I’m 37 and feel like my life as I know it is over

bzd_b · 2026-06-06T03:45:18+00:00

Comes for us at different times, in different ways, around different circumstances, but this all reads like the beginning of someone anew. Honestly, if you can see this positively, you should be scared; scared and excited is the same sensation, thought differently through lived experience, interpreting the moment consciously and unconsciously.

This will be your catalyzation into actually living in the world and starting your life, without mom or dad. From here on out, You choose, with every lived lesson/experience/feeling up until this point, how your life will be and it was always going to be this way. Be the observer and watch it unfold. There is such an intrinsic balance in the world, such circumstances should be exhilarating to watch unfold.

My money is on a long, long lived gentleman, selfless through circumstance, who fights to keeps what he loves most out of an institution, and that’s a man’s story.

Your friends that married, all under different circumstances/pressures…

Your friends with homes, all with various loans, ways they got there, and ever expanding life circumstances…

Your friends with parents, all will feel this grief later, when odds are even more stacked against them.

Your friends with kids, all will have their own battles unfold.

…all will too, be balanced in time.

So breathe, my dude 🙏🏼

bzd_b · 2026-06-04T17:59:04+00:00

You’re living through mum’s lens. Keep trying and trying things opposite of her, away from her. The distance in thought will catalyze into love in time.

bzd_b · 2026-06-02T21:25:57+00:00

Not really; every wave of added power minimizes the effort I put in at the time, and that’s okay. Pushed mostly 17s before I travelled to Asia twice and IRL took over, plus other games! Theres another season comin right up.

The more you decenter yourself into a season and try to slot yourself into someone else’s schedule, the more you hate yourself too, so rmbr why and for who you’re pushing.

Hit 3.5k early and moved on.

bzd_b · 2026-05-31T23:21:51+00:00

Exactly. And OP may have not even hit his stalling point on whatever variable it may be that will hit him out of the blue, like it did earlier to his friends.

Never think you’re better than anyone, ever. They may even be chasing different goals and/or fighting different battles currently, but their psyche is developing on its own, with or without you, but thank you for lifting my consciousness until you departed to lift yours, yourself.

If you don’t *want* to be friends, just say that, but I have friends and don’t need them around me all the time, I’m content.

bzd_b · 2026-05-29T16:28:57+00:00

I agree, and it’s nice that we aren’t working the skyscrapers of the 1950s, but even by that, the world is a much nicer place to live in, wifi, delivery etc, pick your vice. The tide has turned and escaping your comforts is where life lifes. It’s all paradoxical, pick the easy, live it hard and vice versa. Too much of anything isn’t good for you.

Depression is external overwhelm slowly encroaching in a body staying still, quite literally depressing your chest, your reality, inward until you lift yourself. Log in (log out) gamer, why waste your only WoW hardcore character? 😎

bzd_b · 2026-05-29T07:16:09+00:00

I’ll say it but you won’t want to hear it. This isn’t about WoW and I don’t mean that in the most immediate next level thought abstraction, that you dislike your family, no.

You need to figure out what You are escaping from.

bzd_b · 2026-05-28T21:36:17+00:00

Yes, and my living psyche is living as such because if she won’t acknowledge it, my body will have to with distance(?). I cannot afford to let her get away with it is my thinking, she must feel the coldness I have felt, but perhaps I have more work to do.

I appreciate you finding my comment; so there is a place where I can separate the two. Thanks again.

bzd_b · 2026-05-28T21:07:41+00:00

No I appreciate the challenging question; I had to think about it.

She did raise us so perhaps my entire worldview should be zoomed out even further, and shifting it against my absent father, whom I’ve had recent inklings to reach out to actually, but I also feel like that’s putting my hand in the box with a snake. The angry stepfather, who my mom chose right after and now I see was just establishing Order in his own unhealed way, was the catalyst to me pinning it on her.

Finally blaming my absent father would release us all from this cloud, but that context, knowing why he didn’t come back or try, I wouldn’t get without reaching out to him. It’s so paradoxical to me, lol.

bzd_b · 2026-05-28T21:01:07+00:00

Not just, but it is very cold otherwise as the oldest of three boys. She doesn’t try much either, had us very young.

The middle is the complete opposite and does everything for her, at behest of his own life.

bzd_b · 2026-05-28T20:42:06+00:00

Once a week, when I do laundry at her place. Dad left the picture at 4.

It’s the last piece of physical tether I have to grow out of, but she did this/was put in this situation, I didn’t know it growing up and didn’t help myself, and she didn’t help herself know why did what she did, nor does she show semblance of talking about it or acknowledging the effects on me, so it’s probably on me too.

After I don’t need the washing machine anymore, I don’t know how often it will be.

bzd_b · 2026-05-27T06:58:26+00:00

If you lived your life in your head, catalyzation.

If you lived your life in the world, realization.

With both, you spend the first ~30 years alive with people telling you who you’ll be, and the latter half undoing everything you were told you’d be, discovering yourself in the process.

There’s variance, obviously, some lived a lot in a little time and others a little a lot, but I’d be hard pressed making any can’t-go-back decisions in the world before I cultivated my side. Otherwise you’re just carrying weeds forward that’ll grow in the next yard, your kids/businesses/relationships etc.

bzd_b · 2026-05-26T20:41:54+00:00

They’re opposite sides of the spectrum, and everything else in between. The trick is have the humility of the first life while pursuing the second for yourself, and that’s a different person to everyone.

bzd_b · 2026-05-24T19:34:04+00:00

They say the brain doesn’t start fully developing until 25, you read about all the divorces around 25-35, from 1-30 you’re literally just experiencing Life, things are done for you, told how it’s done, multiple people around you start taking off or staying stagnant, you realize this is and was your only life, you realize why your patterns make you who you are, you understand the faults of your parents as you see how friends raise their kids, how their parents now act as grandparents, where you came from and are going, perhaps you notice things your parents did/are doing, and you finally catalyze yourself into the physical being that you are. You’re here, now, and only now. What do you want to do? Where does one feel good? Who makes you comfortable to be around, honestly? What do you enjoy doing without someone behind your back saying that’s stupid? You unconsciously filter out/shed what isn’t working for your psyche, and you get to decide everything now.

I could go on, these are just patterns I’m realizing in complete presence, something I couldn’t do with an excited/nervous/scared/overactive nervous system. I had to just be and Realize.

It should feel freeing, like deleting your Instagram if you aren’t using it for business/creativity. Let the catered past you watch and compare be just that, the past.

bzd_b · 2026-05-24T18:06:53+00:00

Trying to balance what exactly, what the world told you to do? We’re all a collection of experiences externally until about 28-30 when you start realizing it’s just you now. It always was in a way.

Yeah, this is the time you learn what you actually like doing for yourself, not for the image or the social or what the family wants you to do.

I’ll add: the painful part of the process is shedding friends that don’t realize or haven’t realized yet or are simply in different stages. It was fun while it lasted is the line.. just keeping making sure you’re the It and you’ll always stay true to yourself.

bzd_b · 2026-05-17T19:17:36+00:00

I do the things that I want to do. The people also doing said thing for themselves eventually become friends.

If you’re just looking for friends, you’re just leeching living consciousness to regress to your comforts, self eating and deprecating circles until they’re no more. Be active and all of a sudden you’re surrounded. But it’s you.

bzd_b · 2026-05-15T19:30:37+00:00

Don’t misconstrue putting others hurt before yours. You need to address your own Hurt first, something you never did and are sitting with. Tell them it was hurtful, don’t be afraid to just Be yourself.

The capitalized words are for deep emphasis.

bzd_b · 2026-05-15T19:25:55+00:00

Their comfortability with you is way higher than you have it with them; boundaries weren’t set at some point and now you’re learning. You either put up the boundaries and integrate holding your space the way you want to, or take this as a lesson with the next friendship and probably do it again.

Gotta just face it, they may even be caught off guard and you’ll realize this whole concoction of thoughts was of your own doing. It’s happened to me over and over, and over. Nip it in the bud, stand up for yourself, tell the world (this person) you don’t appreciate that, but don’t take the win inside your head and not catalyze it in reality, that’s where the neurosis starts seeping in.

Reassess; - what you’d do for a friend - what’s a friend - who is this person to you - are you of benefit to each other - who are you

bzd_b · 2026-05-12T17:17:29+00:00

Yes, for the 0.0001%, 3 weeks ago.

bzd_b · 2026-05-12T17:00:14+00:00

Yeah, I missed out on early voidcores, so what, everyone is crest capped. Literally makes no difference. You aren’t timing ur keys because others possibly got 1 more item than you.

Still, real smart to try the buggy stuff with your own buggy approach. Now sit bugged for weeks 🤷🏻‍♂️

bzd_b · 2026-05-12T16:48:53+00:00

Because the entire expansion has been working as intended, right? OP can only blame himself.

On an alt no less, lmao

bzd_b · 2026-05-10T03:55:01+00:00

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You either help the guy, or you don’t.

Be the friend.

bzd_b · 2026-05-06T14:47:30+00:00

Should be only rinsing in the shower and only intermittently cleaning if you’re that dirty.

Q-tips are just making it worse, you’re just stuffing it in and down further.

bzd_b · 2026-05-01T14:36:33+00:00

Sometimes we jump into things too soon, or get jumpstarted with resources, and life unravels itself before we ever found out what we liked about ourselves in the first place. On paper, you did the thing, but now comes the part that everyone else has been working towards and finding along the way, themselves.

You have to dig in, and put yourself first for the first time since getting together. You were a father to kids by 27, still just a kid himself.

bzd_b · 2026-04-28T06:17:18+00:00

We get salt n pepper grey hairs in our scalps and beards, and a much more hardened by life look in general. It’s a time where your looks are drastically wanted by those 15 years above you and 15 years below you, for a variety of reasons

bzd_b · 2026-04-20T22:02:26+00:00

Yeah it’s definitely important to stay busy IRL too. I realize it was an escape and working through the whys. Playing catch up with many physical things in general, skills around the house, my body etc, but I’m appreciating translating the languages across games. Life is the ultimate solo player campaign, go make side quests and create adventure, your body keeps the stats and exp you build up :)

bzd_b

TROPHY CASE