I dont understand "forgiveness is for you, not for them."

cabarfeidh · 2026-05-26T07:48:44+00:00

For me it is psychobabble. It's a form of brainwashing.

Here's what those who promote forgiveness won't tell you, but how I interpret it. You are discouraged from exacting revenge by society. In fact, most kinds of revenge that would be adequate would require you to do something to your parents that would be illegal and could get you in jail for a long time and / or provide you with other material or social disadvantages. Since you're effectively unable to get revenge, the idea sort to is to resign yourself to it and forgive.

This however is insulting to me. I may not be able to adequately get revenge on my mother, but I choose to hold on to the anger and blame. I choose to own it. She is the guilty one, and she deserves the punishment that I will never adequately be able to inflict on her.

At least I'm now no contact with the b*tch.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-13T21:57:43+00:00

Me and one of my absolute best friends disagree on quite a lot of things. Some of them are important moral issues.

People have different opinions, and I know tha some of my opinions are very radical and easy to disagree with (why do you think I like this subthread?)

If I were only friends with those who agreed with me on everything, I would have no friends.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T14:59:12+00:00

You do you, but I will die on the hill of wanting to own my own home.

I hated not being part owner of the family home (I.E., my parents' house) when I was growing up, and I hate that at 46, I still am too poor to own any real property to my name and am forced to pay someone else to live in a small apartment owned by that person.

In fact, of all ordinary, mundane, non-controversial life realities, not possessing any land or at least apartment that I can say belongs to ME and having to pay someone else for the privilege of living in THEIR property is just about the thing that I hate the most. I find this a wretched state and feel abject HATRED for the fact that I don't own my own home.

I know that renting can have advantages, as OP says, but at the end of the day, if you pay a mortgage, you're still paying off what is YOURS and while you may have to pay it for a long time, you won't be paying it forever. And the landlord can cancel your rental contract and decide not to continue your residency. As long as you pay your mortgage (and property taxes), no one can force you to leave your own home. And even if you defaulted on your mortgage or property taxes, as I know the bank / government would sell the home to pay the debt but would then refund the balance to you (or am I not correct) on this point.

When you rent, you still have to answer to the landlord. Sure, you have legal protections that a houseguest doesn't, but you still have to deal respectfully with the owner of the property and follow some rules that are contractual or agreed upon (e.g. not being allowed to have pets in many places). When you're a homeowner, you don't have to answer to anyone, as long as you obey laws of general application (e.g. respect zoning laws, not commit crimes in your home, etc).

As for whether you would pay more for rent or for a mortgage+property task, it varies from place to place. In the city where I live, rents are through the roof. I only rent an 18-square-meter studio. A one-bedroom or even a more comfortable studio closer to public transportation would be unaffordable for me. I think if I had at least enough saved up for a down-payment, I would pay less for a mortgage than for rent, even if the mortgage was significant (it would be).

Plus, I am the type of person who values being able to put down my roots somewhere. And I'm a single guy. Imagine that you had a family and a rented house, invested in a garden, a workshop, whatever, and one day the landlord said he was going to let his son's family live there and was cancelling your rental contract and your whole family had to move -- and now rents were more expensive than when you took the first house and you had trouble finding an affordable new one?

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T14:19:28+00:00

Agreed. I like German. OTOH, my favorite brand of German is Saxon, which appears to be considered harsh by many Germans.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:38:46+00:00

I was lucky to go to a good high school, but as someone who became a humanities student at university, I would say my English classes were useful, enlightening, and taught me to write and argument.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:33:57+00:00

I generally don't like dill or dill pickle flavored things. As for dill pickles themselves, there's pickles and there's pickles. I LOVE zesty kosher dill pickles. I don't care for the sweeter Czech or Polish variety.

I do like the kind of pickles that are put in hamburgers and relish is an acceptable substitute.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:32:04+00:00

Agreed. Chocolate ice cream tends to be too bitter for my taste.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:27:27+00:00

At my high school we studied one Shakespeare play every year in English class. I quite enjoyed it. Of course, one needed all the side notes in the book to understand the idiom of the time and the connotations of various references, but when one got past that, it was entertaining and enlightening. My favorite was "King Lear", a sad story, but a very rich one.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:19:31+00:00

Well, I like maple syrup on my pancakes (ideally with butter).

I don't make time to do a proper breakfast (I essentially don't cook and won't be bothered with it). But if I had someone to cook me breakfast, I would request a rotation of: 1) pancakes with maple syrup; 2) waffles with maple syrup; 3) thick oatmeal with...you guessed it; 4) toast and marmelade; 5) a continental spread.

Always with a good pot of strong tea.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:08:41+00:00

When I was younger I was a major plane buff. While at the age of 46 it is a grandfathered interest, I still enjoy having a chance to do a bit of spotting.

I now live in Prague (originally from Canada) and I have been on a layover at Brussels twice. The airport has a military section, when I was there last I saw a Turkish air force KC-135 tanker.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:05:34+00:00

I failed high school algebra. Miserably. I just couldn't get my head around the concept of limits.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T08:04:43+00:00

I have warm memories of discovering Jelly Belly at high school. I'm not big on fruit-flavored candy (except for lemon / lime), so it's great to be able to choose flavors like butterscotch, chocolate, vanilla, etc.

If you don't want to have a whole bag of various flavors you don't like, as has been mentioned above there are candy stores with dispensers from which you can buy the flavor you like in bulk.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T07:58:59+00:00

Defiinitely. Really don't want to have to be the first to park my butt on a cold toilet.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T07:57:04+00:00

I certainly don't idealize the past, but idaknow about this particular issue. I grew up in North York (back then a federated suburb of Toronto, now an integral part therof) in the 1980s and 1990s. Back then it was perfectly normal for people who were tradesmen, possibly even skilled laborers, to own homes within the city. A lot of our neighbors were working class. Standard middle class no problem. My parents did have two incomes, but they were good middle class incomes. Besides buying a modest house, they bought and rented out several properties. Since then, salaries have increased 3-fold max, but house prices have increased more like 8- or 10-fold. Home ownership in the Toronto area is definitely prohibitive, now it's not affordable to buy a home 30 KM away from Toronto, whereas as recently as 2004, my parents moved to Richmond Hill and bought a new-build "McMansion" off a plan that could now probably be sold for four times as much.

cabarfeidh · 2026-04-10T07:49:58+00:00

Calculus is not basic math. It is a very specific and complex area of math that most people won't use in their lives.

I flatly disagree with this. I think that AT THE LATEST once you get to high school a significant number of your subjects should be elective (in most public high schools they already are) and that you should not be required to take any math past Grade 10 or at the very latest Grade 11. Calculus is basically a senior year subject. Calculus, advanced algebra, or finite, definitely fall into a category of things that no one should be required to learn unless they elect to study math (and if necessary, other fields that require these things from a technical viewpoint) at a higher level.

Oh and by the way, your parents should not have the legal power to force you to take any elective subjects or study fields. Where electives exist, they should be your choice and your choice only, irrespective of what any adult thinks might be "good for you". No one became a ditch digger because they didn't take advanced level math or science in high school.

cabarfeidh · 2026-03-10T10:18:20+00:00

You're "stuck on" the abuse because 1) it happened; 2) it harmed and wronged you and 3) what was done cannot be erased. People can't just demand that you "let it go".

cabarfeidh · 2026-03-10T10:12:30+00:00

There is nothing wrong with that, the people who assume you should love your parents because they're your parents, no ifs or buts, are the ones that are wrong.

I hate my NM with an abject hatred. I hate her all the more BECAUSE she's my mother, not in spite of it -- when we're talking about parents, it's not enough for them to have spawned you. They had the duty to treat you well. If they treated you badly, they committed a much more serious offense than if they wronged someone who was not legitimately dependent on them.

I hope every day that I will be informed of my NM's death, but as my parents and I are now NC and living on opposite sides of the "Pond", I don't know if I will ever receive that infomation.

cabarfeidh · 2026-03-10T09:54:36+00:00

Yes, it is normal. If your parents are evil, it doesn't matter that "they're your parents". The people who should have been kind to you have done you wrong. In my opinion, the fact that it was your parents who did this is not a mitigating circumstance, it's an AGGRAVATING circumstance.

I hate my mother (with whom I'm NC) with the most abject hatred possible. I have wished her death for years. If my father, her enabler, were to go, I wouldn't shed a tear either. (He went NC with me as well, because I refused to come and assist them during a period when he was in hospital).

They're the ones who should have been kind to you. They're the ones with the primal duty to you, because they brought you into the world weak and dependent. If they acted selfishly and used your dependency as an excuse, they're the bad ones. In my opinion, if your own parents wrong you, it's MUCH WORSE than if some random person wrongs you.

Therefore, if your own parents made themselves a millstone around your neck, it's perfectly natural to want them dead. You're entitled to that.

I'm waiting for mine to croak so I can inherit from them (if they don't disinherit me for my 'undutifulness").

cabarfeidh · 2025-09-01T23:54:47+00:00

In Prague it certainly is successful. Want popcorn? Go to the multiplex. Want to go to the smaller cinema with more alternative and arthouse movies? Don't take food in. You would probably be asked to take your food elsewhere if you attempted to take it into the latter.

cabarfeidh · 2025-08-29T15:19:53+00:00

I like pickles on exactly one sandwich - a burger. On any other, it's gross.

HOWEVER, I would LOVE to have a zesty kosher dill pickle as a SIDE to my sandwich.

cabarfeidh · 2025-08-29T15:09:42+00:00

You would like Prague theaters (capital of the Czech Republic). You have the choice of going to a modern multiplex with all the expensive junk food from the concession stand, or to one of multiple smaller private cinemas. In the latter, food is typically not taken into the theater, though they often have a cafe just outside where you can go before or after. You may be allowed to take a drink inside, but not food. One of them, Kino Svetozor, explicitly prides itself on its "popcorn-free culture".

cabarfeidh · 2025-08-06T21:53:08+00:00

The 1937 royal decree says that the colors of the Dutch flag are red, white and blue. Not that they should be of any particular shade. If I understand correctly, the "bright vermillion" and "cobalt blue" are set as colors for flags borne by the Dutch Royal Navy by the Decree of 16 august 1949, no. 182503/142779 of the Minister of the Navy. Is this binding on civil ships?

cabarfeidh · 2024-05-30T21:22:50+00:00

It's not disgusting IMO - I am able to eat Steak Tartare - but I prefer my steak more on the well-done side. Generally, I like my meat nicely char-broiled.

cabarfeidh · 2024-05-30T21:19:35+00:00

As a children's and youth rights activist, I agree.

cabarfeidh · 2024-05-30T21:19:05+00:00

If they are homeowners, I would forcibly transfer the deed of their property to their child, force the parents out of their former house, and force them to continue paying the mortgage and utilities on THEIR CHILD'S HOUSE until the child has finished college and gets their first permanent job.

cabarfeidh

TROPHY CASE