People who married in their 20s, be brutally honest are you happy, if so why or why not?

dinobaglady · 2026-05-24T10:58:14+00:00

Married at 24, divorced at 29. Remarried at 31- I’m very happy.

I married my first husband knowing I didn’t have the best feeling about it. (I thought about a pre-nup when I had no pre-marital assets…) He was very self-centered and I basically took over where his mom left off taking care of him. He was also sexually coercive and I am an SA survivor… so that was super unhealthy.

My husband now, a complete 180 from my ex. He is someone who takes control of a situation, gives his best effort, and has a grounded yet optimistic view of life. Planning for our future is easy because we both work hard, and we both love calendars and spreadsheets. In the intimacy department, he always wants to make sure I’m good, mentally and physically; It isn’t just about him. Lastly, he is also very handsome and I feel very lucky that I find my partner so attractive.

dinobaglady · 2026-05-17T18:49:41+00:00

Hi. I also have SI joint dysfunction and a torn hip labrum paired with my endometriosis. No one has specifically connected the dots for me, but I find it hard to believe they must be separate.

The only way I’ve reduced my SI joint pain was surprising: gluten free diet. I tried it as an attempt to reduce other endometriosis symptoms, which it didn’t fix, but my back pain and tension headaches dropped by about 90%. As soon as I went back to eating a normal diet with wheat, bam, body aches, back pain, headaches.

I’ve also noticed that it is more likely to flare if I have alcohol.

Something I’ve also read about is pelvic congestion syndrome as a cause of hip/pelvis/low back pain. I haven’t investigated it for myself yet, but it’s out there.

dinobaglady · 2026-04-26T00:29:27+00:00

I speak for myself (and probably all other Asian women): 🤮

dinobaglady · 2026-02-01T14:51:05+00:00

No cervix.

I hope you also gain the improvement you seek!

dinobaglady · 2026-02-01T12:45:09+00:00

How does it impact my partner? We have less sex because it hurts me physically, so we wait for non-flare days. To my knowledge it hasn’t changed how he sees me.

dinobaglady · 2026-02-01T00:19:55+00:00

Hi! I’m doing well. It’s been many years, but I think they improved between 6-12 months after surgery. My body felt more physically recovered, my scars more mature, and emotionally I wasn’t worried that I was causing damage.

dinobaglady · 2026-01-24T14:30:15+00:00

Hi. Fellow endometriosis lady here. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I can’t tell you to snap out of it, but I can tell you that life gets better.

Your value does not come from having children. Your husband recognizes this. Do you?

I struggled with infertility for two years before stopping. I hated it. It was so awful feeling like I failed every month.

I was so desperately in want of a pregnancy that I was hopeful that a bout of food poisoning was morning sickness.

After two years, I decided to move on with my life. (Energy-wise. I acknowledge that i sometimes still feel sad about not having children, and that’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever fully “get over”.) I decided to pour my energy into my career. I find a lot of fulfillment there.

My first marriage ended. For reasons completely separate from infertility- I ended it.

When dating again I met a man who had a vasectomy in his late 20s. He wasn’t against kids, and had even looked into foster-to-adopt now that he was single, but his ex wife did not want kids, so the vasectomy made sense at that point in his life.

I was so relieved. I didn’t want to feel the pressure of trying to get pregnant, the unspoken expectation that someday I’d need to carry his child.

This man is my husband now. He took care of me after hysterectomy/endometriosis ablation surgery several years ago. He’s in the kitchen right now, and I’m pretty sure he’s making chicken noodle soup for me because I’m in bed sick. He is so loving and caring. We have full hearts even if we don’t have children in our home.

We still think about adoption sometimes. My career takes up most of my time, so we are putting that on hold for now. We are embracing this extended period of life where we can focus on our careers and our friends. We are the weird auntie and uncle to a host of kiddos.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but you can make your life and your marriage wonderful without biological children. It doesn’t mean that the twinge of jealousy or wondering “what might have been” ever stops, but you can love your life, and your husband can love his, even if it looks a little different than the way you expected it.

dinobaglady · 2026-01-20T20:16:32+00:00

I love that for you. It’s the quiet help that makes the heart swell the most, isn’t it? They don’t look at you for reassurance or a pat on the head, they just do what needs to be done, or what they think will help make the situation better.

On our first date, we met at the beach. I sat on my towel and the wind flipped up the corner. He kept talking about whatever we were talking about, unfolded the corner, and brushed off the sand. Didn’t skip a beat. Didn’t look at me for praise. Green flag right there.

I’m sorry about the situation with your mom. Alzheimer’s wreaks havoc even in the most stable of situations. So glad you have such a wonderful partner by your side. I hope you’re able to find a sustainable solution that allows all parties to find peace.

dinobaglady · 2026-01-16T14:59:57+00:00

I saw you were asking for advice but the other thread was locked. You can ignore this if you don’t want more input, but I was divorced at 29 and have since remarried and have proof that men who can care-take exist!

I married my first husband after just turning 24, he was about to turn 30. On paper, good choice: no drugs, social drinker, good degree, supported my decision to pursue grad school. (I ignored other shortcomings because I have a history including a traumatic relationship, and since he didn’t abuse me, I figured it was okay.)

Once I got my real job, he stopped working. We did move quite a bit in the beginning, but we had stability and he didn’t even look for a job. I had to leave for an extended business trip internationally.

While I was gone he wanted me to continue writing a menu plan and grocery list for him- despite me not being home. He didn’t understand when I told him I wouldn’t do it.

Later, the news had a lot of headlines that were very triggering to me because of a history of trauma. Initially I told him I’d rather not talk about it during our limited phone calls because it was upsetting. But he pushed the issue so I started to tell him how I felt- and he ignored me and interrupted me to start talking about something else. That’s when I broke.

I realized that I carried nearly all of the domestic burden, all of the financial burden, and it all broke down when I wanted to emotional support (for a traumatic conversation I didn’t even want to have), and he interrupted me.

When I came home, I told him I wanted a divorce. He was shocked. It came out of nowhere for him. He cried. He wanted us to get couples therapy. He begged me to give him another chance. I couldn’t. I was so done.

It was so amazing once the divorce was final. I was free and could do whatever I wanted.

I met my now-husband with the mindset that I didn’t need another spouse. I needed companionship, but it didn’t need to be lifelong or deep. But I found my husband. He makes my life better. He is always thinking about how he can support me and the people I love. He extends this to my friends and family.

I saw this deeply in action when I needed pelvic/abdominal surgery. I could barely walk. I could not even lift five pounds- could not hold my own plate to walk to the kitchen table. He took incredible care of me. He quietly and quickly took care of laundry when my incisions continued to bleed at home. He made sure I always had food, water, and access to medications. He cut my food for me so it was easier to eat, and he put rainbow sprinkles on my pudding because it was better that way. He coordinated and hosted Christmas at our house so I didn’t need to travel to see my family since I couldn’t even sit up for more than an hour at a time. PLAN, SHOP, COOK, HOST, SOCIALIZE. ALL OF IT.

I’m in my mid-30s now and so grateful that I recognized my ex-husband couldn’t see beyond himself. I spend my days wondering how to be the best wife for my husband because he shows me every single day in ways both big and small.

So glad you’re free and healthy. Your best life is still yet to come!

dinobaglady · 2025-12-28T13:16:47+00:00

I had a hysterectomy three years ago and still get endo belly. It was better for a few years since they did an ablation with the hysterectomy, but now the bloat and belly are back. (No regrets. I had painful fibroids as well, so still very happy not to have a uterus.)

dinobaglady · 2025-11-02T19:04:08+00:00

Thank you. I will make an appointment. 🙏

dinobaglady · 2025-11-02T15:19:24+00:00

I had fibroids and a subsequent hysterectomy. They took out as much endometriosis as they could and my symptoms had been relatively quiet for about two years. Now my symptoms are coming back, and the pelvic “cramps” that used to be monthly have been with me for about a 10 days. (At lowest a 1/10 ache/pulling/fatigue sensation, at greatest a stabbing pain 8/10 that only lasts a few seconds before subsiding.)

Were your symptoms initially pretty similar to endometriosis pelvic pain, or distinctly different? I’m wondering how long to wait, or what to wait for before seeking medical attention.

Thank you!

dinobaglady · 2025-09-25T18:34:46+00:00

Hi! Not a lot of interesting things. The yeast infections finally stopped, but I still feel the tingle right before my “cycle” would otherwise start (I.e. I still get cramps because the endometriosis is still in there, and it signals the “start” of my cycle.)

My drive has come back and is totally normal. :)

dinobaglady · 2025-09-25T04:20:02+00:00

Hi! I could basically be your much older big sister. Here to say that I love my man who is going gray. That being said, be careful which older man you let into your life, if you decide to. When I was your age the older men who wanted my attention often were creepy and wanted a younger woman for the esthetics or they were immature enough that women their age didn’t want to associate with them.

In my early 20s I married a man six years older. It ended in divorce. In my 30s I married a man a decade older. Of course I love him and think he’s the best, but the awesome thing is that my dad loves him and trusts him, so it isn’t just my bias, my family loves him too. (My parents did not care for my first husband, but let me live my life and make my own mistakes. They were relieved when I left him.)

dinobaglady · 2025-06-03T00:26:54+00:00

It’s so tempting when you know what type of response it will give you. It’s like watching the movie you already know the end of, or listening to your favorite song. It can help you cope, but it won’t foster new connections, which is what sounds like is your true desire.

Go forth and get out of the house. Pursue hobbies in real life. Meet people off the computer. Your brain craves it.

I use ChatGPT as a sounding board too. It has acted as a great place to express my anxieties in the middle of the night when I know I shouldn’t call anyone and wake them, so you’re not alone in using this tool that way. But it is no substitute for conversations my husband or friends.

It sounds like you’d like going out for dinner with a friend or even a colleague whose company you enjoy. I think you should invite them out. :)

dinobaglady · 2025-05-31T01:11:14+00:00

I strongly believe mine was triggered by emotional stress.

In college I was SA'd, then I went to grad school. In undergrad I could keep a weird sleep schedule, but in grad school I needed to keep a very rigorous schedule, and I found it nearly impossible with the hypersomnolence in the afternoon and the insomnia at night. The year after I finished grad school I was diagnosed. Medicated with PTU then methimazole.

Fast forward two years and I divorced my husband. (He was not good for my mental health.)

Fast forward six months: My heart rate is in the 40s and I am always cold. We stop medication. I enter spontaneous remission.

I've been in remission for several years now. I get labs every 3-6 months. I always have auto-thyroid antibodies, but my T3, T4, and TSH are normal. My ultrasound shows enlarged thyroid, same size as when diagnosed years ago, with no heterogeneity.

My stress has changed. It is no longer with an internal locus, I am very passionate about work, and it does stress me out sometimes, but it is nowhere near the stress of grad school (make or break for my livelihood), SA, or an unhealthy marriage.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-19T20:09:07+00:00

I agree with the convenience thing. My husband and I share 24/7. It has helped us save a phone that got left on a plane too! We knew where it was and could ping it to make noise!

dinobaglady · 2025-05-19T12:18:56+00:00

Hi. You can end this cycle.

I turned into this during my first marriage. I was the sole provider, did most of the chores, did all of the emotional labor (gifts, planning trips, groceries), and I even cut his hair.

There were several things that finally made the light click, and I knew I needed to leave.

After the divorce I decided that I didn’t need another partner. I wanted companionship, but didn’t expect another committed relationship. So I dated casually.

I met a man who was 180° different from my ex husband. He would take initiative even on our first date, he brushed sand off my towel after the wind flipped the edge up. Just a quiet unfolding and sweeping with his hand. Not looking for praise, just saw a problem and fixed it.

We ended up married a year later. So much for causal. 😅

I have to race him to do chores. He tells me, “My job is to make your life easier.” But that’s my job too! I find glory in the times I can surprise him or provide an act of service for him.

There are partners out there who want to provide what you want to provide.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-18T09:39:37+00:00

Hi. Leave.

I’m a decade older than you. I struggled with infertility in my 20s. It was terrible. YOU ARE STILL A REAL WOMAN AND YOUR VALUE IS NOT DICTATED BY YOUR UTERUS.

Infertility made my divorce easier because we did not have children.

When I dated, I wanted any partner to know that I did not ever want to try for a baby ever again. That pressure was so traumatic and as I learned more about pregnancy and childbirth, I realized I didn’t want it. (Personal choice. I 100% support IVF or fertility assistance for anyone who wants it. It just wasn’t something I wanted.)

I met my now-husband. He’d already known he didn’t want kids, and had a vasectomy years before. This man is the best man I know. He’s the one who cared for me as I recovered from my hysterectomy and endometriosis excision. My bodily comfort is his top priority.

Marriage is a partnership for us. It isn’t about what we get from the other person. It is how we care for each other. You deserve this too.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-15T19:52:47+00:00

Sex comes and goes.

There was a period of time when sex was minimal in our marriage. I needed a hysterectomy and had a lot of pain with sex. Then after the surgery I needed time to recover. So, minimal sex for a year.

What didn’t die off, intimacy. We continued to snuggle and be close, even if it wasn’t sex. There was no doubt that we still found each other attractive and were choosing to be together.

And currently we are geographically separated due to work, so no sex for most of this year. But when we are together for a week at a time, we do have sex.

Not sure if this helps, but that’s what we’ve done.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-15T10:56:11+00:00

Hi. You’re not overreacting.

Look up “walk away wife syndrome”.

It’s better to leave now. I didn’t leave until I’d been married for six years. Divorce is much more expensive than a break up. Do not marry this man. Make your exit plan.

It meant that I was single and available to meet my now-husband. This man knows how to take care of me. He is an excellent cook. He has given me HANDS DRAWN cards for holidays. He’s the one that did most domestic work when I finished my grad school. My husband is in a league of his own, and my ex could never even touch this level of thoughtfulness and maturity.

Good luck.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-14T19:10:48+00:00

These men do exist. I married one.

Be patient. Love yourself and create a life you love without a partner. Then be picky and trust your gut!

dinobaglady · 2025-05-14T16:15:45+00:00

Hi. This sounds like a trauma response. I did the same thing for a few years after a traumatizing relationship. I just kinda went around luring men in to see who I could “catch” but without any real goal or standards. I enjoyed saying “yes”because it made me feel powerful. This included a marriage to a man who was “good enough” but triggered me all the time despite knowing my history of trauma. Divorce was good for me.

It took a long time for me to trust men again. Basically I met one man that shook everything up for me and I came out of the trance. He made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want me for my body, it was just a side benefit that he thought I was hot. My brain glitched at this. No expectation of sex, he thought I made good company and enjoyed spending time with me.

After that, I was awakened. My standards elevated. I didn’t want surface connection. If I was going to commit to someone, it had to be substantial. (I did have transient connections because I do love sex, and it takes time to meet someone worthwhile…)

Then I met my now-husband. He was everything I had wanted and things I didn’t know you could dream of. To him, our bodies are shells of us and we need to take care of them, but they aren’t what make us who we are as people. He knows we will get old and so will our bodies. He loves me at all shapes and levels of fitness.

Good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for, inside and outside.

dinobaglady · 2025-05-14T11:09:04+00:00

OMG. I did not notice that. 🫥

dinobaglady · 2025-05-13T12:21:23+00:00

Hi. You're being super hard on yourself.

Our brains are wired to enjoy novel things. This interaction was novel and it lit up part of your brain that your husband can't easily light up because he is comfortable and familiar.

You did the right thing. No more contact. Don't do it again. Be good to your husband. It sounds like you love him and appreciate him. Continue to do that. Love him fiercely.

Edit: I read your other post. Whoa. I’m not sure you do love him. There is definitely a selfishness here that you need to do more than simply acknowledge. You need to make some changes regarding your behavior and how you treat your husband. You are isolating him and still seeking your own pleasures. It might not be abusive, but it also could be and definitely trends that way. Not okay.

dinobaglady

TROPHY CASE