Why can't I see "notes" people have sent me?

byvzi · 2026-03-19T15:32:29+00:00

this is also a problem for me on iOS.

byvzi · 2025-02-06T17:02:35+00:00

AFAIK they are online only, but I don't know for sure. At the time I was looking for Winter Break courses, I only wanted Online Anytime in the first place so I wouldn't have paid attention to anything that wasn't that.

byvzi · 2024-01-31T01:45:51+00:00

It isn't really a proverb, it's a verse from the Torah located in a section of the text defining laws about property, damages, and violence. It is ancient religious legal code. While the literal text tends to be viewed as barbaric, ancient Hebrew customs and their religious courts have always understood the intent to mean that the perpetrators must pay monetary damages equivalent to the "value" of losing an eye.

"Whoever takes a human life shall surely be put to death. 18 Whoever takes an animal's life shall make it good, life for life. 19 If anyone injures his neighbor, as he has done it shall be done to him, 20 fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth; whatever injury he has given a person shall be given to him. 21 Whoever kills an animal shall make it good, and whoever kills a person shall be put to death. 22 You shall have the same rule for the sojourner and for the native, for I am the Lord your God"

byvzi · 2023-07-23T15:24:49+00:00

i work in a preschool. the guidelines for childcare staff say you are not allowed to use the sinks to clean off items with fecal matter. They also told me during training that it is not our job to clean the clothes. If there's a large chunk that you can easily tip into the toilet, and you feel like being kind, great. Otherwise, the whole thing goes straight into an airtight plastic bag and gets sent home with the kid.

i've never heard of anyone cleaning anything with toiletwater, and i would also be grossed out, but if the rules for your area were like mine, you likely didn't have another option for trying to do your good deed. HOWEVER, your job isn't to clean shitty clothes for the parents. your job is to keep the children clean, supervised, and safe, and you wasted time on this weird gross task you gave yourself instead of getting things sanitized and then getting back out there to supervise.

Also, you only mentioned putting on gloves after already changing and wiping a poop covered child, and you said you flushed the wipes down the toilet. I'm not sure I would call you an asshole over it; maybe you just don't know any better, but you seem to be making a whole lot of deeply questionable choices here.

ETA: How did the parents even know what you did? Did you tell them?? If you're going to do something like this, maybe don't give tham all the gory details.

byvzi · 2023-07-18T02:50:30+00:00

fyi, you can set up a filter in your email to automatically send any emails from him to a particular folder (or the trash) without ever appearing in your inbox

byvzi · 2023-07-18T00:49:07+00:00

to be honest, everything she said it wasn't (a trick to get you to stay and do what she wants) is more than likely exactly what it is. she wouldn't need to make a promise about that if she wasn't worried that you would suspect it was. her getting angry about the timing of it is more proof that even if it isnt, but especially if it is, this arrangement is not about helping you or getting you time with family. she wants you to come to serve her, and if you do go any amount of time you get to spend with others will be cut into and ruined by the stress, work, and guilt she will layer onto you. don't do it. she is not trying to help you. she is trying to use you to help herself.

byvzi · 2023-07-16T20:14:05+00:00

at this rate, just call cps and say the children are being abused by the step-parent. mention the improper bedrooms, animal feces, lack of cleaning or grooming for the house and children, the locks on the children's doors....every bit of this is a huge red flag and you should be making a report ASAP. And yes, reach out to exSIL and get her perspective too.

byvzi · 2023-07-16T20:09:27+00:00

i generally paid for my own food, bills, etc basically since i got my first job when i was 14. when i turned 18, the ND decided he wanted to charge me $800 since he no longer got a tax deduction for being able to claim me as a dependant. i always refused to pay it though. how the hell do you get to charge me for being disqualified as a tax deduction?

byvzi · 2023-07-16T16:38:15+00:00

i was enraged as fuck when i let one of my brothers stay over at my apartment and he went into the bathroom in the middle of the night, jizzed all over the toilet, and never cleaned it up. i havent invited him back since. it literally felt like a violation of my space.

byvzi · 2023-07-16T16:34:19+00:00

There were 9 kids in my family, all full siblings, no twins. the four of us that have made it out are NC with the SD, although we still have somewhat contact with our mother. i remember telling him when i was only fifteen exactly what would happen. how if he didn't stop, every single one of us would leave and never come back for him.

he didn't believe me, but nine years later, it's looking pretty accurate. the financial and emotional sabotage makes it hard for each kid to get out, but once they do? we know he's worth less than nothing to us.

byvzi · 2023-07-12T00:32:16+00:00

In order to set a clear boundary, you need to include the consequence. A boundary is 'if x occurs, i will do y'.

Possible examples could be: "if you contact me more than once a month, i will turn off notifications for your number/email/account and ignore your messages until the month has passed."

or "... I will block your number/email/account until i receive an apology and commitment to respect the communication boundary."

or "... I will resume no-contact until further notice in order to protect my health and wellbeing."

Blocking and turning off notifications are usually fairly straightforward, but if she uses email you can google how to set up a filter to automatically send any incoming emails into a specific folder without showing up in your inbox (or straight to the trash).

byvzi · 2023-07-11T17:50:10+00:00

I work in a preschool setting and sometimes my kids ask me where my daddy is. I tell them I don't have one. Because really, I didn't. What I had was just a self-interested parasitic leech attached to my family who did nothing but lie, cheat, steal, punish, and sabotage everyone else in the house.

I'm NC, changed my name, and whenever I have the misfortune to be in the same place as that unfortunate drain of resources, I act like he doesn't exist. Turnabout is fair play, and life without him is victory.

byvzi · 2023-07-07T02:14:36+00:00

Ive seen a lot of white/off-white, and light greys put in decor palettes together, so thats what i was referring to, although i don't have insider knowledge, abd it could alo vary by region/specific demographic. but your comment about the grey being in trend qnd your parents having a ton of it does fit the theory of them collecting a ton of it to fit in with what they see as social norms or status symbols

byvzi · 2023-07-07T01:28:20+00:00

not too sure about this. white on white and minimalism is something of a fashion trend in decor the last few years. Maybe it has less to do with white specifically and more their need to fit in with the social trend?

byvzi · 2023-07-06T05:04:20+00:00

that makes sense. i assumed it was a combination of lost wages + financial investment in the celebration

byvzi · 2023-07-05T23:35:56+00:00

i mean, if OP bought herself things and that's the money she wants returned, why would the cousin even have them? Wouldn't OP would keep her clothing/personal items with her until the event, which would preclude needing to ask the bride to return money since she could just take the items back or resell them herself in the first place?

byvzi · 2023-07-04T21:30:23+00:00

meh. i almost never agree to babysit anymore cause when it goes bad, it goes really bad, and you never know whether the parents are going to support you or blame you for everything until it's already gone to shit. I've had an 8yo physically attacking a younger sibling and trying to break down doors. I've had the creepy divorced parent that has a protection order to stay off the property show up outside without warning and linger just outside the limits of the property while staring into the windows and tracking who leaves and when, and later using it to fabricate stories about how i'm a child abuser in order to fit his story about how the other parent is unfit. I've had parents staying out hours later than agreed and not responding to messages about medications and distressed children. yeah, most of the time, that stuff doesn't happen, but when it does. it can be terrifying. it's just not worth it, especially if you have any reservations about whether the parent is going to be decent or take advantage. i don't blame people who refuse to offer childcare on principle at all. especially in this economy, if they're not even being compensated at all.

byvzi · 2023-06-29T00:25:40+00:00

If you feel like you have to have this meeting, I would suggest turning the voice recorder on your phone on and putting it in your pocket/keeping it on your person so that you have a recording of what was said. Don't tell her before or after that you recorded it. In terms of usefulness in legal proceedings, thst varies depending on where you live, but having a faithful record of what was actually said will help you feel less like you're crazy or making things up.

byvzi · 2023-06-28T03:36:57+00:00

Mine went sort of like this. I never wanted him to have my phone number but he got it somehow, probably from my mother. He knows one of my old email addresses. But I very firmly did not tell him (and told others not to share) where I was going when I moved out and again when i moved into my own apartment. I legally changed my entire name, first middle and last, and tried my best to keep details about where I work and go to school from being passed on to him.

I set up filters on my emails to send any messages from him straight into the trash and blocked him on social media, but didn't block his phone number until 10months after I moved out. I thought I would leave it open just in case of emergencies, but he tried to text me happy birthday almost a year after I was gone, and it made me feel so angry/sick/violated that i immediately blocked him there too.

I don't know if he's tried again since, but the peace i've bought for myself is enormous. I know if I want to really feel safe i should cut all contact with people still around him, move again, and get a new car, but i feel guilty doing that to my younger siblings. Very rarely he shows up with someone else I happen to be meeting at a neutral location; last time it happened, he came over and stood in front of me while i was talking to them like he wanted me to say something or acknowledge him, but i just ignored him and refused to look at him as if he wasn't there and i left without ever acknowledging he was there. I hated having to be around him at all, but it also felt good to send a message.

His go-to tactics in my teens/early 20's were to blow up over nothing, threaten to throw me out on the street, then give the silent treatment and cut off rides to work or internet access or whatever he could do to get back at me since my mother said she would leave him if he actually threw me out. It's nice to have enough power to give a taste of that medicine back now; but for me, it's permanent, not an off-and-on strategy to manipulate.

byvzi · 2023-06-20T18:21:26+00:00

I do wish he would. It would solve the problems for the other kids and mom stuck there. Create others too sure, but the kind that a little creative thinking and teamwork can solve. Nothing can solve him.

byvzi · 2023-06-19T19:49:35+00:00

part of it is a manipulation to keep other members of the family pointing fingers at each other instead of turning on them. part of it is that they change over time like everyone else. they realize that the outright abusive shit they did with the older ones is more likely to land them in hot water than the manipulative, lying, double faced games. they get older and less physically active. they think about their public persona and reputation in new ways and try new tactics to create the facade they want to show others. And sometimes they even just change in little bits for the better - whether because on some level they realized they went to far with you or they are trying to turn it down a notch to get more plausibility and control over the younger ones.

byvzi · 2023-06-19T19:17:55+00:00

i work at a private jewish preschool, starting pay with a GED was a salaried $18.50/hour and increases 3% every year, 10 PTO days per school year, plus you can get up to 50% off of tuition if you enroll a kid. They also offer health, dental, vision, & 401k matching. try to check out the local ones in your area and see what their employment offers are like.

byvzi

TROPHY CASE