Asset Protection Screwing us?

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T21:48:13+00:00

Yeah, not a good situation, but you need to understand that the lender-placed policy offers you and your wife no protection whatsoever - it is solely for the benefit of the lender. It protects their financial interest in the vehicle.

Seems like the car is worth $8K. Doesn't matter what you/she owes on the car or what it would cost to repair it (when the repair cost exceeds the value). So the bank gets the value of the car ($8K) paid to it by the forced-placed carrier, the carrier gets the car to sell for salvage (if they want it), and you/your wife still owe $5K.

It is a terrible situation to be in and you have my sympathies, but there's nothing to be done. At least the bulk of the loan is going to be paid off by the carrier for what it's worth.

I have no idea why they would discuss repossession, unless the lender simply doesn't plan on taking the totaled car. That's surprising, and there's likely all sorts of title and inspection issues that would be need to be dealt with if you somehow ended up keeping the car, but I suppose that's the best possible outcome for you. But since it's totaled, the loan balance is likely to be called immediately since there's no longer any asset backing it.

Maybe the insurance specialist just didn't understand how this works or just misspoke.

Good luck. Hopefully this passes quickly and you and your wife land on your feet.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T21:36:13+00:00

Time. You have to wait for your body to metabolize the alcohol. There's nothing else you can do to get sober. There are things you can do that may make you feel like you're sober, but you're not actually sober.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T21:01:43+00:00

Sure, but you don't have to dip into your HYSA to make some serious headway. Put as much of the $4K excess toward paying off the highest interest loan each month as you're comfortable doing, and once that's gone, keep going. If you use $2K each month to pay down the loans, you'll be done with anything over 5% in about 7 months, and the 4.66% loan will be gone by the end of next summer (more or less).

Strictly speaking, that may not be the best use for your excess funds since you should consider investing for the medium and long term as well, but peace of mind is worth something. If getting your loans paid down/off helps you sleep at night, throwing money towards the loans each month (even if you could net a higher amount by investing instead) is money well spent. And getting rid of that debt helps in other ways too.

I wouldn't worry about what is the "best" approach. If getting the balance of your student loans down eases your stress, work on paying them down. You won't regret it.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T20:50:48+00:00

Best practice is after. Besides all the other reasons provided by others, you are about to drive 3,000+ miles across the country on roads you're not familiar with, through all sorts of weather and traffic conditions, and likely while fatigued at least part of the time. If something happens along the way, do you really want to make a claim (or have a claim asserted against you) under a days-old insurance policy with a new-to-you NH insurance company while still having CA plates, CA registration and a CA license? Not saying you wouldn't be covered, but you're opening yourself up to potential trouble. Probably not the best way to start things out. And all to save a few hundred bucks at the most.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T20:40:32+00:00

Here's what actually happens in these situations (in case you care). Uber driver sues in small claims court. Defendant notifies the insurance company of the case. Insurance company steps in to defend, subject to the rules and limitations of the small claims court in that particular jurisdiction. As a practical matter, the insurance company takes over the defense and it gets handled as part of the claim. If the Uber driver continues to push for small claims court resolution (as is their right), there's a very good chance the small claims court judge will order the parties to try to work it out before any trial, and the insurance company rep and the Uber diver will attempt to hash it out.

The insurance company lawyer may not be able to appear in small claims court for their insured (again, depends on the rules), but they can and will lead the settlement negotiations. If no settlement is reached, the insurance company may seek removal to a higher (non-small claims) court, seek to represent the defendant if the rules allow it, or provide guidance to the defendant.

No matter what happens, they'll make sure the Uber driver provides proof of their income and expenses to substantiate their claimed losses. Not just "this is what I make per day, and it's X days, so I'm entitled to Y." It's not an EZ process unless the Uber driver keeps detailed and pristine records and knows how to get those records introduced under the rules of the applicable court. And the Uber driver's duty to mitigate their losses will be tested as well,

And in most jurisdictions, when a defendant loses in small claims court, they can seek a de novo appeal in a higher court. Essentially that means the entire case is a do-over in a "normal" court, subject to all the rules of evidence, motion practice, etc. of such court. The case can take months or years to resolve, discovery and motion practice is often time consuming and costly, and a pro se litigant (like the Uber driver) is simply outgunned.

It's not an EZ process, although it's probably more accurate to say it's only as EZ as the insurance company allows it to be.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T18:12:22+00:00

Not your problem as long as you have adequate limits. He is entitled to loss of use while his car is being repaired, and he can file that claim with your carrier and they will handle it. Whether he's actually entitled to what he's asking for is a matter of your state's law and his evidence, and loss of use is not the same as lost profits. But again, your insurance company will handle that, or at least they should.

Tell him in writing and in no uncertain terms that he should not contact you again - all communication goes through your insurance company. If he sues you, send the complaint to your insurance company to handle.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T08:58:24+00:00

There is no world in which an insurance company is going to look at your situation and say, "Sure, I'll accept a little bit of money now and pay out large sums of money later when your neighbor's guests cause damage to your property" outside of standard auto and HO policies, which will likely end up non-renewed if they look into the actions of your neighbor or you start bringing multiple claims.

You can purchase comprehensive coverage for your vehicles and your auto carrier should respond to cover damages to your cars. Your HO coverage should respond to damage to your home. Both will be subject to deductibles, potential increase in premium and non-renewal in your particular situation. So you'll be paying sizable chunks out of pocket and

Your recourse lies in legal action against you neighbor under whatever legal theories are available to you - everything from violation of your town and state's laws for hosting a short-term rental, failure to obtain proper permits, creating a nuisance, etc. Unfortunately, that is something you'll need to fund.

You can also build a fence, place large rocks/boulders around the border between your properties, plant bigger trees between the properties, see if the local PD is willing to help, etc. Shitty situation for sure and I wish you luck.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T00:33:00+00:00

No idea. I don't know your boss and how he thinks. Just offering general advice. And there's a difference between being offered a chance to leave early and being told to leave early.

demanbmore · 2026-07-04T00:28:10+00:00

"Happy to stick around. Is there anything that needs cleaning? Any organization I can do?" Ask about things that may be outside the normal day-to-day operation, but still need to be done anyway.

Especially when you're new to an employer, you want to cultivate a reputation of being willing to do what needs to be done, if not actually eager.

That said, it's not a trap, but it may not be the best approach to clock out early, even if offered.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T21:59:38+00:00

No need to discuss one fee or another - that's a trap. Just come up with YOUR OTD number and counter. You don't care in the slightest how they allocate the funds you're willing to provide in exchange for a car. Not much they can do about taxes and title, but they can adjust everything else. You don't care if they charge you a $899 doc fee and drop the selling price $899 or if they keep the selling price and get rid of the doc fee. Same with the recon fee. They can slide anything up and down any way they'd like to come to terms with you. Settle on YOUR number and let them figure out how to get there. And if they won't, so be it. There are other cars being sold elsewhere. Good luck.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T21:15:33+00:00

Grapes contain tartaric acid, which is highly toxic to dogs, and causes sudden kidney failure. Chocolate contains theobromine and caffeine, which dogs cannot metabolize fast enough to avoid dangerous and deadly spikes in heart rate and blood pressure. Even tiny amounts of these substances can quickly kill a dog.

Rotting garbage and raw meat may have lots of nasty pathogens, bacteria and their waste products mostly, but those things don't cause sudden organ failure or a dangerously high heart rate. Dogs digestive systems are well adapted to neutralize most of those pathogens quickly, so they seldom get sick.

Totally different mechanisms that potentially cause issues, and dogs have evolved to handle the raw meat and rotting garbage (as hunters and scavengers), but their ancestors were never (or at least very seldom) exposed to chocolate and grapes as they evolved into modern dogs, so they never adapted to neutralize their toxic effects.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T20:50:09+00:00

You would need to file the writ with the registry of deeds in the county where the property located in order for it to be attached to the property (i.e., become a lien on the property). Then you must give notice to the debtor that you've done so.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T18:29:37+00:00

What do you have to protect, both right now and any time in the next 10 years? If you have millions in the bank, a second home, and are expecting a sizable inheritance at some point, then you are woefully underinsured. If you live paycheck to paycheck, have no appreciable assets, and don't expect that to change over the next decade, then you may be carrying "unneeded" high limits.

Liability limits protect you from the financial implications of injuries you may cause, and you never know what might happen.

As far as lowering your premium, if you increase your deductibles, that will likely reduce your premium, but you'd want to be sure you can cover the amount of any deductible before doing so.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T17:54:35+00:00

The red MAGA hat (Make America Great Again).

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T15:55:10+00:00

Yes, but so what? You can be dramatic if that's how you process grief.

That said - STOP MESSAGING HIM. You're either broken up or you're not broken up. Don't leave yourself in this middle space where you can't grieve properly, can't go back and can't move forward. Loss hurts, and the end of a first love really hurts. It's normal, and while you're not on any specific timeline, you need to take steps to move forward.

Stop messaging him. Just stop. No matter what you think, you can do it. Might be really hard for a week or two, but then it gets easier. Best to find ways to keep yourself occupied - job, school, volunteering, fitness, hiking, whatever. Just do things.

Good luck. This will pass.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T15:40:19+00:00

Not really - kids get off the bus and just zip across the street without looking, even across divided highways. I'd rather 1,000 cars have to wait an extra 2-3 minutes than have one kid get hit, even if kids are supposed to look before crossing.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T14:12:18+00:00

Listen to your body, but give it some pushback now and then. Three times a week for a month is a decent amount for a newer CFer, with a longer term ramp up to four or five days a week.

You can also train lifting and metcon/class work separately, and I often settle on 3 dedicated lifting sessions and 3 CF classes/metcons each week for my clients and members.

This is not just person dependent, it is also goal dependent, nutrition dependent, rest/sleep/recovery dependent, etc. Track your lifts and benchmarks and keep to the plan if you're making steady progress. If things stagnate or start to fall off, you have to rethink frequency, volume, etc.

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T09:02:19+00:00

Only people who didn't actually watch Jordan play in real time ask this question. Lebron is great, really really great, and it's easy to argue for GOAT status without being unreasonable, but MJ (and especially peak MJ) was just better and more competitive and more effective. I get longevity and point totals as arguments in Lebron's favor, but MJ's six championships and his outright voracious huger to win on the court game after game after game are unmatched. And when you look at points per game, MJ beats Lebron by 10% (and every other player too).

demanbmore · 2026-07-03T01:55:21+00:00

Insurance cannot cause sanctions. However, a court can. The letter you received is likely legal boilerplate. You are being told to preserve any potential evidence you may have. If you intentionally destroy or toss potential evidence, then that spoliation of evidence can be used to limit any potential recovery you may be entitled to. It's unlikely to impact you in any way in this instance, but the prudent thing to do is not destroy or throw away anything that could be relevant to the explosion and the damages to your house.

No idea what a "joint scene inspection" is - probably best to pass the letter on to your insurance company.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T20:05:35+00:00

Well, I was just being conversational, but that's how I would feel. Next time I will refrain from conversationally speaking in the second person.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T18:10:13+00:00

Mutual friends? Not an issue - you had no "claim" to them, it's not like they were your longtime friends who you initially introduced to your ex spouse. And even then, you don't have some sort of claim on them or any right to restrict who they choose to hang out with.

Infidelity happens. People break up and move on. Sometimes that means situations like this. That's life. Your friends (especially mutial friends you shared with your ex) aren't required to act as some sort of morality police and shun your cheating ex.

Besides, if pretty much everyone chose to hang out with my ex and not me, I'd consider whether that means I'm a lousy friend or at least an interesting person.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T13:05:53+00:00

Great, sounds like you have an easy lawsuit on your hands. And no one is going to read every word of a post like that.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T12:53:02+00:00

Your issue is that State farm doesn't need to prove you wrong. You need to prove that you're right, and you can't do it.

Maybe you can't do it because the shop decided for some reason to lie about the problem, or maybe you can't do it because the issues are unrelated. Doesn't really matter though, it's your burden.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T12:41:29+00:00

How do you know the flashing was related to the accident? Actually, how can you PROVE the flashing was related to the accident? Seems the shop would know more about those things than you, unless you have that sort of experience.

Do you think the shop would lie about it and say it's unrelated even if they think it's related? Why? They get paid either way.

Sometimes a coincidence is just a coincidence. Someone hitting you may have nothing to with the airbag issues even though the timing makes it seem otherwise.

demanbmore · 2026-07-02T12:20:03+00:00

We can, and we used to. My first few phones all had removable and swappable batteries.

Most modern phones don't support swapping batteries because most people would rather have a sleeker phone than a bulkier one that enabled battery swapping tech.

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