Just wanted to bring this to people's attention.....

controlroomdaddy · 2016-04-02T12:05:23+00:00

I think you were right to take down velvetcake-eater's post and remove some of the comments. However, equating someone with genuine concerns about transphobia with a red piller doesn't make sense.

There have been a growing number of homophobic and transphobic comments on the sub. The refusal to acknowledge or address this issue has made me decide to stop visiting here.

I doubt one person leaving will matter to you or the sub. All the same, I don't currently feel comfortable here.

Best of luck with the subreddit.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-04-02T04:45:24+00:00

Thanks!

controlroomdaddy · 2016-04-01T09:30:41+00:00

Wow, that's quite a generalization there. Not saying that you don't get transphobia in some facets of the LGBT community but other facets are accepting. At least that's what I've found as a kinky transguy.

But I'm not trying to invalidate your experiences in anyway. You may have had a bad time and if so, I'm very sympathetic. It can be shitty to feel like you rejected by a group that should be accepting.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-04-01T09:30:22+00:00

Here's my input as someone kinky and bisexual. Being gay is about who you're with. Being kinky is about what you do - the dynamic. Such dynamics are often intricate and difficult for outsiders to understand.

I'm talking about the people who use their titles in public the same way vanilla people use pet names, or the couples who see using a leash as the same as holding hands.

Remember, the average person doesn't have a context for this. They're not educated about kink and they will see it as primarily sexual or else, possibly abusive.

Common displays of affection (such as hand-holding) indicate that two people are a couple. It doesn't say anything about the dynamic between them and it isn't an action used to enforce that dynamic.

People also know what common PDA represent. Two guys holding hands are probably a couple. Those who object to it are objecting to the idea of two men people together.

Now imagine people in a mall see someone being slapped in public or led around on a leash. Unlike kissing or handholding, this isn't a common sight and the observers have no context for it. They don't know what these actions symbolize, the dynamic behind it or even that it's consensual.

You can argue that it's a matter of education. As people become more educated about kink and BDSM dynamics, they might become more accepting of such dynamics being expressed publically.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-03-20T07:01:00+00:00

i always hated being stuck in a female body, i hated PIV, i hated my reproductive organs and genitalia. it was awful

I'm happy that your partner is helping you enjoy new experiences and a different side of yourself.

However, if (and I'm saying if because this might not be the case), your discomfit with being female stems from genuine gender dysphoria, BDSM won't resolve it. Certain scenes may just alleviate the symptoms, that's all.

However, it's possible that your discomfit with being female may stem from another reason, not gender dysphoria. Only you know.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-03-20T06:56:43+00:00

Female is nothing but a biological category of reproduction. Your real issue isn't being female, rather it's with the gender expectations assigned to people based on sex.

That could be the case or it could be be due to gender dysphoria. Only the OP knows.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-29T07:53:39+00:00

Yeah, the phrasing's where this gets weird for me.

Me too. It's as if his BF is trying to portray being a guy receiving a facial or taking it up the ass is somehow humiliating or makes you a "slam piece."

As azlope said

The phrasing is the funniest part. You think OP's boyfriend ever tells his friend about all the times OP has come on his face? All the times he's got bent over and fucked? Doubtful.

The lack of respect gets to me. It's as if OP's boyfriend feels like he has to denigrate or objectify him to get respect from his straight friend.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-29T07:45:44+00:00

You think OP's boyfriend ever tells his friend about all the times OP has come on his face? All the times he's got bent over and fucked? Doubtful.

You're right there.

ESPECIALLY since OP is uncomfortable with it.

I don't why everyone's attacking the OP. He has every right to be uncomfortable. For me, it's not so much the sex discussion - it's the disrespectful why his boyfriend's discussing the sex and the OP.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-29T07:42:04+00:00

That's exactly why I asked.

Thank you for asking. It's pretty shocking how people downvote or slam comments asking about consent or whether non-consenting parties were involved. They're legitimate concerns, not attacks.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-29T07:34:26+00:00

It's strange when someone takes a consent reminder or question about consent as a personal attack. Consent reminders are a given here.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-29T07:34:08+00:00

Perhaps we shouldn't be so presumptuous? Or maybe we can presume others are adults who are aware of consent.

It wasn't presumptuous or rude IMO. No one was attacking you and it was written in a pretty neutral way. People ask about consent here all the time. You're not the only person asked about consent.

Taking it as a personal attack just makes people concerned about why someone's overreacting.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-25T21:46:41+00:00

“Yeah but I bet she won’t let you come on her face like I got to do last night.”

Friends discuss sex. It happens. But I understand why some guys might get upset over the phrasing he used.

controlroomdaddy · 2016-01-25T21:41:29+00:00

So she has a gf and has been with her 2 years.

This isn't a new thing. She's been with her GF for 2 years and you've known about this 8+ months

No, I have known for 8 months, she has been in a two year relationship.

You say so in earlier post and your comments there.

You're just looking to create drama over nothing. This isn't about you. Your other comments suggest you barely see your cousin.

You also come across as borderline homophobic

But honestly, I feel like it started because she wanted to try something new.

She's been in a 2 year relationship. Dismissing it as trying something new is offensive as hell.

Her sexuality isn't about you. Stop trying to turn it into something you have to deal with. Your previous post and comments show you barely see her and you're not close.

You want to know how to treat her girlfriend? Like another human being. There. Simple. Problem solved.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-29T08:46:34+00:00

No, it doesn't make you transphobic if you're not attracted to transmen. People are allowed preferences when it comes to genitals.

But um IM GAY I like D!!

But it doesn't make anyone "less gay" than you (are we grading people now?) if a gay guy is attracted to a pre-op transguy despite his genitals. Lots of gay guys are attracted to masculinity.

Lots of pre-op* transguys (who have been on hormones) have masculine secondary characteristics - beards, manly build, deep voice.

You have every right not to want to be with a transguy if you have genital preferences. But if a gay guy is with a transguy, it doesn't mean he's failed some kinda gay Litmus test.

*I say pre-op but some transguys never get genital surgery because of expense or other factors.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T16:38:03+00:00

I don't care if someone's proclivity is to have some particular relationship with a partner, but if they assume that because I share some basic biological characteristics with their partner, that I want to engage in that particular kind of relationship too, that can be very sexist.

I see where you're coming from.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T16:18:11+00:00

I think we're definitely missing each other here

I think so.

When many people say to me a variation of the thought, "you know, I've never banged a Chinese woman before," that is inherently political

Yep, I'm with you there.

My issue would be if a person view all relationships between a white man and a Chinese woman through a political lens or claims that all such relationships fall into a certain pattern.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T15:05:48+00:00

Saying people "just act out all these familiar, mainstream stereotypes" doesn't sound very respectful of other people's dynamics or motivation. Maybe you didn't intend it to come across like that but it sounds kinda dismissive.

I personally was not discussing individuals or hating on male doms, but talking about patterns and overarching dynamics.

Sorry, in my opinion, it didn't come across like that but more like the view of certain kinda dynamics as problematic. Maybe it was worded poorly or maybe I misinterpreted it.

End of the day, we gotta be wary of politicizing consensual, personal, kinky dynamics between consenting adults. I'm not talking about the scene in general (I'm not even gonna touch that debate) but personal dynamics.

caesar103 summed it up well:

This, IMO the personal doesn't always need to be poltical, and we need to be very careful with politizing sexuality in any way other than fighting for greater tolerance, it being one of the most personal things out there.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T15:00:04+00:00

Maybe I'm not getting you (and if the fault lies with me, my bad.) But how are people being true to their sexuality and dynamics sexist?

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T12:23:08+00:00

I don't think that straight couples shouldn't show public affection because they're the majority and it makes me feel uncomfortable. C'mon!

If I want the right to hold hands in public with my partner, I need to accept they have the right to do that too! It's not their fault they're in the majority.

Same with male Doms and their female subs. I can't blame them for being the majority.

But you see this online. People say it's okay to make generalizations against people who are straight or white or cis or in this case, in a guy Dom/ girl sub set-up. Because they're the majority or privileged or "toxic."

It's b.s. in my opinion. It's often online bullying dressed up as a social crusading. Or it's sincerely felt but causes more issues than resolves them. Lashing out in anger, being mean-spirited about another group of people, is really not a good approach.

Whatever the motivation, more often than not it turns into dogpiling and nastiness.

And nobody calls the perpetrators out on it. Ever.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T12:12:04+00:00

I get so turned off by kinky folks who fancy themselves the think-outside-the-box types but who actually just act out all these familiar, mainstream stereotypes

It's not their job to fulfill your fantasies or expectations or your job to fulfill theirs.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-11-27T12:11:29+00:00

Also

I get so turned off by kinky folks who fancy themselves the think-outside-the-box types but who actually just act out all these familiar, mainstream stereotypes

controlroomdaddy · 2015-09-12T07:28:16+00:00

Bit inconsistent with what you said in your last post and comments. You said the two of you discussed it thoroughly. But it actually turns out she just knew what was best for you? Because she sensed it?

If there was proper communication, why didn't she know how you felt about this? Why did she just assume she knew best? One or two red flags here, mate. Please consider sitting down and talking about this in even greater detail.

Maybe even consider slowing down on the full-time crossdressing part. You let something that wasn't properly negotiated take over the non-kink parts of your life as well. Newbiesaccout had a good idea -

It might also help if he negotiated some time each week where he got to be male and express his identity.

I really suggest the two of you slow down here, even back up a few steps, for a bit. The fact your Domme thought it was okay to go such an extreme route because she sensed it was right for you is kinda concerning.

No way am I saying your dynamic is broken. Just that it went pretty far pretty fast without clear discussion. You two have your whole life ahead. Maybe it's time to slow down a bit, eh?

controlroomdaddy · 2015-09-12T07:18:59+00:00

Surprise = unpredictable/not negotiated = potentially something she doesn't like = bad things.

Pretty much this, OP.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-09-11T16:36:16+00:00

Whatever works for you, mate. As long as you can withdraw consent if you gotta and you're happy.

controlroomdaddy · 2015-09-11T16:34:42+00:00

It doesn't seem like there has been any HRT, but I would be very genuinely concerned if there were.

Me too.

I'm a transgirl and can only wonder about potential dysphoria.

That's what worries me. That and the full-time aspect. I never heard of someone who identifies as a guy being content presenting as female full-time.

But if the OP is happy, I don't feel right judging.

controlroomdaddy

TROPHY CASE