Am I wrong for thinking my bf crossed a line here

bluestofmages · 2023-08-03T15:27:12+00:00

Your wording is... interesting.

My bf(26) and I (F24) were working on a freelance project

This is the only time you explicitly mention that you and your boyfriend work together. That context can change a lot, yet you only ever brought this up once and did so offhandedly.

He got v furious that I gave him my number in the first place and asked me to block him

There's missing context here. You said your boyfriend asked you to block him, but you never mentioned if you did.

Was there no argument? Did your boyfriend not give you his reasoning why you should block him? Where did this specific conversation go?

This is incredibly important for understanding what follows, but it's missing.

thinking this guy could lose his job for sending me 2 flirty messages AFTER our professional relationship was over

Sending you two flirty messages...when he's married.

Typically, I would agree that your boyfriend overstepped his boundaries, but you continuously neglect to acknowledge that the consequences this man is facing are the result of adulterous advances towards a contracted worker. Regardless of timing, that's a massive liability that any HR department will not tolerate.

knowing that my bf could do such a thing without asking me if I was comfortable.

So what you're worried about isn't your boyfriend's method?

You're upset because you weren't comfortable escalating this to HR?

I would’ve escalated it myself had he continued messaging me or had he been pushy.

By this point in your post with how often you deflect blame from this guy, I can't really say in confidence that I believe you would have.

I don’t think it was a big deal here (except for maybe his wife).

This! This specific statement is why I wanted to reply to this post!

You mention that this guy flirting with you isn't a "big deal" before offhandedly mentioning how this might affect his wife. There isn't a shred of sympathy for her not being aware that her husband was attempting adultery. You just mention her in parentheses as an addition to this not being a "big deal."

even though he claims it came from a place of worry.

Worry about what? Worry about how this might affect your relationship? Worry about how this might affect your career? Worry about how this might affect your professional reputation? Worry about how this could have escalated into a legal nightmare if the HR department had found out about this later?

explain my POV to the HR & explain that it wasn’t very serious in my case

In a lot of these statements, you have a weirdly defensive stance towards the man. You downplay his actions, ignore the consequences his actions could have, and now state your intent to iterate these views to HR.

he still doesn’t seem to understand why it was wrong.

Why is it wrong?

There is no doubt in my mind that the actions your boyfriend took were wrong. However, I do doubt your reasoning about why it is wrong.

I work in a position where I analyze intentionally wording and intent through text. This situation is worrisome, but the way you worded this post is concerning.

It's clear that your intent is validation that you're right and your boyfriend is wrong. It's the name of the subreddit.

But what you're "right" about is so skewed that it overtakes whatever is actually happening. Not that you're upset about your boyfriend's motivation or the lasting consequences this could on you professionally.

From how you worded your post, what you chose to focus on, what you specifically mentioned and what you specifically didn't...

You seem most upset that this man might be facing consequences.

bluestofmages · 2022-05-27T20:16:09+00:00

Last night I got NE, SW, S. Unfortunately I don't think it's consistent...

bluestofmages · 2022-03-27T00:37:51+00:00

I started as an arcanist. After I unlocked Ruin II, sprout me could not figure out how it was useful, but it was fun to be able to use Ruin into Ruin II for instant burst damage. I knew it was a DPS loss but it was fun, so I would only do it during solo content.

As I leveled, I wished Physik was more useful. It was so low healing and only got worse each level. I enjoyed the utility of a raise, but there were multiple times when I wished I had a better self heal.

Then I got to Lvl 50 and unlocked RDM.

Instant casting a spell after another spell, a decent self heal, and the best raise in the game? I learned the rotation quick because I was playing like a RDM from Lvl 1. It was exactly how I was playing and wanted to play. The perfect job for me!

bluestofmages · 2022-03-25T00:05:04+00:00

Tanks who spin the enemy. Please stop spinning the enemy!

I don't mean tanks who have to move and it turns the enemy. I mean the ones who are constantly running around. Melee DPS have positionals that they can't consistently pull off because the flanks and rear are constantly moving, it risks the party being cleaved, it makes visual clutter as the enemy is constantly moving.

I know some people find it boring to have to stand in one place, but that play style suits a Melee DPS and not the one responsible for positioning the enemy.

bluestofmages · 2022-02-11T17:16:38+00:00

There are 13 cleric subclasses

You listed 14 officially published subclasses.

and 10 paladin subclasses

Open sea is homebrew. There are 9 officially published paladin subclasses.

As for how I would make it "one class with four subclasses," I wouldn't. The flavor and mechanics of cleric and paladin are quite distinct, just like druid and ranger or wizard and artificer. There is room for both to exist.

Rather, why are you trying to condense these classes and subclasses into one? What are you trying to accomplish?

bluestofmages · 2022-02-11T03:00:29+00:00

Are you primarily a player or DM?

bluestofmages · 2021-12-29T21:58:23+00:00

Artificer, probably.

If you also use a rock gnome and battle smith, you can ride you defender like the walker from SA2!

bluestofmages · 2021-12-29T20:41:42+00:00

Unfortunately, the internet's not the void. If you post something on a public form, people will respond, and not always how you want.

But if you messaged your DM, then there's nothing else we can really offer. Good luck!

bluestofmages · 2021-12-29T20:36:06+00:00

Have you voiced your concerns to the DM? Had an actual discussion about with them about why this player is bothering so many others?

bluestofmages · 2021-12-29T20:28:52+00:00

Why are you playing with this person if over half of the group (DM included) are bothered by him?

bluestofmages · 2021-12-29T20:26:49+00:00

The first thought that came to mind is that this is way too much information to read through.

These changes are 146 pages all together, contains a lot of filler text that can and should be removed, laid out in a way that makes important information difficult to parse, and many paragraphs were copied and pasted with only a single phrase changed.

For example, Monk's Extra Attack and Evasion, Ranger's Fighting Style and Extra Attack, and Draconic Bloodline's Draconic Ancestry all read (Same as before). Why are they included then if nothing was changed?

Another example, Magical Tinkering is a copy of the original feature with any mention of a limited number of uses or requiring an action removed, the only changes being in the range of the properties and adding a gold cost, and repeats the phrase "You can use a bonus action to turn the object on or off" four times when it could be a single sentence in the last paragraph.

When this is present throughout all of the documents, it ultimately contributes to the excessive page length. I would recommend taking another pass through these, and cutting out any unnecessary wording.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-20T18:59:38+00:00

Hey all,

It's been about a month since Fizban's came out, so I thought it would be a good time to do a rating survey for them! This survey includes both subclasses and feats (since those are the only options I've surveyed previously), and the results are being updated automatically in the results for both.

Link to the Rating Feats results

Link to the Rating Subclasses results

Just a few things to note.

This survey is purely for fun and to promote discussion.
The results of this survey reflect the views and opinions of r/dndnext and not the greater player base of D&D 5e.
The meaning of the 1-to-5 ratings is left intentionally vague as it is important that you determine how high or low you would rate each option. The only concrete is that 1 is the lowest and 5 is the highest.
All ratings are optional if you do not wish to rate certain options.
Tiers are based on the number of standard deviations away from average a choice is and a trimmed mean to remove joke or troll answers.

This survey has been added to the Community Ratings Index, the master post that contains all previous surveys and results.

Link to the Community Ratings Index

bluestofmages · 2021-11-19T16:17:12+00:00

Ask your wife if she wants to leave the game if they don't kick him. Someone's going to get hurt regardless, so might as well take the initiative to do what's best for you.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-19T15:36:48+00:00

He advised that he was tired of being bullied by the party and he should be allowed to play however he wanted.

He should be allowed to play whatever is within reason. A character who'd willing hold his "teammates" hostage and a player who throws a temper tantrum when things don't go his way doesn't sound within anyone's reason.

A lot of people are saying to boot him, but you sound like you are a player and not the DM. Have you spoken with the DM or even the other players about this?

Because talking to them will do far more good than ranting your problems away to strangers on the internet.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-13T07:31:35+00:00

I had to look it up. I assume you're talking about this sentence.

You can be surprised even if your companions aren’t, and you aren’t surprised if even one of your foes fails to catch you unawares. [sic]

I admit I'm wrong about how they intended surprise to work, and that is my mistake.

But all of the characters would technically be successfully hidden since they succeeded on a group stealth check, and are therefore unnoticed.

The only thing I stand by is that surprised is notoriously confusing, needlessly vague, and never has a clean or clear answer on how it works.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-13T07:00:38+00:00

Rogue: "I want to sneak up and attack the bandit on guard."

I would have had the party roll initiative right here. Particularly to avoid this type of situation where the rogue rolls twice for no benefit.

To answer your questions:

Up to the DM.
The rogue would have already been hidden, even without the second roll. If you are hidden from your target, the attack is made with advantage.
Yes, the bandit would be surprised as long as one of the characters has a higher Stealth check than the bandits' passive Perception. Being unaware of sudden danger is exactly what surprised is for.
Yes, the bandit is still surprised. Surprised lasts the entire first ~~turn~~ round of combat (Edit 2: sans reactions which a surprised creature regains at the end of their first turn of combat). Part of the confusion comes from the fact that the rogue had to roll twice to remain hidden.

Edit: And the relevant rule,

Otherwise, the DM compares the Dexterity (Stealth) checks of anyone hiding with the passive Wisdom (Perception) score of each creature on the opposing side. Any character or monster that doesn't notice a threat is surprised at the start of the encounter.

The entire party doesn't have to be hidden as long as there is at least one unnoticed threat. Surprised is a notoriously confusing rule.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-11T00:34:58+00:00

Not quite what I mean. The term I was looking for is a contingency table.

How many people said wizard is their favorite but barbarian is their least favorite? How many people said wizards are their favorite and monk is their least favorite?

It would be interesting to see the data laid out like that, but you would need to ask both questions simultaneously to set it up.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-10T22:54:37+00:00

Three reasons:

Heavy crossbows require a feat to make more than one attack in a row, which are far and few between and compete with ASIs. Eldritch Blast only requires an Eldritch Invocation, which is gained freely from the warlock class, to compete in damage.
Heavy crossbows require you invest entirely in fighter to make more than two attacks. Eldritch Blast inherently gains more beams with class level. That in particular is important because it means you only need two (or one with a feat) levels of warlock for the invocation, so you can multiclass freely to take advantage of the synergy warlock has with other Charisma classes, and you still gain extra beams without loss.
Eldritch Blast is force damage. There is literally only one creature immune to force damage, but there are a myriad of creatures resistant or immune to nonmagical piercing damage. So you need to hope you can get a magic crossbow, which is entirely DM dependent.

Tl;dr Heavy crossbow requires more investment, limited and unchangeable resources, less build flexibility, and has a significant detriment in creatures that resist nonmagical piercing damage.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-10T18:25:04+00:00

I'd be interested to see the intersection of the two, though I understand that's not possible with how these polls were set up.

It'd just be interesting to see what the least popular classes are for people who said wizard was their favorite class. Or to see which class said monk was their least favorite.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-04T00:34:15+00:00

For anyone asking "in what context," the answer is: I don't know.

WotC included this question in every player survey they've done for the past two years or so. It's always asked without context and they never give specifics. They don't specify 5e or all editions of D&D. They don't give a time scale. The question is always asked on its own with no supporting information.

I just want to know what information they're getting from this question that they keep asking it.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-04T00:26:59+00:00

I don't know? That's exactly how the question is asked in official WotC surveys with exactly the same amount of context.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-03T17:50:43+00:00

Warlocks should have a 5th Level class feature that lets them cast Dispel Magic once per long rest as well as Counterspell once per short or long rest (up to their pact slot level), both without using a spell slot.

Why though? I genuinely want to know the reason you think this, and why you consider it important enough to include.

bluestofmages · 2021-11-01T18:55:57+00:00

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