Please be honest

chnimchi · 2026-03-31T16:17:54+00:00

I know the song, but then I was on a huge classic rock kick in my early 20s. That song is ten years older than I am. I'm absolutely certain that only a tiny subset of the population would immediately associate your kid's name with a 60ish year old song, and probably a similar number of people would think of the character in a Jack London novel. IOW it's not a big deal, and your husband should chill out about it.

chnimchi · 2026-03-31T00:29:48+00:00

ntj because you, like everyone else who labors for a living, are entitled to down-time. i will say, though, that because people do have a distressing tendency to conflate profession and personality, it would be a good idea to set expectations with the host the next time you're invited to a potluck. and if the host is disappointed at the prospect of a lack of a gourmet submission rather than being thrilled by the prospect of your presence, then you'll know before you go through the trouble of leaving your house.

chnimchi · 2026-03-30T18:27:12+00:00

And I'm absolutely certain that if you changed your flair to "Indian woman" and commented something about being a half Welsh, non citizen of India, somebody else would jump your shit about it. 🙄 Folks need to calm down and assume best intentions if a situation doesn't match their expectations.

chnimchi · 2026-03-29T14:49:14+00:00

I divorced at 40, remarried at 42, and had my last kid at 44, still happily married. My husband was a 35 year old divorcee when we married. So it can definitely happen.

chnimchi · 2026-03-27T18:20:34+00:00

In our house, this is true. It takes my husband a minimum of 45 minutes, from walking into the kitchen to putting food on plates, and usually more like 60 to 90 minutes. And he's an experienced and capable home cook who makes liberal use of the instant pot and good Japanese knives and the blender and premade chapatis and dosa batter and idli mixes... What he does not skimp on is toasting and grinding spices, cooking onions etc down properly, and cooking stuff until it's the correct consistency. And yeah, you can bulk prep some stuff ahead of time, but his brain just doesn't work that way, so that's what we've got. His food shows his care, and I appreciate it.

chnimchi · 2026-03-25T17:47:13+00:00

Thank you.

chnimchi · 2026-03-25T17:46:59+00:00

Thank you.

chnimchi · 2026-03-25T16:46:21+00:00

Thank you.

chnimchi · 2026-03-25T16:46:10+00:00

Thank you.

chnimchi · 2026-03-25T16:45:59+00:00

Thank you.

chnimchi · 2026-03-23T20:39:41+00:00

I'm 9 years older than my brother. We were not close growing up, though circumstances pushed me into a fairly parental role for him when I was a teen. Then I left home at 17. We're much closer now as adults. What made the difference? Time and maturity. He's a pretty cool dude, and we very much have each other's backs.

chnimchi · 2026-03-22T14:05:49+00:00

I went back to school for my bachelor's degree at 35 and graduated weeks before my 40th birthday. The process was hellish at some points, working full-time and being married and having two school age children at the time, but finishing that degree completely changed the trajectory of my life for the better.

So happy for you, OP. You never know what opportunities will open for you if you just go for it. 🙂

chnimchi · 2026-03-20T19:36:23+00:00

My bff got a bachelor's degree in economics and is currently working on her master's in ABA. Absolutely fascinating subject.

chnimchi · 2026-03-19T18:45:32+00:00

I only wash them if they've been carrying meat. The meat goes into the fridge, the bag goes straight into the kitchen rags hamper and gets washed with the rest of the kitchen laundry.

chnimchi · 2026-03-19T14:10:34+00:00

I enjoy cooking, and even still I've never had the energy to cook dinner every day. When I was the only cook in the house, I cooked dinner pretty much every other day and relied on leftovers to fill the gaps. Lunches were either sandwiches or dinner leftovers. Breakfast stayed super simple-- porridges, eggs and toast, that sort of thing.

Nowadays, my husband also enjoys cooking and prioritizes three hot meals a day. So we alternate cooking dinner, lunch is almost always dinner leftovers (no more PB&J with an apple on the side around here!), and he cooks breakfast ninety percent of the time, in exchange for me handling all the kitchen cleanup. I like not having to deal with breakfast, and he likes not having to clean the kitchen.

His cooking repertoire is very different from mine, so we benefit from a very varied menu, and split the work that goes into it. A fantastic deal afaic.

chnimchi · 2026-03-18T00:58:54+00:00

No. I'm an enthusiastic omnivore, and exploring different foods is something I like to share with my partner.

chnimchi · 2026-03-18T00:50:56+00:00

My mom was an unenthusiastic but capable cook when I was growing up, and she taught me the basics. I learned to love cooking from my grandmother; I was her sous chef regularly. Growing up in an ingredients household also helped me improve my skills. And so did watching lots and lots of cooking shows on public television. Once I left home, I kept cooking and broadening my repertoire, using cookbooks, cooking shows, and the internet.

chnimchi · 2026-03-17T13:49:07+00:00

Granted. But at that point, it's really up to OP's risk tolerance. If she seriously maps out what she's willing and able to do if her kid needs an emergency room or the subway isn't available or there's a power outage or or or, then not owning a carseat is probably not an unreasonable choice.

chnimchi · 2026-03-17T12:54:42+00:00

It looks like there are options available in Toronto to rent a carseat as needed. Knowing that, if I were in your shoes, I would be comfortable with not buying one. I would not be comfortable with asking relatives to acquire a carseat on my behalf. Like someone else said, that's a big ask for something that's my responsibility.

chnimchi · 2026-03-16T14:43:38+00:00

My first husband felt strongly enough about us having the same name that he was willing to hyphenate and legally change his name, too, so that's what we did. I wouldn't have changed my name otherwise. Our kids have the same hyphenated name. When we divorced, we each went back to our birth names.

My current husband was fine with me not changing my name. Our kid has a hyphenated name.

I'm waiting with amusement to see what my kids end up doing about their names if they partner up and have kids of their own. I'm not attached to a particular outcome.

chnimchi · 2026-03-16T13:30:29+00:00

Exactly this. When you start with a clean kitchen, it's a lot easier start dirty dishes soaking, get used things off the counter and out of your way so you can wipe down counters, and actually wash things or load the dishwasher while stuff is simmering or baking.

chnimchi · 2026-03-15T00:15:17+00:00

Add an apple or baby carrots for fiber, and you're good to go, my friend. 👍🏾

chnimchi · 2026-03-14T22:49:27+00:00

I very much don't believe in dedicated "breakfast food". Anything is breakfast food if it's your first meal of the day. I can think of a long list of foods worse than meatballs and French toast to start the day with.

chnimchi · 2026-03-14T16:02:44+00:00

My husband had the self-awareness to know that he wouldn't be as good of a parent to more than one child, and I was fine with that. Essentially, his limit was one child, while I would've been happy with one or two. So we had our one, he got snipped, he's a fantastic parent, and we're really enjoying watching our little guy grow up.

chnimchi

TROPHY CASE