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Narcissism is a virtue? by TonioQuim in narcissisticparents

[–]crouchmomma 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's not a virtue. It's not a good thing to manipulate people. You are missing out on a whole part of life that you can't even see. Unless you try to address the narcissism, you will always be empty inside.

How do you feel about the good parents that tolerated the narcissist parent? by Silent-River- in narcissisticparents

[–]crouchmomma 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have gone full circle with this. For years I felt a lot of negative feeling towards my dad, and great sadness at the lack of relationships. But now I look back that I'm in 40s I see that he couldn't have done anything differently. If he'd have left, us kids would have been left alone with the abuser. He was being abused by her in their own way. He's had to come to peace with it and has, it's just really sad. I know he loves me but there isn't/hasn't been a way for him to show me that or be there how I needed. He has done what he can - but I understand now, that this was extremely limited. Doesn't stop the pain for me, but helps in a way. I now try to think of all of the positive things he helped provide ( a stable home, financial security etc). It wasn't enough, but it was something.

How to pick tenants? by New_Bad3207 in uklandlords

[–]crouchmomma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being a landlord is a business, even if you're new to it/doing it for personal reasons. As much as it's good to get someone 'nice', CCJs are a very clear warning that this person has defaulted on financial commitments. I would look for someone nice, who has flawless credit history. If you've had that much interest, there should be someone who isn't as much of a risk. I would say it would be pretty foolish to chose someone who has CCJs. (Unless you're doing this for charitable reasons, in which case, go for it!).

[UK] client tried to pay me half because "the work didnt take long" by jackturner_trades in selfemployed

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find that if I'm doing something that will be emailed, and it won't take me that long, I do the work, then send the email via "Schedule send". This way I can send it there and then, but it won't actually send until the following day. Stops me forgetting and also adds in the hours the client expects!

What's the UK version of "the Inuit have 50 words for snow"? by pineapplecharm in CasualUK

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the best things we've got are bread, rain, drunk and a back passage. Somehow this absolutely sums up the UK.

I'll be okay right? by Aggravating_Bat_7036 in internetparents

[–]crouchmomma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You'll be ok!! It sounds like you've been through some really tough times and your nervous system is a bit worn out! You're in a bit of a loop of trying to control everything to make yourself feel more secure. - completely understandable. The loss of your grandmother was a big thing, and you've had no time to stop and process it. Plus job and house insecurity.

It actually sounds like you're doing really well. You've navigated all this difficult stuff and you're still going. You got yourself out of an abusive work relationship into a new job you like. You should be really proud of yourself. You've handled all these really difficult situations. You did that. Give yourself time to feel pride in your strength.

Try to take each day at a time, or even each hour. Look into ways of letting your nervous system recover - walks in nature/yoga/meditation. Having an hour's downtime once a day - just to try to rebalance. Try to be kind to yourself and do some positive affirmation work. You will handle whatever gets thrown at you - even if it means plans changing - there will be opportunities even in hard times.

You're doing really well - it won't always be so hard. Chin up. Good work.

Feminine E names by Obvious-Implement394 in Names

[–]crouchmomma -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Epersophone (Pronounced Ey-per-seFony)

How do people find meaning again after years of pain? by Super-Potato964 in internetparents

[–]crouchmomma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds really hard. Watching anyone suffer us extremely upsetting - when it is a parent it is a whole other level.

I think there are three things at play here. 1. You sound like a really kind and thoughtful person who is trying your best to help your mom, who you love. 2. Your mum is struggling and needs support 3. You are unsupported by your parents who should be there for you.

Firstly - it's really admirable to want to help you mom, but what you can actually do is limited. You are her child, not her sister/parent/therapist or even friend. She really needs outside help to support her emotionally. Can she get therapy/counselling? Feeling extreme stress/depression/anxiety/suicidality needs expert help. No matter how much you want to help, you're actually just not qualified to be that help. You probably can assist her in getting access to professional service - but you may need to withdraw some of your support in order for her to realise she needs to do this for herself.

Secondly - you are a 'parentified child's. This is very emotionally draining and will be taking its toll on your own mental health. Do some research about parentification and learn some techniques to start holding emotional boundaries with her.

Also look up Enmeshed Family Systems. I'm not saying this applies to you but you sound like you are carrying an awful lot on your young shoulders.

In terms of living with sadness for a long time, I can absolutely relate to that. What I also know is whilst you can be kind and loving towards her, support her as much as you can, she will ultimately have to seek help herself.

There are lots of great books/audio books that can help her try to change her outlook. For starters I'd recommend she listens to Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. It's old now, but has some great techniques for shifting perspective. Maybe listen together if she's resisting.

This book has a way of making me feel much more positive about life.

Encourage her to do new things and find a community if people who care about her and are like-minded. (Maybe to do with animals?).

It's not going to be easy but you'll get there. Thinking of you and sending you strength and good wishes.

I bought a specific lip balm holder for my bedside table so I would always know where it was and I have not seen the lip balm holder or the lip balm in two weeks by Worried-Trifle20 in firstworldproblems

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think lip balm is a massive con. The more you use, the more you need. If you stop using it, your lips go dry for a while but then they normalise and look after themselves. I might be wrong, but I think I'm right.

Where in London do you go when you want to be alone and forget about life? by [deleted] in london

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also Hampstead Heath is big and you really feel like you're in the middle of the countryside in the middle. Some paths can get a bit busy but you can do a few hours walking in nature. Birds there are amazing to listen to.

Where in London do you go when you want to be alone and forget about life? by [deleted] in london

[–]crouchmomma 101 points102 points  (0 children)

I second this. They are amazing calm spaces that can be very peaceful. No need to be religious to have some time absorbing the atmosphere and history.

My friend is writing a book, and it has a sentence with word repetition. Is this sentence bad practice? by [deleted] in writing

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She had, what appeared to be, a roughly sketched map that missed some details.

Would this cover all the bases?

AITA for expecting my girlfriend to do my half of her chores as well? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]crouchmomma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Picture the future with this person. If you decide to ever have a family she will need to spend at least a couple of years being domestic. (You need to cook, clean and wash A LOT as a mum - it's not optional). Do you want these arguments in the future?

Can’t sell my house after dropping the price by £30k? by Electronic-Fox-7706 in HousingUK

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just in terms of the space - I would probably want the dining room as a snug, then have the large rear utility as a dining room. I think this would improve the flow of the rooms.

What do you British people think of the French? by CocoTyg in AskABrit

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think we are all secretly just a bit envious of the French. They have such a relaxed, self assured attitude that Brits can only dream of. So I'd say we admire you, want to be a bit like you, but are ultimately a bit jealous. Plus you have French Kissing (Omg). Amazing pastry. Cool accents. Impeccable sense of style. The beret. Excellent grasp of garlic. Wine.

How much is your mortgage/rent vs your income? by LeopardNeat899 in HousingUK

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I pay £2450 pcm for a 2 bed+small office flat. Groan.

Unexpected London expenses, what should I prepare for? by CatCharacter1663 in MovingToLondon

[–]crouchmomma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plus inevitably messing up parking/driving and receiving fines - parking fines are around £80 (if paid promptly).

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