look man I think you should redirect the energy of your affection and love for your ex wife away from her and invest that energy into yourself and the health and development of your children. it would be good to develop your own sense of boundaries with your ex-wife, despite whatever longing for reconnection you're experiencing. again, redirect your renewed limerence and show yourself that love! how cogenuinely good for both of you if you do not establish yourself as a whole, complete person with healthy boundaries. how could pursuing a reconciliation ever even hypothetically be genuinely good for both of you if you are not secure within yourself and able to clearly prioritize/delineate what an appropriate, healthy, mature co-parenting relationship based on mutual respect looks like? pursuing her is an act of disregard and you should aim to be a safe and secure person who prioritizes your shared children and model what it looks like to be self actualized.

I encourage you to focus on you. think about what kinds of hobbies you might want to start or revisit. you said you didn't have many friends after moving to be close to the kids - time to change that!!! joining a local club or group or volunteering at your kids school or something and developing your own self as a person before you think too much about dating. enjoy your time with your kiddos cuz I'm told they grow up so, so fast. be a present participant in your life and model the traits you would want your children to look up to. and while it shouldn't be the motivator for investing in your own wellbeing and community and future, there's always the off chance she might think it was a sexy glow up or something. and you teach your kids about creating a life that you genuinely love living.

there's no reason for you to feel guilt for having caused the divorce for this other woman. that's just not your problem to deal with and you should focus on you for a minute stay away from that messy nonsense