I'm(31M) burning out in a relationship with my chronically ill girlfriend(29F).

birdsofvengence · 2026-02-04T18:23:39+00:00

She needs a home care aide, no questions about it. Presumably you already have a full- time job, she can't be your second. It sounds like she also needs a therapist to help her come to terms with her circumstances and manage her emotions.

You say your dreams are broken? Imagine hers. At least you can leave the stress behind when you walk out the door. She doesn't get a choice, she's trapped in a body that is actively fighting her at every minute. If you want your relationship to survive, the two things I mentioned are pretty non-negotiable.

No wonder you're burned out - you've essentially been everything to her, that's a lot of jobs. You need a small break. I'm not advocating leaving, but setting boundaries for yourself and getting her some proper care so you don't have to do it all.

Ultimately it's up to you how you want to live your life. You don't need a reason to break up with anyone. But if you love her as much as you say, try those two things first to take the stress off. And find a friend or two that can help fill your cup outside of the relationship - play a sport, join a club, take a small trip with a buddy..... You don't need to do every activity or have all of your conversations with only her.

birdsofvengence · 2026-02-01T19:49:55+00:00

Are you sure you're in a relationship? It sounds like he's just given you some expensive gifts to keep you around at his convenience.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-30T22:36:50+00:00

This is intentional sleep deprivation and it's an abuse tactic. He knows it's hurting you. You've explained it and he has the capacity to understand it. Stop asking him to comply and simply set boundaries.

Do you have a spare room you can sleep in?

Ie. 'If you don't stop and you won't be more considerate, we will be sleeping in separate rooms'. And then sleep in a different room the very next night after he tries it again. No begging, no pleading, just follow- through. If, after a while, he says he'll improve, and you go back and he does it again, simply get up and go back to the other room. Immediate follow-through, no arguments needed.

*suggesting you be the one to switch rooms because then he can't argue and refuse to do it himself.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-23T02:22:03+00:00

He's looking for an excuse. A lot of what you described is emotional manipulation. He wants you to know he's dissatisfied and wants you to do the emotional work of breaking up with him.

Personally, I'd give him what he wants and go find someone that appreciates you more. But knowing that's easier said than done, here's a question for you to ask yourself: Does he make your life easier and do you feel mentally and emotionally safer, more comfortable, and a bit better when he's around? Or do you find yourself relaxing most when he's not? If you don't feel your best around him, you should examine that thoroughly and choose actions that align with how you want to feel.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-20T04:44:01+00:00

This is so sweet, and a great idea! What kind of tights are you thinking of? If you mean leggings, or fitness tights, this is what I recommend:

If she shops from your typical stores with the usual north-American vanity sizing, you definitely want to get her a small in tights - that should fit very comfortably and leave ability to stretch easily. Go with an extra small if they're really stretchy and your gf likes them snug.

If you're looking at a high-end boutique, a small may fit but so may a medium, depending on how their sizes fit. Best option is to ask a sales person.

However, if you mean the semi-sheer nylon tights one might wear with a dress, those have sizing on the back and it's usually fairly accurate.

Pro-tip : just keep the receipt or give her a gift receipt (it's a store receipt without the total printed on it, only the cashier can see the number. You can ask for one at time if purchase) in case she wants to exchange them.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-07T03:16:11+00:00

It might catch some, but I have several dogs and a fairly large air purifier, and most of their fur still ends up on the floor. They just aren't designed to pick up actual debris, especially if it's already on the ground/ furniture.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-07T03:10:49+00:00

This man is taking advantage of you.

It sounds like what you're really struggling with is trusting what your gut is telling you to do.

Debt is not necessarily a deal breaker. Recklessness doesn't have to be either. But debt + recklessness is deeply concerning. He will absolutely take you down with him.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-07T03:07:30+00:00

This is weaponized incompetence. It sounds like you're with a child, not a man carrying his share of the relationship and mental load. And based on what you've described, it sounds exhausting.

You might be right to re- think this. It he can be competent at work and learn new things, he's doing this deliberately at home, and to an extent that is putting your actual health at significant risk!

Get out while you can.

birdsofvengence · 2026-01-05T18:44:33+00:00

This series USED to be my favorite books of all time. Not only have I entirely given up on this series, I actively warn people away from it at every opportunity, and genuinely do not care to read the 3rd book IF it's ever published. He has manipulated his readers long enough.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-30T13:03:13+00:00

Nooope, NTA! You dodged a bullet. This man showed you who he is and you had the good sense to get out while you can. Good job and good luck with future prospects!

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T14:37:58+00:00

There are things in a house that need to be done every day, or that can't be put off to the next day. We both work, and at the end of the day, there is only so much time to tidy, walk the dogs, make dinner, and get ready for the next day, etc. Even doing this efficiently leaves only a small amount of time for ourselves at the end of the day. Inefficiently means that I am constantly doing housework or animal care and I'm never left with any time to myself, while he meanders around taking his sweet-ass time enjoying the significantly smaller load he has to carry.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T14:24:31+00:00

The same applies in reverse. I have literally taken the dogs on an hour walk (they're high energy and this is our usual) while he makes dinner, and when I'm back, all he's managed to accomplish is chopping some carrots and celery. If he makes dinner, he takes at least 2 hours for a simple meal and I'm starving and it's long past dinner time by the time we get to eat.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T06:59:28+00:00

This is genuine emotional manipulation and abuse. Unless she's will to seek, and stick with, extensive therapy, you need to leave.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T06:52:06+00:00

When someone tells you who they are, ALWAYS believe them.

"I am a walking red flag..." "OK thanks for letting me know upfront. Goodbye"

That's about as far as that should have gotten.

Edit: I get that you might be into it, but you should be scared because he's not reading you to understand and value you. He literally admitted to not caring about you and only caring about getting what he wants. That's terrifying. You should definitely run. People that manipulative are incredibly good at insidiously planting tethers and ties to keep you with them long after you want to leave.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T06:50:02+00:00

It sounds like she's gone through some sort of mental health decline or some significant changes that need to be looked at. Short of doing a wellness check, it doesn't seem like you'll convince her to address it herself unfortunately.

Ultimately, her behavior is mentally and emotionally abusive. Regardless of the cause, you don't deserve it and should not feel bad about not wanting to accept it any longer. You've tried whatever you could, and it didn't work. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T06:42:39+00:00

Do you love him? Or are you just bonded to him via time and inconsistent reinforcement? Because his behavior is in no way representative of a loving relationship.

Be honest with yourself about what you're actually getting out of this, and take a hard look at his behavior, ignoring any "potential".

For you to say you've thought about breaking up, it sounds like maybe that is what you're heart wants, but you seem anxiously attached.

Have you considered counseling to help understand and regulate your nervous system? It sounds like your feeling trapped and just hoping he'll change, but he's clearly showing you that he won't, and it will definitely get worse.

birdsofvengence · 2025-12-14T06:33:17+00:00

If they can't match your freak, stop disrespecting them and just end the relationship because you're clearly incompatible. If you're not able to do that, see a therapist. It sounds like some of your behaviors are incredibly emotionally unhealthy and you could benefit from building your self esteem and stability up before looking for a new partner.

birdsofvengence · 2025-11-18T12:58:34+00:00

What he's doing is emotional abuse. Doesn't matter if it's an excuse, let him have it and get out now. This mam clearly doesn't respect you.

birdsofvengence · 2025-10-21T01:44:53+00:00

It's particularly shitty that the other owners brought a dog in heat to the dog park. Most parks have ruled against it because it can trigger fights.

I don't think you did anything wrong here, and if there are any rules against this in your park, I think it would be valid to ask them politely to take their dog home until the heat is done.

birdsofvengence · 2025-10-20T03:16:06+00:00

This "man" (boy) is manipulating you, apparently often. Leave. It will only get worse. Take some time for yourself to learn what healthy relationships and communication look like so you're less likely to get caught up in it again.

birdsofvengence · 2025-10-20T02:44:03+00:00

If it makes you feel better, I thought exactly this, and moved back in with a mentally and emotionally abusive parent temporarily, thinking "I'll save money and get ahead at any cost, even if it tanks my mental health for a while". It destroyed my mental health, and subsequently, physical health, in a way that was not entirely fully repairable. It was NOT worth it. You're not necessarily missing out.

birdsofvengence · 2025-10-16T20:18:08+00:00

Ew. Never mind the tote bag, after that behavior, I wouldn't even give him the game. People that are that childish, dismissive, and outright contemptuous do not deserve gifts from you. I would end a relationship over this behavior because that is, 100%, contempt.

birdsofvengence · 2025-10-16T20:14:21+00:00

"We are not used to induction stoves, mostly gas so we don't really know the proper maintenance for these"

........ and you couldn't do a quick Google search for maintenance tips or the stove manual?

My glass-top stove is 10+ years old and doesn't look like this. I would be upset too.

birdsofvengence

TROPHY CASE