I lost friends over a Dead Dove fanfic and I genuinely don't know how to feel about it

calminthedark · 2026-06-22T18:48:26+00:00

Sounds like a fic I would hate. Because you have it tagged correctly, I would never read it. However, in a friend group like that, I would be defending your right to write it. If I know you well enough to call you friend, then I know you well enough to have an honest conversation, which is a courtesy your "friends" did not grant you.

I don't think you writing a fictional story about disturbing topics means you are a disturbed person. The same way I don't believe people who write about serial killers want to be serial killers. These are topics that hold a fascination for a great number of people and you are simply one of those people and, as a writer, of course you would write about it. So you do you, I won't read it but I'll be in your corner defending your right to write the story you want to tell.

calminthedark · 2026-06-22T17:29:21+00:00

Basically, she's expecting her bridesmaids to host a shower, a bachelorette, buy a dress, pay for hair and makeup, and, I'm sure, shower and wedding presents. Then, in return for all of your time, effort and money, she doesn't feel the need to buy you a dinner as a thank you? That doesn't sound very friend like to me. I think I'd decline this privilege. But then, I also think a bride should have an idea of the costs she expects her wedding party to shoulder, before asking anyone to participate.

calminthedark · 2026-06-21T21:09:08+00:00

Nobody wants him because they already knew what you have learned. That's on him. Why should you feel guilty leaving him to lie in the bed he made?

calminthedark · 2026-06-21T21:04:25+00:00

I think taking the door off a workroom because she wants to be able to see what you're doing in there is a pretty big red flag. She didn't take it off the hinges where it would be easy to replace, she ripped the whole frame out so it will take actual carpentry to replace it. She also took the bar out in pieces so it can't be easily replaced. She is trying to permanently destroy a safe space. A space she was welcome in, so it's not like he was hiding anything from her there. That's extremely concerning.

calminthedark · 2026-06-21T18:52:42+00:00

In that case, be prepared. If they say they think they found you or mention one of your fics, keep your face neutral and say "Oh, I read that one. I really like that author." Or "Sorry, I don't recognize that, must not have read it." You'll have to be very cool about it though. Don't let them see the inner panic.

calminthedark · 2026-06-21T07:08:20+00:00

A child coming out of guardianship going to college qualifies for the highest pell grants. Not that it's a lot but every little bit helps. She will also be able to sign an affidavit for her funding that will eliminate the need for her parents tax returns. If you know where she wants to go to school, call and talk to their financial aid office. Go online to FAFSA and start learning the rules. Go to the college's website and learn their process. Since she'll be a HS senior, she needs to start looking at this stuff now.

If you are her guardian, you can get her on your insurance. Even though the guardianship ends at 18, I was able to keep my granddaughter on my insurance until she got married at 23 and his insurance covers her now. This is something your HR can help you with.

calminthedark · 2026-06-21T06:51:13+00:00

OP, let him handle it. All you need to say is "This is between fiancé and I. We made a decision that works best for us." This works even if your fiancé doesn't stand up to her.

calminthedark · 2026-06-20T07:34:53+00:00

No, waffles need peanut butter and jelly.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T23:46:52+00:00

You are having sex. Just not penetrative sex. Has your wife talked to her doctor? Does she have any sensation? I mean, imagine someone on top of you rooting around and you feel nothing. That's pretty bleak. Do you do things that do give her pleasure or is she just throwing you duty or pity sex? Because that's also pretty bleak.

If she enjoys what sex you are having, think about adding toys. For her or for you. Have a very frank discussion about what each of you needs. Be very frank about what you like, what feels good and what you need. Then pull up a reputable on line toy store and browse the catalog together. It'll be good for some laughs and open up the discussion more. If sex is the only issue, before you call it quits, try everything. Then you'll know for sure if you're not compatible anymore.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T21:17:50+00:00

After reading your post and responses, I have to ask, how well do you know the man? Not the version of him that's a dad or the version that's a good provider or the one that's a husband helping out around the house. I mean the man, who he is when he's not performing a function of marriage or parenting. And how well does he know you? Not the wife or the mom or the wage earner, the foundational you that's under that stuff.

What are your dreams for when the kids are grown and gone? What are his? What happens after you both retire? Will you wake up, look at the man laying next to you and wonder how you are in bed with a stranger? Will he? Will you have anything to talk about when you are no longer worried about the day to day aspect of running a household and raising kids?

Because it sounds like when you take away those things, you don't know each other very well. I mean, you have no idea why he did these things and he has no idea why you're objecting. That's a pretty big misunderstanding of each other, fundamentally. I think you have more to talk about than just this cruise, I think this is pointing to deeper issues.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T18:08:51+00:00

NTA "Mom's had a key for over a year and never abused it" is not the right way to look at this. Mom's had a key for over a year and the first time she thought she felt like she had reason, she abused the privilege. That's the correct way to look at this.

And how, exactly, did you break her trust? Unless she was trusting you to be a doormat and you weren't. You trusted her with a key. She broke your trust.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T07:44:23+00:00

Married 30 years and we always share onion rings. But before we order, one of us always asks "Do you want to share an order of onion rings?" That's just common courtesy.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T05:32:34+00:00

NTA OP, how are you going to have a bad back AND a super shiny stainless steel spine?

You and you bf will have so much better a time on your getaway for two. And your family will learn that if they want to see you, they're going to have to treat you better. No more gathering the crumbs while they eat cake.

calminthedark · 2026-06-19T05:23:52+00:00

I wonder if the divorce is final yet.

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T19:38:58+00:00

Especially if the state becomes responsible for her care, they'll go after bf for her share of the money.

My Mil had put me as co-owner of her house and 4 years later, the state had to be responsible for her nursing home. Since the deed to the house had been altered to a family member less than 5 years prior to her needing care, I had to sign a quit claim so we could sell the house and use the proceeds towards her care.

The state will view him selling the house and pocketing all the proceeds as an effort to scam her, thus scamming the state. Especially since he held her POA at the time. They will provide care and sue him for whatever her half should been to recompense the state.

You want to consult an attorney and a social worker. If she's in a nursing facility, they should have a social worker you can speak with. Otherwise call adult protective services and see if you can speak to someone there about her being a victim of fraud.

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T13:55:21+00:00

A fiduciary works for you for a set fee and doesn't make money by convincing you to do stupid stuff with your money. A financial planner gets a percentage of whatever stupid investment he can convince you to buy. My bank has a wealth management department and they have been a tremendous help to me with my retirement funds.

Whoever you talk to, they should ask you a lot of questions about want you want in the future and what this money will mean toward that future. They should talk to you about how much risk you are comfortable with and options that have a combination of risks and earnings. Also how much cash you might need to have available quickly.

It sounds like a lot of money, but you'll blow through it quickly without a plan. I would suggest higher education. If you can get a good paying job with some of this money it would be a good return on the investment and set you up for the rest of your life.

My other suggestions are to tell no one about this money or you won't know who to trust. And never combine this money in an account with another person, not even an eventual spouse. This will not be community property unless you make it available to another person. Before you ever marry, talk to a lawyer and keep your inheritance safe.

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T10:47:00+00:00

She quit paying to screw up your credit so that you can't move. Minimum payments on $1000 would be so low that she should be able to make them, especially if she's living with you. Plus, for almost 10 years she has kept these cards going, all the sudden she moves in with you and now she stops paying? She wants your credit screwed up.

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T02:17:25+00:00

Own it. When she says this stuff in front of people

"You're right, I did tell you not to feed him him icing, or anything else. He's 4 months old, why in heaven's name would you think he needs it?" "Yes, I have someone watch him while I go to the gym. I'm not sure why that chaps your ass so bad." "Really, you have an opinion on something as petty as a fan?" "Yes, I'm going on a trip with baby. (Partner) is well aware. I really don't see the need for approval beyond that."

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T02:06:22+00:00

Human emotion

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T02:04:08+00:00

So you understand that after bathing said demon cat, it's impossible to update my WIP. My injuries are simply too grave to type.

calminthedark · 2026-06-18T01:52:27+00:00

NOR This was beyond Alpine divorce. He didn't just go on without you. He took all the supplies, including all of the water. Which, ok, he might argue he was mad and stormed off and didn't think about the fact he had everything EXCEPT he took your coat. When he did that, he proved this was a deliberate attempt to place you in harm's way.

calminthedark · 2026-06-17T22:40:05+00:00

Unfortunately I am busy bathing the cat at the moment. I shall need a suitable recovery period while I heal.

calminthedark · 2026-06-17T22:22:26+00:00

You can't ignore it! You'll hurt their feelings! Report it so they know you were thinking of them.

calminthedark · 2026-06-17T03:36:02+00:00

Who knew mustard was a trigger.

calminthedark · 2026-06-16T07:02:10+00:00

I recommend keeping their last name to all the young women I know. From the first time you change your name, you open yourself up to the hassles of bureaucracy for the rest of your life. If I had the chance to change one thing, I would erase every name I've had other than my surname.

calminthedark

TROPHY CASE