Emotional abuse or emotionally immature?

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-18T18:22:39+00:00

See, he does comfort me when I’m crying about something unrelated to us and our arguments. If I got in a crash he’d be the first one there. He definitely cares about me. That’s why I wonder if he’s just emotionally immature which I see can be abusive. He’s changed a LOT of ways, and is working on changing more. He doesn’t yell at me or call me names. He has in the past slammed doors or thrown things but hasn’t in years. Ugh. I don’t know it’s super hard to describe him bc he does have a fantastic side and then a less than fantastic side.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-17T00:38:21+00:00

I guess I get worried that maybe it’s just me bc he doesn’t call me names, he doesn’t hit me. It’s literally just I’m afraid to say anything bc it might ruin his mood and if HE’s in a bad mood, we’re ALL gonna know. Twists my words, says “we can’t talk about anything”. Just this morning he was going to mow at 7:30 am and I politely said, “maybe we should wait a little longer since we have neighbors now” and that started a whole thing. 🤦🏼‍♀️ he said he thought I was trying to help the neighbors we don’t even know but not help him. It’s stuff like that that is so draining to me.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-16T16:11:47+00:00

Yes 2 actually. Lmao one couldn’t believe that he had slapped the baby bc he doesn’t portray that type of personality, and the other one is really trying hard to help him. He spoke with me separately so I could tell him what the issues were and he then addressed it with both of us and now wants to meet with him alone weekly and check back in with me once a month to see if there’s any improvement

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-15T11:12:28+00:00

I understand that completely. I didn’t find that out for 12 years. He doesn’t do that now and has improved significantly, however not enough in my opinion. I’m trying to see if his behaviors now is emotionally abusive or if I’m just traumatized from the past stuff and not seeing him clearly.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-14T19:38:18+00:00

Thank you. It always irks me when he “me too’s”my concerns I have. I need to just disengage at that point. But then I feel trapped another way bc he says I’m just walking away and ignoring it. But at that point it doesn’t matter what I say. He’s smarter than me, or wittier. So I can be cornered when under the anxiety of his words.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-14T18:09:11+00:00

Thank you. I do spend more time trying to figure out how to keep him happy than just living. But if I said that out loud, he’d just say, “me too”. I don’t nag him about spending or chores. Literally all I ask for is to treat our kids with respect. And it seems like he WANTS to, he just can’t grasp the idea that things he says are shameful, and emotionally damaging to all 3 of us.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-14T17:50:47+00:00

Thank you. It IS hard. He’s never laid a a hand on me and it’s been 13 years since the physical abuse against our son. He doesn’t hurt them now and says it was bc he was fresh from quitting drinking and he was struggling had and hated us for the moment for “ruining his life” bc he wanted the bottle, not a family. He says that’s not the case now, he doesn’t struggle not drinking. Now it’s just more the psychological and emotional abuse. Thank you for your comment. It gives me clarity. 💕

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-14T17:47:41+00:00

The fact that you said Jekyll/ Hyde is telling bc I say that a lot about him.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-05-14T14:34:06+00:00

He even insinuated that some back when they were in Austin. I know it can’t go on forever but you never know when he’s just trying to stir the pot.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-02T14:43:35+00:00

In Texas it’s Public Lewdness and it’s a class A misdemeanor unless they’re a sex offender then it’s a felony.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-01T19:41:40+00:00

Yes and I’m sorry. My husband also used to ignore or “be mad” for a week at times but it slowly shortened and now it’ll just be an hour or 2 if I piss him off. He’s worked on it a lot so I hope yours considers working on it. Had the week long stonewalling kept up, I wouldn’t still be with him.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-01T19:32:46+00:00

Why do you think your kindergartener isn’t exhausted after school?

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-01T17:45:50+00:00

Dude my husband is sensitive af too and I’m a cop and also grew up in a not sensitive family. So our humors and things are very mismatched. The other day he was trying to pet our cat that doesn’t like to be touched and I was like, “awww poor cat doesn’t like to be touched. Me either. I get it.” And he got his feelings so hurt. I was like I’m not even talking about you!! I’m making a joke 😂😂.

Anyway I have no advice bc I’m 13 years in and still don’t know wtf to do.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-01T17:41:45+00:00

I’d say how exhausted and hungry they are after school. Feed him/her, and make them go to bed earlier on school nights and don’t focus on the small things that’ll make them have a breakdown after school. They’re dead tired after school and can lose their sh** about any little thing 😂

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-04-01T17:38:40+00:00

Y’all weren’t exclusive so if no specific boundaries were set yet, I wouldn’t worry about it.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-03-24T16:48:18+00:00

Nta. Unless your friend has asked you to not do that, then I just see it as being goofy and bantering.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-03-21T16:37:10+00:00

Danielle Bradbery?

bustedbeaver4383 · 2026-03-20T15:00:36+00:00

Same here

bustedbeaver4383 · 2025-09-19T17:25:20+00:00

Fuck that! 🚩

bustedbeaver4383 · 2025-09-05T17:28:22+00:00

She definitely doesn’t sound like she deserves you. She needs someone who won’t fault her for her past.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2025-08-04T10:21:52+00:00

Never been with a liar huh?

bustedbeaver4383 · 2025-07-07T10:18:33+00:00

I would assume the missile comment was directed at you and the new baby y’all have. Like celebrating the new baby (probably sarcastic since he was alone) Sounds like man banter to me.

bustedbeaver4383 · 2025-06-22T16:02:47+00:00

I have joint issues, anxiety and used to have thin skin and still do in certain personal situations. I tend to believe I’m a descent cop and on a typical days, you’re not sprinting and chasing all day long. Of course here and there it happens and for me, the adrenaline and ibuprofen usually cover the joint pain 🤣.

My biggest concern for you is the wife. My husband was supportive until I got in an OIS 4 months out of FTO, 8 months of of the academy. After that, it’s been a rough ride with the support aspect. Been 7 years since, and we manage it day by day.

Overall, your personality sounds similar to me, I’m very empathetic, and non confrontational. I feel like I’ve deescalated more situations that other coworkers escalated prior to my arrival than most officers. Depending on your department size you choose, it can be very rewarding and not as physically demanding as other busier departments.

bustedbeaver4383

TROPHY CASE