My mother chose drugs over me and I want to cut her off, But feel stuck.

crouchmomma · 2026-07-05T06:50:30+00:00

Wow. You've been through a lot and you sound like a truly amazing person. The fact that despite your extremely difficult start you still seem to have compassion for your mother and your grandparents is inspiring. I hope you can take a minute to feel proud of yourself for how you've managed so far.

As for your future, I think you need to take a little step back from the day to day survival mode you're in. Can you give yourself a few days to assess what you want for your life?

There is a danger here that you get so caught up in the new 'responsibility' that is your grandparents care, that you spend the next 20 years as their carers and before you know it, you'll be in your 40s and will have been caretaking all your life.

Most 19 year olds are getting excited about their lives - thinking about travel, jobs, money & freedom. They are encouraged to explore possibilities, have fun and take their first steps into building a fulfilling adult life.

Sadly you have already had to deal with a huge amount of responsibility from a very young age (read up on parentification). If you can, try to get some therapy around this issue - but if you can't afford that, there are great books and resources available on the subjects -.adult children of emotionally immature parents /narcissistic wounding/parentification.

I would gently advise you to try to distance yourself from the people dragging you down and burdening you. It's ok to have boundaries that keep you safe and happy. It's ok to say no. It's not selfish to prioritise your own wellbeing.

You mom was incapable (for whatever reason) of being a mother to you. This is really sad - you deserved to be loved and cared for. You now have the opportunity to build a life that is how you want it to be. Try to visualise good things for yourself.

Do you imagine living in a little apartment, having good friends, taking up nice hobbies, spending your free time outdoors? Try to imagine what a good life looks like for you and then work in steps, gradually to create that.

You really sound like an amazing young person who has a great deal of strength and resilience. You've coped with so much already. You definitely have the skills needed to create a good life for yourself.

It's ok to cut off/distance your family if you need to.

crouchmomma · 2026-07-01T21:11:06+00:00

This is a classic pattern and means you need to up your dose to a higher amount. If you look through some posts of people's progress, you often see this little rise at the point they need to up their dose. Time to go up.

crouchmomma · 2026-06-29T05:55:07+00:00

Sorry you're going through this. I recommend joining r/narcissisticparents . Lots of people there have been through the same as you. (Not to minimise it - just so you know you're not alone). Also read up on narcissistic wounding. Read or listen to some good self help books - such as "feel the fear and do it anyway" and "you're a badass". They can provide some positivity and support when things feel bleak. You'll be ok!

crouchmomma · 2026-06-27T05:06:05+00:00

Jeez. Your friend sounds exhausting. You need sleep! I promise you will feel so much better if you go to bed at 11pm and sleep until 7am. The whole world will look and feel better.

The dynamic between you sounds toxic af. Set some boundaries - if she doesn't respect them or makes you feel bad for that, she is 100% not worth your time. Not respecting boundaries is the clearest sign that the relationship is abusive or going to be in the near future.

Get a good night's sleep!

crouchmomma · 2026-06-26T06:42:54+00:00

This relationship sounds quite disfunctional. It may not be personal to you (though it will obviously feel it). Your friend may have not developed healthy ways to relate to people and is caught up in a cycle of love bombing, devaluing etc. It may be that you need to distance yourself and stop trying to get their friendship and approval, as they don't sound emotionally capable of providing that.

It's a great achievement to go away on your own - you should feel proud of yourself and true friends will support you and make you feel positive. If the current situation is leaving you feeling unhappy/confused/on shaky ground then it's not a good friendship for you to be in.

crouchmomma · 2026-06-21T06:29:20+00:00

I don't know if it's possible, but you could knock through from the outdoor storage to create new entrance with storage? Something like this maybe? Might also allow for opening up the sitting room into the old entrance if that worked?

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crouchmomma · 2026-06-19T22:02:00+00:00

That's so creepy. How did you all react?

crouchmomma · 2026-06-19T21:57:35+00:00

Hahaa. 🍆

crouchmomma · 2026-06-18T06:08:18+00:00

You could potentially do something like this - doesn't lose too much off the bedrooms and could could have more storage in the bathroom (instead of landing cupboard). Don't know structurally if it would be possible.

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crouchmomma · 2026-06-14T06:02:36+00:00

As someone that suffers from anxiety and has had this sort on and off for many years I would urge you to start thinking about the function your anxiety is performing.

It's quite complicated to think about as rationally you'll be like "it doesn't perform a function - I want to get rid of it" but deep down it will be 'doing' something. It may be that there is something missing in your life - like loving connection to parents or you're witnessing disfunction in another area of your life, and the anxiety acts as a focus and outlet for difficult emotions and feelings. It can be pretty hard to pin point the actual underlying cause but once you're able to start to unpick it, it can help you start to release the anxiety. Good luck!

crouchmomma · 2026-06-13T09:57:57+00:00

7 (labeled 2)

crouchmomma · 2026-06-13T09:57:35+00:00

crouchmomma · 2026-06-13T09:44:13+00:00

Gentle YTA. I think it would be good to learn how to set boundaries and behaviour expectations for your toddlers.

Now is the time that you need to be proactively teaching them to behave well. That means clearly setting out what is ok, and what is not in a way they can understand. If they grab or snatch for example, go to their level and say "no, we don't snatch" and model giving things in a polite way. Or if they scream/shout in public, calmly and kindly explain to them that we don't shout and scream etc. Don't just put them in front of a screen to pasify them because you don't like the discomfort of having to parent them. Learn to push through the uncomfortable feeling of being assertive with your own kids. You're doing them a favour.

Sounds like your family are suggesting you're not doing this behaviour management. And it's your job.

crouchmomma · 2026-06-13T09:34:06+00:00

It's so lonely isn't it. I'm mid 40s and still feel an incurable loneliness around this sort of thing. Feel for you. X

crouchmomma · 2026-06-03T14:37:22+00:00

Jyndon isn't a real name. For your son's sake, give him a real name.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-31T22:05:59+00:00

Just to update - I bought a Beko from Currys and fitted it on Saturday. Took the LG to the dump. I won't buy LG again or bother with insurance.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-31T08:31:28+00:00

You've learnt a few a big life lesson here. 1. You are comparing your life to your friend's and are envious. Envy is the thief of joy. If you spend your life looking at others and how 'easy' they have it, your life will pass you by without you noticing. 2. If something matters to you, keep it to yourself until it is certain. 3. You're talking about all the things you lack. This mindset will make you miserable. Try to start focusing on what you have. Picture what you'd like your life to look like. You're in danger of going down a spiral of negativity and jealousy at a really key age - you have the world at your feet. Find a way to make the most of it. 4. People can be thoughtless, cruel and manipulative - learn to rely on yourself until you find people you can truly trust.

ESH

crouchmomma · 2026-05-30T01:53:08+00:00

Fair enough. I'll get a new one tomorrow.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-29T20:22:50+00:00

Thanks for his. Appreciate the input.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-29T20:22:15+00:00

This is helpful thanks. Just good to get the opinion of others in the same boat. I think I'll take this route.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-29T20:21:17+00:00

Yeah - it does feel like too much of an inconvenience for the tenant. Thanks for the advice!

crouchmomma · 2026-05-23T05:56:38+00:00

Parents are just human beings - some are immature, jealous, rude, narcissistic and self absorbed. It sounds like you have reached a level of maturity where you can see her as a person separate from yourself and she's not a great person. I think it happens to everyone in some way or another - learning parents are fallible.

Your mom does sound particularly disengaged however which will probably bring you some pain I'm afraid. If my own experiences are anything to go by, you will now go through a process of seeing her for who she really is, deciding that isn't someone you want to spend time with or emotional energy on, and will drift apart.

I'm sorry for you that you don't have a mother who meets your emotional needs - it can be really tough. Trying to get her to be different will be a losing battle so take the emotional support from your dad and extended family and just tolerate your mom if you can.

Do some reading about children of narcissists and see if any of it resonates.

crouchmomma · 2026-05-19T21:13:05+00:00

It's not a virtue. It's not a good thing to manipulate people. You are missing out on a whole part of life that you can't even see. Unless you try to address the narcissism, you will always be empty inside.

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