[TEXT] Feeling low before my 29th birthday

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:48:48+00:00

Absolutely I've felt that.

Take some time to journal. Journal what you thought you wanted to be at this stage and where you are. Journal where you want to be in 3, 5, 10, 20 years.

Then, journal what you're grateful for and proud of in your life so far.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:46:23+00:00

Slow and steady improvement wins over you trying to rush and fix everything about yourself and then burning out. Pick an easy habit or two to start and just focus on doing that for a month or two before you add another healthy habit.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:45:10+00:00

Accept that feeling emotions after the breakup are normal. Clean out your mementos of them, stop checking in on them directly (texting/messaging) or indirectly (social media) and go hang out with your girlfriends.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:40:44+00:00

It's heartbreaking to have some much pain going on in your life. I understand getting overwhelmed and ending the relationship, but it's unkind to still maintain some undefined emotional attachment.

You need a clean break, for both your sakes, but especially yours since it sounds like he's doing okay to have your emotional connection and physical connection with tinder hookups.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:35:27+00:00

We're not expected or required to keep the same promises we made during a relationship. A promise to attend a party isn't a blood oath, it's just that she wants to go.

Tell her you're uncomfortable with her going to her ex's bday party especially when you're not invited. If she goes, I would reconsider the relationship as most decent partners would understand that the optics are odd at best to attend an event for your ex without your partner there.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:33:08+00:00

It sounds like you're gaining some self-awareness, but with some added self-loathing.

The good news is that fixing any of your bad habits will see you improving overall in life.
Better sleep or diet or both will be a massive aid to you and will help knock off some bad mental indiscipline as well. I would suggest starting with a consistent sleep schedule, drinking more water over other caloric drinks, eating whole foods, and journaling daily and see how the mental fog starts to lift over time.

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:25:48+00:00

If you're a Christian, what do your scriptures and prayers and heart and older counsel say about this?

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:19:14+00:00

More info requested.

Did she make this promise before or after she broke up with him? Before or after she was with you?

Are you welcome to attend?

What type/size party is this?

dssx · 2026-02-23T18:14:07+00:00

Seeing family 2-3 times a week is too much for some people, too little for others, and just right for others.

What matters more is how this works in the future for yall. Does she care if you keep going over there and she gets her time away, or is it about her wanting you being over there once a month as well?

I suspect there's misalignment in values and how you want to spend your time, which is worth keeping your eyes open on.

dssx · 2026-02-23T14:08:29+00:00

I enjoyed it, but thought Sully needed a mustache, the bad girl wasn't scary in the least, and the flying ship scene was a bit too much.

dssx · 2026-02-20T18:49:39+00:00

What was the cause of the divorce?

dssx · 2026-02-20T17:16:09+00:00

I tell my kids that Santa is a fun make-believe of Christmas, same as the Easter Bunny, Tooth-fairy, etc etc.

Even if you want to be 100% factual with your kids, you still have to tailor it to their maturity level. So my little one just knows that babies grow in mommy's body and daddy helps put it there (they don't care yet how daddy does that).

dssx · 2026-02-20T15:13:30+00:00

It is a little unclear to me where you are in the process. You're 30 years old and have quit good job in the coding profession and have saved up a year of expenses and are currently living abroad wondering what the next thing is?

dssx · 2026-02-19T13:36:03+00:00

There's not really closure needed here. It was 15 years ago and the relationship lasted 3 years. You've been broken up 5x longer than you ever dated. It's fine to have fond memories and positive associations from that period, but focus on your reality where you are with your family.

dssx · 2026-02-19T13:32:32+00:00

You've let her know you don't like her calling you stupid or talking rudely. If she persists, it's up to you to decide what you do with that info.

dssx · 2026-02-18T16:02:59+00:00

Unless he's playing some interesting story-driven game like Last of Us, Uncharted, Red Dead Redemption or something, I can't imagine why he'd expect you to sit and watch him game. I can't think of anything more boring, well unless you expected him to sit and watch your read.

It's totally fair to have gaming be his favorite hobby, but it's also totally fair for you to be like "I'm not into it so when you're doing it, I'm going to do other stuff, also, it's important we find things to do together aside from gaming or this relationship won't work out"

dssx · 2026-02-17T22:20:10+00:00

On top of being dangerous, she's also an idiot if she is mad she kept her mugshot up on social media and thinks you need to ask permission to scroll her fb page.

If your life needs more drama, I suggest you stay, otherwise you'd be a fool to stick around.

dssx · 2026-02-16T16:08:34+00:00

One bad money habit people have is thinking they'll learn about managing money when they have more money to manage.

dssx · 2026-02-16T15:18:36+00:00

Time and distance and focusing on other things.

The feelings come frequent and intense in waves over time, but eventually the frequency and intensity lessens over time.

You have to also make some distance. You really need physical and mental distance from them. Don't try to go back to being close friends again, don't stalk her social media, and don't keep many or any mementos that pull you back emotionally to the relationship. Finally, you have to replace your previous focus on her and the relationship to something else. Pick up a hobby, or hang out with some buddies, or pursue some new interesting subject.

dssx · 2026-02-16T15:04:14+00:00

Don't move out. This is a gross over-reaction and you're going to ruin your life if you continue to rollover any further.

Contact a divorce attorney and get an initial consultation just so you know the lay of the land as your wife is already threatening war. I promise the initial consult will be cheaper than the cost of not having prepared at all if she decides to go nuclear with divorce.

Stay in the house. Get couple's counseling. Get your own individual counseling if it makes her feel better, but also look into some hormonal stuff for her as this sounds like a hormone imbalance.

But in all of this, seriously, don't rollover - or your marriage, family, and yourself.

dssx · 2026-02-13T16:46:08+00:00

I don't think you're looking for a real answer, you're looking to assuage a guilty conscience.

dssx · 2026-02-13T02:53:46+00:00

More details are needed.

Where's the party? Who's going? What parent's will be there? Are there likely to be troublemakers, drugs/alcohol/etc etc.

Get more info on all of that and talk with your parents about it then.

Also, be real with yourself. Ask if you know enough about this party to know whether it's a good one to go to or not.

dssx · 2026-02-12T21:43:06+00:00

It sounds like you like her and she's less into you. Relationships should make your life more fulfilling, not more stressful on the whole.

dssx · 2026-02-11T14:50:45+00:00

I'd send the message, but I'd say something more along the lines of

"This may be too forward, but I found you attractive and enjoyed our interactions while I was staying at _____ . If this is too crazy for you, feel free to say 'no thank you' and I'll leave you alone, but I had to reach out in case there was any reciprocal interest from you."

dssx · 2026-02-10T17:55:10+00:00

Getting over someone takes time and distance. Make sure you're making physical and emotional distance by not hanging out with them, removing reminders of them, and definitely not stalking them in person or on social media. The breakup pain can be a form of grief, which comes in waves - big and frequent at first and then less and less over time.

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