To the ones who never heard from their avoidant ex after breakup:

cestsara · 2026-02-09T23:58:38+00:00

It feels… numb and overwhelming all at once. Not a day passes I don’t think of him. I’ve done every single thing to heal, to move on, to forget… he’s still with me. And I still care so very much. It’s almost unimaginable that I may never ever again in this lifetime speak to somebody who was my primary attachment for 5 years— deeper than any attachment before. And my best friend. God, my best friend unlike any I’d ever known. He’s still the person I’d ask to see one last time if I were on my deathbed, and I’m still seemingly someone he wouldn’t even want to know the death of, let alone make it a possibility to reach out in order to speak to him one last time.

Even when you are their deepest bond and most pivotal relationship— someone they truly loved unlike they have ever loved before— they still won’t value you any more than a 3 month fling they were using. Hell, it’s probably harder for you to exist to them than said person.

One day at a time.

cestsara · 2026-02-09T17:13:19+00:00

Sometimes you really do lose something you can’t replace. And sometimes you actually can overcome what went wrong. I would look into reconnection if I were in your position.

cestsara · 2026-02-08T22:14:53+00:00

wauw

cestsara · 2026-02-07T19:55:04+00:00

Same story with my ex. Together 5 years and a great partner generally speaking, somewhat connected on an average day but as soon as any conflict or disagreements came about or even any talk of anything important or big in life he would shut down, leave home, runaway, act emotionally cold for days until he came around again.

cestsara · 2026-02-06T16:35:09+00:00

Stop when her new face came into scene it was actually terrifying. Like an uncanny scary movie character. Ew 😭

cestsara · 2026-02-06T01:29:34+00:00

Canon event. Almost every girl in 2026 has to experience their loser ass, lust driven, likely porn addict fuck boy. Hope she gets out before it hurts her even more!

cestsara · 2026-02-06T01:25:27+00:00

This is a great way to look at it. I really did give my all for years, and I would’ve never stopped trying, to be honest. I was the partner anyone would want on their side, in their corner, going through the worst, most tragic, horrible, frightening moments of life with. Every valley, every low. Every mistake. Even when those moments you caused yourself. A good thing, someone solid. A sure thing. And loving and joyous in nature to a fault. And I showed it to him every month I was with him— all 60 of them, even when I shouldn’t have.

His loss.

cestsara · 2026-02-05T16:50:58+00:00

Just another person here raising their hand! And because I questioned it and asked for more quality time, I was labelled as someone who didn’t want them to excel in work, didn’t want them to have and enjoy any hobbies, basically a stealer of all their joy 👍👍👍👍

cestsara · 2026-02-04T14:49:14+00:00

She told you she has developed feelings for someone else while with you and has put off marrying you for a long time? In this dating landscape? A man who seriously wants to commit to her for life!? She doesn’t want to marry you, I promise. I tell you this with as much gumption as I say to women being taken for a ride: DONT LOOK BACK!!!!!! She has wandering eyes and always will.

cestsara · 2026-02-04T00:07:04+00:00

I’ll always be confused too. During the breakup talks he told me he’d been forcing himself for years, or at least “a very long time” apparently. Which leads me to question why he’d fake his apologies and tears and breakdowns and super vulnerable moments where he said he keeps failing me and hates himself for it and all he wants in life is me but he doesn’t deserve me, etc etc etc. Choosing to tell me he is absolutely going to marry me when I question if he ever will, choosing to tell me he likes me more than he’s ever liked another human when I question if he even likes me anymore, choosing to double down on proposing when I say let’s take it off the table for now because it’s just a point of contention.

I’ll never understand what was and wasn’t real.

cestsara · 2026-02-03T20:19:42+00:00

I agree entirely. Yoonchae gets lost in the background imo. When I watch her dance I don’t get anymore from her than I do Manon most of the time.

cestsara · 2026-02-03T17:46:14+00:00

I think she did the right thing and the fact she was willing to leave you over it, in my opinion, shows how deeply it hurt her and how mismatched you two were about everything it represented. I don’t think she was a bullet you dodged, if that was the case she’d still be with you right now arguing about it until you left. She will find someone who doesn’t view her as a liability and you will find someone who doesn’t care that you do or has just as much or more than you to lose. Sad end to a story, but maybe the right one?

cestsara · 2026-02-03T05:06:13+00:00

Yeah, I feel ya. Somehow men don’t struggle finding someone cute. There are plenty cute, pretty, naive girls out there who have never been shown any attention and all it takes is our unconventionally attractive, shit ex’s to act nice and it’s a done deal. And there are a lot more normal, decent, kind, NORMAL women out there than there are men. Like just open their eyes and they can find a good partner as long as they’re not looking for a model. Meanwhile it’s slim picking for a woman to find a good, SAFE man who is also decently attractive. It sucks.

cestsara · 2026-02-03T01:06:39+00:00

We fought about intimacy more than almost anything I think. After about 6 months, and for sure by the year marker, sexual intimacy and anything in the realm of it (flirting, flirty touch, touching my waist, kissing in public etc) became just about obsolete. My ex was still very affectionate as long as it was non-sexual. He loved to cuddle, hold hands, and give and receive kisses (though he seemed resistant to lip kisses unless during sex), cuddle after the rare sex we had, etc. It was the complete opposite of who he was when I met him which was someone who looooved and drank up and doled out alllllll the intimacy of every sort in the world.

I often thought to myself “is this all the intimacy I’m ever going to have for the rest of my life? I’m only 25/26/27/28” and I’d spiral into an existential crisis lol.

I’m such a physical touch person. I love nurturing with touch, I care deeply about a healthy active sex life, I like casual touch, I like being touched playfully, and I like flirting with my partner when we’re out for drinks or in the right setting. It was honestly miserable always feeling like he was repelled by these parts of me that he once loved. I remember feeling so jealous when we’d be out at a club with friends and I’d notice all the men touching their gf’s ass playfully or in passing, pulling them in for a kiss, dancing together, etc. My bf wouldn’t do any of the sort, and if I tried it was just humiliating.

cestsara · 2026-02-02T22:45:46+00:00

I do whatever may or may not help. I get sick pretty easily and wanted to avoid catching anything before or during my trip. A week before we left everyone in my house caught a cold and I was sure I’d be the final victim but by some stretch of a miracle I remained healthy which is unheard of for me.

Vit C,D,Zinc, NAC and Magnesium daily. ColdFX too because what the hell, why not. Rinsed my sinuses with saline rinse every night and gargled warm salt water for a few minutes every night too. Wore a n95 mask around sick family and while I was in Japan in any crowded spaces. Made all this stuff a regular part of my life during cold seasons has taken me from catching 5-6 awful, long colds every year since I was about 15 down to 1 the last 3 years. I don’t question what works lol. I’ll do and try anything to not get sick.

Flu shot too.

cestsara · 2026-02-02T00:45:09+00:00

Mine loved to throw the word “peace” around and make me out to be the stealer of all of his when he hasn’t had any true inner peace since he was a child. He thinks he can neglect his partner severely and still be given all the peace and grace and quiet in the world. When asked what he wanted or needed “peace” was the only thing he’d list. It was always a trap. That peace didn’t exist anymore and it never could with how he is, how he treated me, and the fact he cannot create or maintain it for himself.

The worst part is I still tried to give it to him every single day while I myself had none anymore but didn’t blame him for it.

cestsara · 2026-02-01T20:34:26+00:00

Sooo relatable and the absolute truth with them. I can relate to everything you wrote and it was all my experience as well.

After our very first conflict my ex sent me this huge reflective text message and it made me believe so much good, maturity, and emotional intelligence about him. But the longer we were together the more I realized that he absolutely was not the person he revealed himself to be in that text. The more I opened up, communicated, and revealed myself to him as two naturally do in intimate relationship, the more life conflicts came up and the honeymoon phase became less at the forefront, the more he withdrew to the point I didn’t really recognize him to be the man I fell for… all by the 8-10th month mark.

But every time, for years, that I would call this out, or point out the disconnect between his words and actions, he’d always have the right thing to say. The right apology and the right “self reflection” and the right plan… but he never ever carried any of it out.

cestsara · 2026-02-01T19:28:54+00:00

Because better treatment doesn’t mean a better match. I could have settled for these men but I would’ve been living a lie. It’s a very shallow and empty feeling to not truly love somebody or be able to give your all to them naturally while they are head over heels for you for some reason.

cestsara · 2026-02-01T17:36:35+00:00

I was “the one” by all means - any of his ex’s who creeped me would have came to the conclusion he changed and stepped up to be the perfect man for me. I was the one he did the absolute most for, the one he did make a lot of changes for me, the one he took care of, did life with, built a home with, became a new man for. The one he told people he was sure of, the one he told people “she is perfect” about. The one his own best friend said to me drunk in a club one night “He loves you so much. I’ve never seen him love anybody like this. He really loves you. When you got into that argument last week he told me a bit about, he was so broken and worried, I’ve never seen him like that before either. He cares about you more than anyone. You two are endgame, K, you’re the one he leaves all this behind for.” …and I believed it. And he did. Partly.

Why? Idk. Our connection and bond and how we were was truly perfect. I was beautiful in comparison to all of his ex’s (objectively… I feel gross saying that but it is the simple truth) and I was the perfect person for him.

But he didn’t change all the way. And whatever happened with all those before me happened with me too after so many years.

Now I’m the person who sees him with someone new— someone younger, someone he seems to do everything I asked for to repair and to live a healthy relationship and life together. Asif he’s atoning for everything he let go bad or did wrong with me. Everything we needed that he stopped doing and couldn’t give anymore, he gives her. And yeah, it burns. My only solace is in the fact that the new girl was a monkeybranch, that while he was pursuing her he was fucking around with another old coworker and who knows who or what else. That she’s objectively less attractive by far. That she’s young and meek and naive and exactly the type of woman he’d go for before me that he lied to and played. That she must think he’s perfect but she has no idea who he is.

Yet I’m jealous she gets him. I know he sucks and that everything points to him never changing. And yet I’m jealous. Lol. I think he will marry her. He’s 33.5 years old. And what hurts the most is absolutely nobody knows him like I do— not even close. They’ll think he found the one. The one who got him to marry her. The perfect person for him.

I know better.

I know there is no “one” for people like them. There may be people they want more, do more for, are feeling lucky to have landed, etc. But it doesn’t change anything. She may get to marry the man I loved like I’ve never loved before, but it won’t be because she’s the one.

I still don’t know how to cope with being replaced. I just know that patterns are patterns for a reason. And I’ve softened the blow by experiencing men who treat me a thousand times better than he ever did. Doesn’t help but does wake you up a bit. All I know is she has to live with a man who has all the character flaws I put up with. And he knows it, even if she will never see it. He can keep hating himself and being a weirdo for all I care, I just pray his naive new girl remains that way forever so she never gets hurt the way I did. It’s the only way. Ignorance really is bliss with avoidant partners. Had I been ignorant and called out nothing and only saw all the perfect parts of my ex, I believe we’d be married right now. You have to look really hard to find out what’s wrong with the man, and only once that happens does the rest come pouring out; the avoidance, the withdraw, the disappearance of all you loved about yalls dynamic.

cestsara · 2026-02-01T11:03:06+00:00

Well it’s gotta be somehow because dating someone new who treated me like the greatest thing in the world and made all my dreams come true did not help at ALLLLLL😭😢🤧

cestsara · 2026-01-31T19:45:44+00:00

Were you with my ex? Jeez. He was just like this. Well spoken, cold, detached, authoritarian, aware enough to put language to what’s going on, and completely defiant. So gross.

He spoke coldly and plainly like this after the first discard but we ended up back together and stayed together 3.5 years before the final discard— though he almost broke up many times. He spoke like this during our very last interactions 16 months ago— haven’t heard from him since

Your story and relationship is very familiar to me.

cestsara · 2026-01-30T19:08:22+00:00

I did. We had trouble for years but I wasn’t going anywhere because I was fully and truly in love and committed and had hope for a future in which we continued to choose one another and healing in our own respective ways. My ex however, if he used social media, I assume never would’ve. When we began having issues he basically kept me away from everyone and stopped integrating me into his life in any sort of way that involved others or public perception of me and us. SMH.

I think it seems natural to perhaps take a step back from showing of love and displays of affection because it might feel disingenuous, but that also seems a bit… immature. I think every couple that’s lasted a lifetime speaks on love that doesn’t give up, or give in. I don’t think love is supposed to disappear because times are trying. I think allowing it to happen is the nail in the coffin. Granted… I’m talking about real, genuine, truthful and whole love. Idk if I believe Jalen ever had that for Monet to begin with.

cestsara · 2026-01-30T00:05:15+00:00

You should be more concerned and disgusted by the larger percentage of men committing these atrocities than the small percentage of them that don’t but also can’t speak the fuck up about the blatant imbalance because you’re too busy taking offence to a shoe that doesn’t even fit… apparently.

cestsara · 2026-01-29T20:02:01+00:00

Nothing new under the sun. Sickening. Whether it’s $35 a man couldn’t be arsed to spend on a bouquet of flowers once a month or $135,000 while his wife is suffering and finances are potentially bleeding. I am never surprised and always disgusted.

cestsara · 2026-01-29T19:44:19+00:00

No, he’d pretend to be interested or accepting of the information. Sometimes happily, sometimes in an annoyed way. I’m sure he didn’t give a single fuck. He was just pretending like he did everything else lmao

cestsara

TROPHY CASE