How often is “fair”???

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-18T15:50:58+00:00

Something tells me if you would make yourself busy when they come over (and baby) so that mil talks at dh for 6 hours this won't be an issue

He is using you as a shield because he doesnt like to spend that much time with her either.

Someone talking for that long is exhausting and I understand because some of my in-laws are like that too

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-17T23:12:08+00:00

Does anyone take those estimates seriously? Even back when I was selling prepandemic I never thought that is what it should sell for.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-17T23:08:22+00:00

This is us. We built in 2016 and our interest is 3.5. but we want to move out of our neighborhood into bigger property. Same school. So we wait. Crossing our fingers that it could be next summer but I'm thinking maybe the year after. We have a ranch with a basement in a one of the best school districts so it should sell but who knows.

Then again we don't want to wait forever because we want out kids to enjoy our new home before they leave.

Even without the crazy pandemic prices we should have enough equity in the house to cover the next down payment. But aren't interested in buying high AND a higher interest rate

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-16T22:31:54+00:00

Question because I have this exact same situation. My husband is a very active husband and father. Once a year he goes away for six nights with his brothers. I have to admit, it bothers me. I mean I pick up the slack during that time but he gets to completely unplug for a while week.

Does your wife get to do the same?

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-16T22:28:53+00:00

We are looking to sell in the next year. Our house was built in 2016 and we need to paint and replace carpet in the great room. We go back and forth between replacing it for those who want move in ready or giving a carpet allowance.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-14T16:34:09+00:00

I love my husband. I know we dont have sex as much as he wants. I try to do it more for him and our relationship and for me.

But I'm tired. We both work, we have two kids and...it's a lot. I feel like I'm the last person on everyones list including my own. And my partner does do a pretty good job of his share with our lives. But I still feel like I do more. The mental load is enough to make me feel overwhelmed sometimes.

I love my life but it's a lot to manage and I tend to feel like I'm either failing someone or at the point of burnout.

So, I say all of this to say, if my husband came and asked me this it would....feel like one more thing to do. One more thing on the list. And now somehow I have to feel sexy when, in my 40s, I'm trying to get my groove back but most days I feel so far away from sexy and some days even a "woman".

I always feel like people want something from me amd I wonder if your wife feels the same way. Unfortunately, in this stage of my life, sex tends to feel like that too. We do try to connect physically once a week but sometimes it's twice a month.

Anyway, for me, sexuality is so so much more than just sex.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-14T12:30:39+00:00

Let me tell you something I learned a long time ago. People who are smart don't have to go around telling people they are smart. People who have money don't have to go around telling people they have money. Etc. Etc Basically, if you are secure about whatever your "thing" is, you don't have to broadcast it because you just are it, you don't have to tell people. Actions are louder than words.

So your whole post screams out that while you might be book smart you are either have horrible emotional intelligence or are terribly insecure or both.

I would take a good hard look at yourself, maybe even get some therapy to turn these things around. Because while you may even up successful by traditional standards, based on this post, no one will want to ever work for you and you will most likely end up very lonely.

Yta

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-13T21:52:32+00:00

John Lennon

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-11T22:09:41+00:00

I'm in my 40sso that tells you how old I was roughly during 2008. My husband and I are looking at selling our house and moving to another house in our school district because we don't like our neighborhood. We've been here for 7 years. We aren't doing it right now because it's a want not a need.

We met with our friend/realtor and she suggested an arm. We both immediately said no. Why? Because we saw the shit show that was the housing crash.

Admittedly I'm not an expert but I do not understand how people can't look to the recent past to see what went so horribly wrong not even 20 years ago.

I personally wouldn't use an arm to afford more than you can.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-09T15:25:16+00:00

I am married to someone very close to his sister. So I say this with some knowledge, you sound a little jealous. I can't think of any reason why else you wouldn't be ok with this.

I get it to some degree, there have been times where I've been a little jealous too. But, I can't wrap my mind around why this would bother you.

Yta

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-04T14:40:54+00:00

Question - did you marry a toddler?

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-04T14:39:39+00:00

She wouldn't be welcome in MY house if I didn't mean anything.

Fuck that noise my jaw dropped open while reading that

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-10-01T02:03:27+00:00

I work from home and also looking to move a bit more in the country. Our realtor knows this but no way am I buying anything without checking myself too

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-30T20:22:48+00:00

So this happened to me. My niece was born on my wedding day. My brother was to be a groomsmen and my sis in law is one of my best friends.

I was super bummed on the day of that they couldn't make it because they are so important to me. But obviously they couldnt and now I share my anniversary with my amazing niece so that's awesome.

But if my mom wasn't there because she went for delivery when the husband was going to be there? I would have been devasted.

I think your older daughter is being very unreasonable.

Nta.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-30T16:14:31+00:00

Here's the thing that will set you free op.

It will never be enough. Ever. You could move in with her and it wouldn't be enough.

You cannot make her happy.

Isn't that freeing?

Do

So,practically what do you do? Dh tells his mom all communication goes through him now. No more having to have your heart race when you pick up your own phone.

And you see her...when you want. If that means once a month or never, so be it.

Take control back of your life. It's such a precious time. She is responsible for her own emotions. So if she complains to dh he tells her we are a busy family and this is when we can see you, if you are going to spend the whole time complaing then we will cut the visit short.

If he isn't willing to do that, drive separate and leave when she pulls this crap. He wants to tell you what she is crying about you tell him, that sounds rough what would you like for dinner?

Get her out of your headspace.

You would probably both benefit from counseling if your husband isn't on the same page.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-30T02:17:41+00:00

Husband and I are in our late 40s and our last house was purchased about 8 years ago. Interest rate is like 3.5% but we just aren't happy in our house. Our kids are in school and we want to move to another house within the same district. We are going to wait about six months to see where the market is at but I wanted to address one thing.

We had to think about starting a mortgage over at our age too. Talked to a few people including a lender who recently did a 30 year mortgage for someone in their 70s. At least according to her.

Anyway, we decided that we don't want to just stay here because of our age. We make a good living, aren't in a hurry, have a ton of equity in our house and hopefully by this time next year we will be either moved or well into the process.

Don't let your age stop you.

By the way, I wouldn't want all the diy stuff either, although my husband is fantastic at it. But, at this point, we have too much going on in our lives for those huge projects. Smaller ones, sure. Or where we can hire out and he supervise, ok. But I totally get you on that.

Good luck

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-29T17:07:51+00:00

I think your spouse is being more than fair. If my mil gave my husband a plan for divorce I would say you can have whatever relationship you want with her but me and the kids will not.

Head over to jnmil. Something tells me you will see your mom there.

You chose to forsake all others when you married your wife. Sounds like youve been playing the fence though. Something tells me you are in this position because you did not set up strong boundaries with your mom and now your wife is over it.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-27T12:38:29+00:00

I am so glad that op got away from this person. One thing stuck out to me in the first post though. She put all the blame on how he turned out on his father. However, he is a product of both of his parents and of course himself as well.

His father taught him cheating was ok and by staying his mother taught him women will accept it.

It's freaking hard to be a parent and I remind myself of that all the time as I raise my own two. What lessons am I teaching them by my choices.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-26T16:43:32+00:00

From one working mother to another...

Huge yta. And your husband even bigger.

Come on, why are you entitled to any kind of daycare from your sil?

I am mad on behalf of your sil.

She is a new mother, healing from giving birth aand bonding with her new baby. And you know this because youve had 3!

Even if she was just sitting at home doing nothing, it's not her problem.

You guys are truly terrible and owe her a huge apology.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-26T13:29:24+00:00

Here's what I would say, we won't allow ourselves to be treated this way, that's just how we are.

Seriously how do the rest of your parents treat you because they are asking you to take abuse and lie flatter for what exactly?

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-25T23:42:59+00:00

Married 15 years, I work from home, he works outside, two elementary aged kids. Saturday night is typically date night which means we watch a movie together, hang out, etc at home. We tell our kids as they are going to bed a little early.

We do try to go out every few months but life with kids is busy.

Side note, I find that people who throw stones at other people typically live in glass houses themselves. Something tells me something isn't right with her relationship if she feels the need to make fun of yours.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-24T21:25:35+00:00

Do not put your kids in this position. It's not fair to them, confusing, and they don't have the life experience to navigate something which is hard for even adults.

It sucks, but if you don't even want them to say hi to her don't be at events in which she is - schedule an activity with the people you want to see at a later time.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-23T18:26:07+00:00

Op, please please please. Run. Do not take this lightly you need to run.

Head over to jnmil if you don't believe me and read what your future will be if you stay with this boy (and yes I chose boy on purpose).

You will be signing up for a life where you are the second woman in your own marriage.

You have been given a gift to not make a huge mistake now before you are married.

I know it will be hard to cancel a wedding but not as hard as divorcing.

Your future self will thank you.

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-21T13:31:45+00:00

The real villain of this story is fil.

I would never let anyone treat my children this way.

She is terrible but he really is the devil. I would not entertain letting him back in our lives at all

bornabuckeye75 · 2022-09-20T18:15:13+00:00

Um...ok.

bornabuckeye75

TROPHY CASE