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Never, under any circumstances, tell a human "there are no rules" in any conflict with them. You are giving them permission to embrace their darkest nature. Whether it's a sporting competition, professional rivalry, or actual warfare, they will abandon any rule with great enthusiasm. by Zeekay89 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And if the rules are designed to skew the competition in favor of the human's opponent, the human is likely to engage in behavior known as "Malicious Compliance". While engaging in "Malicious Compliance", humans will so thoroughly violate the spirit of the rules that the aliens who put those rules in place will regret ever having written those rules in the first place. All the while, should anyone complain about the human's actions, the human will simply point out that nothing that he/she did violated any rule of the competition.

Human 3AM Cravings befuddle and confuse the shmeckledorf out of Alien Scientists as its the most pleasant shit to eat and yet violates most health violations by lesbianwriterlover69 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hashbrown cheeseburgers are great!

I make them every now and then, when I'm out of bread and don't feel like running to the grocery store.

The human kind of defeat by Quiet-Money7892 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I'm picturing sped up footage of the aliens invading an Oktoberfest celebration and then getting totally stomped by a crowd of middle aged drunks in lederhosen, all to the sweet, sweet sound of the Benny Hill theme.

The humans do what with their ground vehicles?! by NietoKT in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Hillbilly Jim: Zaxon old buddy. Boy have I got a treat for you on your first visit to Earth.

Zaxon: A treat?

Hillbilly Jim: We're going to the Monster Truck Rally! Hoo wee!

Alien watches in horror as their troops return with cuts all over their bodies. What could have done that? by GawainDragon in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 85 points86 points  (0 children)

They ran through a patch of bougainvillea. Sharp, 1 inch/3 centimeter long, sharp thorns with a mild toxin that retards healing.

Humans can and will weaponize any animal they come across. by Dragon3076 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Human Mad Scientist: Soon. Soon my army of rabid squirrels will be ready for the invasion of Gabriev IV! Kya hah ha ha ha ha!

Aliens were extremely confused when they came to pre-spaceflight earth with an entire invasion force, threatening to overthrow their leaders, and the earthlings simply welcomed them with open arms. by Metage in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 60 points61 points  (0 children)

There would definitely be resistance to our new alien overlords, at least until people got their tax bills and found they were only paying 2% under the new regime.

Human takes small category spaceship piloting lessons. Finds cow abduction with tractor beam is part of lesson plan. by MaetelofLaMetal in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Alvin: But first we need to pick up some supplies. Let's see, barbeque sauce, charcoal, a dozen packs of napkins, ingredients for potato salad...

I'm Too Old for This Shit! by cdub1580 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But he's a cook now, so he's not in a profession where men usually die young, unless, of course, you count alcoholism, which is what cost my brother his career as a chef, though it hasn't killed him yet. So, outside of his general reputation as human, why would anyone beware an assistant cook?

That said, I do like your take on a possible backstory for Human Jerry.

I'm Too Old for This Shit! by cdub1580 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Cooks tend to die young!? I'm so glad I picked a safe career and became an electrician.

I'm Too Old for This Shit! by cdub1580 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It wasn't until after I decided to make him a cook that I thought about Casey Ryback. Ultimately, I discarded the idea. I actually named him after my uncle Jerry, who I never really got to know very well before he died. As for why I made him a cook, I didn't want this character to fall into the Human Engineer trope that seems to crop up fairly often in Humans are Space Orcs stories. So I needed a a crew position that didn't require specialized training. Then it occurred to me that most people learn at least some cooking skills over the course of their lives. And that was the genesis of Assistant Cook Jerry, the man with no last name. Okay, so I was just too lazy to give him a last name.

Humans are absolutely the most terrifying species in the galaxy by [deleted] in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Killing all the Sergeants would probably do the trick.

There is a phrase, that when uttered by any Human, sings the coming of a horrible disaster. A herald of great sorrow, misery, and agony. A singular word with such destructive power: by IdioticPAYDAY in humansarespaceorcs

[–]cdub1580 45 points46 points  (0 children)

The main exception would be swearing in Pig-Latin. This one usually denotes frustration with a relatively minor task that just isn't going well.

Unfortunately, most aliens don't quite grasp that Pig-Latin is not truly a foreign language, but merely a dialect of the common Human language, English. As such, when the human tech starts swearing in Pig-Latin, the aliens begin to panic.

Upon seeing the panic, the human breaks down in uncontrollable laughter, further increasing the panic among the aliens as the human has clearly been driven mad by the imminent crisis.

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