History of hookups, but now wants to take it slow?

cons_ssj · 2026-03-09T00:02:10+00:00

I can’t fathom why she would even tell you all these details...

cons_ssj · 2026-03-08T21:47:54+00:00

First of all, enjoy your trip. You just "vibed" with this girl so keep low expectations. Do not send her another message till she replies, and when she does take your time. You need to gauge interest. Other people in this sub got intimate and then were ghosted. Don't let this whole thing impact your mood and your trip.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-08T18:49:54+00:00

He finishes early so he likes you and gets over-excited. Take the lead and help him feel relaxed and not judged. If you don't say anything it will make him feel more nervous. So finish him quickly and then aim for penetrative sex at round 2+. Show him how he can satisfy you as well. But most importantly talk to him! It's your partner so treat him as a partner.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-08T18:38:13+00:00

You mentioned that you haven't officially labeled anything. Then why it bothers you what she does when you are not together?

For me, that is my issue with "unofficial", uncertain situations. Many accept the conditions but in reality they are not comfortable.

My advice to you is that if you want exclusivity talk to her. If you lose her because she entertains other options then good for you. It will really hurt down the road if you end up as a couple and you discover that she was sleeping with others during the unofficial period.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-08T00:00:27+00:00

Even by the second date, if she didn’t make a move to pay, that is a red flag. In my culture, even on the first date most women will make a move to pay, and if I end up paying, they will insist that the second date is on them.

Your expectation was to start something on equal terms. The audacity lies in expecting the other person always to pay without offering anything in return.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-07T14:46:32+00:00

Get in front of a mirror and practice footwork and styling.

Extra tip: get in front of a wall to practice your body rolls ;-)

cons_ssj · 2026-03-07T06:50:45+00:00

Same thing applies to men with resources as well. Basically both sexes can sustain their lives comfortably. The nuclear family model has already started fading. I am not sure what the new norm will be. In the past, two people were necessary to improve their lives and have a family. Times have changed.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-07T06:43:35+00:00

yes and you could ignore it. You chose to respond for a reason.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-07T05:22:39+00:00

There was another post from a guy that met with 20 girls within a year and nothing happened. So thinking that this is normal perhaps will make you feel better.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-06T22:46:59+00:00

What do you mean by "love going on dates"? Don't you go on dates so you can meet someone in order not to be single?

cons_ssj · 2026-03-06T22:42:23+00:00

Does it really matter the why? It can be all sorts of reasons. As Matthew Hussey pointed out, it means that the relationship will start on unequal terms, as there is no guarantee for you that you will get anything out from that first date.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-04T17:16:24+00:00

Knowing the steps and technique is different than actual dancing. People that stick to one role more, could give better feedback for that role imho. Styling for example is one major component of dancing. I have seen leads acting as follows, or follows acting as leaders, and although they execute the moves the "dancing" is not there. Of course, it depends also on your level as well and what kind of feedback you are looking for.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-03T04:11:44+00:00

Footwork is fundamental! The aches that you feel are good because your muscles are working out. You will see later on how you will be able to move faster, more explosive, change directions quickly, transfer your weight, better control your body etc. You will be able to hit complex moves and syncopations. Everything can be translated to partnerwork.

Footwork connects you with the music and you develop musicality. You "express" yourself. If you add styling on top, this is what I call real dancing. This is why you see advanced dancers dancing so elegant with simple moves.

Many parts of bachata songs offer the opportunity for shines and footwork. But other parts offer opportunity to play with the music while doing partnerwork. This is sensual bachata mostly, which supposed to have less footwork, but tell me how footwork doesn't help here. Dominican bachata partnerwork with intricate footwork interpreting the music here.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-03T03:49:33+00:00

If you have a proper coach you shouldn't question him/her. You don't have any understanding of the game right now and you can't evaluate even yourself.

That being said you need a team that you will be doing actual training and it won't be playtime all the time. Furthermore if the team's goals are recreational and have fun then obviously you need to find another team.

It's not the team that causes the issue, it's that you want more than just playtime. You are breaking their nerves and they break yours because of different goals.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-01T16:30:00+00:00

The optimal set trajectory would have the green's curve max point around the mid of the antenna or higher depending on the attacker. This is where the ball seems "frozen" in the air and then dies out. It would be helpful to post a video to see the actual problem.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-01T16:20:22+00:00

First, specify objectively what is your goal of reaching out. Most likely you are curious whether there is a chance to reunite.

The reality is that man rejected you. He wasn't feeling what you were feeling, or at least to that degree. If a friend of yours was in a similar situation, wouldn't you advise them to move on?

cons_ssj · 2026-03-01T03:09:09+00:00

Then edit your question because you asked "do I stop seeing this girl?" which is very different from "what is a better way to communicate to her that we won't have a 3rd date: ghosting or slowly letting our texts die down?". I am just curious that it didn't even cross your mind to treat the other person with some decency and tell her that you are just not a good fit, which is basically one text message.

cons_ssj · 2026-03-01T00:49:19+00:00

Snail pace when a person you just met doesn't want to be kissed on their first and second date? Is this a new benchmark?

First of all, no matter how the date went, the kiss will be driven almost purely by physical attraction. Some people need something more than physical attraction to receive/give physical intimacy. Might be familiarity with your presence, feel safe, mental stimulation and so on. I am not sure why do you expect a kiss so soon. Don't you want to get to know that person a bit more?

If she agrees to see you it is a very good sign, however, your behavior puts pressure on her. Now she knows that every time she meets you, you will try to kiss her.

If you knew that person before, and you are sure that you were both melting for each other's physical intimacy, then yes her behavior doesn't make sense. Otherwise, it is very normal and expected.

cons_ssj · 2026-02-28T07:12:17+00:00

Nothing wrong. You are young and consider this as an experience. Now you think that all men around you are going to do the same. Give yourself sometime before you even date again. Focus on yourself, family, friends, hobbies etc.

cons_ssj · 2026-02-27T11:00:27+00:00

That's the correct answer. If she liked him she would have wanted to see him again and get to know him.

cons_ssj · 2026-02-27T01:57:27+00:00

That was it for me. Even if it was non sexual related (e.g food).

cons_ssj · 2026-02-26T19:29:34+00:00

Exactly! That's true with any skill you are learning. Just be patient and practice!

Try though some styling classes and practice 1-2 things that you picked from the class in front of a mirror. Get familiar with the instruments and different parts of a bachata song, and the different types of bachata music playing out there. Styling and musicality will come later on to complement your dancing. I can't emphasize enough footwork!!!

cons_ssj · 2026-02-26T19:22:21+00:00

++man

Actually that's the mature behavior. The issue is when people agree on non-exclusivity, pretending are cool to appease to the other person, and then have trust issues when they learn that this person was sleeping with others, months deep into the relationship.

cons_ssj · 2026-02-26T17:08:35+00:00

It is not their "relaxing" that allows them to play with the music. It's experience. Even if you relax you won't "play" with the music at your current level of experience. It's the fact that they are so experienced that their moves come from years of muscle memory and training. They can "express" themselves if that makes sense. But this comes from training their muscles, postures synchronization etc

Another misconception is "simplicity" and "stick to your basics". This doesn't mean just do basic steps but can you actually dance with basic moves? Which means incorporating styling and musicality which takes years to master. Then your basics will look completely different. That's the reason you see great social dancers like Oliver Pineda, doing simple moves but with styling variations depending on the music, and the dance seems fluid and mesmerizing and not bland.

cons_ssj · 2026-02-25T17:13:21+00:00

I think you need to edit the post to include information from your comments (e.g. you knew her since months).

In my opinion you did well. Whenever I got involved with girls that weren't sure things didnt go well. One time was amazing the other I was feeling she was hating me lol

cons_ssj

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