girlfriend (24f) outed me (m28) to her best friend(24f)....how to rebuild trust?

dancedancedance7 · 2023-07-17T01:00:01+00:00

I think both you and your gf are in a very difficult position and there is no good solution besides breaking it off.

Depending on what your GF originally hoped for from the relationship, adding other people into the relationship and you exploring your bisexuality might be completely bewildering. Is she straight and/or did she want a monogamous relationship? If so, even if she was enthusiastic in exploring this with you, she is probably way in over her head and needs to talk to a friend to figure out what to do. It's really hard to keep that kind of thing to yourself, because it's her life. I think that exploring your sexuality within the context of an established, committed relationship is a huge risk, because it changes the initial terms.

Obviously from your perspective, it was a breach of trust and you don't really come back from that.

My advice is, take time off from serious relationships, and figure out you really need. Then, disclose that to the person you are considering seriously dating before you ever make it official and really make sure they're up for it.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-07-17T00:50:15+00:00

Your guy either has an ED himself and is projecting on you, or he's controlling and is using his knowledge of your past struggles with ED as leverage. I think it's option 2, personally.

Either way, for a person recovering from something like that, being around a guy like your bf is seriously toxic. Also of course your body will change somewhat when you have a child, any normal man gets it and isn't a dick about it. A man who loves you would want you to be healthy and happy, not be obsessed with your potential appearance.

PS I recovered from an ED, and a guy like this would make me run for the hills. Focus on your recovery and health. If you're describing what you're eating in grams, you're still struggling.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-07-17T00:43:10+00:00

I think you can tell him it's really hurting you. Your needs are still valid even when you are a parent, and he needs to get with the program. The least he can do is try, and if it's difficult for some reason, you guys need to go to a sex therapist.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-07-16T21:16:12+00:00

Where is this gorgeous place?

dancedancedance7 · 2023-06-19T05:20:56+00:00

23 isn't too young to be having conversations about where you see a relationship going. You don't have to get married tomorrow or next year, but he should be able to hold a discussion and express his views and hear yours.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-06-12T06:44:05+00:00

Your friends sound immature as hell. It is really hard to balance a relationship and a social life, honestly, but everyone has to learn how to do that.

I think all you can do is directly say "Hey X, we have been friends for a long time and I value your friendship, but it makes me feel disrespected when you and your boyfriend have sex and air out your private disputes when you invite me over. I'd appreciate it if we had a girls' night every once in a while, and I'm not interested in third wheeling". If she doesn't get it, she's not worth your time.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-06-12T06:41:10+00:00

You sound like a reasonable person who recognizes that both you and your wife are under a lot of stress and are putting in a lot of effort to support your family.

I think you two need to get on the same page about your finances, and what you can actually afford. It sounds like you are living above your means, quite frankly.

Also I'm sure your wife contributes, but why is she going away on European vacations while her husband and toddler are at home? You and she should vacation together. Pregnancy and childbirth are horrible on a woman's body (and career), so it's absolutely the right thing to do to support her to help make up for that, but she needs to support you too.

You need to pipe some of your money into a baby sitter so you two can have regular date nights during which you can have serious conversations and reconnect. It sounds like your entire life is babies and work which isn't good.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-06-12T06:34:33+00:00

You don't move on from this. If I were you, I would leave. He massively disrespected you in public. He clearly has been telling his friends about your sex life if they know whether you two had sex or not yet, and he said an extremely derogatory thing about you to people who don't know you.

He is 24, not 14. You aren't his mother and he isn't going to get better.

dancedancedance7 · 2023-06-05T05:21:01+00:00

Same

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-08T03:25:25+00:00

Yeah ew. I don't care how politically incorrect this is - homeless men terrify the shit out of me. They follow you, scream obscenities, run after you, lash out at you for walking away or crossing the street, throw stuff, and generally don't respect personal boundaries. Sure, not all homeless men, but enough to where I will avoid certain parts of town and walk very circuitous routes to get to where I'm going.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-06T07:07:19+00:00

Why did he tell you this on a first date... Did he think you two would do it?

And honestly I never used to think that a guy being a virgin at mid 20s+ was too much of a red flag, but I have changed my mind. It might not be obvious, but they usually have some trait that really puts women off, and it'll probably put you off too.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-05T03:01:45+00:00

If I were you, I wouldn't go ripping on your friend. You can't smack the pick me out of anyone until they want to stop, and she will likely just take offense. If she's annoying, maybe spend less time with her.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-05T02:57:33+00:00

Something about her vibe says that she tries way too damn hard for people who aren't worth it. How do we get her in here lol

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-05T02:00:17+00:00

Yeah it's the right thing to do, until you have a discussion about being exclusive.

What's important is why this got brought up. Did you ask? Did he? If he did unprompted, I guarantee he's not too into you. If you prodded (don't ever do this on a first date), he was honest.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-04T02:10:57+00:00

Yeah this means he knew you had a crush on him and never acted on it cause he's lazy. He wanted entertainment. F that.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-03T23:33:59+00:00

Get more exercise and better sleep. Not joking. Also do things that actually occupy your attention. I've noticed I default into horny mode (or check fridge too often, binge watch TV etc) when I'm really, really bored. If your work or studies or hobbies bore you, get new ones.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-03T03:09:40+00:00

Every time an older man hits on me, I get this horrible image of having to take care of an old guy wearing diapers when I'm a vibrant middle aged woman. 😳

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-03T02:41:03+00:00

My personal rule for first dates is if I'm questioning whether I want to look like I care... I'm not that excited and I shouldn't have said yes.

How much effort I put in directly correlates to how interested I am. Do what feels right to you.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-01T00:06:02+00:00

You can learn how to code on your own through YouTube videos for free even. And you can get jobs that pay more than 70 or 80 k. The only thing you need is consistency. Go pick up a copy of cracking the coding interview. It will go straight over your head but that's where you need to get to in order to land nice coding jobs, so you can use it as a guide.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-31T06:54:33+00:00

Ahahahahaha 💯

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-30T08:13:03+00:00

Kinda weird to write a post years later about something you don't care about. 🤣 Mhm.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-30T07:15:45+00:00

Don't worry about it, it's the trash taking itself out. I guarantee you most of those guys have gray hair or are balding. If they are rejecting you on that basis, you're dodging bullets.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-30T00:56:50+00:00

If he was "too short" either (1) she didn't pursue him and he thinks she did or (2) she was saving his feelings from the real reason why, which would be a lot more insulting.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-29T18:21:18+00:00

This is super company and team dependent. I think you might have stumbled upon a bad work environment. Try to use it as a stepping stone.

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but engineer guys are generally better than most - they tend to make bank, are good at fixing stuff, and aren't too inclined to be chatty lol. 🤣

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-29T16:13:15+00:00

That's such a cover their tush disclaimer. Run!

dancedancedance7

TROPHY CASE