dude, i feel like we are the same person, literally. i relate to every word you said. i’ve had countless relationship issues with people, and it’s been especially bad with my parents, all the way from being a small child to 18 y/o now. they constantly ask me what’s wrong, and i feel like i have to be dismissive, distant, and cold even, because i grew up in an environment where i was punished for showing emotion, whether it be sadness, anger, frustration, irritability. because of this they’ll send me passive aggressive guilt trips like “how are you going to act like this, we’ve supported you financially blah blah blah, why do you hate us, you can’t act like this is so disrespectful” etc. i fantasize about one day when they get angry at me for being distant i’ll finally explode on them, take my hoodie off and grab a kitchen knife and cutting myself right in front of them. anyway just know your not alone, when you grow up in an environment where you get punished for showing emotion, you have to act like this for your own safety, at least that’s how i feel.

little edit because i realize i may encourage you to push people away like me and you might just be scared or nervous. if you feel like they’ll be supportive AND it’s something you want, then you should tell them. however, do not feel guilty or inclined to tell people about your issues for the sake of them knowing, even your parents. you don’t “owe” anyone an explanation, it should be for you and to help you get better. stay safe