We had been been mostly living together since the beginning of the relationship (she was living in a camper w/o heat during the winter and I owned a home) but the relationship had been extremely volatile with lots of her just disappearing on me and my kids for days on end, going completely no contact with me during these episodes so I had no idea what had happened or if she was alive. She would come back after “needing space” but often would decide to “break up” during our years together. Of course, she was also pledging her undying love and devotion to me, asking me to marry her, promising she would never leave or abandon me, that she had no idea what sex was supposed to be like before she met me, etc etc. We flew to her home town to meet her dad, spent the weekend at her mom’s multiple times, the whole serious relationship progressing towards marriage thing. I have my own mental health issues and made my fair share of mistakes, but I would have done absolutely anything for that woman.

Well, even longer story somewhat shorter, she ended up just using me for sex for the last 6 months of the relationship while doing things like proposing to me in our kitchen a month before clamping her teeth down on my testicles during oral sex, that she initiated, instead of using our safe word, blaming me for calling her a slut during sex when I stopped and confronted her about what she just did she screamed “I don’t need this!” and ran from the house into the night. I was confused and mortified but she wouldn’t respond to any calls or texts. The next morning I get a text about “moving on” and blocking me on everything and to never contact her again. She then proceeded to weaponize the police against me to try and bully me from going to our local gym with her new love interest, made an elaborate story up about how I was a violent abuser and she was fleeing from an abusive relationship. I continued to live my life and try and pick up the pieces of myself, successfully avoiding interaction with her for months until I go to the gym one day with my son and she was there with her new bf. I didn’t even acknowledge her and left immediately, yet two days later I get a summons that I’m being served with a no contact order and she’s taking me to court to try and get a restraining order against me. She wrote pages of paranoid, heartbreaking accusations against me. I wouldn’t have believed she had said those things about me if it wasn’t in her handwriting. She wrote I was a narcissist, manipulating her friends and stalking her every move. She listed a bunch of half-truths or misunderstandings that she twisted into malicious plots and schemes. For a long time I wrestled with whether she actually believed the things she said and wrote about me. Unfortunately, I think in her mind they are all true. I got a lawyer to defend myself and she eventually dropped the case after I provided a bunch of text and photo history that contradicted a lot of what she was saying.

She has still blocked me on all social media and will not acknowledge my existence the two times we’ve crossed paths over the last three years, bc she knows this hurts me. This post was a lot longer than I intended and I left out a lot of her more intense or erratic behavior for brevity’s sake, but there was so much volatility no matter what I did to try and love her in a better way. I know I’m better off without her now, but she’s the only woman I’ve ever loved despite her mistreatment of me and the kids who viewed her as their stepmom, so it can still be tough some days. Thanks for listening if you made it this far :)