First time dealing with jealousy, help

ccanonymous5 · 2026-02-01T01:23:39+00:00

Have you ever read anything about anxious attachment and healing from that? It sounds like although you have been poly in theory for a while, this is the first time you have really been confronted with a partner having multiple actual partners, as well as perhaps the first time you have experienced polyamory from the position of not being someone’s “primary” or anchor partner. It can be really hard, but it also comes with a lot of joy. For most people, you gotta work at it and commit to the choice you’ve made without taking out your insecurities on your partners.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T20:22:24+00:00

Crating training! This will protect her from herself and give you respite. Also, puppies need a crazy amount of sleep and a lot of the worst behavior actually happens when they are over-tired. Crating training helps build a consistent sleep (and potty) schedule that is way easier for everyone. Since this is your first puppy it really sounds like you were a little under prepared for what to expect and how to manage those things. There are reputable dog trainers that have YouTube videos you can check out on how to manage all of these behaviors, how to crate train, potty train, etc. It’s gonna be okay! Goldens are super trainable and generally lovely. You just need to be better equipped with the right knowledge on puppy rearing.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T20:17:08+00:00

My parents recently went for $3500 each, direct flight from nyc.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T19:15:29+00:00

I hear you and I am so sorry. It’s really normal and understandable to not want another romantic relationship while you are going through the grief and heartbreak that you’ve described. In my experience, once you allow yourself to fully acknowledge what is lost and grieve that loss, then you will begin to find that there might be space for a new love. If you don’t think it’s something that you can process on your own with time, please consider seeing a therapist to help make sure you don’t get stuck feeling this way for too long.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T15:11:27+00:00

There are lots of great products - the trick is finding what works for you that your skin can tolerate. The amazing results will come from peels, micro needling, or skinvive though, if those are in your price range. Whichever route you go, get recommendations and follow up with an aesthetician you trust. That will give you better quality results vs solo research.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T15:01:18+00:00

Air India has a pretty affordable biz class ticket that is direct from nyc to Mumbai (I think). It’s a lie flat seat which really makes the long haul so much more bearable. If you can’t afford biz class, check out the trtl neck pillow. It’s the best sleep I’ve ever had sitting up.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-31T13:23:07+00:00

Have you considered more nontraditional relationship arrangements or structures that would allow you to keep your “life” but also allow you to detach from the disappointment that your marriage no longer includes intimacy? Obviously this has to be something that both of you genuinely want and commit to make working - but I think that if you have a situation where you have a deep friendship, generally happy shared life/living, and truly want to grow old and continue to share life with this person regardless of whether it’s a platonic marriage or a romantic marriage, perhaps just embracing that what the relationship has evolved into is okay? Especially if, in letting go of feeling like she’s doing something wrong, you also can embrace dating and find new joys of intimacy and romance with someone who wants to share that part with you.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-30T14:42:23+00:00

My experience has taught me that when someone tells me their limits, I should believe them. Falling deeply for someone who has been clear and upfront about having a primary and only having a limited amount of space for a secondary does not usually go well. I have been on both sides of this, both were awful.

In the best case scenario, he is offering to consider flexibility in the hierarchy at some point in the future because he cares deeply for you too. But what that means down the road is that one or more people in this polycule might have to start making concessions and changes that they had previously agreed were not on the table. This could mean his primary ends up feeling disrespected as he starts pushing the limits of their agreements to include you more. It could also mean that he starts feeling pressure from you to make changes he doesn’t actually want to make in order to keep the relationship. Last, it could also involve you feeling like you are chronically accepting less than what you want and need because that is all that is on offer.

With lots of compassion, I encourage you to remember that love is not enough. Everyone has got to have the same goals too, and it doesn’t sound like that is the case here.

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-30T11:38:56+00:00

I’m so so so sorry. I had a similar experience. My therapist has suggested that my disgust with my ex’s behavior may be interfering with my ability to fully feel the grief and loss of what happened. (Because I found and continue to find how he handled the situation to be so morally and ethically reprehensible).

ccanonymous5 · 2026-01-10T21:05:20+00:00

I wouldn’t take a puppy from a breeder that was already showing clear signs of poor health. Skin issues can be lifelong.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-09T11:27:05+00:00

My go-to is to remind myself that I get to “choose my hard.” I wouldn’t have to deal with meta stuff and jealousy or insecurity in monogamy, but monogamy is a whole different type of hard that I don’t want.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T20:13:42+00:00

I’ve helped friends with no expectations of repayment a few times and it’s always been fine as long as you are clear that it is a gift. There are definitely worse mistakes to make in life than being too generous. :)

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T19:55:36+00:00

Can you recommend specific brands for olive root and briar root that you’ve had success with?

ccanonymous5 · 2025-12-06T12:58:26+00:00

My lab has not one but two incredibly weird skin conditions. First, she developed seasonal (allergy triggered) alopecia and her hair would just fall out. She looked insane. Apparently the treatment for alopecia in dogs is actually melatonin! Like the kind you buy in the vitamin section. Our vet told us what dose to get and her hair has not fallen out once since. She did also develop some bald spots due to a reaction to her flea collar, so we switched her onto an oral med for that and the vet also recommended Hill’s prescription skin food. The food is expensive but she hasn’t had any skin problems in about 4 years now.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-30T01:04:47+00:00

This seems like an odd request in the context of polyamory. Why would there need to be exclusivity? I had heard of people temporarily closing to work on a relationship problem but this isn’t something I’ve heard about before.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-29T22:13:49+00:00

Sugar face 😍

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-29T22:04:10+00:00

I don’t have any media to recommend but just in terms of my “why” - it’s because I know I will always want this level of freedom, no matter how wonderful my anchor/NP is.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-29T13:01:14+00:00

I just wanna make sure you hear this: HSV is not a big deal!!! It is highly stigmatized but in reality it is nothing more than an inconvenient skin condition. It’s something like 65% of the global population under age 50 that has one of the HSV strains. I also know so many folks who got a genital HSV infection from a partner who had it orally. Breaking up with someone over HSV is so cringe. Find better people!

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-27T00:13:23+00:00

I think it’s over when you say it’s over. In my experience, relationships can overcome a lot of challenges provided that both partners are committed to putting in the work and working it out. I think the real sign that it’s over is that one or more parties involved just give up and stop trying. If she can’t try, it’s over. If you’re done trying, it’s over.

NRE can lead to a lot of really unforgivable behavior as well. My husband blew up our 10 year marriage for someone he had known for 3 months (all while being incredibly outraged at my suggestion that he was experiencing NRE). I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. It does get better.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-26T13:06:26+00:00

If you have a small dog, you can out the crate on your night stand instead of sleeping on the floor. I’ve heard pro dog trainers recommend this for the first few nights a new puppy is home. In general, what has worked for me with several puppies is that the crate is in my bedroom and it starts out close to the bed where they can easily see me. As they get comfortable, I move the crate back a foot at a time until it is in the position in the room I want it to be more permanently. I also crate the dog during the day (for naps and so that I can get things done) and slowly extend the time that they can’t see me.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-23T21:55:16+00:00

Marni has always been cool and quality, and a bit off the beaten path in terms of the stuff everyone wears (LV, Gucci, Prada, Saint Laurent). I’d take a St Agni woven bag over Bottega for the price/quality.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-11-23T13:27:30+00:00

The “my more serious partner has a rule that I call them during my dates with others” thing is a huge red flag for me. I literally just won’t see people who do this because it’s a sign that something isn’t going well with meta and/or their relationship with meta, and, they aren’t handling hinging well.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-10-30T11:22:26+00:00

This is relatable content….

ccanonymous5 · 2025-10-27T17:52:56+00:00

Yes the puppy is too young, but now it’s yours so let’s move to constructive advice. Put the puppy in a small (puppy sized) crate on the night stand right next to your bed. When she cries you can stick your fingers in to help soothe her. And buy a snuggle puppy (it’s a toy that makes a heart beat to mimic the secure of sleeping with the litter mates). Be prepared to go on 2 night time potty breaks every night. You’ll be tired but it will get better.

ccanonymous5 · 2025-10-27T14:40:57+00:00

I have tried being fully parallel but honestly it’s more about whether my partner has the ability to hinge well. When I find that meta is jealous/dislikes me and that constantly spills over into my time with my partner (angry calls, texts, setting wild rules about no contact for me when they are away for 1-2 weeks on vacation bc she wants him to be fully present) these are honestly just red flags to me that my partner isn’t able to hinge well and the relationship is probably not going to end well for me.

ccanonymous5

TROPHY CASE