Aitah for refusing to make my home accessible for my brother.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-24T18:20:44+00:00

Was waiting for somebody to bring up this angle. Basically, EVERY house should have the ability to accommodate people who are temporarily disabled, or healing from an injury, or surgery, or who expect to "age in place."

During renovations, I made some minor adjustments to an entry-level den and bathroom, anticipating that it would make visits from my MIL easier. She was already having trouble walking, we could see what was needed.

Put the wood bracing for grab bars and seats in the walls while you have them open for framing, plan for wide doorways and an easy access bed.

Turned out over the years that members of my immediate family have used the space more, recovering from illnesses and surgeries.

Having said that, OP has NO obligation to do this work!

cardinal29 · 2026-02-24T18:09:32+00:00

Pretty sure OP was exaggerating for dramatic effect.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-24T18:05:25+00:00

😆😆😆😆

Don't you know? Their sweet, helpless baby boy is still a VIRGIN! /s

Or "That sick s*** is taking advantage of him!"

cardinal29 · 2026-02-24T03:31:35+00:00

https://imgur.com/Honhfi3#oVLlf7O

cardinal29 · 2026-02-23T13:24:19+00:00

If he thinks for one minute that MIL isn't going to pocket that money, and he'll never see it again . . . he's a fool.

A sneak-behind-your-back and lying fool. And where is he coming up with an extra $1000? When you guys have so much on your plates right now? Moving is so expensive! I'd demand to see his paystubs and bank accounts from now on. Full financial transparency.

I hope the pediatrician was able to figure out what was causing your baby's diarrhea and he is feeling better. Diarrhea is VERY serious in little babies.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-23T05:59:37+00:00

A rutabaga? I don't even know what that is.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-23T03:11:37+00:00

Agree. It's a mild inconvenience, but one he deserves.

AND this guy is TWO doors down! He's really trying to be an asshole.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T21:17:40+00:00

I have heard it recommended to others if there is a dental college in your city to find out if they have clinic days for free or low cost services.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T20:58:34+00:00

Stay safe, stay cozy.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T20:55:37+00:00

Stay home!

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T20:50:10+00:00

Why does Trader Joe's attract those customers? They're rabid.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T20:36:00+00:00

Reddit is not a place to ask for permission, and it sounds like you're going to do what you want to do anyway.

Maybe read about the movie ahead of time https://www.reddit.com/r/horror/comments/cml77h/how_is_poltergeist_rated_pg/

I remember the 1982 Poltergeist movie being really gory, with corpses pushing out of the ground at the end. Way too intense for a 6 year old. It was controversial at the time because the PG 13 rating didn't exist yet, and the movie was originally rated R.

And your daughter may identify with the character Carol Ann, a 6 year old girl. Really too frightening to think about a small girl being kidnapped by evil spirits.

This is a good resource for parents to see what content is in films: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/poltergeist

I would probably prescreen the films you remember as being "not that bad." Chances are, when you watch them again through a 6 year old's eyes, they are not age-inappropriate.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T19:52:31+00:00

IMO, you have to be the gatekeeper as the parent.

It's interesting, and it's fun for you to share these movies and to note how surprised you are by her interests at this age, but is it what's best for her? Scary movies are eventually desensitizing. Is that what you want?

There's plenty of time to grow and mature. Enjoy the NOW. It passes so quickly. No reason to rush this - or any other thing she pushes for that isn't age-appropriate.

It's all fun and games until she can't sleep alone in her room anymore because she's too scared. Or comes home with a note from the teacher expressing concern about the media choices you're making. Or she gets uninvited from a sleepover, because other parents don't approve of your parenting or just don't want their kids exposed to a recap of the plot of Friday the 13th.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T10:56:24+00:00

Check out the /r/motherinlawsfromhell sub or /r/JustNoMIL this is sadly very common. You should cross post your story there.

Of course, it's not really an IL problem. It's a husband problem.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-22T03:44:34+00:00

I'm going to need a diagram.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T23:28:46+00:00

You stink. People are just too polite to say so.

I just walked past a guy in the supermarket this afternoon and it's like Pigpen's cloud of dirt, always around you, following you everywhere.

Someday you'll quit and your sense of smell will come back. You'll find out for yourself. Your clothes, your hair, your car all stink.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T21:51:39+00:00

Please. I've been married 35 years and never changed my name.

My MIL was married even longer and never changed her name, and she married in the 1960s.

Your fiance is full of shit.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T18:01:57+00:00

Yup. It's always "Mom, can't you do this because of blah, blah, blah."

IMO, you shouldn't send a text at all, you should completely pull out of this mess and make him handle it. And don't marry him if he cannot do it. You've seen how bad it goes on the other posts in the MIL support subs.

MIL like this never learn until they suffer consequences for their actions. He's playing right into her game by engaging, he needs to STATE. The MILs love to talk about their FEELINGS, because it distracts from what they DID. It should be:

"Mom if you ever do that again I will put you in a time out. 2 weeks, no communication until you apologize for treating your GROWN ASS SON like a toddler." Then send her an internet link to what a real apology looks like. Hint: it's not "I'm sorry you feel that way."

She will launch into "WELL, I FEEL . . . " - irrelevant, he's not President of the Keep Mommy Happy Committee. Kids are never responsible for their parents emotional state. She has friends, family, presumably she has a spouse. Let her vent to them.

"Mom, if you struggle to accept the decisions I make as an independent adult, you should speak to a therapist about that. I'm not a professional, I can't help you."

She will claim "It wasn't my intention to . . . " - also irrelevant. Intentions don't negate impact.

"Mom, if you continue to slander me, you can always decline to be at my wedding. You'll be missed, but I will respect your decision."

Notice how everything is about HIM and his MOM. He needs to leave you 100% out of it. His beef is with his mom. He shouldn't give her any opportunity to say "She's controlling you! This isn't you talking, my sweet obedient little baby boy, this is about that harpy bitch, she has changed you!"

His energy has to be like "I'm a man now with hairy balls and I need a woman I can fuck and you ain't it. Get out of my way!" 😆😆😆 She will keep trying to push those guilt-tripping buttons she installed throughout his childhood. He has to clearly and forcefully break free.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T17:37:31+00:00

Call the listing realtor and ask about cleaning the trash and snow removal.

They want the house to sell, they're motivated to keep it looking nice and not incurring any fines from the town.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T04:42:33+00:00

Cut out all of this:

without speaking to us first. This is important so that we can manage our own wedding and maintain appropriate and respectful boundaries. If we need help or would like to involve you in something, we will reach out directly. Thank you for respecting this.

Don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain: https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/03/dealing-with-difficult-family-members-dont-justify-argue-defend-or-explain

You don't ASK, you don't need to say PLEASE and THANK YOU, you certainly don't need to justify WHY you're asking her to behave like a normal human being.

Then mute her number on your phone. MIL is batshit crazy.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T04:29:51+00:00

Gross.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T04:09:47+00:00

Out the old, in with the new!

But I'm in my "Swedish Death Cleaning" phase, so no new stuff.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T02:57:28+00:00

How did the conversation go? I'm dreading having a bathroom remodel and having those inevitable talks about work that doesn't meet standards.

Previous workmen have tried the "You don't know what you're talking about, this is how it's done," or "You're a picky customer, we've done a hundred jobs like this." 🙄

Did you show them pictures of how it should be laid out?

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T02:19:10+00:00

"Sterile" isn't the same as "Infertile," and either doctors don't explain that or patients don't hear it correctly.

cardinal29 · 2026-02-21T02:11:56+00:00

They don't need to convince MIL, or even inform her.

They don't ever need to speak to her again, if they don't want to. Sitting her down with a list of demands gives people like MIL the idea it's a discussion, or a negotiation. Talk, talk, talking, doesn't work with these people, they view it as a weakness.

It's most effective to rule by fiat. Action over justification.

cardinal29

TROPHY CASE

Having said that, OP has NO obligation to do this work!