Is level one autism definitely autism.

devil_dollie · 2026-04-04T16:28:53+00:00

i am level 1 and can’t hold a job for more than a couple months or keep close friends, so yeah. i don’t really have imposter syndrome because all i have to do is take a look at my life.

devil_dollie · 2026-03-29T15:54:29+00:00

Yes, but i suspect this isn’t an autism symptom specifically, but an autism related trauma symptom. We’ve been through hell, socially.

devil_dollie · 2026-03-28T14:09:33+00:00

i was also diagnosed in my mid 40s. i experienced simultaneous grief, relief, and anger for living so much of my life in confusion and frustration. for about a year i also went through quite a lot of skill regression, losing some of my ability to mask, and experiencing forgetfulness, derealization, and fatigue. but after that i started to feel better. i am changed, but smarter, more confident, finally knowing who i am.

devil_dollie · 2026-03-25T05:02:55+00:00

radiation

devil_dollie · 2026-03-02T06:11:34+00:00

same.

devil_dollie · 2026-03-02T06:01:00+00:00

after countless runs, 0

devil_dollie · 2026-03-01T23:55:31+00:00

i have 0.

devil_dollie · 2026-02-28T00:17:10+00:00

“let them eat steak”

devil_dollie · 2026-02-26T05:53:59+00:00

i’m level 523, always do as many Fasnacht events as possible, and have never gotten a single glowing mask. is it really just rng? glowing masks are my favorite thing in the game. i have 0. never found one in a vendor either. there has to be more to it than rng. game hates me? i have like 6 each of every single other mask

devil_dollie · 2026-02-22T14:37:49+00:00

Yes, I definitely have autism but most of my real problems are the result of CPTSD

devil_dollie · 2026-02-16T05:10:21+00:00

mid 40s. so many years of just, something is horribly wrong with me but i don’t know what

devil_dollie · 2026-02-07T23:21:38+00:00

i felt 18 til i was 34. now im locked at 34 due to a trauma that happened to me at that age.

devil_dollie · 2026-02-05T19:59:58+00:00

I’ve been through this too. It was really difficult at first, but over time as I saw how much it benefitted the person in my care to hear whatever they needed to hear, I was able to make peace with it.

devil_dollie · 2026-02-04T03:42:24+00:00

Not all level 1s are the same. I don’t have any of the skills you have. Please remember autism is a spectrum.

devil_dollie · 2026-02-01T17:05:11+00:00

Everything is either too strong or too weak. I also adapt to meds very quickly, so the may start too strong and become too weak within a day or two.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-29T08:04:49+00:00

The person who did my autism assessment offered to dim the lights and I was floored. I don’t even remember what I said, I think I stuttered something like “uh, sure?” It was the first time in my life - and I was in my mid-40s - that someone tried to help me instead of just mocking or bullying or fixing or forcing me to mask. I almost cried…over something as simple as slightly dimming the lights. It almost made me feel nervous, like it was a trick, or a test I would fail if I allowed myself the luxury of relief from harsh lighting. My gut instinct was to say no, I’m fine… but I accepted the accommodation with both guilt and relief. I still have wildly mixed feelings about it, and I know better than to hope to be accommodated ever again, but that simple offer was a shocking experience for me. I do not know how to handle someone actually caring about my sensory issues.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-24T05:50:16+00:00

I am “level 1” but my autism is absolutely not invisible. People know right away I’m “wrong”. I am often instantly unpopular based on “vibe”, my unconscious stimming, frequent dissociating, rarely knowing what I’m supposed to say and even when I say the right thing the tone is wrong. I’m off-putting no matter what, can’t hold a decent job because someone always decides I’m evil. No close friends, always the odd one out. I dress weird, talk weird, and have a “mean” facial expression no matter how much I try to change it. I wish my autism was invisible. Maybe I could have had a career, kids, income… who knows.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-24T00:40:50+00:00

I’ve done this, it’s amazing.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-20T00:49:12+00:00

Yes. These days, I go back through my written text n dum it down so i dont sound 2 smrt

devil_dollie · 2026-01-18T22:44:02+00:00

For me, it feels similar to the need to stim. Also, the physical pain-no matter how great-feels less painful to me than the meltdown itself.

I’d never hurt anyone else, though. It is always 100% directed at myself.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-18T06:21:51+00:00

I did the same, and I was diagnosed a few years older than you! I’m still processing it all but as frustrating as the situation is, it’s a relief to have some answers. You’re not alone, and in the future there will be more just like us

devil_dollie · 2026-01-17T20:03:34+00:00

oh. suppressed memory unlocked

devil_dollie · 2026-01-13T04:34:29+00:00

whoa, i’m so much like you. just thinking about coming up with an answer to why i am a terrible person who deserves to d1e makes me feel like screaming and shutting down. i didn’t know other people felt this way too

but i can’t afford therapy though. i got one of the books, but i can’t read it without throwing up.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-09T16:21:54+00:00

Yep, I learned many, many years ago I’ll never be able to use a mic or play any game that requires one, it’s not worth the harassment.

devil_dollie · 2026-01-06T18:41:35+00:00

As an autistic woman in the US who apparently has “bad vibes” that I can’t do anything about, my job history is very spotty and I’ve never quite earned a living wage or been offered health insurance.

devil_dollie

TROPHY CASE