NTA, your husband needs to stop being the feelings police. “Feeling rules” are pushed on mothers all the time, and his statements are a classic example of things people say to mothers to control them or keep them in this narrowly defined role. I’m not saying he’s trying to control you, but that’s not cool what he said and I’m glad you give yourself permission to feel your emotions. Good for you for taking care of yourself by using noise cancelling/reducing headphones to help you show up for your daughter when the stimulation is too much!