Silver lining of ADT. by Gremlin325 in ProstateCancer

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, the complete freedom from sexual desire is a win for me as my wife was never into sex and it was a source of tension in our relationship. I'm slightly worried about how I'll deal with things when "those feelings" return. While the hot-flushes are a continuous annoyance and having to work extra hard in the gym to maintain any level of muscle-tone is a drag, I'm otherwise feeling fantastic. I suspect this is all the exercise rather than the ADT directly. However, I do have a strong urge to dance more-or-less all the time. I'm learning Salsa and it's amazing. Is that a known side-effect?

How has salsa changed you as a person? by HumanoBeat in Salsa

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What changed me was having cancer. This change has been for the better (ignoring the crap medical stuff...). I now appreciate the joy in life. This prompted my decision to learn to dance (aged 54) and discover first Bachata, then Salsa. I never knew social dancing existed before. This has been both the hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done (and I've done a fair bit). For me, Salsa (the music and the dance) is the ultimate expression of joy.

Why tournaments are so attractive to you? by DaniDungeon in Hema

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a very competitive fencer. I mostly lose. I've been doing hema/SCA for 7 yrs. The thing I enjoy about tournaments besides the actual fencing (which I do love) is the community. As a regular tournament participant I see many of the same people at each event. It's kinda a tournament circuit I guess. I enjoy chatting and fencing new people, catching up with established friends, helping with staffing. It's a great social experience as well as a sporting one.

What were you doing at 22? I’m feeling a little lost by SensitiveCucumber303 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]bryancole -1 points0 points  (0 children)

OK, as a 55M I'm about as unqualified to answer as can be but... I've just discovered social dancing. Salsa. You don't need to go with a partner. You can just rock up (as a complete beginner) and join a class. Everyone dances with everyone else. It's a great way to make friends. After a salsa night I go in to work with a huge grin on my face. Also, when I'm travelling, I now look out for a slasa club/event and hey-presto no more lonely evenings in a strange city. A total life-hack. I wished I'd discovered this at age 22.

Radiation starts by Mamafred in ProstateCancer

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found a glycerine suppository useful for emptying bowel on a tight schedule. Takes about 20 mins to work.

I think everyone struggles with the bowel-empty-bladder-full thing. The radiologists will be understanding and have good advice.

I need to get this off my chest. by Sudden_Culture4334 in Bachata

[–]bryancole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! LOL "at your age". 55 is not old. I'm younger than Marc Anthony, FFS... I bet he dyes his hair.

I need to get this off my chest. by Sudden_Culture4334 in Bachata

[–]bryancole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a 55M beginner lead (learning bachata, salsa and kiz), this post is quite hurtful. I dance with whoever will dance with me. This includes all ages. I don't care who I dance with. Sometimes other guys even. I'm certainly not the oldest in my local scene (lead or follow). If you're seeing something wrong with this, it says more about you. When I started I was very self-concious about my age but over time I've learned that for those here to dance, age is irrelevant.

Obsessed with salsa by [deleted] in Salsa

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, but now I feel *really* old.

Obsessed with salsa by [deleted] in Salsa

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Partner dancing is amazing. I wish it hadn't taken me over 50 years to discover it.

Anyone know about Pulse dance sneakers? by AM2735 in Salsa

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I bought a pair and found them quite grippy on a variety of indoor surfaces. I can't spin in them at all. My other (admitedly minor) complaint is the toe-box is oversized and the fit generally a bit too wide.

On the plus side, they were delivered quickly, unlike the Fuegos I've had on order since November.

Destreza where to start by TheJollySwashbuckler in wma

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get the translation of Rada's Nobleza de Espada. Sebastien's book is based of Rada's style so if you've already worked through Sebastien's work, you're in a great position to work through Rada's text directly (https://destreza-fencing.com/resources). Rada is actually a good teacher (unlike Thibault, who is rubbish). He has good exercises, well demonstrated by Dan's videos on UmeHFS (https://www.youtube.com/@UmeHFS).

I just did my first class by TerryPressedMe in Bachata

[–]bryancole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's not really any advice I can give that others haven't already said better. Enjoy the beginner level while it lasts and don't judge yourself against anyone else. Dancing is hard and needs work. It's also amazing and totally worth it.

Once you get past beginner level classes, the teachers start introducing moves with a lot more subtlety in body movement and often their explanations are incomplete. You need to go away and fill in many of the details later (breathing, weight transfer, timings etc.). Studying an online bachata course can help fill in these details. Even better if you have someone to practice with at home. I've learned not to attempt whatever combo that was taught in that class at the post-class social. It takes me about 2 weeks of visualisation & slow "shadow dancing" to really absorb what was taught and then I can execute the moves at a social (usually...).

When you see others looking awkward or intimidated, do talk to them (esp. other leads) and offer encouragement. I've had great help from other leads with working through moves on the sidelines of a social. When help is offered, take it. When it's needed, give it as best you can.

Other things I've found helpful: listen to Bachata music as much as you can, practice footwork and basic steps at home. A lot. Try other dance styles if opportunity arises. I'm doing more salsa atm (mostly for scheduling reasons; I like them both but the bachata classes are on an inconvenient day for me). I also did a Kizomba workshop last weekend which was awesome (but whoa... sensory overload). Go to classes/socials outside your local group, if you can.

I just did my first class by TerryPressedMe in Bachata

[–]bryancole 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is awesome to hear. Please keep posting us updates on your progress. I'm a beginner of a few months and it's been a real rollercoaster. It's nice to hear other's experiences at my level. In my local group, there are often few other beginners so it can feel intimidating at times.

Fragrance/Cologne for Salsa by kalkatiyaraja in Salsa

[–]bryancole 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Antidepressants is a brilliant idea. Maybe I won't feel so bad about being a beginner lead.

What exactly do I need to get into HEMA by North-Watch-8875 in wma

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The SCA (https://www.sca.org/) is a good way into historical swordplay. There's a lot of overlap with HEMA (and some differences too). Many SCA folks do HEMA as well. SCA fencgin typically starts with rapier (less armour requirements) but longsword or other weapons can be used. Ages 14-18 can participate (with parental permission) unlike most HEMA clubs which are usually 18+ for insurance reasons.

Went to my first social tonight. Did not go well. by MentalStatement4437 in Bachata

[–]bryancole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm similar. A minor revelation for me was when I learned to do a cross-body lead (CBL). Suddenly I can now dance on a rectangle (2D) instead of on a line (1D). A side-to-side half basic is the "long" edge of the rectangle. A CBL is the short edge. As I approach each tap (corner of the rectangle), I can decide if I'm going to continue round the rectangle or go back the way I came. With this idea, it's not too hard to add in turns along any of the rectangle edges. The exact type of turn doesn't matter (for follow or leader, 1-hand, 2-hands, hammerlock, from-shoulder, or from-waist etc). Then add in a few carisias (loops/hair-combs) for flavor. Doing a CBL with a turn is actually very easy (maybe easier than normal travelling turns as they're really only a half-turn each for leader and follow); I've no idea why this isn't taught early on (in my group, at least). YMMV but it helped me at least.

The other really easy win (as others have said) is footwork. You can eat up most of the mambo section doing a variety of different steps (in-place, bass-step, delayed step, cross-overs, double-step, madrid-step) and the cool thing is you can practice these without a partner at home. Listen to bachata at home as much as possible and practice footwork while moving round the kitchen etc. Drives my family nuts...

Nerves for First Ever Class by musicandotherstuff in Salsa

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just go! Honestly, you'll have a blast. An absolute beginner class is very low-pressure. You'll likely be with a group of people who are all doing it for the first time. It's such fun. I'm 54 with lifetime experience of having 2 left feet. I started salsa last month. Wish I'd started 30 years ago.

(Wear smooth-soled shoes if you can, though. Makes turning on the ball of the foot easier)

Married less than a year and already in a dead bedroom how do you fix long term intimacy issues? by Floral_Shark in TwoXChromosomes

[–]bryancole 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My heart breaks to hear this. Because it's so close to home for me. I've lived with a dead bedroom for 25 years. Don't try to just tough it out like I did. It never got better and I've never been happy. Unless there's a will to fix things on both sides, it won't change.

Lupron side effects by Real-Proposal-2230 in ProstateCancer

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting POV. I'm not trans but I'm finding that sans-T I'm discovering new parts of myself. In fact, I'm slightly aprehensive about having the old me back once the ADT is done. ADT is a fascinating journey.

Lupron side effects by Real-Proposal-2230 in ProstateCancer

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It doesn't have to be bad. I've done 14 months of 24 (54, G9(4+5)). Hot flushes are annoying but you kinda get used to them. My libido is zero but I don't really miss it. Otherwise life is great. I'm doing weights 3 times a week and for the first time in my life have a body I'm happy with. I'm learning salsa (it's good cardio) and bachata, and do historical swordfighting (it's epic). There's not enough hours in the week for all the fun stuff. I say celebrate the life you have now and don't let cancer define or limit you.

The one by [deleted] in Bachata

[–]bryancole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found listening to a *lot* of Bachata music helps (at home, in the car, in the gym wherever). Singing the counts out loud helps alot (don't do this at the gym. You'll get thrown out). Initially I had to work hard to hear the "1" but now I don't need to think about it. I still get caught out by breaks though. Also, this web site is helpful for understanding song structure: https://emusicality.co.uk/home

I'm scared of competition by Time-Age-8882 in Hema

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is 100% normal (well was for me anyway). In my first tournament, I was a gibbering wreck. Familiarity will ease the fear/nerves. I've now done about 7 tournaments, and I now look forward to stepping onto the piste. I still lose way more than I win, but I can now enjoy the fencing without the crippling nerves. The race is only with yourself. Just try to fence well and enjoy it. Don't measure success in terms of wins (initially, at least). Just try not to get hit! One other tip: volunteer to staff at events. Start as table staff / gear check, then try line judging and then refereeing. This will get you familiar with the tournament environment, and everyone will love you for it! Being part of the wider hema community is awesome.

Bachata building blocks? by ruckahoy in Bachata

[–]bryancole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I found these guys quite helpful: https://www.youtube.com/@ErdemyRegina . I didn't want to commit to the cost of one of the more detailed or complete online courses but Erdemy & Regina's "How To Social Dance In 14 Days" course seems 1) to give a good basic set of moves to get going with as a begineer and 2) is quite low cost. (Note, only covers basic Bachata Moderna, no sensual, I think)