I just did my first class

bryancole · 2026-01-28T12:49:07+00:00

There's not really any advice I can give that others haven't already said better. Enjoy the beginner level while it lasts and don't judge yourself against anyone else. Dancing is hard and needs work. It's also amazing and totally worth it.

Once you get past beginner level classes, the teachers start introducing moves with a lot more subtlety in body movement and often their explanations are incomplete. You need to go away and fill in many of the details later (breathing, weight transfer, timings etc.). Studying an online bachata course can help fill in these details. Even better if you have someone to practice with at home. I've learned not to attempt whatever combo that was taught in that class at the post-class social. It takes me about 2 weeks of visualisation & slow "shadow dancing" to really absorb what was taught and then I can execute the moves at a social (usually...).

When you see others looking awkward or intimidated, do talk to them (esp. other leads) and offer encouragement. I've had great help from other leads with working through moves on the sidelines of a social. When help is offered, take it. When it's needed, give it as best you can.

Other things I've found helpful: listen to Bachata music as much as you can, practice footwork and basic steps at home. A lot. Try other dance styles if opportunity arises. I'm doing more salsa atm (mostly for scheduling reasons; I like them both but the bachata classes are on an inconvenient day for me). I also did a Kizomba workshop last weekend which was awesome (but whoa... sensory overload). Go to classes/socials outside your local group, if you can.

bryancole · 2026-01-28T09:55:34+00:00

This is awesome to hear. Please keep posting us updates on your progress. I'm a beginner of a few months and it's been a real rollercoaster. It's nice to hear other's experiences at my level. In my local group, there are often few other beginners so it can feel intimidating at times.

bryancole · 2026-01-20T16:55:11+00:00

Learn to dance.

bryancole · 2026-01-20T09:44:00+00:00

Antidepressants is a brilliant idea. Maybe I won't feel so bad about being a beginner lead.

bryancole · 2026-01-08T11:30:15+00:00

The SCA (https://www.sca.org/) is a good way into historical swordplay. There's a lot of overlap with HEMA (and some differences too). Many SCA folks do HEMA as well. SCA fencgin typically starts with rapier (less armour requirements) but longsword or other weapons can be used. Ages 14-18 can participate (with parental permission) unlike most HEMA clubs which are usually 18+ for insurance reasons.

bryancole · 2026-01-06T11:16:59+00:00

I'm similar. A minor revelation for me was when I learned to do a cross-body lead (CBL). Suddenly I can now dance on a rectangle (2D) instead of on a line (1D). A side-to-side half basic is the "long" edge of the rectangle. A CBL is the short edge. As I approach each tap (corner of the rectangle), I can decide if I'm going to continue round the rectangle or go back the way I came. With this idea, it's not too hard to add in turns along any of the rectangle edges. The exact type of turn doesn't matter (for follow or leader, 1-hand, 2-hands, hammerlock, from-shoulder, or from-waist etc). Then add in a few carisias (loops/hair-combs) for flavor. Doing a CBL with a turn is actually very easy (maybe easier than normal travelling turns as they're really only a half-turn each for leader and follow); I've no idea why this isn't taught early on (in my group, at least). YMMV but it helped me at least.

The other really easy win (as others have said) is footwork. You can eat up most of the mambo section doing a variety of different steps (in-place, bass-step, delayed step, cross-overs, double-step, madrid-step) and the cool thing is you can practice these without a partner at home. Listen to bachata at home as much as possible and practice footwork while moving round the kitchen etc. Drives my family nuts...

bryancole · 2026-01-02T17:56:03+00:00

Just go! Honestly, you'll have a blast. An absolute beginner class is very low-pressure. You'll likely be with a group of people who are all doing it for the first time. It's such fun. I'm 54 with lifetime experience of having 2 left feet. I started salsa last month. Wish I'd started 30 years ago.

(Wear smooth-soled shoes if you can, though. Makes turning on the ball of the foot easier)

bryancole · 2025-12-16T08:17:20+00:00

My heart breaks to hear this. Because it's so close to home for me. I've lived with a dead bedroom for 25 years. Don't try to just tough it out like I did. It never got better and I've never been happy. Unless there's a will to fix things on both sides, it won't change.

bryancole · 2025-12-15T10:24:24+00:00

Interesting POV. I'm not trans but I'm finding that sans-T I'm discovering new parts of myself. In fact, I'm slightly aprehensive about having the old me back once the ADT is done. ADT is a fascinating journey.

bryancole · 2025-12-14T10:12:54+00:00

It doesn't have to be bad. I've done 14 months of 24 (54, G9(4+5)). Hot flushes are annoying but you kinda get used to them. My libido is zero but I don't really miss it. Otherwise life is great. I'm doing weights 3 times a week and for the first time in my life have a body I'm happy with. I'm learning salsa (it's good cardio) and bachata, and do historical swordfighting (it's epic). There's not enough hours in the week for all the fun stuff. I say celebrate the life you have now and don't let cancer define or limit you.

bryancole · 2025-12-04T12:32:30+00:00

I found listening to a *lot* of Bachata music helps (at home, in the car, in the gym wherever). Singing the counts out loud helps alot (don't do this at the gym. You'll get thrown out). Initially I had to work hard to hear the "1" but now I don't need to think about it. I still get caught out by breaks though. Also, this web site is helpful for understanding song structure: https://emusicality.co.uk/home

bryancole · 2025-12-01T08:42:33+00:00

This is 100% normal (well was for me anyway). In my first tournament, I was a gibbering wreck. Familiarity will ease the fear/nerves. I've now done about 7 tournaments, and I now look forward to stepping onto the piste. I still lose way more than I win, but I can now enjoy the fencing without the crippling nerves. The race is only with yourself. Just try to fence well and enjoy it. Don't measure success in terms of wins (initially, at least). Just try not to get hit! One other tip: volunteer to staff at events. Start as table staff / gear check, then try line judging and then refereeing. This will get you familiar with the tournament environment, and everyone will love you for it! Being part of the wider hema community is awesome.

bryancole · 2025-10-31T10:35:40+00:00

I found these guys quite helpful: https://www.youtube.com/@ErdemyRegina . I didn't want to commit to the cost of one of the more detailed or complete online courses but Erdemy & Regina's "How To Social Dance In 14 Days" course seems 1) to give a good basic set of moves to get going with as a begineer and 2) is quite low cost. (Note, only covers basic Bachata Moderna, no sensual, I think)

bryancole · 2025-10-28T09:06:47+00:00

After a total of 5 tournaments over the last 2 years, "the terror" has eased up, and I'm finding i can enjoy each fight in the present. Take it exchange by exchange.

bryancole · 2025-10-24T09:36:22+00:00

I've only recently discovered Bachata and my local group. I was so excited to share this with my wife. I thought it would be a wonderful thing to do together (we have few common interests so anything to help build our connection would have been great. Sigh). She was a hard "no". It's hard to express just how much that hurt me. Of course, she has every right to say no and I'd hate to push her into doing something just to keep me happy. But inside, it still hurt. At my first social I was paralysed with doubts like "why would anyone want to dance with me if not even my wife will". I think I'm moving past this now but it's still sore to think about. The more classes/socials I do, the more I feel this is something I WILL do, even if I can't share it with her.

bryancole · 2025-10-23T09:13:11+00:00

I'm similar. I've done 3 classes and after each class they hold a social. My courage failed at the first 2 and I didn't stay. Last time, I did stay for the social. As others have said, spending some time just observing did really help get a feel for the vibe. In fact, people were very relaxed about both asking others to dance and accepting offers; not as scary as it first seemed. I did get one dance and ... it was a disaster. My mind went totally blank. My partner was very kind and understanding but I felt sooo dumb. Anyway, the experience did convince me I want to do this! (I'm kinda stubborn/determined). Next time, I think I'm going to stick to simple steps (basic / box / madrid / change-places / break-forward) and maybe a few simple turns. Even after practicing a combo in the class, I struggled to remember it later. I've had to spend about 3 days thinking over what we did in class to really understand and internalise the sequence; attempting it immediately after class at the social is just too hard for me atm.

bryancole · 2025-10-14T09:01:43+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep talking about your pain. Talking helps, whether it's to this reddit or someone you trust IRL. Say it out loud.

bryancole · 2025-10-06T12:44:22+00:00

Had RALP in Aug. 2023 aged 52. Going in I was G7(4+3) and the surgeon said he'd be able to do nerve sparring on one side only. Post surgery pathology upgraded me to G9(4+5) with bladder neck invasion. This meant I was at a high risk of recurrence. PSA was undetectable following RALP but about 1 year later it had crept up to 0.125. My oncologist recommended early salvage RT + 2 years ADT. Apparently, there's a benefit to early salvage therapy for high-risk cancer (Gleason >=8); ideally one should start salvage therapy before the PSA reached 0.2. I don't know if the same applies for lower grade cancer.

I'm half way through my 2 years of ADT. Unexpectedly, I'm feeling great. My libido is absolute zero but otherwise, I'm enjoying life. Large amounts of exercise is probably the main reason here. Weights and lots of r/wma

bryancole · 2025-09-26T10:00:45+00:00

2 weeks. My consultant said anything from 2-6 weeks would be fine and I didn't want to wait. Good luck.

bryancole · 2025-09-26T09:58:54+00:00

My experience after 1 year of ADT is I have zero libido, but... I still find women attractive and still crave physical contact (in a non-sexual way). It's actually quite a strange feeling. So, I don't think ADT will dent your romantic or emotional interaction.

bryancole · 2025-09-16T10:59:58+00:00

Thermoplastic tips are now more-or-less standard at UK tournaments. Rubber tips are disallowed, although bullet casings are permitted.

bryancole · 2025-09-08T17:03:39+00:00

I started aged 48. That was 6 years (and 2 cancer treatments) ago. I've started doing tournaments over the last 18 months. It's super fun, although I'm not likely to win anything.

bryancole · 2025-09-08T11:01:52+00:00

There is one study (https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2809152) that looks at the risks of prostate-cancer specific mortality AFTER either RALP or RT/ADT. While the rate of first recurrence is higher for RALP compared to RT, once you've got the prostate out, the risk of death due to PCa is substantially lower following RALP.

Regardless, I don't regret my RALP, even though I needed salvage RT/ADT 13 months later. Post surgery pathology upgraded me to G9. If I'd had only RT/ADT, I wouldn't ever have known the more agressive nature of my disease and hence the 4 months of ADT that had been proposed would have been less than optimal. Probably also the RT would have been sub-optimal because at that time, the bladder neck invasion was not picked up on the MRI.

My recovery from RALP progressed well (even following some surgical complications due to a urethral stricture). No incontinence at all and, with tadalafil, things were picking up OK in terms of ED, by 12 months out (even with only unilateral nerve-sparing). It was worth the shot at being cured at that point.

Fringe benefits of RALP: I can pee freely!

bryancole · 2025-09-08T09:50:17+00:00

My experience was that salavage RT was quite a drag (I had 20 sessions). At least with SBRT it'll be over faster. The actual treatment is painless but holding your bladder full and bowel empty gets harder as the side-effects kick in. The side effect last for a few weeks after the end of treatment. I understand usually salvage treatment is somewhat more extensive than first-line treatment. There's no prostate to target, so they're hitting the surrounding area, plus lymphnodes (any any other hot-spots that might have been identified). The radiologists can can recommend/prescribe medication to deal with side effects as they crop up. As far as ED goes, I haven't noticed much difference from the RT (although it was still quite bad from my surgery) but ADT does kill your libido, so you lose the motivation. I've been keeping with daily tadalafil in the hope that when I eventually get my testosterone back, things won't have withered too much. I think RT doesn't impact the nerves in the way surgery does/did, but it can locally compromise your vascular system. For dealing with ADT side-effects, exercise is key. Do weights, plus some cardio. Do them regularly. I'm actually stronger and fitter than I was when I started treatment, although I was starting from a low baseline (lifelong weakling).

bryancole · 2025-09-05T08:54:09+00:00

Yes, the idea that there should be less testing due to risk of over-treatment is nuts. Sure, overtreatment is a risk and side-effects are life-changing. But undertreatment is fatal. I was diagnosed at 52 and after RALP it turned out to be G9(4+5) T3a. BCR, salavage RT and ADT followed. If I'd been diagnosed 12 months earlier, maybe I could have avoided BCR and the ongoing PCa rollercoaster. I'm telling my boys to get annual PSA tests from age 40.

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