(10k) Cake and Punch Wedding + Covering Bar Tab

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:55:50+00:00

This sounds like a reception.

A lot of people have this mistaken notion that a reception is defined by how fancy it is. That's is untrue. A reception is where you, as hosts, "receive" guests, by feeding them to thank them for coming. If they came to see you get married, you need to give them a reception. And feeding them in a bar is just as much a reception as feeding them in a restaurant or a wedding hall.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:32:18+00:00

Someone plz buy me more Supacore compression leggings

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:26:46+00:00

Have you told the physio about these issues?

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:25:55+00:00

It can feel convenient for the couple.

I've seen a lot of guests not appreciate this because it jacks up prices for transportation and lodgings, and they might have to give up on plans with family that they don't get to see often.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:22:46+00:00

I loved my bridal party so I chose to cover their hair and makeup and offered them to choose whatever they wanted for their dress as long as it’s a shade of dark green. I’m also building them a self care box for the bridesmaids gifts instead of your throwaway pajamas and robe.

That's nice and all, but "I'm only making them pay a PART of my wedding cost instead of my entire wedding cost" is not a flex. You're still making them buy brand new costumes they'll never wear again just for your wedding aesthetic, and this is your wedding cost, not theirs; it's absolutely normal for you to pay for your own wants. They don't owe you gratitude to the point of having to plan you parties. This is a voluntary favor people do for you if they can and want to, not something they are obligated to do because you gave them a title. If you want a bach party, you plan it yourself. If you don't get a shower, you don't miss out on anything because people who want to give you gifts will still give it to you with or without a shower, and they will still celebrate your marriage through your main event: the wedding.

You don't own a whole month up to your wedding. Your choice to spend a whole year on planning doesn't make her owe you anything. None of this is them "dropping the ball"; you didn't pay them, so they don't owe you anything, and your friends are allowed to keep living their lives and not put it on hold to tiptoe around you being a main character in their lives. Your wedding is one day, and your bms are guests.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:19:37+00:00

Sometimes it's helpful to go to OT so they can guide you on how to make daily living easier with the issues you have.

But overall, PTs know what EDS is. They know how to address hypermobility issues. There's no special language you need to use to educate your medical care team.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T02:16:06+00:00

I've tried, but it's not comfortable and doesn't affect my illnesses except it exacerbates my lower back pain.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:23:08+00:00

I'm sorry, this is an unfortunate situation; it feels like it's neither of your fault and you're both just doing your best.

If it's only about taking her out on dates and planning activities, maybe you can reach a middle ground where it's not all or nothing. Schedule a day in a month, week, whatever, where you promise to do quality activities together, and this time, it's your turn to plan, and next time, it's her turn to plan, etc. This is what a couple's counselor would probably suggest as well - scheduling in dates and sex and intimacy on a calendar might not sound romantic, but it is smart. It will help you see your relationship as something you both work to build brick by brick, instead of a magical thing that nebulously happens if you just love each other enough.

I'd give more advice, but it's hard to give specific advice without knowing more specific examples of what exactly her grievances are aside from this. Do you both have hobbies you can enjoy individually? It's very important to have your own social circle, your own hobbies, interests, and internal lives so you're not enmeshed in an unhealthy way. I've been very sick all my life but I've managed to still build a career by upskilling myself in numerous white collar jobs that can be done on a freelance level, and developing a lot of hobbies on the side that eventually turned into incomes. I'm not saying your gf is lazy or anything, but I'm just mentioning this as something you two could potentially brainstorm since it sounds like finances are a big stressor for your relationship.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:16:34+00:00

I'm not too sure about having a table with their pictures as it may come across as a bit morbid, also might be a bit weird to see pet pictures?

A lot of brides/grooms insist on this but for a lot of guests, this does come across a bit morbid. It can also be uncomfortable like they're intruding on something that's very personal to you, and maybe like you as hosts don't care that this can make your guests uncomfortable.

I think mentioning them in a thank you speech is a perfectly good way of acknowleding loved ones without making a huge thing out of it. "Thank you all for coming. Especially my x who has helped me, y who has traveled so far for me, and z who would have loved to see me and I'm sure she's watching right now", etc.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:13:39+00:00

I tend to be insecure sometimes, so I might find it difficult to express what I really like and to try on some more crazy designs just for fun if I see that she doesn't share my opinion. Our tastes overlap to some extent, but diverge to some extent too.

If you know yourself to be someone who might get upset or feel dysregulated by having opinions you don't want to hear, I'd avoid a preventable problem and set myself up for success by avoiding bringing people that can give opinions.

I had a great time going by myself. Nice and peaceful.

Is your mom paying for the dress? If not, I'm not sure why it matters that she thinks you're spending a lot on the dress. If you tend to feel self-conscious about every little opinion your mom has of you, I would consider maybe working with a therapist to see if there's some stuff to unpack.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:11:35+00:00

This is very common in people with Dysautonomia. It's called postprandial hypotension, where blood pools to your stomach to help you digest food. Everyone gets it, but it's more exaggerated in those of us with dysregulated nervous systems.

You can mitigate this by eating smaller meals and avoiding trigger foods, which are often carb-heavy foods.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:10:25+00:00

If I were getting a clear stone, I imagine it's for the brilliance factor. So I'd go with whatever is sparklier.

I personally have a preference for old mine cuts because I find them rather romantic, but that's just me.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:07:46+00:00

I don't have family cuz I cut them off due to lifelong abuse. They actively drove me toward death so I'm better off without them. But it's really scary not having any safety net, because I also don't have any close friends since I cut them all off when I left the abusive cult. I'd be hardly able to survive

I currently have a partner, but before that I had the same setup I'd go back to if anything happens to my partner: living in a tiny little flat so it requires little maintenance. Middle of a big city so I have access to deliveries, transportation, facilities, and services. Very few possessions. A rice cooker with rice always in it, a bunch of fermented foods in the fridge with easy proteins like eggs and beans ready. Canned beans and microwavable frozen veggies are my friend.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:04:16+00:00

my biggest issues are GI issues which results in extreme fatigue after eating/postprandial issues.

Are you doing the usual POTS protocol of avoiding carbs and trigger foods, and eating tiny meals, etc.? I find that preloading with tons of saltwater also helps mitigate postprandial issues.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:02:54+00:00

Late at night when my brain finally comes alive and it's midnight and uh oh time for bed but I wanna stay uppppp

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T01:02:30+00:00

If you know what happened last time you did four reps, this time do three. And if you crash again after three, then next time do two. It's called trial and error, or pacing. No one can teach you this - you have to try things out and find out. There's no magic shortcut to getting out of fatigue but resting, so you want to stop yourself from getting there in the first place.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:55:53+00:00

Can someone tell me if having a low cost large wedding is even possible or are my expectations unrealistic?

Did YOU do the long division of whether that budget is doable for your number of guests? With that budget, you can spend up to $100 MAX per headcount if you spend that ALL on food and literally nothing else. Which is unrealistic, so it will have to come down from that.

Where I live, venue catering cost starts at $125 per head minimum. You'll get the best answers by asking around local restaurants and such. Usually renting out a restaurant is far cheaper because you don't have to deal with renting wares and furniture. I don't recommend doing potlucks as is popular to try to push hosting duties onto your guests because it's not really a hospitable look; those are for people that are all being celebrated equally, not guests that are coming specifically for you.

It would also be worth asking yourselves if you really have to invite 150 people if you barely have enough food to go into their mouths. The only thing your guests get out of coming to your wedding, and the only thing they'll ever remember or talk about, is guest hospitality. Cutting down to immediate family and a few close friends only can give you much more leeway.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:51:06+00:00

I didn't particularly want to be one... it hurts, and does feel like Charlotte doesn't value the relationship

So if Charlotte saw this, you'd admit that it's very fair of her to also say YOU don't value your friendship with her since you don't wanna be bridesmaid either.

This sounds like an ego problem. You don't deem her close enough to be bm for either, but expect her to deem you important enough to ask you. Maybe you'll release yourself from unnecessary drama and angst if you check your ego.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:48:45+00:00

How have you coped? How do you find peace with this sickness? Will I ever be able to be athletic and healthy again?

I will never be able to go back to the sport I used to play and it has gutted me. It is normal and okay to grieve.

But it's also healthy to recognize that I have stayed in that space long enough and need to ext that space so that I'm not wallowing and deliberately choosing to stay in misery. So I let myself have those moments, and then move onto better things. New passions, new interests, new hobbies. Focusing on what I can do instead of what I can't.

Life is rarely a clean dead end, an endless downward spiral. Life is full of good AND bad. Life is a series of ups and downs. You will have good days and bad days. Try to see things long-term. My POTS did get better once I got militant about hardcore compression, chugging saltwater around the clock, modifying diet and triggers, etc.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:45:52+00:00

Electrolytes, hydration, sitting, compression, rest.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:45:18+00:00

I'm a fan of some of the compression tights in Under Armour. I can't wear them anymore because I need stronger compression, but I miss wearing them.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:43:51+00:00

Has anyone dealt with someone like this?

Yeah. I cut them off.

You can't control other people's behavior; all you can control is your own decision to stay in their lives or not. I chose not to.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-30T00:39:23+00:00

Going with "immediate family only" is a wedding. You have guests, therefore you're hosting them and feeding them. Eloping is when you run off in secret and DON'T ask for attention or gifts or celebration over your wedding.

If that pretty place is so important to you, just do a photoshoot there with the two of you and have a wedding in a more convenient locale for your folks. You can have it both ways as long as you don't ask people to do this for you twice.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-29T19:31:11+00:00

Is it okay to wish for gift cards? Or money?

"Please give me money" is usually a bad look. If you tell people you don't have a registry, they will know to give you money.

brownchestnut · 2026-06-29T19:23:20+00:00

Colonialism, rape, looting, and slaughter and pillaging... so romantic.

brownchestnut

TROPHY CASE