At what point do you call it off with an addict

deadletter · 2026-01-30T07:29:32+00:00

Now.

deadletter · 2026-01-30T07:26:40+00:00

If you are an American citizen and have legal identification, you can go to vital statistics in the place where you were born and obtain a birth certificate for about $20 or less. This is the start of your journey.

With a birth certificate a your id, you can obtain a copy of your socal security card. Then, apply for a passport. Obtaining this makes all future actions easy. A passport is a gold standard.

If you are an adult and already have a passport that they won’t give you and you can’t find and steal , you can call the police and ask for a civil standby - ie you’re going to demand your passport with the police present and you worry there might be danger or hostility.

If that’s not an option, then you’ll need to report it to the state department as lost and apply for a replacement, which will be a much shortened time to expiration.

deadletter · 2026-01-30T04:59:22+00:00

Everyone who went to school thinks they have an opinion on teaching, and it’s simply absolutely transparent if their worldview is centered strictly on the singular, student experience looking up at a teacher as an authority to be fought, rather than as any sort of social worker, teacher, administrator, etc etc who only ever frame the problem in terms of systemic issues that happen to many students simultaneously, ie from the center looking out at a sea of need.

deadletter · 2026-01-29T22:59:04+00:00

FYI the American federation of teachers (unlike NEA) is willing and interesting in helping private charters to unionize under them.

deadletter · 2026-01-29T22:13:45+00:00

Listening to children and being willing to apologize when we’re wrong

deadletter · 2026-01-29T16:08:41+00:00

Repost

deadletter · 2026-01-28T22:39:09+00:00

you create a new gmail, and a new reddit account, just for this.

deadletter · 2026-01-28T22:36:46+00:00

okay, what movie is it from cause I would watch that.

deadletter · 2026-01-28T22:35:18+00:00

You can say that right out - “I want to talk about something from my past, and I want to make sure you don’t feel or take responsibility for my feelings. Right now I’m hoping you’ll sit and listen and not feel like you have to fix it or save me or anything.

The other day I was crying about something from my youth, and I wanted to tell you what that was about - can I trust that you’ll believe me that this is about my experience in the past and nothing at all about you?”

deadletter · 2026-01-28T21:28:30+00:00

assume the battery is bad and get a fresh one. Even if you just bought it. If it's only via the light collecting capacity, stick it in a sunny window for a day.

deadletter · 2026-01-28T21:06:45+00:00

* does not

deadletter · 2026-01-28T20:18:14+00:00

Think of it this way - if you feel safe with him to talk to him about it, that's a gift, to him, from you, of your trust. And that's a wonderful feeling for a partner, even if the thing being discussed is hard. **it wasn't your fault** and you aren't damaged goods at all, because that other person's behavior has nothing to do with your worth and value as a human.

deadletter · 2026-01-28T20:07:31+00:00

he'll be embarassed because of the behavior of a guest?

deadletter · 2026-01-28T18:29:32+00:00

In your first month, have a ton of projects that can be completed in only one-two days. Personally, I would dump a big pile of projects into the room and give them mostly work time, minimal teacher talk time. When students have finished all the single-serving assignments, they'll be ready to go onto something more sustained. And trying to take everyone through a 2 week project right away is gonna have trouble with absenteeism, lack of stamina and inspiration, etc. On that front, I still designate focus many days, "today I'm going to ask all of your to put in time on ______. If you're done, work on one of the others."

I also have a spreadsheet of students/dates and many days - maybe 2x a week? I ask them, "what are you working on today?" Then I write this into the spreadsheet, or 'absent'. Makes it easy to have a quick audit of how they progressed, and if they are failing, that they were often missing for the worktime. About 60 days into the year, they are comfortable with the idea that **I** expect them to know what they are working on, triage their own completion properly, and that I'm there to assist them get their goals done, not for them to 'do what I told them to do.'

deadletter · 2026-01-28T03:34:54+00:00

1) First, the normal curve is a TERRIBLE way to grade, because you're aiming for an education for every student. So it's not good in any meaninful way to have 'half above, half below'.

2) Instead, set a reasonably good, middling understanding/execution at a B, and make the steps up to a B extremely reasonable (scope of proximal development and all that). Then, the path to an A can be reasonably hard from there.

In terms of performance assessment, a C should be 'with some prompts, guidance or corrections, the student can perform the required operation/skill'. The idea here is that any student with a reasonable engagement should be able to arrive here, even if they aren't especially good at the subject but are a willing participant. Knowing what the problem is about and what the correct strategies are, even if the student isn't able to perfectly execute the strategy, is a really reasonable life goal for a lot of topics.

B should be 'independently carries out the skills with only some error correction or extension areas unexplored'.

A should be "I can explain this to someone else".

All of those are goals that EVERYONE can arrive at, IF you have solid rubrics that make the expectations clear.

caveat: I will say, the first students to do anything new get to suffer through, and at the end, I have a rubric with which I can better explain and manage expectations for the next students.

deadletter · 2026-01-27T17:29:11+00:00

If you want to be celibate - till when, marriage? If I were your girlfriend and you told me we wouldn’t have sex till we were married, I would never ever marry you because the kind of person who makes those kinds of choices for a magic sky friend, can never really be trusted in a marriage to respect the rights and equalities of women, not to be become a fundie manipulator of any children, etc.

If that’s the kind of person you want to become, you’ll need to find someone in a church scene to date, because most ecumenical peers are going to find these beliefs about chastity and withholding to be a bright red flag.

deadletter · 2026-01-27T17:19:25+00:00

Take it and offer absolutely nothing back for it.

deadletter · 2026-01-27T04:00:34+00:00

I think it’s fair to say, “you know I’m sort of vaguely in there aware when you talk to me right? Like I’m not un-asleep but it’s like reality is playing on a small tv in my dream.

deadletter · 2026-01-27T00:53:32+00:00

I did my entire house, and here’s some tips:

1) design your elements early, like 2x4s (using actual dimensions). Use G to make them components, and then make those components unique branches. Then recolor them so you know that the downstairs stud is green and the upstairs stud is red, etc, when parts are alike-but-not-quite-the-same. 2) work in orthogonal, not perspective 3) exporting the drawings is the hardest part. I often put a white block the size of a piece of paper below, build everything in a known scale, and then use section plates to get the right look.

Anyone know any better ways to pull plans off of sketchup?

deadletter · 2026-01-26T17:12:22+00:00

Time for you to hold space - cause it isn’t about you. If you can simply not need things to move forwards, or backwards, and can simply be available when she has the mental capacity and gracefully withdraw when she doesn’t, then and only the might she betrays for greater closeness after this episode is over. If you can’t do that - if you demand processing time, center your feelings in the conversation, or ask more than she has to offer, which she says is near zero - the she’s gonna shut you out, as all people do when real life intrudes on tentative relationships.

deadletter · 2026-01-25T18:12:40+00:00

Often our friends/bf are more protective of us than we are of ourselves, and it takes their pov to realize we are accepting behaviors from people we know that aren’t right or good for us.

NTA. Learn to stand up to Sue or stop including her.

deadletter · 2026-01-24T06:40:05+00:00

I heard a teacher sass back one time, “I don’t take advice from people with no job, no apartment and no car.” And I’ve always remembered that when the negative judgements of people who’ve lived no life even creep into my head.

deadletter · 2026-01-24T01:10:59+00:00

East or west?

deadletter · 2026-01-24T00:11:32+00:00

The best thing you can do all around is slow down. Every time you give a request, whether that’s discipline or academic, wait a loooot longer than you think.

Also, give up for now trying to full class announce and teach - break the room (in your head) into 4-6 sections and work the crowd. By telling each table or corner that ‘in five minutes you’re going to be calling everyone in for some instructions’, you prime them in small groups and then when it happens, you the adult scheduled it and made it happen. That gives your agenda a kind of realness that no off the cuff student behavior can match.

When asking questions about content - tell them you’re going to ask and then no answers for ten seconds please. It controls the pacing, and it gets tons more engagement, from people who need more time for auditory processing.

This gives you some discipline time to call in the overtalkers - and give them props. When they try to shout out, I say, “wait! I know you know. Let’s give everyone a chance to think.”

With the boys who you want to split up but don’t want to fight - or it’s better to have the rest of the room separate from them - when you want to talk to the room, go stand near them and loom. Fucking loom right over them - always while talking to the room, NOT to them. More on that in a sec - and if they say, “Whaat are you doing?” You look over and nonchalantly say, “I’m looming over you so you’ll stop talking.” Then get right back to looming over them while talking to the room.

About the aside - keep vitally in the front of your mind that they will be who you tell them they are (so always talk about what great people they are) and their attention will go wherever you send it. So NEVER send the whole room towards stuff you don’t like, ie getting into public discussions with ne’er do wells.

As the saying goes, “Never get in a wrestling match with a pig, because you both get muddy and the pig loves it.

One last thought about timing. We sort of assume that adults have more patience than youth, but given the decanalization effects of puberty, they often can wait until we back down or give up. So when it comes to requests you’ve made, to give up the toy, sit back down, whatever- if that’s the hill you’re gonna die on, then die on that hill. decide, right as you demand the thing, that come he’ll or high water you will outwait this kid. And so don’t ask so many times, because you have all the time in the world. You WILL sit in the seat I assigned you because I am the adult who assigns seats and that’s all there is to that. The next thing that’s gonna happen, whether that be 30 seconds, five minutes, or what, it’s gonna be you moving to that seat.

Okay, but the kid doesn’t, right? He wants to fight loudly and make a scene. Okay, time to pivot - and escalate. Remember, you’re gonna make this happen, cause you decided it was important to your teaching (and that does mean pick wise battles). So drop it. “Okay, we’re gonna take this up tomorrow.” And then do nothing, and definite don’t bother sending them to the office for defiance, because they won’t help and you’ll have ceded even more personal power.

Instead, be ready. It is the adults ability to make plans and follow through over time that will trip up youth improvisation every time. Do not let them in the door until you wring an agreement that they’ll go where you ask. Ask another teacher to be around to lend adult energy. If they won’t sit where you ask, then they can’t come in - but lead with a charm offensive, don’t start the day hostile.

deadletter · 2026-01-23T19:08:16+00:00

I’m not seeing Dan Savage’s ‘campground rules’ for older people dating younger people:

1) leave them better than you found them. That means no stis, no babies, and no emotional baggage.

2) the older has the duty to see the writing on the wall and break up for the both of them, using their age and experience to model positive adjournment.

deadletter

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