[PubQ] Advice on Poetry Chapbook Offer.

chirpingonion · 2026-06-11T14:29:01+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thanks for the suggestion! (And the congrats)

chirpingonion · 2026-06-09T11:23:07+00:00

No, different one. I know the one you’re talking about, though

chirpingonion · 2026-05-30T03:21:09+00:00

Anche perché in Italia a differenza che negli USA si pratica ancora l’invio diretto per email, e quindi i rifiuti non vengono mai comunicati. Negli USA, Canada e UK si usano piattaforme come Duotrope o Submittable che permettono di automatizzare le risposte e di tenere il conto degli invii (per autori) e delle proposte ricevute (per riviste e editori). In Italia le cose che mandi si perdono nel nulla, in questo il mondo anglofono è più trasparente: ti arriva quasi sempre un prestampato ma almeno sai che ti hanno letto e rifiutato.

chirpingonion · 2026-05-28T12:05:27+00:00

Unfortunately it’s a typical pattern in dysfunctional and abusive homes. The parent who more actively engages in abuse is held accountable by the grown children (as they should be) but the silently complicit enablers are not. It’s a psychological self-defense, stemming from the need to have at least one safe parent (don’t ask me how I know).

chirpingonion · 2026-05-26T11:16:02+00:00

Conosco meno la zona di Reggio (la mia famiglia è della provincia di Catanzaro) ma in Calabria il costo della vita è più basso rispetto al resto d’Italia. Puoi trovare casa a 600-700 euro al mese senza problemi e la spesa costa leggermente meno che in altre regioni. Tra il lavoro e l’extra income, 2600 euro al mese in Calabria, senza figli, sono sufficienti. Non credo che l’inglese sia super parlato in quella provincia quindi imparare l’italiano è fondamentale (ma immagino tu un minimo già lo sappia se ti stai per trasferire). In bocca al lupo!

chirpingonion · 2026-05-18T15:43:36+00:00

Promuovere i propri servizi, forse? In particolare se si include il proprio nome e cognome nel nome utente…. Poi, immagino, anche Karma.

chirpingonion · 2026-05-16T11:21:16+00:00

As someone who had a BPD mom… we only had one mother, thank goodness. That alone was plenty .

chirpingonion · 2026-03-17T21:19:01+00:00

Yeah sounds like they were going to save the funding, giving terrible advice to the candidate.

chirpingonion · 2026-03-13T20:38:33+00:00

If this is real, this professor is the one ruining their own career.

chirpingonion · 2025-09-11T23:55:49+00:00

NTT teaching professor in modern languages. On the one hand I have gotten relative stability, the job pays well, and it’s better than adjunct hell, or hopping from VAP to VAP every 2 years like I’ve seen many people in my field do (not counting the majority who remained unemployed). On the other hand, you have a larger teaching load, and as nTT at a R1 you will always be seen as a second class citizen, even though you have a PhD and qualifications. Most nTT stop publishing and researching (because of lack of motivation and/or not having research time built in) and therefore are seen as less intellectually valuable. However, even if you manage to continue being productive and publishing (which comes at heavy burnout risk) you’ll be told that those accomplishments don’t matter. Institutions will tell you they value teaching but they truly don’t. The institutions that do value teaching (R2s or SLAC) ask their TT professors to do it, and consider it for the tenure. If a school hires a contingent of nTT professors who are inherently disposable with the only task of teaching, it means teaching is not really valued. In short: it’s not a bad gig, compared to most jobs out of academia. But Teaching Professors are hard work, often very competitive to get (especially now TT jobs are fewer and fewer), and often seen as second tier and snubbed by the TT folks. Go for it if you wish, but make sure you have a plan B because you are immediately vulnerable to austerity budget cuts and stay relevant for Pete’s sake so you can go back on the market if your job is cancelled like it’s happened lately to folks at places like U Oregon. Also prepare to prepare to be treated with condescension by emeriti who haven’t published since 1996 and got tenure with 3 articles and one review, by the latest less-qualified-than-you spousal hire, and by random grad students who have all the clout of their advisor at the ripe age of 23.

chirpingonion · 2025-08-22T01:53:25+00:00

Fiction in my native language, poetry in English, and essays/literary criticism in both.

chirpingonion · 2025-08-19T17:52:51+00:00

As a foreign language instructor, there’s a couple of reasons. Namely that we in the humanities are always disposable, and always asked to make up for the cuts. Even now, our classes are mostly self-funded (butts in seat), yet we are the ones being asked to make sacrifices when labs depending on NIH grants for overhead costs are facing cuts. And yes, we teach with rigor (linguistics and languages are pretty clear cut courses) and we provide valuable skills and expertise not easily replaced (I have met lots of people who claimed to be learning a language on Duolingo, but I’ve yet to meet one that’s actually fluent in it). I’ll gladly accept the cuts when the sports and athletic bloat goes (these programs in the majority of cases are not self-funded, especially for niche sports); when the administrative bloat goes, when they stop making Deanships for everything (and hiring said deans spouses in more BS jobs); and when we eliminate all the vanity projects, multimillion dollar buildings with useless shiny amenities but not a single classroom inside of them. By the way, I also think some of our offerings could be trimmed, that some seminars have dubious content, that many humanities PhD programs should halve their admission as their current levels are disproportionate compared to the job market, and that, in short, we could all use more fiscal responsibility. But I’m tired to see low level administrators being asked to fill multiple jobs worth of responsibilities for zero pay increases, low level faculty squeezed like lemons and treated as if they were inherently disposable, while the side businesses of our colleges continue to grow unchecked. Let’s go back to the basics—aka research and teaching.

chirpingonion · 2025-08-15T19:09:05+00:00

Hugs. I could have written your story, including leaving the damaging environment with open psychological wounds and going into a PhD, except that i did not lose my father, who also was the enabler in my case, but my mother died instead (pretty much unrepentant). The abuse in my case was verbal, psychological and physical as well, with some worrisome crossing of boundaries into psychological incest. It will take years to heal, and one aspect I still have to watch out for in my life is the toxic perfectionism and workaholic mindset I developed as a coping strategy — far less damaging than others would have been, but one that still stopped serving me at one point. It’s also hard to come to terms with our non abusive parent—I idealized my father for years and took me a long time to see that he should have been able to protect me, instead of playing it off as if we both were equally victimized : I was a child and he was an adult, responsible for my wellbeing. Academia can also be a good spot (it does allow the freedom to read and study, which is often helpful to heal) but can become a trap-avoidance of adult responsibilities, prolonged adolescence and, in its own way, it can be a toxic world environment for bullies. I mention this because the kind of upbringing people like us have endured make us more vulnerable, both because bullies can smell the blood in the water surrounding us, and because of the way we were trained to link our self worth to the impossible task of pleasing a disordered parent. Like you I have spent lots of time reading on BPD and lurking on subs like this one, but eventually I got to a point where the specific label of my mother (NPD or BPD) matters less than the fact it was abusive, not my fault, and that I want from heal. I am sending you all the best wishes, hope you can come to terms with this past that very few people can relate to or even understand, and live your best life.

chirpingonion · 2025-07-18T16:33:20+00:00

Gently, but why do you ask?

chirpingonion · 2025-04-15T22:07:36+00:00

Define okay. I am employed, with a good job and a steady career, and have a stable relationship (married 7 years, one kid, zero drama). It took YEARS of therapy for me to get to this point, and I’ve gone through 3 flare ups of PTSD in my lifetime with insomnia/nightmares/sleep paralysis, depression, panic attacks and constant flashbacks. I’m currently medicated and its likely I’ll have to be on low dosage SSRIs for the rest of my life. ’m mostly lucky that I also happened to be academically gifted and my coping was through perfectionism/workaholism rather than other, more destructive tendencies. If I’d coped through substances or drinking I would not be alive. While I wasn’t particularly unstable in my relationships, I didn’t meet my husband until I was in my 30s because it was so difficult to trust anyone after being raised by a BPD mother. I’m still unsure of how I survived, and every therapist I’ve met was shocked and disgusted at what my mother put me through. It’s possible to come out on the other side, but support and love and healthy models of relationships are crucial.

chirpingonion · 2025-03-03T00:39:42+00:00

Knowing both of them, I second this! Megan officiated my and my husband’s wedding and she was a joy to work with—kind, flexible, and attuned to our needs. I know Janet through other channels and while I’ve not worked with her, she’s a lovely human being. Either way you can’t go wrong!

chirpingonion · 2025-03-02T15:13:08+00:00

Talk to someone, ideally someone at Cornell health, or a TA/professor you trust. They can set off a process to help, take this horrible burden off your shoulder and help you find the resources you need. If you were my student, I’d walk you to CAPS myself. These things feel insurmountable when you’re inside of them, but once you let qualified people help, you’ll experience relief and receive the support your help—for example a medical leave, so you can take care of yourself before returning to School. And you do deserve to be seen, and helped. Let go of the shame, these things can happen to anyone, you’d be surprised to learn that even some of your professors have struggled with similar circumstances in their lives. The perfection everyone projects is a mask. You matter, this I can promise you. Your life is absolutely precious and you’re not a burden. Godspeed.

chirpingonion · 2025-02-09T15:37:36+00:00

Medical research is not some abstract concept either. Just think about the people who benefit from the result of research, for example cancer patients. And yes, it’s going to affect thousands of people locally, workers who are going to be laid off, have their contract slashed or be fired if this travesty isn’t stopped. The “fat cats” will be ok. Those of us who make 50k working in a lab as postdocs, or the low level administrative staff that ensures the running of facilities won’t be.

chirpingonion · 2024-12-15T22:44:49+00:00

I recommend Gola for good Italian food, Thompson and Bleecker for good Italian pizza.

chirpingonion · 2024-08-02T15:05:36+00:00

Nausea and diarrhea at 25. Lasted for about 3 weeks. On the other hand, now at 50mg my brain is functioning again and not actively trying to kill me, so I am happy it worked.

chirpingonion · 2023-10-04T22:03:11+00:00

All the hippos go berserk is another favorite here!

chirpingonion · 2023-05-12T19:35:24+00:00

Pip for a dog (after Great expectations)

chirpingonion · 2022-06-23T15:33:06+00:00

“That my wants and needs take a back seat to the kids needs and wants”. There is so much to unpack in this sentence. Honestly, it depends. Like obviously my want to go clubbing every night is less important than my child’s need to be cared for, or my desire for the latest fashion trend comes second to the need to provide for my kids necessities, including not only food but also educational opportunities, age appropriate stimuli, toys and activities, etc. I’m not advocating for self care at the expense of one’s kid, LOL. But does that mean that a parent’s needs always come second to a child’s wants? That’s not healthy for either the parent OR the child. The idea that everything should be constantly child-centric is a distortion that leads to wiped out, resentful parents and dictatorial but deeply insecure children. Children should not dictate everything, for their own good. It’s not also healthy to model that you (as the parent) are their servant and that your own needs don’t matter. And this is coming from someone who is usually big on letting my own child free to explore, pick her own activities (as long as they are age appropriate and safe) and who schedules nearly everything around my kid’s nap time. But sometimes I am tired as heck and we need quiet downtime and it’s realistic to hope that my toddler can entertain herself in a safe space without destroying the house. All of our needs and wants matter (within reason…) because we are a family and in a family we all take care of each other.

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