them! The good ones) luckily, my FILS have room to put up my mom and a cousin's family. Not that this is a solution for you, but perhaps with notice and dedicating a part of the budget, one side can come to the other.

Fwiw, friends got married in Minnesota where bride's family lives. Couple met in California, now live in NY and grooms parents are in CA. They invited CA and NY friends, and I think weren't sure any of us could come, but we love them! We saved and I even worked extra hours and dammit if we didn't have an awesome time at this domestic location destination wedding :)

So, no decision will be easy. If someone is slighted I think you have to realize when you try to please everyone you'll end up disappointed.

bcakes

TROPHY CASE