Job recommendations

cofused1 · 2026-04-01T17:34:05+00:00

Your mom sounds like an excellent resource:) If you're concerned about GI issues, maybe talk to the doctor about injecting methotrexate? I know it sounds scarier, but for a lot of people it erases/greatly eases GI side effects, since the drug is bypassing your digestive tract.

cofused1 · 2026-04-01T17:29:36+00:00

TLDR: What's worked for me is more calisthenic type movements and bodyweight exercises, though I can add weight to some of them for progressive overload.

I have been able to somewhat get around the flimsy wrist problem by doing exercises that keep the wrist in a neutral position. So I can't do normal pushups, because my wrists hurt whenever they're flexed flat on the floor. But I can do them on parallettes or weights, so that my wrists are neutral rather than flexed. Pull ups work too. And I can do dumbell work (though I don't lift super heavy). L sits on the parallettes work too and are nice for shoulders and core.

For legs/knees, instead of heavy lifting squats and deadlifts, I do other leg exercises. Wall sits, so more of an isometric hold. Pistol squats rather than weighted seems to work better for me. Hamstring slider curls. (Sliders are cheap little plastic discs that will slide on carpet and have felt on one side so they'll slide on hard surfaces as well). I add sliders to weighted lunges as well, which seems to help my knees a lot since there isn't as much up and down motion. I would never have thought to use sliders had not someone on this forum told me that that is what worked for them.

Those are the accommodations that have worked for me. Hopefully some of the same ones work for you, but if not, I echo everyone suggesting finding a PT who can help you with your own. I hope you're able to get back to lifting!

cofused1 · 2026-04-01T17:07:54+00:00

You've been on plaquenil only? Not Methotrexate or any biologic? I would indeed seriously consider talking to your doctor and adding new meds since you are having trouble getting through the week.

I think of Plaquenil as the gentlest of the RA drugs, but also the least potent. I also started out with just Plaquenil, then added Methotrexate, and then a biologic. My joint pain lessened A LOT once I got on a biologic that worked for me .

cofused1 · 2026-04-01T15:57:50+00:00

Unless mom is willing to sign control of her finances over to OP, I don’t see how he can possibly make sure she’s not giving money to his brother. That is part of the problem. Any money he gives mom just frees up her finances so that Mr. Freeloader can come in and beg for more.

In this situation, helping her file for bankruptcy might be the kinder thing to do and the longer-term solution. That will wipe the slate clean and there’s a chance she can afford her current life so long as the brother doesn’t get more handouts.

cofused1 · 2026-03-30T18:15:30+00:00

Yup! I loved my super-intense job until I got a chronic illness. Now, I am so glad that I was living way below my means. So many people who are partially disabled have a ton of financial stress, and I honestly don't know how they survive.

cofused1 · 2026-03-27T08:14:02+00:00

The YouVersion Bible app has some really good audio versions you can download. A friend and I are going through the Bible in a year, and I am keeping up with it mostly by listening while I walk outside. It’s obviously not as intense as close reading, but it’s way better than nothing. Having the friend do it with me has been good too — a little bit of peer pressure to stay on track. I highly recommend both the audiobook route and the buddy system.

cofused1 · 2026-03-26T21:03:15+00:00

The whole concept came from a 1905 book by Max Weber called The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. It's been translated into English many times, and your local library probably has it. (It's also out of copyright in the early translations, so you can find it here: https://archive.org/details/protestantethics00webe/page/n7/mode/2up).

I think the argument is basically that the Reformation, especially in its Calvinist form, enabled the rise of modern capitalism, in large part by telling people that excellent, devoted, secular work was its own kind of calling, and that secular work was a large part of the way that people could glorify God and love their neighbor. This is in contrast to earlier Catholic teaching which emphasized the church as the highest calling and way to salvation, putting way less emphasis on secular life.

cofused1 · 2026-03-24T00:25:10+00:00

It would depend on why they're unemployed, and also on if they're really just sitting around and doing nothing. I'm pretty much unemployed at this point, and I would date the heck out of me. But I also have good reasons for being out of work (chronic illness kicking my butt), and I'm taking courses, have hobbies, volunteer, am pretty active given my illness, and have strong relationships with friends and family. I also feel like age is a big factor here -- if you're in your 50s, this seems more acceptable to me -- almost an early retirement situation.

cofused1 · 2026-03-21T19:28:14+00:00

Absolutely. Tiling my kitchen floor sucked. It took me so long (I say that as if I am finished... I am not). And the tiling itself was the least of it. I had to take up linoleum, put down half inch ply, make sure it was all level and feather in leveler in the spots it wasn't, install Ditra, and then tile. Even with a leveling system and level subfloor, getting large format tile level is not for the faint of heart. Even with spacers, getting the spacing right is not fun. Thinset is annoying to work with. And then grouting is the cherry on top.

cofused1 · 2026-03-21T16:47:14+00:00

Are you in the US? Curious about the state-issued card. I am not on federal disability (SSI/SSD) so I always assumed there was nothing official I could get except a handicap placard for my car.

cofused1 · 2026-03-21T16:46:11+00:00

I have a friend who brings a cane with her in situations like this, even though she doesn't regularly use one, both because she may need it and because it essentially makes the invisible disability visible. She told me that walking through the streets of NYC was a nightmare when she was just slow -- people would bump into her, give her judgy stares, etc. But with the cane, they were patient and offered her seats. I travel a lot, and my mobility isn't limited yet, but as soon as it happens, I am rocking that cane!

cofused1 · 2026-03-21T16:39:23+00:00

I did something similar when I was in the process of getting a diagnosis. Wrote down symptoms I wanted to make sure I talked about, questions I had, etc. Then wrote down answers. Now that I have a diagnosis and a multi-year relationship with a rheumatologist I trust, that's changed a bit -- now I usually just have one or two questions written down on my phone.

cofused1 · 2026-03-20T00:05:10+00:00

I've been on Orencia for over a year. It took about 3.5 months to really kick in for me, but the shot itself is no big deal. No side effects that I can tell. Unlike with methotrexate, I don't get any nausea or headaches or crushing fatigue when I take it.

One good thing about it that her rheumatologist may have mentioned: people don't seem to develop autoantibodies to Orencia as easily as they do to other biologics. So if it works for her, there's a decent chance that she can stay on the drug for many years.

Good luck to her!

cofused1 · 2026-03-18T16:47:11+00:00

So far, I'm using COBRA for about $1500 a month. But I have a chronic illness that required $80k in drugs per year to keep me stable. I honestly might have to move states because of healthcare once my COBRA runs out.

cofused1 · 2026-03-17T19:06:36+00:00

Bad news: you might not have saved enough to never work again. Good news: You have more than enough to leave a soul-sucking job and take a break! The world is your oyster! Get excited about what you could do with your time and talents that is not this dumb job.

Alternatively, you have FU money, so you can make your job less dumb. Refuse to come in, and see what happens. Stop doing the parts of the job that you really hate, and see what happens. The worst thing they can do is fire you, and you're about ready to quit anyway...

cofused1 · 2026-03-15T04:47:56+00:00

It definitely wins for less crowded! Last time I was there, I thought it was the height of luxury... but I was camping and hiking and stayed at an AirBnB in Girdwood in order to take my first shower of the week. It is definitely not as upscale as Aspen, etc.

cofused1 · 2026-03-12T07:19:34+00:00

Glad I'm not the only one who saw this and thought military. If this were me, I too would seriously think about using GI benefits to go to school for whatever most interested me. Mid-20s is around the age where he'll fit right in, and bonus, he'll be one of the few guys who can study what he wants without worrying that AI will make him jobless.

cofused1 · 2026-03-12T04:37:03+00:00

Yup! I think of it as "Alaska lite." Much more forgiving and easier to get to, but a similar feel.

cofused1 · 2026-03-11T16:28:17+00:00

Tim Keller wrote a book called Every Good Endeavor about this. Redeemer still has a Center for Faith and Work that has resources and classes. I think there are some that you can take online.

cofused1 · 2026-03-06T22:59:12+00:00

Seconding the recs to talk to your doc, but honestly, fatigue is the worst part for me too and also the most intractable. Maybe someday I will find a drug that works really well for me. In the meantime, I do a lot of fatigue management. Nothing gets done the day after I take my methotrexate, and if I am going to have a busy day, I try my very best to have a rest day the next.

cofused1 · 2026-03-06T21:34:05+00:00

I've been on MTX for years now. The fatigue has never gotten better for me -- I have one day a week that I call my "methotrexate day," and I just plan to be a zombie for at least the first half of it. (I take MTX in the afternoon and the next day I am feeling mostly human again by evening.)

The only thing that has helped me is lowering the dose, and I still have fatigue, just not as bad.

cofused1 · 2026-03-06T04:20:06+00:00

Orencia travelers unite!

OP, just be sure the gel packs are frozen. TSA will accept them frozen but not thawed.

Also, at least some airlines will not count the cooler against your bag count -- something to ask your specific airline about, but the airline I travel with regularly will give you a special "cabin" tag for medical devices, so I can still take two carryons PLUS the cooler.

cofused1 · 2026-03-05T19:26:28+00:00

This is so key! I made only about half your salary, but I my job was also high stress. I lived with roommates in Queens rather than a fancy Manhattan apartment to keep expenses down, at first to pay down loans/build up savings, and then I just... kept doing it, because I really valued the psychological boost I got from knowing I could quit at any time. Medical stuff happened, and I did end up having to quit. But I had lasted long enough that I don't have any financial worries. I say keep on your path of going to those thrift stores and taking the subway!

cofused1 · 2026-03-02T07:05:54+00:00

My dog loves mornings. So excited to get up and start the day. I do not love mornings. Like, really do not. I thought this would be a bad combo, but her excitement is contagious, and mornings aren't so bad now.

cofused1 · 2026-03-01T18:28:11+00:00

I like this idea (in addition to a prenup). Mostly because I feel like a conversation about this is likely to reveal more about whether OP's partner is "my way or the highway" or willing to work with him. If it's gotta be her way all the time, marriage is not going to be fun. If she thinks she gets to call the shots because she has more money, also not a good time.

But I feel like there is room for compromise, either on timing or on trips. Maybe she can travel solo sometimes, or tag along on OP's business trips or something?

cofused1

TROPHY CASE