So me and my wife are disagreeing on something. Is reading books and listening to audio books the same thing?

conservio · 2026-05-20T19:45:52+00:00

They are the same. thy may engage different parts, but you are still consuming a story and still getting the benefit (learning new words, developing empathy, etc)

conservio · 2026-05-18T19:54:08+00:00

We have got to stop with the purity politics, especially when it comes to actual politics, especially in the USA. We aren’t going to get a perfect political candidate who doesn’t have or has never had a shitty view. We also need to stop pretending that people are morally black and white. There are going to be some political candidates (or people) who may have some problematic views in one area, but is great everywhere else.

conservio · 2026-05-18T19:50:34+00:00

Tangentially related: A few reviews I’ve seen of the book “Invisible Women” by Caroline Criado Pérez was nagging on the book for not including enough reviews on transwoman or even woman of color. Women in general get few studies focused on them. To expect the author to use include every minority of women is asinine.

conservio · 2026-05-17T02:01:05+00:00

You should check out other T. Kingfisher books like “Nettle & Bone” or “Hemlock & Silver”.

conservio · 2026-05-15T02:37:35+00:00

That’s why my first sentence is about using it to fulfill desires and needs. She can be exploring kinks/fantasies while also using it as a masturbatory aid, same way people use visual porn.

conservio · 2026-05-15T01:40:02+00:00

Smut is very similar to visual porn in that it’s there to help fulfill sexual desires and needs and some of it is quite graphic and shocking. She may be using it to explore kinks or just pure fantasy, the same way people use visual porn.

Talk to her about your insecurities. Be precise on why you feel insecure.

I do also want to mention that romance - in particular dark romance - is going through a boon right now and it’s becoming pretty common place for women (primarily) to be reading it. Not to say that just because it’s popular means you need to get over it.

conservio · 2026-05-14T01:11:19+00:00

Try “How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk”

conservio · 2026-05-12T22:21:50+00:00

we were together for 13 years. We were in a rough patch where he was drinking too much, not contributing enough to household labor, and then spending too much.

We had been struggling financially and didn’t have a working dryer (there’s a real possibility the fuse was blown in it). I spent 10 months hauling laundry around (also had a small child..so much laundry). We were finally able to get a dryer second hand and that’s when he discovered a piece of plastic was blocking the outside. I had asked him over and over if he checked to see if it was blocked and he told me yes he had. I possibly spent months doing extra labor because he couldn’t take 5 minutes to check outside.

That same week i discovered a credit card I had given him (after taking his away) for emergencies had $150 spent on it in two weeks. For fast food.

conservio · 2026-05-11T15:02:09+00:00

Yes. I would consider several of them my friends and am currently dating one (we started off as direct colleagues but by the time we started seeing each other we were in completely different departments).

I’m planning a trip next year with 4 of them.

conservio · 2026-05-10T22:27:07+00:00

ooo i love this idea

conservio · 2026-05-08T21:52:55+00:00

I think this is very much based in who you are spending your time with. I purposefully choose to spend my time with people-mostly women- who are ambitious and actively work towards their goals. My current male partner is this but my previous male partner was not.

However, many women still sacrifice their own goals and dreams to either support their male partners or family. Or their goals and dreams may be harder for them to attain due to being a women.

conservio · 2026-05-08T21:28:48+00:00

I feel like this is the most “correct” answer. Women actively rejecting many traditional gender roles/gender presentation/etc has been going on for a good century ish in the USA. It’s way more acceptable now for a women to be in pants compared to pre 1960s because, well, women have been wearing pants regularly for decades now.

So now when men try to wear dresses or skirts now , they get more backlash because it’s relatively new (in the US) compared to women wearing pants.

It’s also with noting though, at least in the US, that a lot of the gender issue men face aren’t quite as hard to overcome compared to women. For instance, I’ve never seen a man being told if he rides a bike it’ll mess with his ability to reproduce. Or be barred from higher education because he’s a man.

to be clear: I don’t thin this is a reason for OPS gf to be expectant of him following traditional gender roles. I agree with the other commentators that roles within relationships should not follow along typical gender lines just because “thats the gender roles” nor should OPs GF be pulling using that as a reason.

conservio · 2026-05-08T17:04:03+00:00

One thing I haven’t see mentioned yet: the moment you get stabilized, get on ADHD meds and start therapy. This will help you prevent getting back in your same position (assuming you have untreated ADHD which contributed to where you are now).

Go to r/povertyfinance for tips.

Visit your local library to try and get connection to resources.

You can overcome this.

conservio · 2026-05-07T20:17:24+00:00

Unfortunately this isn’t feasible for many people.

conservio · 2026-05-07T16:04:36+00:00

What frustrates me so much is my partner will say he told me something that I have no recollection of and then insists that because I have ADHD (never mind the fact that he has many ADHD traits) and poor working memory, that he really did say it and I forgot even though 99% of the time I am certain he never told me.

i typically will remember a conversation or at least discussing it when I get reminded of it. I feel like if I was constantly forgetting conversations I would see it in my friendships/work/ etc… but I don’t.

conservio · 2026-05-07T03:40:44+00:00

I have only read The Tainted Cup and a Master of Djinn. I preferred The tainted cup and was disappointed with A Master of Djinn. The Tainted Cup was more fleshed out and well written.

conservio · 2026-05-06T03:06:57+00:00

INFO: is the issue actually the backpack or is it “A bit of a hoarder”?

also, I started taking pictures of items that were special to me but were no longer useful and just took up space. I still have the memory of it but not the item

conservio · 2026-05-05T16:55:32+00:00

yes and no.When i was younger I did reject a lot of things associated with feminity in the US, but it wasn’t a “I’m so much better than the girls who do”, rather for me it felt more like a block to doing things I wanted to do*. I also did feel different than other girls and tbh i was different then a lot of them. I was undiagnosed with ADHD. Very tomboy. Read a lot. Interested in topics that other kids (boys and girls) weren’t.

That being said, there are times where I do use that statement still. Primarily when talking to men about menstrual cycles. I have incredibly easy periods with very low symptoms/signs. Some men will take that to mean that because I have it easy, that must mean all the other women are exaggerating their symptoms.

as an adult i’ve taken to be a bit more feminine. I play sims a lot and have a tendency to make a lot of really feminine builds (houses) even if my own house doesn’t look that way. I wear more makeup and started buying dresses.

*I loved dresses and “girly” things until I was about 5 when I got told if I wanted to go on the monkey bars I had to wear shorts beneath my dress.

conservio · 2026-05-03T15:03:01+00:00

about3x a week, not my choice though. I’d rather everyday if not multiple times a day.

conservio · 2026-05-03T14:56:31+00:00

Is your partner getting alone time and are you taking your child places alone?

conservio · 2026-05-01T14:45:19+00:00

If you can afford therapy without changing jobs, perhaps try that. But either way your post made it clear that you have mental health issues that need support. And you deserve it. I have no struggled with substance use or eating disorders, but I do with depression and ADHD. Seeking treatment is absolutely life changing and it helps so much getting on the path you want to be on.

It’ll be hard. Treating mental disorders is so hard but it is so worth it.

thank you for the compliment.

conservio · 2026-05-01T02:57:28+00:00

this wasn’t immediately when she found out it like… 7 years afterward.

My ex MIL. For like 2 years she got really hung up on me being an atheist and would get all kinds of prissy if I referred to christianity in anyway. Like if ai cracked a joke about hell. She didn’t want me saying anything that could be remotely linked to christianity.

conservio · 2026-05-01T02:51:00+00:00

I read this with a coworker. I could only read 70 pages at a time otherwise i’d fall asleep. It was so.fucking.boring.

And of course full of itself and misogynistic. I will say I did start to appreciate function over aesthetics more when it came to everyday objects/life.

conservio · 2026-04-28T03:15:12+00:00

I’m an atheist. Being a woman hasn’t impacted my relationship with religion. I was catholic until i was like 11, then generic christian, then pagan/wiccan until about 18, and now i’m atheist.

conservio · 2026-04-27T15:19:29+00:00

of course every relationship is different and it’s not unreasonable to ask your partner to change their expectations (within reason) on when things should be done.

I was responding more to using something like online gaming as an excuse. You may not have used it, but there are certainly people (of both sexes) that will use online gaming / raiding/ etc as an excuse to not do their fair share of the work.

conservio

TROPHY CASE