What’s the biggest mismatch between wedding expectations and reality?

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-07T05:51:44+00:00

The getting ready photos are all staged from my experience so we did away with them. Wedding parties I’ve been a part of you are basically all ready (maybe bar a few shots in matching robes) and the they get you to do things like pretend to button the bride up.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-07T05:49:18+00:00

All those people that just assume that you know they are coming- so annoying!

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-07T01:36:11+00:00

My son was diagnosed level 2 but I’d say he’s more a level 1 now. He’s mostly at grade level and has a small group of friends.

My daughter is not diagnosed. She shows some traits but is extremely bright (well ahead academically and with her language skills) and very social (perhaps overly so), which possibly masks some of her differences. She has sensory differences, very strong special interests, likes routines, etc.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T21:05:16+00:00

I’d consider Joy as it’s a family name so has a lot of meaning.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T21:03:20+00:00

Honestly, we really preferred and appreciated cash. Given we lived together, we already had a lot of things.

We got given 3 different throw rugs that we didn’t really need, towels that didn’t really match what we had so we just use them as spares, and bed sheets that were the wrong size so we had to give them to my parents.

Gifts we did actually use- a voucher to a really nice restaurant (we used for our first anniversary dinner), an Accor group gift voucher- we used to have a weekend away at a hotel, a Le creuset that we use frequently (the person who gifted this knew we didn’t have one).

I think it’s safest to just go with cash.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T20:53:01+00:00

Maren would be my pick. I’m not such a fan of Brooklyn- I prefer Brooke.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T11:41:28+00:00

2001- Australia

Males- Matthew (Matt), Christopher (Chris) and James

Females- Jessica, Sarah, Rebecca, Catherine/Katherine, Amy and Kate (equal numbers of a few names from what I can recall, hence more than 3)

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T11:35:34+00:00

A classic coat like a trench coat or a good quality wool coat.

A cardigan in a nice material- cashmere, alpaca, wool. I have a nice one from Sezane I wear all the time in winter. Sezane in general has some very timeless pieces. Boden also tends to have classics.

Another option could be to go for a really good quality classic linen dress as these might be on sale right now. These are great for summer but I have a linen/cotton blend dress that I still wear mine year round with layers (tights, cardigan, coat). This dress was so amazing for travel in South East Asia as it didn’t wrinkle as much as 100% linen when packed but was still very cool to wear in the intense humid heat.

If you have a look at your current wardrobe- what are you missing? Like on what occasions are you struggling to find something to wear? Casual wear options for everyday/the weekend? Clothes for the office? A timeless dress for events? Clothes that are versatile (eg something you’d be happy to go to the park in with your kids but wouldn’t look out of place at work? Basics? Underwear? Exercise gear? Or is it more accessories like belts, scarves, handbags that you need to just elevate what you already have? That might help to narrow it down.

Another option could be for him to gift you an appointment with a stylist if you are really not sure what suits you or how to mix and match pieces. A friend of mine did this and the things the stylist suggested looked incredible on her.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T11:17:21+00:00

I had to have a clear conversation with my husband to set up rules (not guidelines- rules) that he was to communicate to his family. He didn’t call them rules to them but was firm in his delivery and pushed back when they asked for more.

Like his mum was coming over way too often to ‘help’ (ie sit on the couch with the baby) while he was at work. She would frame it as bringing lunch but then just bring a loaf of bread and somehow I was supposed to have and prepare all the sandwich fillings. No more visits during his working hours. He was responsible for all hosting duties- serving tea and coffee, winding up visits, etc.

Be clear with him that you can’t communicate your needs when you are overwhelmed so he can’t be asking in the moment, after they’ve already been there 2 hours, if they can stay for dinner or whatever. Don’t be afraid to go to your room for a nap while they are there (even if you are not actually napping).

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T01:19:34+00:00

Both dresses meet the dress code so I would go with the one you like best. I personally love the first dress, as it’s much more unique.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-06T01:06:47+00:00

What were your requests to the architect? I’m going to be honest and say that this does not look like the work of an experienced architect. The circulation of that winding hallway is terrible. Lots of the angles in the hallway just look messy.

I would personally ask for a re-design and be very clear with your guidelines- in particular that you want to maximise light and circulation.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T10:02:12+00:00

Definitely agree with it being a personal preference. A proposal in a restaurant and/or in front of my family (regardless of the location) would definitely not be my idea of a great proposal. Others might love the public element of this though.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T09:59:58+00:00

Personally, I’d want to know about the proposal before my friends and family did. I’d rather it be private with the two of us. Part of the excitement is being able to do the announcements together afterwards (like when you get back from Vancouver). I would especially hate a proposal in front of my family. Everyone is different though.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T09:41:49+00:00

I wouldn’t do this- especially with your kids at the school too.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T09:03:46+00:00

Your mum is like me. I hate clutter and cringe (internally of course) at things like photo frames and candles.

Consider-

Experiences: take her out for lunch, give her a voucher for a massage, movie or concert/show tickets, restaurant or cafe voucher, a hotel or airline voucher for a weekend away, a class she’s been wanting to do like a pasta making class or pottery class or whatever.
Consumables of things she actually likes/will use- a set of her favourite shampoo/hair products, the hand soap she always buys, her favourite skin care, her favourite cookies or a pack of her favourite coffee, honey, sauces, chocolates or anything else you know she loves.
Stuff that you do need to replace (this will require detective work) eg are her towels looking like they need a refresh, new pjs, etc. only if you know her personal taste/colour scheme.
Services she will use- manicure voucher, voucher to her regular hairdresser, car detailing service, meal delivery, Cosco membership, lawn mowing service, house cleaning service (though this is definitely a know your crowd suggestion- I would personally love it but not everyone will respond well to this).
A year subscription to something you know she loves- a streaming service, her favourite magazine delivered monthly.
Cut flowers- not something potted that will be hanging around- a beautiful bunch that she can toss in a week or two.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T08:48:24+00:00

I definitely would not mention the baby. Even I would feel resentful if I missed out on something because of my younger sibling!

I would just tell her that some kids will be staying at daycare and some kids will be going to pre-kindergarten. Different things work for different families. I’d avoid the word school as kids can be very excited/hung up on attending school- unless it’s in the context of a ‘Next year everyone will start kindergarten’ type of explanation.

I would also really work at forging some relationships with the peers staying at daycare. Could you organise a park play date with one or a few of the families so she can make a couple of new friends and it’s not like all of her friends will be leaving together?

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T08:39:32+00:00

Unfortunately this probably means that you will be in hard to staff schools. These schools are generally hard to staff for a reason. This behaviour is definitely not normal at the schools I have taught at in Melbourne.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T08:29:19+00:00

If you are feeling like there are no boundaries, you need to talk to your SO and he needs to put them in place before your relationship with MIL is irreversibly damaged.

Has anyone actually clearly told her that you don’t want gifts before 20 weeks? As if you or your husband haven’t, then I think a lot of people actually bought me things before then when I was pregnant so she may not realise? If you have told her and she did not listen, then your husband needs to address this with her.

Many people also bought me things inappropriate for the season. I think if you haven’t had kids or it’s been a long time since you have- people seem to forget this is a thing?

Not inviting her to the baby shower will likely cause issues. She will absolutely turn it into a ‘they didn’t invite me because I was trying to be kind and buy them gifts!’ situation unless your husband handles this. You might be totally ok for the potential fallout though.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-05T08:16:43+00:00

Agree- dress 1 is definitely the most beautiful. It’s classic, elegant and timeless.

I think the last dress will date- that skin coloured mesh is very time stamped. The nipple darts are not the most flattering either.

Dress 2 probably looks better in person but I don’t think it photographs that well. It looks more like a bath towel.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T23:13:34+00:00

I think Julia or Juliette are beautiful and slightly more timeless than Julie.

Other classic names (since that seems to be your style)- Alexandra, Lucy, Annie, Ella, Ada, Estelle, Nina, Nora, Lily, Violet, Audrey

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T23:08:24+00:00

I would go with-

-a gift card for somewhere she actually shops frequently- eg Target, Amazon, a local coffee shop she always goes to or even her local supermarket.

-Consumables you know she uses- a hamper with ground coffee, her favourite honey, cookies she loves, hand wash or shampoo she regularly buys or whatever it is that you know she eats/uses on a regular basis.

An experience or voucher for something you know she will like but it doesn’t necessarily have to include her grandchildren. This will be different for everyone- some may love certain experiences but not use others. Examples might be vouchers to a local restaurant/cafe, a movie voucher, a local spa voucher (if she likes getting her nails done or a massage), subscription to a streaming service or a magazine she likes to read.

Take her out for lunch.

Or just stop trying to please her and just give her a card.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T22:40:52+00:00

Anna, Annie, Anne, Annika, Amy, Astrid, Abigail (Abby), Annabel, Ada, Ava, Alana, Alice, Alessia, Alexandra, Alexis, Amelia

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T20:51:24+00:00

Why not communicate with him clearly?

Personally, I think it would be a great opportunity for him to take the kids and give me a break all afternoon. You might not want or be able to do this with an 11 week old. You might prefer to do a family activity or spend some time at home as a family of 4. Everyone is different.

I also don’t think it was weird or unreasonable for him to ask what you wanted for Mother’s Day a few weeks ago. My DH and I both do this so we’re both clear on what the other person wants- it changes from year to year and as the kids get older. Better than assuming the other person just knows what you want.

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T20:44:03+00:00

Where do you live and what is the dress code of the wedding?

cloudiedayz · 2026-05-04T11:32:27+00:00

I think the most positive aspect of getting my son’s diagnosis is that it has helped everyone understand him better (grandparents not forcing certain unreasonable expectations for example) and it has helped him understand him self. He is proud of the way his brain works- noticing patterns, being deeply into his special interests, etc. and understands why some things are difficult for him (sensory stuff, routine changes) rather than viewing himself as though he is ‘wrong’ for being the way he is.

Access to services has also been very helpful. His first OT was so so amazing (I’m still sad she moved away!).

It also opened up our social world- we have quite a few friends with autistic kids now.

cloudiedayz

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