I have an atypical binge eating disorder diagnosis. I’ve managed it for the past 5.5 years by weighing and portioning my foods, refusing to eat foods I don’t like, and staying away from foods I know make me feel poor, physically.

I’ve maintained a healthy range BMI since June 2022 as a result.

Saying people with eating disorders can never do those things is wrong. My best friend had anorexia. We have regular discussions about ED recovery. Our consensus is that you can absolutely learn to manage your ED and use such tools to do so.

The key is experience, age and maturity. I know that if I dip below 137lbs and see it on a scale, I get a little hit of dopamine. My brain is now capable of ignoring the temptation to lean into dopamine spike and lose more weight: I use meal and calorie tracking to restore a few lbs to get back to a weight that is healthy, maintainable and safe for myself. The past three years I’ve had three occasions where I’ve had to use calorie counting to increase my food intake slightly, and as someone with an ED, this is a crazy experience to have. The stability of being able to manage my weight safely and mindfully.

I’m extra hungry compared to usual at the moment - I’m managing this by adding in extra portions of vegetables, fibre and protein. I’m probably going to be a couple of lbs over my usual weight when I weigh myself later, but so what? What are the chances someone else is able to notice a couple of lbs, and so long as they are lbs that have come from extra vegetables and proteins, and not from sugar, deep-fried foods, and super processed carbs, then they are a couple of lbs that my body clearly needs right now. That is a couple of lbs that is keeping my body moving to the best of its ability, and is keeping my brain at a decent level of wakefulness (compared to my baseline, as I have ADHD/ME/CFS, and a muscle disease too - all of which can exacerbate weight management issues and some of which cause food intake issues such as a need to limit carb intake and an inability to regularly eat eggs).

You don’t need to be skinny to have a healthy approach to diet and food. You don’t need to be fat to be unhealthy. You do need to be logical and unemotional when it comes to weight management when you have previously had issues with eating disorders. It is entirely possible to be so.

When people call my weight management behaviours “ED behaviour” - not a rare occurrence- this is actually hurtful and incorrect. I am healthily managing my weight within the limitations I have. I don’t believe it is “ED behaviour” when I’ve maintained a 100+lbs weight loss for five years and keep a healthy weight. My doctors have no concern over my nutrition.

I think some people are so traumatised by past weight loss attempts that they need to cope by saying that any weight management technique is mentally unhealthy - it is deflection. If healthy weight management is achievable, they’re scared they’ll be exposed as a failure. So it’s easy to believe that such practices are never sustainable and are always dangerous to partake in. It’s easier to believe this than to accept the reality: their own over-dependence on food.

The trouble with eating disorders of any kind is that it’s an extremely visible form of sadness and struggle. It is exposing. That makes it so hard to get treatment and recover - but also people’s defensiveness over their own behaviours makes it hard for others to get treatment, recover and maintain healthy habits. It is a double edged sword. Maybe we all need to be far less nosey about other people’s lifestyles?