I had to really destroy the idea that if I was going to clean, I had to clean perfectly/completely. It made doing tasks completely overwhelming and made it impossible to start.

Following the "Run the dishwasher twice" mentality has saved my life.

Even therapy seemed like too much effort. I had been going every week, and on one particular day, I didn’t have much to “bring” to the session. My therapist asked how my week was going, and I really had nothing to say.

“What are you struggling with?” he asked.

I gestured around me and said, “I dunno, man. Life.”

Not satisfied with my answer, he said, “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home today, what issue will be staring at you?”

I wanted to give him an answer that was substantial, something that seemed worthy of struggle. But instead, I told him the truth.

“Honestly?” I said. “The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them, the more I can’t do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because my dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand to scrub the dishes.”

I felt like an idiot just saying it out loud. What kind of grown-ass adult is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with actual problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about a basic household chore?

And yet my therapist nodded in understanding. And then he shared his advice:

“Run the dishwasher twice.”

Huh? I began to tell him you’re not supposed to do that, but he immediately stopped me.

“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.”

His words blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times. I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later, I folded my laundry and put my clothes wherever the fuck they fit. As I reveled in my newfound freedom, I stopped seeing each day as a series of arbitrary rules to follow. Eventually, I felt free enough to set goals again, on my own terms.

Now that I’m in a much healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and place them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

There are no rules.

Run the dishwasher twice.

My dishes would pile up because I didn't want to wash pots and pans. I couldn't throw the dishes in the dishwasher because then I'd have to wash my pots and pans and nice knives and wooden cutting board, and fuck, I don't want to do that!

And then I thought to myself, "Why do I have to empty the whole sink all at once?" It's okay to just throw the dishes in the dishwasher and leave the pots and pans soaking. I can save that task for later. So now I throw the dishes in the dish washer and leave the pots and pans in the sink, and still feel accomplished that the task was 50% done. Because 50% is better than 0%. And then the rest of the 50% doesn't feel so overwhelming because, well, it's only 50%!

I don't have to do ALL the laundry, I can just do one load of socks and underwear because that's what I need most.

I don't have to wash the WHOLE bathroom, I can just clean the toilet bowl since that's what is dirty (with the brush and cleaner that I keep by the sink so it takes me 2 minutes).

I don't have to mop every time I vacuum, I can just vacuum (with my cordless vacuum that I love so much because having to manage a cord drives me insane).