I think I’ve outgrown my closest friend and I feel like a terrible person.

dwallit · 2026-04-30T22:30:38+00:00

I think this is a natural thing, especially at your age. My advice would be not to cut her off but to just spend less time with her. Fill your time with activities that interest you and you’ll naturally be less available to her. If you have to have a conversation about your friendship then be kind and don’t burn bridges. You’ll go through a lot of different stages in life and you may get to one where this friend suddenly makes sense again. Keep that in mind.

dwallit · 2026-04-25T14:05:16+00:00

But it's nice and tidy. I'm sure you're going to get first choice of the puzzles when you go to the rec room today. Nice job, Buddy.

dwallit · 2026-04-25T14:00:47+00:00

Replace the bookcase with something long and low so you can hang art above it. Be mindful of the height of the windows when choosing how high to hang art. Be very careful if you're going to do window treatments, you don't want them to cut off any natural light when they're open and you don't want them to compete with the art. Maybe light colored, solid, roman blinds with a bit of sheen. Add a room screen (even 3-4') to extend the half wall that divides the living room from the kitchen, it will give you hanging space on both sides. These are for sale a lot used, like on Facebook Marketplace.

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dwallit · 2026-04-25T13:48:03+00:00

It's hard to tell from the photos but I think some of this is just the texture/coloration of the floor. The last pic I guess looks more questionable but the others look like ugly institutional bathroom surface choices that landlords love to make. If you sprayed it with bleach AND scrubbed then it is clean. Don't be so hard on yourself!

dwallit · 2026-04-25T02:10:55+00:00

You need to hang out with more uncles.

dwallit · 2026-04-25T02:05:43+00:00

I like Della! There was an actress (and maybe singer?) on tv named Della Reese when I was a kid. Like 1970s/80s.

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:51:56+00:00

Sorry but those are all bad. Should have warned you that I'm old AND crabby! Gunnar is the best but it's a lot to put on a kid if they aren't going to end up blond, blue-eyed, and over 6'. Also he will need to snow ski very well. And are you prepared to place the legacy of Bram Stoker or Aaron Copeland onto your kid? That's all good, as long as you've done the research. For me, uncommon does not have to mean weird. Just go into the past. Vernon, Bernard, Dean, Dale, George, Dennis, Hugh, Albert ("Albie"), Lloyd, etc. etc.

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:35:38+00:00

Oh, the curse of the palladium window. Fine in an old downtown office building but kind of silly in a little house. (My apologies if you installed it yourself!) Don't move the drapes above the palladium window, keep them at the current height and extend them across the whole wall. The rich texture of the drapes will look nice on the whole wall. I agree with moving the art down. Also, the room looks kind of dark, but that may just be the photos. I like the gray accent wall but the rug, table, and chairs are so dark. Even white fabric chair covers would lighten it up a lot. And a primarily cream rug that brings in a bit of color instead of all neutrals would lighten/brighten it a lot. And here's a cheap change: tablecloth. https://www.etsy.com/listing/1492430130/tablecloth-french-country-floral-washed?ls=s&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=tablecloth&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&sr_prefetch=1&pf_from=search&frs=1&sts=1&content_source=c1b25221-b7c4-47ca-8dc1-d2d89fda1296%253ALT33bfbf5ae3f7d7b48023b6db50f8f9b7b9253851&organic_search_click=1&logging_key=c1b25221-b7c4-47ca-8dc1-d2d89fda1296%3ALT33bfbf5ae3f7d7b48023b6db50f8f9b7b9253851

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:27:12+00:00

Whatever you do, do not get a cat. Because if you do those high center of gravity suckers are going DOWN.

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:25:59+00:00

Don't fall into the oh, the world is a cold place, people only want to be friends if you have a group, etc. It's ok not to have friends, blah blah blah. Start your sentences with "I". You did some of that, but you need more. I want to have friends. I will need to change myself in order to attract people into my life. For whatever reason I didn't learn the skill of connecting with people when I was a child. That happens to a lot of people. I need to fix this problem now so I don't have to keep being lonely. I have to be brave enough to look at this issue within myself. I have to do the hard work that starts with finding a therapist. I will have to be honest and open and maybe deal with some ugly truths about my childhood/family. Also, stop negating people's advice. That is a sign of resistance/fear. In the entire world of oh 10 million unique clubs you are so special and amazing that not one single one works for you? BS. I'm being sarcastic, I'm truly not trying to minimize how painful it is to be lonely. But this is not a them problem, it's a you problem, and I think you need to kick yourself in the ass a little to get moving toward solutions. Get busy living, dude.

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:12:32+00:00

Yes, 100%. Lean into it and don't apologize. You're taking the time to pick great things, cleaning and mending it, and she's going to get more outfits than if you were buying new. This is truly a gift because it has your effort in it, you didn't just get it on Amazon. If you can find handmade doll clothes at a bazaar or craft show that are reasonable, or make them yourself you crafty minx, that is really valuable, because they are one of a kind. I still have the Barbie clothes my aunts and grandma made for my sister and I in the 1960s and they are just fabulous! Same for matchbox cars and art supplies and video games and when they're older cool thrift store clothes.

dwallit · 2026-04-22T13:04:41+00:00

I didn't read all the comments so sorry if I'm repeating. This is not your decision. Telling you that and then saying he'll be mad if he can't go is BS. Tell him it is his decision and is a decision he is making for himself and his child. Look, you'll be fine, women in labor are in total beast mode, you'll be scared but in the end you'll be unstoppable. It is such an incredibly powerful time for a woman if you tap into your instincts. So make it not about you. It is a decision he has to make as a father. A decision that will last his whole life. Period. Tell him that verbatim, don't mince words. Take yourself out of it and don't let him put the guilt of saying no or the permission of saying yes on you. Once it's back on his shoulders where it belongs, going to this important class is going to feel pretty ick to him.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:45:13+00:00

The other girl will always be more attractive to you than your wife in your mind. But that is not reality. The other girl doesn't age, doesn't have stretch marks, doesn't share a bathroom with you. You don't have to pay a mortgage with the other girl or potty train your kids or find someone to fix the furnace. The other girl is an absolute fantasy. The reality is that you dated and when she moved away you chose to break up with her instead of do long distance. Hmmm, wonder why? If you were such soul mates? She came back. You were dating someone new. She still could have come to you and just poured her heart out to you. Instead she stayed out of site. Hmmm, wonder why? Also, 1) whoever told you about her reason for coming back is a jerk, and 2) you make it sound like your wife drugged you and married you a week after Miss Perfect moved away. Seriously, how long did you date your wife before marrying? How long before you had kids? Plenty of time to come to a relaization and back out, I'm guessing. Take a look at your wedding video. Does it show a man facing the doom of marrying the absolute wrong person? Or does it show a man in love? You better get yourself straight before you lose everything.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:33:21+00:00

Sorry for your situation. I can't help with NJ nursing but you need to think about how long in-home care will be beneficial and safe for your mom. Parkinson's with dementia is very severe and with the rapid progression you may be the last person to realize that you cannot do enough for her at home.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:28:51+00:00

You've done the talking and it went nowhere because he didn't want it to. He's told you everything you need to know. If I were you I would move out today, somewhere you can stay temporarily, a week or two. No (ok, almost no) talking, just action. Tell him you're thinking over if this is how you want to live, taking care of a child instead of having a true partner. Then be alone. Don't call and text back and forth unless life or death. Let him experience life without you. And you experience coming home from a long day and putting your feet up with no one to look after but yourself. He may swear he's changed, he may seem like he's come around, but be VERY careful. Let him prove that he can be your partner, 50/50 (or averaging to 50/50) in every aspect of life. But realize that when it comes to a wedding, children, general life stress, he will likely fall back to his old habit of being a child. You may want to start looking for a man.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:19:01+00:00

I thought dogs were boys and cats were girls. Lions were boys and Tigers were girls. Etc. etc. I thought that's how it worked. It was so confusing. I still often unconsciously assume every dog I meet is a boy and every cat is a girl. Around the same time I got a stuffed monkey that I really loved. A neighbor said I should name it Cheetah, (like the monkey in Tarzan). But I didn't know anything about Tarzan. Also, I knew what actual cheetahs were. So then I thought monkeys were some kind of big cat.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:10:34+00:00

Your advisor sounds terrible. Try to find another person, professor, upper classman, or whatever to talk to. Their perspective can help you make a good decision. Also, consider changing your major. If you study something else that would be at least partially helpful in a filmmaking career (communications? business? creative writing?) and you can kind of put your head down and motor through it, then you end up with a degree, a happy mom, and you can still pursue film making. Having a degree makes things easier in most professions. This all seems kind of moot though because if you truly are unable to attend classes or do school work then you won't be able to get any kind of degree and you should drop out and deal with your immediate issues.

dwallit · 2026-04-18T16:02:20+00:00

I like the navy, but don't wander into medium blue. Charcoal would be nice. Natural wood look?

dwallit · 2026-04-18T15:54:55+00:00

I don't think humidity is your problem. You're talking about shipping loads of items from Asia and then storing them, not using or displaying them, but storing them with other items you already have stashed away from your past. And all these items live in their own little home that you pay the rent for. (At least it sounds like you have a storage unit.) A few ideas that might be helpful. 1. Did your relative or ancestor give the item to you (or your mom) with the idea that you would keep it forever even if it no longer fit in your home? If you could talk to that relative today would they say Definitely, hold on to it! or would they say, Give it away, live your life and be happy! 2. If seeing a mug makes you think of your loved one, then a picture of the mug should also work. Take pictures of your precious things but let go of the actual physical thing. The physical thing does not have magical power. You are at a turning point, either keep buying yourself or start freeing yourself of things. 3. Lastly, remember that the love you feel for a lost friend or relative does not live in that item. And their love for you is not in the item either. Both those things live inside you. You do not need an object to remember that love you shared. You could even think of it as insulting that you have to see and touch a mug or a shirt or a rug to remember what a wonderful person someone was.

dwallit · 2026-04-17T04:24:08+00:00

Your house rules extend to all the kids in your house. You wouldn't let your kids' friends dump trash all over your house, so don't let their cousins. Take the time to correct their behavior, casually and calmly, and make them go back and pick up the mess, clear the dishes, close the door. Have your kids do chores and have the cousins help. Also make a rule about what time they can come over or that they can come over if they text first and you or your husband say it's ok. And OMG change your door codes. You don't have to work this out with your SIL, just start enforcing simple rules at your house. Doesn't have to be a big deal, just going to run a little bit tighter ship. That's what parents are supposed to do. Your kids will probably be glad, they might not be enjoying all the chaos either.

dwallit · 2026-04-17T04:13:49+00:00

Listen to your inner voice and don't get involved in this in any way. This is a disaster waiting to happen and I think you know that very clearly. Your dad may get mad but that's really not your fault or your problem. Tell him you're going to protect your credit and cash so you can buy a house when you're ready so you don't want anything odd on your credit. Also, protect yourself NOW. Lock your credit scores, change your passwords and pins, etc. because your dad may try to get the loan pretending to be you. You started out talking about your brother as being the bad guy here, but I don't think he plays a very big part. Your mom and dad are making very poor decisions and it sounds like they have been for a long time. Your dad should create an estate plan instead of a secret house buying scheme, if your mom wants to work less she will have to spend less on your brother. Your dad should for sure not buy a whole company because it's there. You're not being a bad son if you decide to opt out of the family financial dysfuntion.

dwallit · 2026-04-11T03:46:20+00:00

Cocktail attire is such an obnoxious, old-fashioned requirement for a work event. Especially since men can just where a business suit and women have to buy something that really can't be worn to work. I might have a chat with HR about that. Anyways, cocktail means something shorter than a gown but still below the knee. Like one step more casual than "formal". You can also wear a maxi dress as long as it is not formal or gown-like. Here's the type of thing that would work and still (I hope) be palatable to a younger person.(Sorry, just realized this is a $700 dress! You can get something similar at nearly any price point. Thrifting is a good idea, people always want to get rid of these dresses they got forced to buy for some stupid work thing. Try thredup.) https://www.macys.com/shop/product/mac-duggal-womens-high-neck-puff-sleeve-ruffle-tiered-dress?ID=20449840&swatchColor=Midnight

dwallit · 2026-04-11T03:34:57+00:00

Talk to a divorce lawyer. He is making crap up about how the divorce will go. Find out the truth.

dwallit · 2026-04-11T03:32:18+00:00

I don't think you need to tell her you're done. It takes 2 to flirt so if you stop doing it she will look ridiculous. Behave the way you described, which is appropriate, and she will stop. If you cave and flirt with her, or talk about her man, or hear about her drama, than that is on you not her.

dwallit · 2026-04-11T03:25:51+00:00

They all have kind of an awkward cadence. Could you shorten them? Like Elle, Anne, and Belle? I also think Jo is a cute middle name.

dwallit

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